Dear Moms,
Mothers and daughters have this incredible love. Sometimes it is difficult for moms to separate from their daughters and realize that there are two individual people here. As a mom, you want to see your kids succeed so badly you’ll do anything, even relive your own childhood traumas. If you were teased for your weight as a kid, you might worry about your daughter going through the same thing and try to prevent it. But everyone has her own destiny.
I remember once when I was doing a makeup demonstration for a group of Girl Scouts, one of the mothers stood up during the question-answer period and began talking about her daughter’s bad eating habits. While this woman went on and on, her daughter sunk deeper and deeper into her chair. I understand where the mom was coming from—she only wanted the best for her daughter—but by pointing out her kid’s flaws in public, she wound up hurting her.
Don’t point out your daughter’s flaws. Instead, help her embrace who she is. I know you might be worried that your daughter is a couple of pounds heavier than you think she should be. Or maybe she’s decided to dye her beautiful blond hair jet black, much to your horror. Girls need to go through certain experiences, and you need to let them. It’s important to lead and teach your daughter, but then hang back and give her a little space. Keep your insecurities about yourself to yourself as much as you can (that’s what your friends are for).
The biggest gifts a mom can give a daughter are self-love and self-confidence. My mother always told me I was beautiful and wonderful and talented and smart when I was a young kid. It gave me the confidence to go on and do what I do in life. One of my greatest talents is being naive to the idea that there isn’t anything I can’t do. That’s thanks to my mother.
Give that to your daughter through action and words. Encourage your daughter to play sports by showing up at her games. In fact, show an interest in anything she does. If your daughter struggles with something, find a way to make it more positive. That can mean going to a yoga or spinning class together if she’s resistant to exercising. Try planning and cooking dinner together if you are worried about her nutrition. If she’s uncomfortable about her style, go through her closet with her to sort out what should be tailored or tossed. Do fun beauty things together like getting your nails done or hitting the makeup counter. Don’t forget to tell your daughter she is beautiful, smart, and, most important, that you love her.
Your mother loves you. You have to know that, no matter what happens. And you have to understand the reason she is doing all those things that upset you—punishing you because you didn’t do your homework, telling you to stand up straight, making you sit down for dinner with the family—is because that’s her job.
Believe it or not, your mother was once your age. All mothers were once teenagers and probably didn’t feel that differently than you do now. One day—it might be when you are in your twenties or after you become a mom yourself—it will hit you that your mom has always been on your side. You’ll realize and appreciate all the sacrifices she made for you, like staying up all night with you as a baby or wearing the same clothes so you can buy a new wardrobe every season. It’s a part of the process.
Until then, try to see your mom as more than, well, just a mom. I love looking at pictures of my mom when she was young. I asked her lots of questions about her life, like how did she feel going to the prom or know my dad was the one for her. Get to know your mom from different times of her life.
Listen to your mom when she gives you important life rules, like wearing your seatbelt, not smoking, and letting her know where you are after school and at night. Understand the difference between that kind of stuff and the negotiable rules. If your mom doesn’t think black eyeliner is appropriate, OK, go for a dark brown. Not such a big deal.
Communication is everything in all relationships but especially with your mom. Don’t be afraid to tell her your problems and things that you need. No matter how hard it is, I promise you that it will get better. For right now, all you have to do is just say thanks for being a good mother. It goes a long way.
There’s often a lot of expectation that daughters will be like their moms. This can put pressure on all kinds of girls, but can you imagine if your mom were a famous model? The comparisons seem like they would be brutal. These moms and daughters have handled their relationships beautifully…
MOM: DIANNE
Adrienne has heard—and seen in the celebrity and model worlds—that exotic, unusual, or out-of-the-ordinary beauty is quite compelling. Beauty-pageant beauty is far from the only kind of beautiful. Adrienne and I comment on a person’s attractive smile, an unusual nose, special eyes, or outstanding hair. We also find that the way someone behaves or how they speak makes the whole package of beautiful. Many models photographed have a beauty all their own, not cookie-cutter or overly gorgeous. I hope that Adrienne sees her own beauty.
DAUGHTER: ADRIENNE
I love going through my mom’s closet. All of her clothes are beautiful, and because she was gifted with so much expensive designer clothing, we are very careful about our purchases and buy most everything on sale! My favorite tip from her is to wear an oversize sweater for comfort, and it will always look stylish with a cute belt. She also always says that whenever something may go out of style, it almost always comes back “in” again. … I find it the greatest compliment when people say that I look like her. She is beautiful, and I’m very glad I got some of her amazing genes.
