Fifteen

It irked Aunt Birdie no end that I lived and worked with Oma. She’d taken my parents’ departure from Wagtail as a personal slight. She may not have been far off, considering that my mother hadn’t been back to visit her in years.

Birdie had never married, which came as a surprise only to Birdie. She was family, and I was stuck with her, but she was probably the most disgruntled person in all of Wagtail and a good bit beyond. Her age and snippy disposition didn’t prevent her from chasing men, though, and I suspected she now had designs on Judge Barlow.

Birdie was well known in Wagtail as a clotheshorse. No ratty garden duds for her. The fabric of her black dress followed the contours of her slender figure. It was simple and basic, except for a white satin stand-up collar in an oval shape that extended to her shoulders, setting off her remarkably firm neck and face. It was reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn. Birdie’s hair remained black, with some help from a bottle, no doubt, but a swatch of silver rose from her forehead and gracefully curved along her face.

I sidled over to them. “Good evening, Aunt Birdie, Judge Barlow. How’s Fritz doing?”

“Splendid! You’d never imagine that he was lost. He’s perfectly content and acting like his old self. Look at him over there, sniffing a biscuit on a plate. I think he’s waiting for me to tell him he can eat it.”

Aunt Birdie smirked. “If Fritz is so well trained, why didn’t he come home?”

“There is speculation, as Holly can confirm, that Fritz responded to trouble, sort of like Trixie does.”

“Good grief. Not another dog who smells corpses.” Aunt Birdie didn’t bother to hide her disdain.

If Birdie was trying to impress the judge, she wasn’t on the right track by criticizing his dog. He huffed a little, and finally said, “Not all troubles are related to murder.”

I couldn’t exactly come out and ask in front of Aunt Birdie if he’d experienced any more unusual events. “Is everything okay?” I asked.

He blinked a few times and looked away. “I don’t want to be here.”

“I think everyone would understand that it’s too soon for you,” I said. Aunt Birdie and I shared a glance.

“Not Theona,” said the judge.

Birdie and I looked at each other again. He was talking about his dead wife!

He didn’t seem to notice our shock and rambled on. “This was important to her. Theona would have been in her element, mingling and greeting people. She was like a graceful hummingbird. She would have flitted by me occasionally, just to remind me to smile and at least try not to appear miserable.”

“She sounds lovely,” I said. “No wonder Oma enjoyed her company.”

“I was surprised that she married me. I had to chase her, you know. She could have married any one of her suitors.”

“But she chose you,” I said kindly.

“I have never understood why. She truly was my better half, always reminding me not to be brusque. I saw the monstrous side of people every day in my courtroom. Then I would go home, and Theona would have brought home some pitiful animal to restore its trust in people. ‘How could anyone have been cruel?’ she would ask. And I always thought to myself that she had no idea of the inhumanity that permeates our world.”

“You spared her that?” asked Birdie. “I would have wanted to know.”

“I loved Theona. I did everything I could to shield her from the dark side of life. And now there is nothing left. Theona took my spirit with her when she departed from this world.”

“But you have children and grandchildren,” I protested. Not to mention Rose. Did she mean anything to him at all? It didn’t sound like it.

His nostrils flared and the corner of his mouth twitched. “When your children are small, you do everything for them. They leave you as soon as they can. I lost two of my children, but do the others come around? Of course not. They’re too busy for their old dad. Have you met Addilyn Lieras? She’s right over there in the blue dress. Looks kind of like Little Bo Peep.” He pointed in her direction. “Her mother is one of my daughters.”

“Addi is a delight. You may not recall, but we played together as children,” I said.

“She has Theona’s kind disposition.”

“You see? Addi will keep your spirits up.”

He watched Addi, who flitted about in a blue-and-white dress that was fitted at the top with a gauzy skirt that consisted of four layers of long ruffles. Giant gold-and-silk earrings hung from her ears. She looked every bit the free spirit I knew she was. Her black cat, Inky, wore a bright pink dress with black dots, a black-and-pink-checkerboard belt, and a pink tulle skirt. She had hopped onto a chair and was currently reaching for a fish treat, her fluffy black tail waving back and forth.

Dovie approached us. Thick makeup covered her face, and she had used a heavy hand on her eyeliner. Once again, her fake eyelashes reached nearly to her eyebrows. She had styled her bottle-blond hair high in loose curls.

