It took forever for night to arrive and Catherine to fall asleep. Certain she’d guess what I intended to do, I avoided her, deciding space meant safety. She might have been able to read the intent on my face or, for all I knew, she actually felt my feelings the way I could with her. Scary thought. The desire to test it tempted me, but not enough. It would have really tripped me out.
I snuck upstairs, carefully putting one foot in front of the other then nearly burst out in hysterical giggles. I was a ghost, which rendered tiptoeing obsolete. Before stepping through the door into Catherine’s bedroom, I muttered a quick prayer to let this work.
Sure enough, she was sound asleep, sprawled across the king size bed on her stomach. Huh. Jackson might be on the right track. I always slept in that position. If my body remembered something so trivial, it quite possibly could recognize its correct inhabitant.
“Don’t leave me.”
Freezing in place, I craned my head frantically to see who spoke.
“Please.”
Oh, Catherine. She continued to sleep, her eyes flicking back and forth rapidly behind her closed lids. I watched her body twitch from her dream, fists clenching and unclenching. Her breathing sped up, and, out of nowhere, grief punched through me. It must have been the trusty link we shared. The sadness grew, stealing my breath and causing me to gasp out loud.
“I don’t want to be alone.”
As much as it disturbed me to feel her angst, I also wished I had the ability to crawl inside her head, to spy in her dreams. Discovering a weakness might be the key to unraveling her cavalier attitude. But as hard as I strained my mind, I couldn’t do it. Not to mention, I felt like an idiot staring at her and funneling my thoughts so intensively.
Gradually, Catherine stilled. Her movements became less jerky, and I sensed myself relaxing with her. Did she dream about Jackson? Maiming puppies? Ugh, Jason? Shrugging aside the disturbing images each of the possibilities presented, I drew in a deep sigh.
“Alright,” I whispered. “Let’s do this.”
Cautiously, I crawled onto the bed an inch at a time, keeping an eye out for any sign of her waking. Coming to a stop, I knelt between her legs, one hooked out to the side at an angle.
“This is awkward.” I bit my lip to shut myself up. Now was not the time for bad jokes.
My nerves thrummed, telling me to forget this crazy idea, to leave the room and never come back. I refused to listen to doubt. Now was not the time to get squirrely and run away. Slowly, I lowered myself down, being careful to match her body position, right down to the curve of her fingers and curled toes. I caught the scent of the coconut lime body lotion I used for years and paused. Seriously? It was bad enough she looked like me, now she had to smell the same, too? Not cool. Irritated, I carried on with my mission, adjusting my body until our limbs aligned.
A breeze erupted around me, flowing over my skin, charged with energy. It tingled, like electric ants crawling everywhere. Nothing fit. My body was a wet sock two sizes too small. As I bounced around, it made me think about what it might feel like to swim in Jell-O, unable to move my limbs correctly—slippery as all heck. It took some maneuvering, but the instant I found the right spot, I knew it worked.
The room faded to black, and for a moment, I panicked. Oh god, what did I do? Lost in the darkness, my body spasmed as it fought to find a way out. She tricked me! Lured me in, then flipped the switch. I was so stupid.
Too soon. I’d tried to get my body back too soon.
Slowly, I came to the realization I couldn’t see because my eyes were closed. Calm crept in, and I regulated my breathing. Then I felt it. Strong. Determined. Undeniable. My heart. It was beating in my chest. A rhythmic thudding that told me I was alive. A sob snuck out of me as relief flooded in.
I did it.
The steady rise and fall of my chest was the most soothing feeling in the world. With blood pumping warmth through my veins, I felt powerful. Strong. Able to do anything.
Stretching an arm, a smile curled my lips as the muscles reacted. Home, I thought. I was home. I realized I was wasting precious seconds reveling in something that used to be second nature. Sighing, I tried to remember if I ever laid on a bed this soft.
The fleeting thought dissipated quickly when I remembered my eyes and the fact I needed to open them. Before I managed the simple task, an impact jarred me from behind. Not physically, but spiritually. It felt exactly the way it did the night Catherine took over. Another pinch, worse, like being pulled through the eye of a needle. As hard as I could, I tried to hold on. I didn’t want to lose this again.
“No, I won’t give this up!” I mumbled, finding the action of making words awkward, out of practice. Frantic, I tried to fight back, to hang onto my physical being as tightly as I could. But already, I felt it slipping further and further away.
Catherine’s angry scream came from nowhere, filling my mind. I was aware of her with me and managed to stave her off, but only for a moment. I fell backward, landing on the hardwood floors. Already the warmth was fading, rapidly being eaten up by the deep chill of my spectral form. My heartbeat vanished, too, leaving me empty and lifeless. I lay there for a couple seconds, wallowing in my misery.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Sitting up, I looked directly into Catherine’s outraged expression. She stared at me bug-eyed, her chest heaving in exertion. Wrapping my arms around my stomach to hold myself together, I bit my tongue hard before speaking, and it chased away the grief.
“You had to figure I’d try it sooner or later.”
The levelness of my voice surprised me, considering I trembled from head to toe with exertion. Next time, I needed to make sure I had a surplus of energy beforehand.
“I have to say,” she continued. “I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“Why not? Why is it so hard for you to believe I wouldn’t fight for what is mine?”
Catherine brushed the hair out of her face, and I noticed it was even lighter than it had been a couple days ago. Instead of dark brown, almost black, it shone in a honey brown accented with darker highlights. How dare she!
“Because I know you, Quinn. You’re a poor little mouse.” She yawned. “Now go away. I’m going back to sleep. I can tell by how see-through you are that you won’t be attempting anything stupid again tonight. Get out.”
Rolling over, Catherine pulled the covers up to her chin and promptly closed her eyes.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said loudly.
She didn’t stir, either ignoring me or so comfortable in her victory she fell quickly back asleep. I tried a few more times to rouse her, but exhaustion won over, and I felt ridiculous shouting without getting any reply.
Beaten, I retreated from her room.
No, I reminded myself. It worked, for a minute. I felt my heart, my breathing. When I tried again, I needed to be stronger. Catherine might not be aware of it yet, but I was starting to get the hang of this ghost nonsense. I just hoped it didn’t become a permanent thing.