‘It’s just turned half-past four,’ said Jo, looking at her watch. ‘I suggest we start walking back to the bus stop.’
So after a visit to the loo and a goodbye to the barman and the snoozing cat, they left Café Van Beeren for the street outside, which seemed busier than it had before. Lara pictured herself walking here with Freddie. He’d hold her hand because he liked to do that.
Then her brain leapt to a much younger version of herself walking around London with Danny, feeling his long, slim fingers holding tightly on to hers. He pointed out the Albert Hall, told her that one day they’d be playing there. He had such massive dreams. She used to love listening to him telling her how rich they’d be, how famous, how they would tour all over the world. She wanted to be with him to share it. She wanted him to have it all.
On the way back to the ferry she sat next to Pip, who fell asleep before the bus had turned its first corner. Lara took out the book she had bought Freddie from the Van Gogh Museum shop. She flicked through until she found the picture of the Starry Night painting. She stared at it hard, and thought of that grubby pub car park and Danny’s proposal again.
She’d told Danny she would meet him that night to talk. She didn’t have to turn up – after all, he’d let her down enough times. But she knew she would because she needed to cut herself free from him. It was time to finally face the truth – the real truth, and not what she had wanted the truth to be.
*
Back in their cabin, Vicky and Lara changed out of their T-shirts and into smarter clothes for dinner in the Reef Bistro.
‘You all right? You seem a bit quiet,’ said Vicky. ‘Have we forced too many memories on you today?’
Lara smiled to herself. If only Vicky knew the half of it. She wanted to tell someone about Danny being on the boat, but Vicky was not the best person. She was likely to go hunt him down and throw him overboard. Lara knew she should say nothing, but the secret sat heavy inside her. She was already tired of keeping it.
Lara took a deep breath before owning up. ‘Vicky, remember when we were talking about where Danny Belfont is now.’
‘I do,’ said Vicky, as she stared at herself in the mirror while putting on her mascara.
‘I know exactly where he is.’
‘Do you? Where is he?’
Here we go, thought Lara. ‘He’s on this boat.’
Vicky’s mouth formed a perfect O before she spoke again. ‘Shut. The. Fuck. Up. How do you know?’
‘He’s a third of Stardust. The group that were onstage last night.’
‘The rubbish group?’
‘Yes.’
‘No way.’
‘Yes way.’
‘How did you . . . What . . . Why didn’t you tell us?’ Vicky put down the mascara. She couldn’t focus on her make-up at the moment.
‘Well . . .’ began Lara, not really knowing where to start. ‘I mean . . . we didn’t really look at them, did we? They were just in the background, playing stuff. But you all went to bed and I watched them properly. Then I recognised him.’
‘Are you sure? I mean, it’s been fifteen years, Lara.’
‘The female singer was Sammy King. She was the one who threw up all over the stage. Danny stayed and sang one of his own songs. Trust me, I know it’s him.’
‘That was her? Sammy King?’ Vicky huffed. ‘So he can stay faithful to someone then?’
‘I spoke to him after he came offstage.’
‘You did what?’ Vicky looked totally stunned.
‘He brought me a drink over. For old times’ sake.’
‘Yeah and I’m Helen Mirren.’ Vicky was cross now. ‘Lara, it took you years to get him out of your system. Don’t let him slip back in two minutes for old times’ sake.’
Lara sank onto her bed and put her head into her hands. ‘It was a shock, Vicky. I can’t say it wasn’t. My feelings have been all over the place today.’
‘Lara, they’re just old ghost feelings. Come on, love, we’ve watched enough of Most Haunted to know why ghosts hang around – because of unfinished business. And that is what this is. Ooh, I’ll kill him when I see him tonight,’ Vicky growled. ‘Wait till I tell the others.’
‘Please don’t,’ said Lara quickly. ‘I really don’t want to ruin everything.’
‘Okay, I promise I won’t. Not if you don’t want me to,’ Vicky said, taking hold of her temper. ‘But you stay away from him.’
Lara thought she’d better tell her the rest: ‘Vic, I said I’d meet him tonight after they’d finished their act.’
Vicky laughed, then realised that Lara wasn’t joking. ‘Why would you, Lara? What could you possibly have to say to him after all these years?’ Vicky shook her head at the thought of her friend and him together again. ‘I worry about you, mate,’ she went on. ‘Ever since you went out with Danny, you’ve let men walk all over you. You weren’t like that before, but he changed you somehow. He treated you as second best to his music, and then he left you for someone who wasn’t good enough to wipe your shoes. And that’s how you’ve judged yourself ever since.’
‘I know,’ said Lara. It was true.
‘Then along comes lovely Freddie who puts you on a pedestal where you belong, and you shine with him, Lara. You’re the person you should be. I don’t want you to spoil anything for yourself.’
‘I want to say goodbye to a past I’ve never been quite able to let go of before I marry Freddie,’ said Lara. ‘I know what I’m doing.’
‘For your sake, Lara, I really hope you do,’ said Vicky, picking up her lipstick.
Lara hoped she did too, because she had an awful habit of believing lies, even ones she told to herself.