“Hello, Dovie,” said Aunt Birdie in a most unwelcoming tone.

Dovie’s curt “Birdie” left no mistake that the two of them didn’t care for each other. Given that they were both about the same age and clearly took great pains with their appearance, one might have expected them to be friends. But that was not the situation. In fact, I wondered if the two of them were some sort of rivals. Maybe it went deeper than chasing after the same man. Aunt Birdie had been hostile toward Dovie in her time of need when her shed was on fire. I had a bad feeling the animosity between them went back years.

In a much sweeter voice, she said, “Now, Judge, don’t you forget to enter the silent auction.”

“I don’t need any of that junk,” he grumbled.

“Really?” she asked. “What about the two bottles of Scarecrow Cabernet Sauvignon 2015? Or the seven-course dinner for two at the Blue Boar? I’ll gladly accompany you to the dinner if you win.”

Aunt Birdie bristled, confirming my suspicion that she had more than a passing interest in the judge.

But whatever Dovie and Birdie planned, they were sunk as soon as Addi joined us. Her earlier melancholy had vanished. Smiling as though she’d never been happier, she held out a glass of champagne to her grandfather. “A little bubbly for you. Grandmum would be so happy if she could see this. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if she were watching us right now. Don’t you think so? The WAG Ladies have done her proud.”

The judge’s lips curled up in a smile. “This is Theona’s project. If she were here, she would expect me to bid and be generous. Thank you for that reminder, Addi. Excuse me, ladies.” He toddled off with Addi to examine the silent auction items, leaving Dovie and Birdie behind in a huff.

“You certainly know how to handle him,” I said to Dovie.

“He’s not the first cantankerous man I’ve met. Don’t let him fool you, he can be quite dear. Or he was toward Theona anyway. And now he dotes on Addi. Oh my! Who is that man?” She hurried off at the same time that Holmes handed me a glass of champagne.

Birdie seemed put out. She frowned. “What kind of person wears jeans to a gala?”

The man speaking to the judge and Addi wore a very dignified tuxedo. What on earth was she talking about? “Thanks,” I said to Holmes. “Have you bid on anything?”

He wiggled his eyebrows. “I have. My secret, though.”

I laughed at him. “Now I have to go snoop and see if I can find it.”

“You wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise,” he said.

“What if I accidentally bid against you?” I feigned innocence.

Yates Garvey joined us and pumped Holmes’s hand. He kissed me on the cheek. “I was hoping to see you here, Holmes. You don’t mind if I steal him for a moment do you?”

I took a few minutes to peruse the silent auction offerings and placed bids on two of them. When I looked up and gazed around the room for my little rascals, to my complete horror, I realized that Trixie, Twinkletoes, and Loki had taken seats at a table and were investigating treats. Only inches from their little noses were martinis! I dashed over to them at the precise moment that Trixie gave Loki a dirty look and intentionally spilled the martini in front of her as though she thought it was poisoned.

I grabbed the martini glasses.

Oriana gracefully floated over to me. She pointed at a little card that stood on the table. “It’s okay, all the ingredients are dog- and cat-friendly. The—” she made little air quotation marks with her fingers “—martinis are made of fresh Wagtail spring water. And a baker in town fashioned the olives and the toothpicks out of fish paste. They’re absolutely brilliant and completely edible. Honestly, the woman is an artist.”

“You’re kidding.” I examined them more closely. “I hope no people think they’re the real thing and try them.”

Oriana laughed gleefully, “It won’t hurt them, but they may not like the flavor. Dogs and cats can’t get their own water, so we thought it would be cute to have it waiting for them at the tables. And the martini glasses are recycled plastic, so they won’t break if they fall to the floor.” She frowned. “Does Trixie have something against Loki? She’s clearly not pleased that he’s sitting next to her.”

“I noticed that.”

“He’s a bit of a handful. Maybe he’s too lively for Trixie’s taste. I’ve noticed that Garbo has distanced herself from him, too. She’s sitting with Inky and Fritz tonight.”

Oriana’s watch dinged. “That’s my cue. We drew straws so Joanne wouldn’t appoint herself queen of the ball. I get to welcome everyone.”

Oriana swished away in her exquisite eye-catching red gown with a bateau neck and long sleeves. She looked positively regal as she took the microphone. Garbo, her saluki, stood by her side. The microphone squealed when she said, “Welcome to the There’s No Place Like Home Gala.”

Loki and another dog howled, bringing on laughter.

