Mia
My bag felt like it weighed a hundred pounds as I walked out into the crisp morning air Monday morning. Pulling my sunglasses down over my eyes to hide the dark circles under them and the fact that they were still swollen and red from all the crying I’d done since Barrick left on Saturday, I turned in the direction of my class.
Before I made it ten feet, Braxton limped into view, and my heart stopped for a moment as I paused long enough to look around for his cousin. Seeing no sign of Barrick, I let out the breath I was holding.
All day Sunday, he’d texted and called so many times, I’d started dreading the sound of my phone going off. I blocked him and then cried myself to sleep. Every time he told me he loved me replayed and echoed in my head. I ached to believe him, but I couldn’t trust anything he said now.
As Braxton neared, he held out one of the two cups of coffee in his hands. My travel mug that he’d bought me one day at the campus café because I’d complained about all the paper cups we’d been wasting from getting to-go cups every day.
He wore sunglasses too, so I couldn’t see his eyes, but something in the set of his shoulders told me something was wrong. “What?” I demanded, taking the cup from him.
“Nothing,” he muttered. “Let me walk you to class.”
My already-swollen eyes filled with tears all over again, making them ache, and a headache began to throb at my temples. “I don’t need a bodyguard, Brax. So, if that’s why you’re here, so you can follow me around and report back to Barrick or my dad, then fuck off.”
“Mia—”
“But if you want to be my friend, I’m okay with that. Just know the difference.” Lifting the cup to my lips, I took a sip, not surprised it was made exactly how I liked it.
“I am your friend, damn it,” he growled. The tone of his voice told me he was having a bad day, and I instantly felt guilty for having snapped at him. “I want to walk you to class because I missed you, and I just need to be around you to try to shut up this damn noise in my head. Okay?”
I dropped my shoulders, but I nodded. “Yeah. Okay.”
Silently, we fell into step together, both of us limping.
We were halfway across campus when he finally blew out a harsh exhale. “I want you to tell your cousin not to come here next semester.”
I snapped my head around to frown at him. “Nevaeh?”
“Of course, Nevaeh,” he muttered.
My jaw tightening, I looked back at the building in the distance that was my destination. I had a math class, and I didn’t know how I was going to pay attention when all I wanted to do was cry. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t plan on coming back here after Christmas break, so Nev won’t have any reason to come here either.”
“Wait, what did you just say?” he demanded, pushing his glasses up onto his head, revealing eyes with circles under them even darker than my own.
“I’m not coming back next semester,” I repeated. “I talked to my mom late Saturday night, and I told her I’m going back to California. She’s looking for an apartment close to UCLA for me because there’s no way in hell I’m moving back in to her house.”
I didn’t trust my dad any more than I did Barrick. Less, actually. He’d broken something in me, something no amount of his apologizing would ever fix. Before all of this, he was my hero. The one man in the universe I didn’t question had my back. Now, I didn’t even want to look at or speak to him.
“You can’t!” he exploded. “This is going too far, Mia. You have a plan. What happened to that?”
“The plan changed,” I told him honestly, my voice just as tired as the rest of me. “I never should have come here in the first place. Who was I trying to kid, Brax? I’ll never be anyone other than Nik Armstrong’s daughter. Thinking I could find out who I really am underneath all the fame that comes from being the rocker’s princess was a pipe dream.”
“Your dad was just trying to keep you safe while you found yourself,” he explained.
“That is not finding myself. That’s finding an illusion.” A tear spilled free, and I angrily scrubbed it away. Sniffling, I started walking again. After a dozen steps, I realized he wasn’t beside me. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw him standing there just glaring at nothing, his jaw clenched, causing the muscle to tick. “I have to go, or I’m going to be late.”
He nodded, not looking at me.
Sighing, I focused on the path in front of me. “See you later.”
“I’ll call you,” he called after me, but when I glanced back, he was still standing where I left him, still staring angrily at nothing.
--
I shouldn’t have been surprised to find Barrick standing outside the door of my math class when the professor released us, but I was. There was a determined set to his chin, but the dark circles under his eyes rivaled my own, and his complexion was sickly pale.
My heart clenched just seeing him look so miserable.
Quickly, I pulled my sunglasses back on before he could see me and notice my own misery. Adjusting my bag on my shoulder, I started to walk past him, but his hand shot out quick as a snake striking, and he gently grasped my wrist. With a single tug, he pulled me into his space.
I barely had time to blink before his head descended and his lips brushed against mine. The kiss was over before it even began, but when he lifted his head, I noticed his face was less tense.
“You really want to go to UCLA?” he rasped.
Of course, he talked to Braxton. I didn’t know why I even thought his cousin wouldn’t tell him. Since Braxton told me I was his best friend, I guess I just assumed he would show me a little loyalty. Hurt hit me directly in the center of my chest, but I pushed that down and pulled free of Barrick’s hold.
“That isn’t any of your business,” I told him, keeping my voice as level as possible considering I was yet again close to tears.
