Yoga Girl: Living Authentically
in the Social Media World,
an Interview with
Rachel Brathen
Melanie Klein
MK: Rachel, I am so thrilled to include your voice in this book. Given your incredible reach and life in the public eye as an accidental “yoga celebrity” or “yogalebrity” …
RB: Yes, very accidental.
MK: Right! And given that unique and influential place in yoga culture, you experience a lot of benefits, but you’re also the object of scrutiny as more and more people challenge the intersection of the yogalebrity and consumer culture with yoga imagery. Yours is a compelling and unusual story.
RB: Yeah, it’s an important conversation to have.
MK: Well, I’d love to begin by having you describe your body image story and a brief history of your relationship with your body.
RB: I was born and raised in Sweden. Funny enough, I was there just a couple months ago, and while I was helping cleaning out a garage, I found an old diary of mine that I kept as a young teenager, roughly ages thirteen to fifteen years old. Reading it was eye-opening because what I remember and what I wrote didn’t mesh. I thought I liked my body at the time, but reading my diary I found numbers at the top of every page. It took me a couple minutes of reading before I actually remembered what I was writing about—the numbers in the top corner of every single page was my recorded weight and a little plus and/or minus sign. Every single day. I guess this is something that I’ve repressed [laughter] or it was something so normal that I don’t recall it. But every day I would step on the scale and, even though I was very tall and thin growing up, if I gained a gram, I would put like a plus on the end and that would mean it was a bad day. That meant that I would have to eat less the next day.
MK: Unfortunately, that’s a familiar scenario. In many ways, it’s what “girls do.”
RB: Right, and it’s particularly striking to me now because I was never overweight growing up. Plus, because I was competing in track and field as well as doing gymnastics, I was always working out and was quite fit in the stereotypical sense.
MK: Yeah, a lot of people assume that a negative body image or body image issues only impact people who are overweight or not conventionally attractive. In my work as a body image advocate and media literacy advocate, I’ve found time and time again that that is simply not true.
RB: Exactly, even though I was genetically very tall and thin as well as traditionally fit from playing sports, I still had this idea that I wasn’t enough. I look back at photos and I’m surprised when I discover how I felt about my body. So that feeling of insecurity has always been there.
MK: We grow up with so many influences on our body image or perception of self. Are you able to trace this feeling back?
RB: I grew up around adult women and role models in my life who were dealing with their own body image issues. I didn’t fully learn about the depth of their struggles until later, but I’m certain that their behaviors, habits, and relationships with food and their bodies impacted me more than I was conscious of at the time. When I began to realize that the biggest role model in my life—my mom—had been struggling with an eating disorder, it made absolute sense, and a lot of things fell into place.
MK: That’s common, that toxic relationship with food and self as an intergenerational inheritance. Have you ever spoken to her of it?
RB: We’ve spoken about it a lot now that I am pregnant with a daughter. She told me she remembers being nine months pregnant and putting her fingers down her throat to throw up. It’s so intense to think about—she was pregnant with me!
MK: You said that a lot of things fell into place for you after her bulimia was revealed to you. What sorts of things?
RB: I remember a lot of little comments. I’m quite tall and my mother is a tiny person. In fact, I’m almost twice the size of my mom! I remember standing next to her in the mirror and she’d say, “Isn’t it fascinating that you’re only fifteen and already bigger than me?”
MK: That sounds familiar! “Big” was not code for pretty, attractive, desirable, or acceptable. “Big” was bad—a source of shame.
RB: Exactly. I never developed a clinical eating disorder and I feel like I was able to get a grasp of my own worth fairly early in life, but those negative feelings about myself go way back in my life and certainly had an impact. It’s funny, though, when I think back on my mid to late teen years, I have a completely different memory of myself.
MK: What do those memories of teen Rachel look like?
RB: I was a rough teenager, incredibly cocky and confident (or so I thought I was). I had this idea that I was the best and on top of the world, no problems at all. Looking back at what I was writing when I was alone contradicts that image. Even so, while it was common for many of my friends and peers to talk down to themselves, I was never one to say, “I need to work out” or “I can’t believe I ate that.” Instead, I would object to that negativity with statements like, “Eat whatever you want, who gives a shit!” I was all about portraying myself as strong, one who didn’t obsess over these things and someone who loved myself as is. But, behind closed doors, there was another story that I just wasn’t talking about (or really consciously aware of myself).
MK: It sounds like you were rebelling against the insecurities you’d inherited. Often, though, this doesn’t happen until much later in life. But here you were, a teen rejecting the norm and, unknowingly, serving as a role model to an alternate experience for your friends and peers, one that doesn’t bow down to the scale or the beauty standard of the day.
RB: I wanted to stand out and be different. I wanted to go my own way and not become defined by the same warped image my mother grew up with. It may have been unconscious, but I understood that her negative comments were always a reflection back to her and, sadly, how she felt about herself. I wanted to rebel against this idea that it’s natural or normal to not like yourself and who you are. Yoga was a big part of that journey.