Nonplussed, Oriana continued, “Thank you for that introduction, Loki. And thanks to all of you, both two- and four-legged, for coming tonight. This is a bittersweet occasion. As you know, this gala was the idea of our beloved Theona Barlow, who sadly passed away only six months ago. I have no doubt that she’s watching and having a glass of champagne in heaven. Whether it’s to honor Theona’s memory or to help save desperate cats and dogs, your generosity is most appreciated. Please note that Wagtail residents have volunteered to attend with cats and dogs from WAG that are currently up for adoption. They are all wearing special There’s No Place Like Home bandanas, and Paige McDonaugh is in the rear taking adoption applications right now! Please mingle and place your bids for the silent auction items. Dinner will be served shortly, and we’ll have a live auction with our dessert! Enjoy!”

The microphone squealed again as she put it away, bringing on more howls and barking.

Brenda sidled up to me. “Have you seen Louisa? She’s in charge of the champagne. It looks like we’re running low.”

“I’m afraid I haven’t seen her, but I think you win for loveliest gown.”

Brenda smoothed the fabric of her dress, which looked to be silk and organza printed with turquoise flowers that matched the color of an organza swath that was wrapped around her bust and cascaded to the floor on one side.

“It’s vintage. It belonged to my grandmother. Frankly, I think it’s much prettier than most of the dresses I see today.” She glanced around and lowered her voice. “It was a little bit awkward. Oriana brought a closet full of dresses in case one of us wanted to wear one. I have no idea why she would think we didn’t have appropriate gowns. But they were not my taste. Horrible sleek black things that Morticia Addams would have liked. My mother and grandmother were such clotheshorses. Back in their day, clothes were so important. No one dared leave the house in jeans, or pants for that matter. My mom was always perfectly dressed. Even if she didn’t have plans for the day. I suppose I should have gotten rid of their clothes after they passed, but they’re so much better quality than they make now. And the price is certainly right! Oh! There’s Joanne. If anyone would know where Louisa is, it would be Joanne. Have you ever in your life met anyone quite so bossy? The woman thinks she’s in charge of everything.”

A little bell tinkled, indicating it was time for dinner. Twinkletoes and Trixie were nearby, but Holmes was across the room. He made his way over, and we sat down to dinner.

“What did Yates want?” I asked.

“I wasn’t planning to tell you about it tonight, but I might as well. You know the big house on the corner of Pine Street?”

“The one with plants growing in the gutters?”

Holmes laughed. “That’s the one. I made a low offer for it, and the owner grabbed it.”

“But you have a house. Is the A-frame getting too small for you?”

“I actually like being up the mountain, away from everything. In my Chicago condo I felt like there were people everywhere. Over me, under me, next to me. I like having my coffee outside in the morning and not hearing anything but birds. I’m going to renovate the house on Pine and flip it.”

“That’s terrific! You’re the perfect person to do it, too.”

“I think it might be fun.”

I raised my glass of champagne. “Congratulations!”

Our conversation moved to food as the banquet was served. The entire meal was cat- and dog-friendly. The appetizer was a scrumptious morsel of filet of beef on toast. Twinkletoes skipped the toast, but Trixie ate it for her. Holmes wanted more.

Fish stew served in small bowls followed.

The entrée of chicken breast with sweet potato puree and sautéed summer squash was perfect. Light and a little bit different from the usual banquet foods. Twinkletoes turned her nose up at the squash. When Loki showed an interest in it, Trixie hastily leaned over and snarfed it. There was something going on between those two!

As promised, a live auction commenced with dessert, which was dog- and cat-friendly ice cream topped with carob sauce for humans and dogs.

A local auctioneer had volunteered his services. He took his place at a podium. As he swung into a coaxing rhythm, I could see people becoming frenzied as they bid on paintings, sculptures, jewelry, and fancy vacations.

Most of the cats were following proper feline etiquette and doing their after-dinner grooming. The dogs, even Loki, looked sleepy.

The pitch in the room became frenetic as people bid outlandish amounts to outdo one another.

In the middle of a bidding war, Loki watched Louisa leave the room. He jumped from his chair and sprinted after her. Twinkletoes stopped licking her paws and observed.

Without so much as a yelp, Trixie leaped from her chair and raced out of the ballroom with Twinkletoes right behind her.

Holmes leaned over to me. “What’s that about?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I should check on Louisa.”