Nadia
There really was no denying it any more. When she saw a message from him on her phone her stomach flipped over as if she was a teenager. When he smiled at her the skin on the nape of her neck tingled stupidly. She’d started to daydream, had fantasies where she’d slip her arms under one of Alex’s t-shirts, before pulling it up and away, over his head and finally getting a good look at that tattoo she’d caught a glimpse of months before.
This wasn’t meant to happen. It was already going to be too hard to leave behind so many people she loved in London; she didn’t exactly want to add another to the roster. That boy on the swing in Clapham Common had felt safe; white bread down to his bones, boring and predictable, someone she could have fun with and have as a mate, for sure, but she’d sensed from the off that he’d never let her close and that had suited her just fine. It was bad enough that they’d become such close friends, let alone something more…she was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t.
But then there was that something inside of her, hot and selfish, that kept on pointing out the entirely random way that Alex had fallen into her life, the entirely unprecedented way she was feeling, insisting, insisting that it might be meant to be; and who was she in the face of something like that?
The sound of Alex’s name drew her attention. “Pardon?”
Matt just smiled indulgently; he was used to her- by now habitual - lapses in concentration. “I was just saying, that Alex guy. I met him, right? At Bison, the night we met?”
It seemed a lifetime ago. “Yeah, you did.”
“I was thinking that you guys are such good friends and all – and you look like you have so much fun in all those photos I see – I was wondering if we should do a double-date or something?”
Nadia shifted uncomfortably. “He’s not seeing anyone at the moment.”
“Oh? I thought he was seeing that little blonde scrap that was in all the photos from that games night you had the other week?” Nadia tensed again.
“No, that’s just Lila.”
Matt raised an eyebrow inquisitively. “’Just Lila’?” he echoed.
“Yeah. She’s his housemate’s girlfriend.”
Matt laughed suddenly. “Oh yeah, of course. The flatmate’s girlfriend, I remember.”
“No, you haven’t met her, I don’t think…”
“Oh no, I know. But I remember Alex talking about her when we were in Bison.”
There was something in Matt’s tone that made Nadia curious. “What was he saying?” she asked.
“Oh, I’m sure you know it all.” He rolled his eyes. “The love-sick whining. ‘The girl of my dreams is banging my flatmate’ and all that. He needs to man up!” Matt laughed.
And Nadia’s stomach flipped over again. And not in a good way.
Alex
It wasn’t that late; it wasn’t even full-dark yet, but still Alex had made to go after Lila when she’d come flying out of Rory’s bedroom and straight out of the flat door, pausing just long enough to turn her sticky, tear-stained face in Alex’s direction, breaking his heart. After staring after her in mild shock for a beat or two, Alex turned to get a pair of shoes from his bedroom. He pulled up abruptly; Rory was standing in his doorway, rubbing the pads of his palms aggressively against his temples.
“Sorry about that,” he said after a minute.
“Is she alright?” Alex asked, without preamble.
Rory exhaled dramatically. “Why do girls always do this? Why does there have to be a bad guy? Such martyrs, all of them.”
Alex fixed his friend with a hard look. “And what exactly is it that you’ve done to ‘martyr’ Lila..?”
Rory returned his look. “Nothing. She’s throwing a bitch-fit about the hours I’m working. Said I just don’t want to spend time with her. And I said it wasn’t that at all, but maybe it’s not such a good time for me to be in a relationship at the moment, because I obviously can’t give her what she wants and…” Rory trailed off and gestured eloquently towards the flat’s front door. “And she apparently agreed.”
Alex had to digest that for a moment or two. “You broke up with her?” he asked, incredulously. “You broke up with Lila?”
Rory groaned. “Stop it, will you mate? I already feel like I’m your dad come to tell you that your parents are getting a divorce or something.”
Alex looked towards the door again. She’d probably already be on a bus off the high street by now; it was too late to follow. “She didn’t even say goodbye…”
Rory gave a bark of a laugh. “It’s not like you’ll never, ever see her again.”
“Oh, I hardly think she’s going to be spending much time sitting on our sofa watching you and me play Call of Duty any more, Ror.”
Rory shrugged dismissively. “Nah, she always liked you. You’ll stay friends, I’m sure. But don’t let her turn you against me. I didn’t want to hurt her – you know – didn’t want her upset; that’s why I had to end it. It wasn’t going anywhere any more, and she knew it.” Rory’s voice hitched slightly, so slightly, right at the end, and Alex belatedly realised that his friend was actually quite cut up about it after all.
“Okay,” he agreed after a moment. “Right, so, how are we playing this? I’ve never been present during break-up aftermath before. Do I get you a cup of tea or do I get you a beer?”
Nadia
Alex was distracted, odd; or maybe it was her who was the one being weird, she couldn’t tell. All Nadia knew is that suddenly there were elephants in the room where before it had been only them.
Because they’d agreed they needed proper sustenance to fuel an all-night movie marathon they’d decided to fit in a late dinner before the first showing. Nadia’s cotton onesie was balled-up in a tote bag at her feet; she wasn’t quite brave enough to wear it in a Soho restaurant, even though she’d had great fun convincing a horrified Holly she was going to do exactly that.
When she noticed that Alex was checking his phone more often than he was putting forkfuls of food into his mouth, Nadia snapped.
“What’s up with you?” she asked, a little forcefully. “You’re like an expectant father waiting for news or something.”
Alex laughed. “Sorry. I’m just waiting on a text.” Although Nadia clearly indicated for him to elaborate, he didn’t, dropping his eyes to his plate and raking his fork prongs through his cooling jambalaya. He seemed startled to find Nadia still scrutinising him when he looked up again. “I promise I won’t use my phone in the cinema, miss!” he joked, holding up his fork and fingers like a Boy Scout salute. “Scout’s Honour.” Nadia softened and allowed herself a smile.