MK: When and how did yoga come into the picture?
RB: I was seventeen or eighteen and, again, it came from my mom. I was on a destructive path, a truly horrible time that involved a lot of smoking, drinking, and some drug use. It was all symptomatic of my unhappiness with my life and who I was becoming. My mother went on a meditation retreat and, later, she booked a one-week retreat for me, bought me a train ticket, and said, “I had an amazing experience and I think you should do it, too.”
MK: So you jumped in and …
RB: It changed my whole life 100 percent. It was the beginning of finding yoga and a whole new life.
MK: Given that it was a one-week retreat, your first experience was concentrated and intensive.
RB: Yeah, it was super intense. Honestly, that was probably the only way it would have happened for me. I needed to go all in. I mean, I didn’t know anyone who meditated and I was terrified. In fact, I almost turned around and took the train home on the first day.
MK: But you stayed. And what did you experience?
RB: It was an Osho style meditation, dynamic meditations that involved movement and combined with a Vipassana style of sitting. The idea is to move and get all the crazy out before you find silence. I think for a seventeen- or eighteen-year-old, that approach was perfect. In addition to movement and sitting, there was a lot of sharing, talking, and the releasing of emotions. This holistic approach that precedes the actual moments of silence allowed me to get to a place I don’t think I would have reached if I had been expected to sit down and meditate seven hours a day.
MK: I think it’s fascinating and incredibly beautiful that your mother was the root of so many of your struggles related to self-worth, yet she also introduced you to the tools that have served you (and continue you to serve you).
RB: See, that’s our whole path—it’s a struggle and a lesson [laughter].
MK: And how did this new practice impact you when you were first introduced?
RB: One of the first things I realized was that I wasn’t happy. Despite having a boyfriend and lots of friends, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. For the first time in my life, I found a quiet space in my mind and realized that, not only was I not happy, I wasn’t in charge of my own life. I’d just gone along with everyone and everything around me, never truly discovering what made me happy. Up until then, I’d never questioned anything before. This was an empowering moment. Upon finding meditation, it became clear that I needed time and space to find my own path. Had it not been for those moments of silence, I don’t know if I would have ever realized that I had the ability to choose for myself.
MK: And how did this new practice integrate with and/or change your life, as you said, when you returned home?
RB: Well, I come from a complicated family and have a troubled past. I’d been a part of a lot of destructive relationship patterns and, upon returning home, I stepped away from it for the first time. That was the biggest thing I could do in choosing for myself. In doing so, it was one of the first steps in becoming my own person. My newfound meditation practice was incredibly personal to me and, even though my mom introduced me to it, I didn’t share it with anyone. Whereas my mom was older when she discovered this practice, I was young enough that I could make dramatic changes and reshape my life. And I decided that I wanted to find the path to happiness, not a road of constant struggle or drama. I would have never gotten there had it not been for the meditation, which has always been more important than the physical practice for me.
MK: Well, learning about your background makes so many of the puzzle pieces fall into place. Looking at the things you’ve shared (and how you’ve shared them) over the years, this choice to follow the path to happiness and rewrite the dysfunctional narrative in your life becomes evident. And I think that’s a large part of your appeal to the millions who follow you. You’re open, honest, vulnerable, and, in the midst of it all, you seek the light, the joy, and that way into happiness.
With that said, the first time I remember seeing you was on Elephant Journal over five years ago on a SUP (stand up paddleboard) yoga video (which blew me away, by the way). So, you did develop a physical practice, and many online know you for your physical practice. When and how did that develop?
RB: Shortly after my first retreat, I went back for another ten-day retreat. I walked into the shala early one morning and saw a woman on her yoga mat. I’d never seen anyone practice physical yoga. She was so focused and looked graceful and comfortable in her body. It blew my mind. After I returned home, I took a leap and moved to Costa Rica. I found a studio there and started taking classes here and there. I also got a book on yoga asana, but I never had a proper teacher. I also didn’t have the same “aha” moment many students get in a yoga class (or the “aha” I got in meditation). Because of scoliosis and back pain, I was actually very nervous to start a physical yoga practice. Those first years, I mostly explored on my own—what worked, what didn’t work. The first two years were very slow and involved lots of restorative work, the use of props and was very Iyengar-based. Despite my experiences with sports growing up, I had never done anything like this before. Why does my body feel the way it does? Why do I have this pain? Where does it come from? How can I heal it? There was no stand-up paddleboard yoga. There were no handstands, none of that.
MK: Given how many people are introduced to the idea of yoga through studio culture or the representation of yoga practice and “yoga bodies” in the media these days, your discovery was very unique and personal. I think that is incredibly unique and rare, someone with your reach that doesn’t tag every single post with corporate tags and endorsements.
RB: I know a lot of people find their way to yoga practice through my social media accounts or take their first class because of something they see online. That may feel strange to me because my journey was so different (and much more private), but it’s great that it’s accessible in a way that people can find inspiration easily.