MOM: MARISA
For me, staying in the physical condition that modeling required was a high price to pay. I was never naturally skinny. I wasted so much of my time thinking about not eating rather than just living. I never wanted this for my daughter. I shared my experiences with her so that she could see the whole picture, rather than just the things we see in the media. I wanted her to understand the cost of that kind of career, and understand the importance of balance—beauty is emotional, physical, and spiritual.
DAUGHTER: JUSTINE
My mom is my mentor. She gives me the courage to carry out my ideas, including creating my clothing line, Academy for Wayward Girls. She takes me to shoots and shows so I can learn how things work. She also loves to photograph me and reminds me that what makes me different are the things that give me a special beauty.
MOM: KARINA
I admire my daughter immensely. Marielle is the girl I would have been in awe of if we were in high school together. She is confident, beautiful, athletic, loyal, artistic, smart, and funny. I’ve always told her that and remind her all the time. … I never focused too much on being a model. I am a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend first. Everything else follows.
DAUGHTER: MARIELLE
Early on, I thought that I was going to be a model like my mom. Her job looked like so much fun. I told myself that when I was 16, I was going to try out modeling. But as I grew up, reality kicked in. A model has to be tall and really skinny. My athletic build and height of 5 feet 7 inches didn’t quite make the cut. I’m not bothered by the fact that I can’t be a model because I’m happy with the way I look. My mom gives me confidence in every aspect of my life. Getting a compliment from someone who’s in the “beauty business” is the ultimate ego-booster.
MOM: JANE
I have always made it a point to tell Grace about how much airbrushing and Photoshopping goes on with a photo of someone in a magazine. Girls today can lose so much confidence if they feel like they will never look like that girl in the magazine. It’s so important that girls know the truth. … Through modeling, I have lifelong friends, who have become important to Grace. Bruce Weber [famed fashion photographer] is her godfather. Vogue’s creative director, Grace Coddington, always gives her cool things that she may have from the Vogue closet.
DAUGHTER: GRACE
My mom has an awesome sense of style. She’s been teaching me ever since I was young not always to go for the big brand names and to look for the funky stuff. It’s fun, and most of the time I’m not wearing the same thing as someone else. … People have expectations that I will be super-photogenic, so even with candid shots I try and look my best.
MOM: MARY (WITH DAUGHTERS MOLLY AND REILLY)
I’m a very honest mom with my girls and have always told them, when asked, if I didn’t think their outfit or makeup was working … but I have always told them every day of their lives how beautiful I think they are, inside and out.
DAUGHTER: REILLY
There are some days where, unfortunately, even at forty-nine she looks better than I do at sixteen. She’s shared countless amazing recommendations for makeup and maintaining inner and outer beauty (mostly inner). She’s also stressed the importance of never having chipped nail polish or over-plucking your eyebrows. … She’s definitely a role model, best friend, and mother. She’s taught me that beauty comes with confidence in yourself, even on the off days we all have.
MOM: NANCY
If it wasn’t hard enough growing up with a mom who was a model, Genevieve’s dad is also a fashion photographer. My daughter is a beautiful girl, and might have been able to model, but our way of protecting her from any kind of rejection from a pretty superficial industry was to tell her if she wanted to try it, she had to wait until she was sixteen. Mind you, there are great folks out there—Bobbi is one of them—but it can be tough. Fortunately, she had no interest in modeling, so that was never an issue. I think we both have weight issues, mentally and physically, and I wish it wasn’t the case. Think of all of the brain cells we waste on wondering if we look fat in something!
DAUGHTER: GENEVIEVE
My siblings and I weren’t brought up in the way that my mom’s modeling is a huge part of our lives. She isn’t hung up about it. She’s just taught me how to be honest and good to people.
MOM: LISA (WITH DAUGHTERS STEPHANIE, ALEXIS, AND KELLY)
I tried not to put too much emphasis on external beauty, although I would always tell my daughters when they looked particularly lovely. I think my comments are more about one aspect, like “Your hair looks really great today” or “You look really great in that outfit,” rather than “You are so beautiful.”
DAUGHTER: KELLY
It’s pretty cool to have a mom who’s in with the modeling business. I think many kids are jealous when I tell them I’m going to do this or that, something they could only dream about doing. It’s fun to hear all her stories about modeling and it makes me want to model.
