Elaina wasn’t unhappy when Greg decided it was time for him to go home. Sitting there talking to him about her lack of sex with Wood, about not being turned on...when he knew more than most exactly what did turn her on, in detail...wasn’t the way for them to proceed successfully on their quest to a healthy future for all of them.
He couldn’t just be her no-strings-attached lover anymore.
And she couldn’t take him to her bed in any other capacity. Too much inside of her prevented that choice.
Still, she couldn’t help realizing, as she walked him back through the house toward the garage door, that it was easier having him leave knowing that he was coming back.
To stay.
“I was thinking about getting a dog,” she blurted when his backside in those tight jeans got her again. When would she learn to quit looking?
Or at least quit getting herself in positions where she was walking behind him?
“What do you think about dogs?” she continued, focusing on his shoulders and finding them equally distracting. She knew the strength in them as they held her full weight up against the wall of his bedroom as he’d...
No. She couldn’t erase the memory. Or the fact that she’d enjoyed the mind-blowing sex she’d had with Greg Adams, but she could most certainly control her thoughts about it.
She was a grown woman. Not a pubescent kid.
“I like dogs.” He’d turned, his hand on the doorknob, and she’d been so busy not looking at him she’d almost run into him. Was so close she could practically see the whiskers on his chin move as he spoke.
“I...was thinking about getting a rescue...” she said, taking too long to take a step back.
“With two of us living here, it might be a good time to do so,” he said, seemingly completely unaware of how close she was to leaning forward to kiss him goodbye.
And she stepped back. Firmly. “I’ve narrowed the choice down to eight,” she told him.
His brows drew together in that way of his that meant he was interested. “How many did you start with?”
“Eight.”
Even his chuckle turned her on. Time for a bubble bath, some peaceful music and bed. Right after she made a call to Cassie and Wood to tell them about the baby and the change in her living situation.
The thought, like a glass of cold water splashed on hot skin, got her back on track just as Greg turned back from the door one more time.
“Dr. Miller mentioned that you’ve got an appointment next Friday. I’m assuming that includes getting to see the first sonogram?”
The picture produced by an ultrasound...
“It does.”
“I’d like to be there.”
She’d figured as much. But appreciated that he was talking to her about it. Not just showing up or assuming.
She told him the time but didn’t suggest they ride together. Didn’t want them to ride together.
She’d be coming from work, and didn’t know where he’d be driving from.
It wasn’t like she was privy to his schedule.
Though...maybe, with possibly adopting and training a dog and all, they should keep each other apprised. She thought about what it might be like, them knowing each other’s whereabouts all the time. Maybe cooking for each other now and then. Eating together.
When he opened the door to leave, she was about to ask him what he thought about sharing grocery bills, when what she wanted was to share something far more intimate. But he headed out to his car, and she thought it better just to get him out of there until she had time to think things through.
It had been a couple of long, emotional days. And weeks.
All she needed was a good night’s sleep.
And to remember why she’d broken up with Greg Adams to begin with.
Yeah, she knew she’d enjoy having sex with him again. Very much. She’d missed having those hours in his arms.
But if she gave in to her body’s desires, she’d want more, and would eventually probably talk herself into allowing that intimacy regularly, which, along with living together, would mean they were a couple, and she’d be right back where she’d always been. Leaning. Not standing.
She wasn’t going to do that to herself, to Greg or to their child.
When Elaina called just after ten the next morning, to ask Greg if he’d mind meeting her for lunch, he was ready to jump in the car and go. But then she told him where she wanted to meet: a law office.
He didn’t like the sound of that.
And when he thought about his first reaction, just running off to eagerly do her bidding at her first invitation, he didn’t like that much, either.
By the time she’d gotten to her third sentence, letting him know that they were having lunch together in the conference room of Cassie’s law office so that everyone could meet before he officially moved in, and to sign a leasing agreement that Cassie thought they should have for the protection of both of them, he had calmed down. Logical. And, he figured himself a semblance of the highly respected professional he was, as he asked the time and address.
So he’d been a little reactive at first. Big things happening in his life.
The man who’d been in a slowly gestating state of mourning over the fact that he couldn’t have kids had just found out he was going to be a father.
The mind switch took some getting used to.
He dressed with care. In dark pants, a light short-sleeved shirt and tie, shined shoes, shaved face and hair combed as well as kind of longish natural curl could be, he presented himself to the receptionist at the address he’d been given—an impressive building with privately leased office suites—at the exact time Elaina had mentioned.
Apparently, lunch was being catered—not for him, but because it happened regularly at Cassie’s office—but he was fine to not eat. He wanted the meeting with Elaina’s Wood over with.
She’d never even told him what her ex did for a living.
And he’d never asked.
Though he was glad to know that the other man wasn’t the competition he’d originally thought he was, it only took one second in the same room with Elaina and Wood for Greg to know what white-hot jealousy felt like.
It was like nothing he’d ever experienced before, that was for sure.
He didn’t want to scratch the other man’s eyes out. Or smash his face, either. Instead, he stood there, full of envy, knowing that what he wanted more than anything in the world was what Wood already had.
He wanted the Elaina that Wood saw when he spoke in that teasing and knowing tone of voice, wanted to be privy to their life experiences, to understand the pains that, while unspoken, were evident in the looks, the things not being said, the words between the lines.
