I remember when I was finally eighteen. An age that signified so much more to me than just being old enough to drink in the pub with my friends. It meant I was aging out of the care system. I was no longer a kid in care. I was an adult, and things in my life could finally move on. It’s a birthday that stands out to me, not only because of the sense of freedom it allowed me, but because it was the first time I got a true glimpse of what the future was going to hold for me while I was with Oliver Watson.
My friends from college had arranged a party of sorts for me; we were all heading out to the Student’s Union. My best friend from college, Amy, and I had stayed on in the college to continue with our business management course, but some of our mates were now in the local university. It seemed like the perfect night out to me: cheap drinks, loud music, and if we felt like it, there was a large room full of pool tables just off the main bar.
It was the first proper night out we had all had together since heading in different directions. It would also be the first time I took Ollie out with my college friends. Usually, we went out with his friends instead, or I just didn’t go. I don’t know why, but I always ended up feeling guilty if I went out without him. I was always putting my friends off in favour of Ollie.
I finished putting the gel in my hair and checked myself in the mirror one last time before heading downstairs.
“Oh, wow!” Alice called from the kitchen as I walked up the hallway.
“Will I do?” I grinned.
“Sweetheart, you look fantastic!” She smiled at me with pride. She opened the cupboard, and instead of lifting out the dinner plates I was expecting, a gift appeared. “Here you go,” she said, putting the gift into my hands. “It’s not every day you turn eighteen, my darling lad. Happy Birthday!”
I excitedly ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal a small, velvet jewellery box. I looked up at Alice and she beamed at me, nodding for me to open it. When I did, there sat a beautiful little filigree heart made of sterling silver on a simple leather cord.
“Oh my God, Alice. It’s beautiful!” I shrieked and threw my arms around her neck.
She squeezed me so tightly against her I thought I might pop. “Just because you’re eighteen now, doesn’t mean that you aren’t still loved and cherished in this house. You are, my boy. This is your home for as long as you want it.” The emotion was clear in her voice. I closed my eyes and relished that warm feeling of love Alice had never once failed to provide me with from the second I entered her home.
Ollie and I took a taxi to the Student’s Union building. “You look gorgeous tonight, my sweet birthday boy!” His smile lit up the space and he leaned in to nuzzle against my neck. I closed my eyes to enjoy the sensation.
“Mmmm, thank you.”
Suddenly, he tensed beside me as his hand reached for my new necklace.
“What’s this?” he asked coldly.
“It was a birthday present.”
“What’s wrong with the one I bought you for Christmas?”
“Nothing, but Alice gave me this tonight and I really wanted to wear it.”
“I don’t know why you’re so bothered. It’s not like she’s your real mum.”
Just like that, a dark cloud of silence descended and remained for the rest of our journey. The same familiar feeling of guilt washed over me. I found myself wondering if I really should have worn the necklace Ollie gave me just to please him. It had been expensive, after all. I didn’t want him to feel like I wasn’t grateful.
When we arrived at the Student’s Union building, Ollie got out of the taxi before holding his hand out for me to take as I got out. He smiled down at me sincerely, and the cloud that had been circling us on the journey dissipated as quickly as it had arrived. He leaned in and kissed me. It was only then that I noticed the taste of alcohol on his breath.
“Did you start the party without me?” I asked jokingly, and his eyebrow rose in question. “I can smell it. Ollie, you’ve been drinking.”
He frowned and gripped the top of my arm. “So what?” he asked coldly, pulling me harshly towards the main entrance doors.
“I didn’t mean anything by it!” I said in alarm and pulled my arm from his grasp.
He stopped and looked at me. Clearly, he read my apprehension, because his face instantly softened. He soothed my arm with his thumb where his grip had been. “Sorry, sunshine. I’ve just got some shit on my mind, and I needed to take the edge off to get into the party mood. I didn’t want to spoil your evening. I know it means a lot to you. Do you forgive me?” He smiled.
I couldn’t help but smile back at him. “Forgiven,” I confirmed, and he took my hand and led me inside.
Upstairs, the music was lively, and so were my friends. It was the first time Ollie had agreed to come out with us all. They all knew him; they had seen him with me regularly, but until that night, my boyfriend and my social group had never mixed.