She knew it was physically impossible, but lately Alex seemed to be filling out his clothes a lot better. She’d even wondered if he’d bought new things, but she was more or less certain she’d seen him wearing that evening’s particular loose-fit t-shirt before. Maybe it was more in the way he sat. He always used to sit slightly forwards, with his shoulders pinched inwards towards one another. Now he sat back, open and expansive and comfortable in his own skin, in a way she would never have imagined him doing before. That night it was Nadia who was slightly hunched and closed-off.
Because she didn’t know what was bothering her more; that the Alex she was falling for was in love with someone else, or the Alex who was one of her best friends had never told her about it. Both affronts stung her in different ways.
Alex quickly glanced at his phone again; it was almost as if he didn’t realise he was doing it.
“I tell you what, I’m glad we’re spending tonight watching films with lots of explosions,” Alex said suddenly, shaking his head. “I couldn’t sit through anything heavy. It’s been a weird old week.”
“How-so?”
Alex looked at Nadia for a beat before he answered. “Ah, Lils and Rory are having a spat. Well, actually I guess it’s more than that. They’ve actually broken up.”
Suddenly Nadia found that her mouthful of jerk chicken was stuck in her throat. She swallowed laboriously.
“They’ve broken up?” she echoed.
Alex shrugged. “Apparently. Well, they’ve both set their Facebook relationships to ‘single’ anyway, which is about as serious as these things can get,” he laughed. “Anyway. Speaking of relationships, how are things with Matt? He didn’t fancy getting in on nine straight hours of Avengers action then?”
Alex
Nadia seemed sad. She wasn’t wearing any makeup – she said there was no point just sitting in a dark cinema all night – but even aside from that she seemed somewhat diluted. He’d wondered if she was just tired – asked her three times if she was sure she was still up for the epic superhero movie marathon that she had booked them in for – but she’d insisted she was fine. But whatever she said, her mouth still had a sad little tilt and her eyes were shadowed and for the first time since the moment he met her she felt far away.
He’d never seen her wearing a dark colour like this before – she was in a deep plum that made her look even paler than normal and made her blonde hair shine dully under the restaurant’s dim lighting. Her hair was loose, threaded over with deep kinks where she’d previously had it plaited. She’d picked the braid apart with quick, nervous fingers shortly after their arrival, shaking the hair loose as she talked.
Alex was struck, not for the first time, about how emotive Nadia was. When she smiled, the whole world smiled with her. When she was down, well… He supposed it didn’t help that he was already bummed out about Lila. He’d messaged her twice since Wednesday night but she hadn’t replied. He hoped it was because the whole thing with Rory was still a little too raw and not that she was going to cut him out of her life completely now she wasn’t going out with his flatmate any more.
Lila, single. For some reason it had never occurred to Alex that Rory and Lila might ever break up. He should be thrilled, jumping cartwheels; the girl he’d been pining for from not-even-that-afar was now available. But instead the situation was sitting heavy and queer inside of him, like way too much food, which probably explained why he had no appetite. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if Lila never got back in contact. She obviously would never feel the same way about him, so maybe this could be a golden opportunity to cut his losses and run. But then, equally, he could always grab the opportunity to confess his feelings; he had nothing left to lose, after all.
He sighed. “Do you think it’s always right to fight for love?” he asked Nadia, having another half-hearted go at his rapidly-cooling jambalaya.
Her eyes narrowed. “It depends. You’re not going to get all overly involved in this break-up and try and get Rory and Lila back together, are you..?”
“No. No, I think that ship might have sailed,” said Alex ruefully. “I’m thinking more… generally. You know I always wondered if things would have been different if I’d battled Alice – you know - when she broke things off with me. If I’d fought for our relationship rather than just lying down like a dog and taking it. Who knows how different my life would be? And I think I would have been able to convince her and save us, you know, if I’d had the balls to try…” He trailed off. He wasn’t sure if he was really thinking about the Alice of years ago or the Lila that might be in his future.
After a moment, Nadia reached past her plate and their water glasses and squeezed his arm sympathetically.
“I’m glad you didn’t,” was all she said.
Nadia
It was so hard to be stand-offish with Alex when he could have absolutely no idea what he’d done wrong. In fact, that in itself was a total misnomer. It wasn’t “wrong” of him to have feelings for someone. Nadia had no claim over his feelings and probably never would and she really had to start accepting that.
It was equally hard to stay mad at him whilst he was wearing pyjamas. His lounge pants were hysterical – navy and dark-green tartan – like something that her grandfather would wear. The constant rotation of big-budget superhero movies projected on the screen ahead of them also served nicely to remind her that there were bigger problems in the world than her bruised emotions and that the world needed saving more than her heart did.
It was somewhere around five hours in – mid Iron Man 2 – that Alex fell asleep, his head lolling suddenly to the side as he lost the fight for consciousness. Nadia – a little more than half-asleep herself – smiled drowsily. They’d lasted longer than she had on her last all-night marathon at the Prince Charles. She allowed her head to tilt too, her cheek pressing into the curve of the slightly scratchy upholstery of the cinema flip-seat. Her face was so close to Alex’s she could feel the warmth of his breath on her skin.
And because she was so far gone into sleep it all already felt like a dream, and because she’d been drinking warm acidic wine from plastic pint glasses for hours and hours, Nadia decided to lean forward those extra few inches and kiss him, just to see, keeping her lips as light upon him as his breath had been upon her.
And he didn’t wake up, and the ceiling didn’t cave in on top of them, and Nadia found that she didn’t feel any better about things. She settled back in her seat and – as a still-rowdy group of boys towards the front of the screening room cheered a particularly large CGI explosion – fell asleep.