Roman went into the office on Monday morning at 5 a.m. He wanted to catch Lance before Matt got in. Lance came in at 6, hung up his coat, and hesitated as he saw Roman hovering around his office door.
"Is there something you want to talk to me about, Roman?"
"Yes, sir."
Lance nodded. "Well, let me get some coffee first."
They went together into the break room. Lance poured himself a big cup of coffee, while Roman warmed up some beef broth from the fridge in the microwave. Roman didn't like the taste of coffee or how it made him feel all jittery. He had a feeling it was one human habit he'd never pick up. Most quickened preferred the yummy taste of bone broth when they wanted something warm to drink.
They went together into Lance's office and Lance shut the door.
"I didn't have a chance to talk to you alone at dinner last night," Lance said. "How did your bike ride go?"
"The bike riding wasn't so bad."
"Good." Lance narrowed his eyes, sipped at his coffee, and waited for Roman to speak.
The previous night at Lance and Tim's place, the dinner had been awkward. Matt and Luci had shown up wearing blue jeans and smelling like crisp fall air. They brought a bottle of wine, and Luci had made a delicious salsa and fresh corn chips to share.
Luci and Tim had gotten along right away. Luci had been friendly to all of them, and she loved Renfield, aka Renny, Tim and Lance’s Bernese Mountain Dog mix. But Matt had not been himself. He’d looked everywhere but at Roman. He’d talked a lot with Lance and Tim, and only a little to Roman. He’d petted Renny. He did look at Roman and smile a few times, but the smile did not reach his eyes, which were sad. He hadn’t been the same Matt he’d been all week, or even that morning when they’d started biking. Roman didn’t understand.
Maybe Matt only liked Roman when no one else was around. Maybe Tim and Lance were better to talk to. Lance had been quickened since birth, so he was much better at acting human. And Tim was full human. Tim could be shy, but at least he knew what people meant when they said things. When they asked you questions.
Or maybe Matt hadn’t been that way because Lance and Tim were better company. Maybe it was because Roman had done something wrong.
He didn't like how it felt to be with Matt when he acted that way. It felt like someone was stepping on his chest with big, ugly boots. So as soon as dinner was over, Roman had made an excuse and left for home.
Now he stood in front of Lance's desk. He put his cup of broth down, stepped to the side with one leg, and put his hands behind his back in parade rest. He lifted his chin. The position made him feel a little more secure. He hated to have to ask Lance about human things, because he wanted to be strong and independent. But sometimes there was nowhere else he could turn.
"It's about Matt."
Lance perked up. If he were in his dog form, his ears would have tilted forward. "What about Matt?"
"He has some behavior I don't understand. And I... I fear I have said or done something wrong, and he doesn't like me anymore."
"Go on." Lance half sat on his desk with one hip, but his eyes were bright. "Tell me what happened."
"On the bike ride, we took a rest and ate some food he brought." Roman swallowed at the memory, the way the neck of the bottle had tasted of champagne and of Matt. "He knows that you're trying to hide something from him, and that I'm keeping him out of town. He asked about it, but he wasn't angry."
Lance pursed his lips. "I suppose it's pretty obvious."
"He...." Roman hesitated. "I told him it had nothing to do with drugs. Or anything bad. I think he believed me."
Lance sighed, blowing out a deep breath. "I knew this situation would be trouble."
"I don't think Matt means any harm."
"He doesn't have to mean harm to destroy this town. What else did he say? Did he ask questions?"
Roman hesitated. "Yes. He asked me if I was straight. I wasn't sure what he meant so I said yes, I was straight. But I think that was the wrong answer. He would hardly even look at me last night at your place. I'm sorry if I did something wrong."
Lance gaped at Roman for a moment, then buried his face in his hands. "Shit. Tim was right!"
"About what?" Roman's heart ached a little more.
Lance groaned. "Oh my God. As if this whole thing isn't already stupid enough." He looked up at Roman. "After Matt left, Tim said he was gay and that he had an unrequited crush on you. I told him he was crazy. After all, Matt has Luci. But Tim insists they're just friends."
"I don't understand."
Lance's eyes darted to the wall over Roman's shoulder. He fidgeted. "Look, human men are either 'gay' or 'straight'. Well, there are other options, but let's not get into that right now. Anyway, the word 'straight' means a man who likes women. So most men are straight. But some human men like other men instead and that's, um, called being gay. They like men, you know, for sex. Sexually. Mating." Red dots of color appeared on Lance's cheeks. "You know. Like... like Tim and I are a couple."