MK: Your content has remained raw and feels incredibly authentic, especially without the corporate tags.
RB: Thank you, I fight very hard for it to stay that way. In the beginning, though, I actually thought “Yoga Girl” was so stupid, I don’t even remember why I chose that name. It was a personal account and a spur of the moment decision to name it that. Whereas now, I can see that the name was an important part of building community and it felt accessible because it wasn’t a slick, branded identity. I struggle with the balance between the commercial world and what yoga is everyday. I realize you don’t need to go down that road, actually.
MK: I appreciate you saying that. One of the biggest things in my work has been challenging the dominant imagery in media culture that is so incredibly one-dimensional and not representative of the mass population. And part of that task is creating new imagery through the Yoga and Body Image Coalition, sharing these stories, and providing a community platform, where we all get to engage in these conversations. Culture is created and we can re-create it. We have the ability to shape it the way that we want.
RB: Exactly, and, honestly, from purely a business standpoint, it’s been much more beneficial for me to be consistently authentic. I mean, there are hundreds of “yoga girls” out there all wanting to do the same thing, and I’ve been able to really separate myself from that movement of people that all do the same thing. You know, it’s a gorgeous inversion on a beach with a copy and paste quote, all the tags of everything they’re wearing and it’s just not, at least to me, it’s just not at all exciting or special at all. It all looks and reads the same. If I had gone that really commercial route, I don’t think I’d have the strong and engaged community I have now. At least, I don’t think it’d be as genuine as it is, for sure. I’m really happy that I followed my intuition from the start and have stayed clear on my vision.
MK: And how did it start?
RB: I never had this big picture vision or idea that I was going to do something with social media or with that account at all, actually. I was just sharing my dogs, my breakfast, and my regular day-to-day life, like most people on Instagram. And then I would sprinkle little pieces of yoga stuff in there because it was just a part of my day-to-day life. And I realized really quickly that people were interested in what I had to share about yoga. But it was never really for me about the picture, more about the wording that I connected to that picture. In fact, that’s when it started to grow and really explode. Yoga is a huge part of it, but in the end it’s not so much about the body for me. In fact, it was never that much about the body at all. It was about the experiences and feelings I shared in words.
MK: And yet, social media is visual. And people do make it about the body.
RB: Oh, of course, of course. Because I have an Instagram account with more than two million followers, anytime I would share anything in the beginning, I’d find it super challenging to ignore the trolls and people who would do nothing but objectify and shame me for my body. I’ve gotten so many hurtful comments and messages, including how I am ruining the art of yoga in addition to the standard comments that I am “an ugly slut” or “so fat.” I had to quickly decide whether I wanted to continue down this path or not.
MK: And you clearly chose to continue.
RB: Yes, because I realized I’m on a path bigger than these comments and that I’ll face criticism and negativity no matter what I do.
MK: What continues to inspire you in this work?
RB: I have a practice that inspires me, and I have words I want to share about that practice. But I also want to present life, all of it. I try to balance the beauty of where I live and the joy and inspiration I derive from my practice with my insecurities, fears, and all the shit we humans must face. I want people to feel they can find inspiration on my page, but in a way that is accessible because it’s authentic and there’s a real human behind the images versus mainstream yoga magazines that are picture perfect fantasies of real life …
MK: … real life that isn’t digitally altered or lit perfectly.
RB: Right, because that isn’t real and can actually trigger more negativity in the long run. People can get lost in social media. Someone very close to me has the biggest dream in life to be a Victoria’s Secret model. And I tell her, “You could be anything. Anything. You could be president. You could be an astronaut. You could be anything you want, and you want to be a Victoria’s Secret model. Why is that?” And she tells me, “Oh, because they have the perfect life. Everybody loves them.” She’s a smart girl, but that’s really her perception. It’s what she has seen her whole life; she grew up with this social media world in a way I never did because it didn’t exist at that time.
MK: Yes, the pressure has definitely increased as we’ve become more and more inundated with media imagery that creates and sells “perfection” and “happiness.”
RB: And I want to balance that shit out by sharing when I feel horrible or sad. I share photos of my stomach rolls or cellulite. I want people to know that yoga is a wonderful tool, but I don’t feel like a superhuman yoga person. I’m a regular human being, digitally unaltered, and I can still find happiness in the face of my humanity and not-so-perfect body and not-so-perfect life. Because yoga helps me to deal with the struggles. That’s where my happiness springs from, not the fantasy.
Swedish native Rachel Brathen is a New York Times best-selling author, serial entrepreneur, and international yoga teacher residing in Aruba. After moving to Aruba early in 2010, she started teaching yoga full-time and has spent the past seven years completely immersed in the world of yoga. With more than two million followers on social media, Brathen shares pieces of her life with the world every day and travels the globe to connect with her community through workshops, retreats, and teacher trainings.Rachel Brathen photo by Ben Kane.