And he got all of that in “Wood, this is Greg...”
And Wood’s standing there in a dusty shirt, mussed hair and blue jeans, handing a baby to a beautiful blonde woman who handed it off to Elaina’s wide-open, waiting arms.
“Elaina hasn’t told us enough about you, but I’m glad we finally meet,” Wood said, his voice deep, confident and quiet. “I presume you’re the doctor she was having lunches with in the cafeteria...”
He hoped to God he was the one.
Wood had known about him?
“Wood saw us together once when he came to see me at work,” Elaina said, half over her shoulder, as she crooned to the baby, rocking him slowly, nuzzling his neck.
Already more of a parent than he knew how to be. He’d probably be all businesslike and make the little one cry.
“Like Wood, I’m glad to finally meet you,” Cassie said, extending her hand. “And if there’s anything you need...you let us know.”
He nodded. Hoped he made responses that sounded as appropriate as he thought they did. And couldn’t wait to get out of there before he started wanting things he couldn’t have.
Before he started spinning visions of himself as a part of their obviously close little family. Fitting in. Helping them, too, anywhere he could.
And forgot that he wasn’t jumping in anymore.
Because when he didn’t look before he leaped, inevitably, people got hurt.
Because this time, he couldn’t afford to rush after what he thought he wanted.
Glancing at Elaina’s belly, he knew that everything had changed.
He didn’t need to rush. Or push.
He already had what he most wanted. And it was going to be another seven months before he got to do much more than stand on the sidelines and wait.
The lunch meeting with Cassie and Wood was all civilized and positive, as their response had been when she stopped for coffee early that morning, didn’t have coffee, and told them she was pregnant. They were so supportive, excited, a tad bit worried about her unusual situation, afraid she’d be hurt and had Elaina yearning for a perfect world. She wanted to believe everyone was deeply happy, feeling real affection, not just surface politeness. Wanted to know that it would last forever. The four adults, baby Alan and the little one she and Greg were adding to the mix.
She and Greg signed a lease agreement. There’d been a second there when Cassie had asked for an end date, but when she’d quickly offered to leave it open-ended, with either party able to terminate the lease with one month’s written notice, everyone relaxed again. Chatted.
When there was so much not being said.
No one mentioned Peter. Or the fact that her baby would now not be biologically related to Wood or sweet baby Alan.
The fact that that still mattered to her shook her a bit. Like she didn’t believe Wood and Cassie and Alan were family without the biology?
It had all just been so neat and clean—her plan to atone for her part in Peter’s death, something no one knew about. And to become a legitimate part of the only family she had left in the world.
As she went through the next couple of days, the next week, she alternated between feeling more alive than she had in...memory. And struggling not to shut herself off from the world again. To love from afar.
She’d hurt people. What if she hurt Greg? Or the baby?
And she didn’t feel worthy of the happiness that was starting to infiltrate little parts of her day...to hang there in a tantalizing little wisp of hope as she opened her eyes each morning. She was afraid to grasp it. Couldn’t bear the thought of reaching for it and having it snatched away.
And yet there it was, dogging her steps, daring her to take the chance.
Greg had moved in while she was at work. She’d left an empty garage and returned to find his car there and the door at the end of the hall shut. He’d had the day off.
She’d come home to find a magnetic notepad on the refrigerator, though, and her cupboards stuffed with more food than she’d had in them since Wood left. A note on the pad told her he’d meet her at the ultrasound.
And also had a curious message... “#2.” She pondered that on and off for the next couple of days, smiling at how the man seemed to occupy mind space even when he wasn’t around. He was doing a couple of night rotations.
She’d had an email from him at work, a response to the most recent scan she’d done on Brooklyn. This was the third week in a row in which the hospital had administered a dose of medicine, instructing its staff and her mother to not give the little girl another dose at home. And the scans were showing the same healthy results. Different from Brooklyn’s other scans. When they knew for sure Brooklyn received her medication in the hospital, she was a much happier and emotionally stable child with no stomach issues. When they couldn’t prove that she’d received it at home, she struggled.
The next step would be something that Brooklyn’s pediatrician and Social Services would determine. Her job was to step away. To accept ultimately not knowing, and having no control over, the end result.
Up until Brooklyn’s case, she’d been thankful for that aspect of what she did. Being able to help where she could, offer all of the compassion in her heart, and then...withdrawing.
As she drove to the ultrasound on Friday, she started to see a common theme in her life.
Withdrawal.
Since her parents died, she’d been doing enough to live life, but always taking baby steps backward.
The realization disturbed her. Disappointed her.
Was she wasting the life her parents had given her?
Telling herself the only baby steps she wanted in her life now were the ones the little human being growing inside her would learn to take, she parked and looked for Greg’s shiny blue car, spotting it in the far back of the lot.
As though he’d been watching for her, he got out just as she pulled in, and was approaching her car by the time she was out of it. She had to stand there and wait. It was the polite thing to do.
He looked so incredibly good, familiar and sexy and...solid, in his jeans and short-sleeved pullover shirt. Enjoying the sight was a natural part of being alive.
As was the smile on her face as she walked toward him.
She liked him. Had always liked him. There was nothing wrong with that.
“You ready for this?” he asked as he reached her side and they walked toward the door.
Elaina wasn’t sure she was ready for anything.
But she wasn’t withdrawing from it, either.
She had a baby to live for.