"You're mates. Yes, sir. I know that."
"Which means we... you know... have sex." Lance looked panicked. "Only in human form, though! Me. Not him. I mean, he only has a human form. But—" He cleared his throat. "—to be clear, it's proper etiquette... if you want to.... I mean, most humans would not have sex with dogs. In dog form."
Roman was disciplined enough not to roll his eyes. "Yes, sir. I believe dogs feel pretty much the same way."
None of this was a surprise. Any dog with a nose that had been within ten feet of Lance or Tim knew they were sex partners.
"Well... um. Good. Anyway—" He cleared his throat again. His face was now a bright crimson. But he plowed ahead. "So Tim and I's, um, relationship, was only possible because Tim is a human male who likes men. Well, obviously, because I'm a man. That means Tim is gay. Got it?"
Roman thought he understood. He was still a little confused, because he'd heard the word 'gay' in the Army and it had always been used as an insult. But he decided not to worry about that for now.
"What about you, sir? Does that mean you're gay also?"
Lance braced his hands on his desk, his knuckles white. "Humans would say I'm gay, yes, because I'm mated with a man. But for me, it wasn't that I liked men before, it's just... once I met Tim, and, um, bonded with him, I fell in love with him and... and... it didn't matter to me if he was male or female. So..."
Roman frowned in confusion.
"Yes, I'm gay," Lance finished lamely.
"So... when Matt asked me..."
Lance dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Oh, God. Okay, so when Matt asked you if you were 'straight', he was fishing."
"Fishing?"
"He likes you, Roman! And he wanted to know if there was a chance you liked him too. But you told him you were straight, which means you don't like men... I mean, in a sexual way. So that means you wouldn't like him... for sex. And probably he was disappointed. Probably he does have a little crush on you, like Tim said, and he got his feelings bruised a bit."
"Oh."
"Don't worry about it, Ro. He'll be fine. Just act natural around him and continue to do your job, and he should get over it quickly. Okay?" Lance blew out a sigh, as if relieved the conversation was over.
Roman didn't feel relieved. He blinked, trying to sort through it in his mind. Matt liked him like that? Like the men and women he'd seen kissing on TV? The way Lance liked Tim and Tim liked Lance? Like a mate?
Suddenly he understood that smell he sometimes smelled on Matt, the lovely musky tangerine smell. He'd first smelled it on Matt in the bathroom in Fresno, when he'd done up Matt's pants for him. And there had been... swelling, under the fabric. Oh. Oh.
Matt had been aroused then. Well, for goodness sake, Roman's hands had been right there. Had Matt thought he was going to touch him... like that? The way Roman had learned to touch himself? And Matt had been aroused with Roman several other times too, when Roman had forgotten about personal boundaries and had gotten too close.
Roman felt hollow, like his insides had been scooped out and just a dull ache was left, and, weirdly, that ache went right down to his groin. His groin did not feel empty but rather, very full. This was obviously another level of human sexuality he hadn't given much thought before. It had been all around him. He’d just... missed its relevance to him personally, the way you can fail to notice the blue sky. The idea that he might... that he himself might have a mate like that….
"So a man can... can mount another man, even though men don't go into heat?" Roman clarified slowly.
Lance blew out a huff of a breath and stared at the wall. "Humans don't have heat cycles like that, Roman. They just have sex when they feel like it. Or every day. Sometimes more than—okay, you know what? I think Lily has a book on the subject because, seriously, I can't. I'll call her up and ask her to bring it by and leave it with Leesa. Okay?"
"Okay." Roman had a lot more questions, but it was clear he was making Lance anxious, so he decided not to ask. "Thank you."
"So, um, yeah. Like I said. Just act natural with Matt, like before, and he'll come around. It's fine, Roman. You did nothing wrong. Your job is to watch Matt, not be his best friend or... or anything else. Right? You'll tell me if he asks any more questions about Mad Creek?"
"Yes, sir."
"All right then. Let me know how it goes today."
Lance looked anxious for Roman to leave, so he took his broth and went to the office he shared with Matt. He sat at his desk.
He thought about what Lance had said, and what Tim thought too—that Matt liked him like that. A spark of hope and excitement warmed him from the inside.
Then he thought of Lance's parting words. Your job is to watch Matt, not be his best friend or anything else.
Roman felt something he’d never thought he'd feel in a million years. Right then he did not like being a deputy of Mad Creek.