PHINNEAS REDWOOD: Yup, it’s recording. Okay! So what am I supposed to be doing, exactly?

[Muffled speech]

Speak into my phone if you can, there you go. Yeah, a little closer. Lean down. Farther.

ADDISON STERN: Phinneas, sweetie, I didn’t wear a V-neck blouse today. You’re not going to get a better look at the girls, no matter how far I’m hunched over.

PR: You know me too well, Stern. So repeat the instructions for me again. Now that I have my phone going and I can reference the details later on.

AS: You could just call me if you have questions.

PR: No, no, recording. I’m recording. What were you saying about the Boom Chicka Downtown app? [Sips liquid]

AS: [Sighs] Boom Boom, the video social media app. It’s the latest craze among Gen Z, and even millennials are reluctantly moving to it from the older, more established apps. Boom Boom users and their videos are moving mass quantities of product these days, and for anyone who is selling anything, it’s important to have a presence there.

PR: Right. That’s right, you said that. But what kind of videos are we talking about? I mean, what am I supposed to be posting, considering I have a whole marketing department that’s promoting Shapextrin to our targeted demos? Like, why am I doubling up the effort?

AS: Because, Phinneas. You’re the star. If you got your head out of the bottle every so often, you’d be more aware of your power and potential to take the whole industry by storm.

[Silence]

PR: Ouch, Addison. You wound me…with a compliment. That’s a strange feeling.

AS: Let me rephrase.

PR: No, don’t. I haven’t always…no, I haven’t ever really zoned in on my role here. I kind of wasted it last time around. My ex always told me that. We fell in love right before my first pill really took off, and she broke up with me afterward because of my…ethics, I guess.

AS: And what were those?

PR: Uh. I didn’t have any?

AS: And that upset her?

PR: Well, yeah. She was an idealist who wrote for nonprofits, even though she came from money. She believed in big love, big dreams, doing big things to change the world. I wore my own pair of rose-colored glasses for a while. Then she cheated on me. And I got distracted to cope.

AS: Distracted?

PR: Don’t make me say it. You’ve got Google for resurfacing all my mistakes. Especially the ones who were putting themselves through “medical school” with “performance art.”

AS: You don’t have to make air quotes, Phinneas.

PR: Anyway, what I’m getting at here is that I’m ready. I’m ready to do what it takes to turn this ship around and be a better CEO—face of the brand, or whatever that’s needed.

[Pause]

AS: Are you? Do you genuinely want this, or is this all related to her—to your ex? If we successfully launch this next product, but she still doesn’t approve of your efforts, will you spiral, Phinneas? Or maintain the hard work you—and I—will be drilling into over the next few months?

PR: I want this. In 100 percent sincerity, I do.

AS: Good, because—

PR: And…it is all for her. I can’t help that. It’s the truth. Probably always will be. So you’ll have to work with me at the risk of watching me implode somewhere later down the line.

AS: A Phinn-plosion?

PR: Now, see—you are listening. So tell me, again, about this Boom Chicka—sorry. This Boom Boom app. I’m dialed in now.

AS: [Sighs] Phinneas, I have to admit: I don’t believe you. I don’t think you’re actually committed to change. [Sniffs] Phinneas, have you—goddammit, have you been drinking?

PR: Only a little, and in the comfort of my own home.

AS: I know for a fact you were at a business meeting not thirty minutes ago, and that you just came back. I could smell the fresh exhaust from your car in the driveway. [Rustling]

PR: Hey. Hey, what are you doing? [Laughs] C’mon, it was just a little mimosa with my product team. You can’t leave yet, you haven’t even told me what videos to upload.

AS: Mr. Redwood, although you hired Ovid Blackwell and they provided you with the best of the best—

PR: Mr. Redwood? Stern, are you breaking up with me? [Scoffs] No, c’mon, sit down. Please.

AS: No. [Huffs] I have defended you to everyone who will listen: to my VP, the president of Ovid Blackwell, CNN, MSNBC, and Pharmaceutical Weekly. Even Science Bros, the website for young scientists who deadlift at the gym, laughed when I said you would be ready for in-person interviews in three weeks’ time. You’re proving me wrong this instant.

PR: [Groans] Look, I couldn’t care less about Science Bros—or any other self-aggrandizing platform whose leadership can’t spell “enzyme.”

AS: That’s clear. Abundantly. But I care, and you’re making me look like an idiot.

PR: Let’s not exaggerate, Stern. Don’t get so emotion—

AS: Don’t. Patronize. Me. I care about whether you can pull off this transformation, and I wish you would, too. But the only thing that gives you pause is whether some ex-girlfriend, who dropped you like a Redbox subscription decades ago, gives a shit about your charitable donations. Wake up, Phinneas! What she thinks doesn’t matter. You matter. Your health matters. Your professional reputation matters.

[Pause]

PR: Okay.

AS: Okay what?

PR: Okay, you’re right. I’ll…stop drinking. Out in public. And I’ll make a real effort to drink less at home.

AS: I don’t believe you.

PR: I’m serious. This time, I am. What you’re saying is absolutely true: I need to do better for myself and stop pining over a woman who has washed her hands of me. I deserve a better life than drinking my daylight hours away and alienating colleagues at mimosa meetings. Thrive deserves better, and so does my next pill—that’s where I think you’re right. I think Shapextrin can really help people, and I…want to be one of them. I…I see all of that now.

[Pause]

AS: Okay.

PR: Okay what?

AS: Let’s continue.