“If it’s what you want, tell me now. I’ll find us an apartment and get everything moved in before the next semester begins. Say the word, Mia, and I will make it happen.”
I inhaled slowly, fighting the all-too-brief moment of complete and total happiness that he’d just detonated in me. Then reality came crashing down like a ton of bricks, and I took a step back. “I want UCLA, but I don’t want you,” I lied through my teeth. “Leave me alone, Barrick. Whatever we had died a quick and painful death Friday night. Return to your old life and forget about the gullible girl who took up so much of your time.”
Grasping my hips, he turned me so my back was against the wall, his body caging me in as he lowered his head. “Let’s get a few things clear, firecracker. First, I have no life without you in it. Second, what we have… Love? That isn’t dead. You’re pissed, and I’ll be the first to admit you have every right to be, but don’t lie to yourself by saying that you don’t feel for me what I feel for you.”
“Are you done?” I gritted out, desperate to get away from him. I could feel myself weakening. Being this close to him, hearing those words that I wanted so damn badly to believe, was making this too hard.
“I will never be done. You’re everything good in my life, baby. Please, just give me a chance to show you that.”
“I have another class,” I muttered, ducking under his arm. Surprisingly, he let me go, and I sprinted as fast as my leg would allow out of the building and toward my next class.
--
I was able to avoid Barrick for the rest of the day, but only because after my last class, I hid out in my room, going so far as to order pizza for dinner and eating in bed while I tried to make myself focus on studying and doing homework.
The next day wasn’t so easy. I had class with Braxton and then work. When I came out of my dorm, Barrick was there, but I walked past him like I didn’t see him, making sure my sunglasses were firmly in place so he couldn’t see that I’d cried myself to sleep once again the night before.
I didn’t have to look over my shoulder to know he was following me. I could feel his eyes on me as he walked a few feet behind me all the way to English.
Walking into class, I saw Braxton was already in his seat. Stomping over to sit beside him, I slapped him on the arm as I turned so I could face him. “Stop telling your fucking cousin everything I tell you.”
“I was upset, and he asked what was wrong. What should I have done? Lied?” He lifted his brows at me. “I think I’ve done enough of that lately, Mia. I’m trying not to lie unless I have to.”
Feeling bad because I’d hurt him, I leaned over to hug him. “I’m sorry I upset you.”
“It’s not your fault. Well, it is, but at the same time, it isn’t. I hate that you’re going to leave at the end of the semester.” Scratching at the days’ worth of beard growth on his jaw, he blew out a long sigh. “I’d even deal with your cousin going to school here if it meant you weren’t leaving.”
That only had my brows lifting curiously. “What do you have against Nevaeh anyway? I know she’s a little odd, but she’s loyal and sweet and so damn smart, she could help a person figure out just about anything.”
“I don’t have anything against her,” he told me, then I thought I heard him mutter under his breath, “That’s the problem.”
“You’re so weird,” I grumbled just as the professor walked into the room and immediately started the day’s lecture.
When class was over, Barrick was standing outside the classroom door. I hugged Braxton and told him I needed to get to work, then pointedly ignored his cousin as I walked out of the building, making sure my sunglasses were perfectly in place.
He followed me to work, and when I entered the dance studio, he walked right on in, sitting with the mothers already in the lobby. He got a few interested glances before they returned to their phones or talking with their daughters.
I went to the locker room and changed, making sure my brace was in place before walking out to gather my first class of the evening.
Between my first and second classes, Cora called the other instructors and me into her office to announce we were doing a Christmas recital, and starting the following week, we would be rehearsing it instead of teaching regular classes. She was giving each of us leeway with our classes, so we could pretty much do any dance as long as the music was holiday-themed.
I decided I was going to have all my littles be Sugar Plum Fairies and called dibs as soon as Cora called an end to the meeting.
The other instructors, all of them older than me, groaned, but they gave in, and I walked out of the office grinning.
Until I saw Lyla sitting with Barrick.
“Miss Mia, Miss Mia!” Josie squealed as she came running up to me, and I forced a smile for her. “I’m ready to dance.”
I was glad she seemed unaffected by the events of the previous week’s class. “So am I, sweet girl. And I have a surprise for you.”
“You do?” she asked excitedly. “What is it?”
Laughing, I turned her toward our classroom. “You’ll just have to be patient and wait for the other girls to arrive before I make an announcement. Go on. I’ll be right in. I just have to grab my phone so I can get the music.” No use in waiting for the next week to start when I already knew what I was going to be teaching them for the recital. The longer I had to practice with the littles, the better.
“Mia,” Lyla called behind me, and I stopped but didn’t turn to face her. She walked over and stood in front of me. “Could we have coffee tomorrow? I really would like to talk to you.”
“No thanks,” I told her tightly. “If you’ll excuse me.”
“So, you can forgive Braxton but not me?” she called after me, hurt lacing her voice. “That doesn’t seem fair if you ask me.”
I laughed humorlessly and turned to look at her. “Life isn’t fair, Lyla. Haven’t you realized that by now?”