Amy hugged me tight and smiled politely at Oliver.
I hadn’t mentioned it to anyone else, but just a week before, Amy had voiced her concerns to me. She had told me that she was worried about how things seemed between Ollie and me, She said that she had noticed subtle little things that he was doing made her a little nervous for me. I had dismissed the notions, of course. I reassured her that not only was I very happy, but that Ollie was the perfect gentleman to me. We had finished that brief conversation with the promise that if anything ever changed, she would always be there for me.
The drinks were going down a treat; everyone was mixing well and having a great time. My other friends, Steve and Michael, had promised to come but had mentioned that, since they were out with their rugby team that afternoon, they would be late. By the time they arrived, everyone was well in the party mood.
Amy squealed in delight when Michael came up behind her and picked her up, squeezing her tight. I grinned as Steve moved to me and draped his arm around my shoulder. “Happy Birthday, gorgeous!” He grinned at me. “Can I get you a drink?”
I nodded, pointed at my bottle of San Miguel, and he disappeared towards the bar. I glanced over to where Ollie was standing and smiled. His lips pulled into a grim line, and he glared at Steve. Amy peered in the direction I was looking and bounced over to Ollie, whispering something in his ear. She led him away, and the pair of them returned a few minutes later with a large birthday cake, complete with eighteen candles burning brightly on top.
Steve arrived at my side and handed me my next beer as the rest of the group joined in singing, ‘Happy Birthday,’ at the top of their drunken lungs. His arm was, again, around my shoulder as I leaned in and blew out the candles on my cake, grinning at the warm feeling that good company and alcohol brings with it. Steve’s grin was intoxicating as he leaned in and whispered in my ear, “Happy Birthday, sexy.”
The hairs on the back of my neck prickled, and Steve’s mouth made contact with mine. For a split second, I wanted to respond. My mouth started to mould against his until it was yanked away. A furious Oliver came into view.
His hand was already fisted in Steve’s t-shirt, holding him off me, looking at him with thunderous rage. As if in slow motion, I watched in horror as Ollie’s clenched fist swung at Steve’s face, and a sickening crack echoed out before Steve collapsed backwards, clutching his face, blood pouring out from under his hand. Amy rushed to Steve; Michael grabbed Ollie, holding him back.
“What the fuck?” he bellowed in Ollie’s face. “Josh, you need to get him the fuck out of here!”
And just like that, my birthday celebrations were in tatters. I looked at Amy tending to Steve, and I looked to where Michael had a hold of Oliver. I felt so torn. I wanted to make sure my friend was okay. I wanted to apologise for Ollie’s behaviour, but I wanted to make sure Ollie knew it didn’t mean anything. It was just a drunken birthday mistake, and nothing he should have been so upset over. Amy nodded to me, and I sighed, moving towards Michael.
“Ollie,” I called as he struggled against Michael’s grasp. “Come on, let’s go!” I pushed him back, away from the ruined evening. He tried to reach for me, to touch my face in a seemingly endearing gesture. I slapped his hand away. “Get out.” I glared at him.
I was numb. I couldn’t believe that he had acted that way. I couldn’t understand what he was hoping to achieve with his actions. He was making me feel alienated from my friends and forced to pick sides. His hand dropped to his side. Dejectedly, he turned and walked out of the bar. I looked over at Amy and mouthed, ‘I’m so sorry.’ She blew me a quick kiss and I left.
I didn’t speak to Ollie the whole taxi ride back to Alice’s house. He said he would call me, and I couldn’t even bear to look at him. I walked up the drive and sighed before turning the key in the lock and walking into the living room.
Alice was still up; she looked at the clock and then at me, and her smile faded. “Oh, sweetheart. What’s wrong?” she asked, holding out her arm for me to slump down on the sofa. I curled in beside her and explained what had happened that evening. Alice kept mostly quiet until she heard that Steve had kissed me.
“Hmmm, I thought that might happen eventually.” She sighed.
“What?” I asked. “What makes you say that?”
She stroked my hair. “Oh, my dear. If you can’t tell that Steve likes you, then I don’t know what the world is coming to.”
I shook my head. “It’s not like that. Steve is just my friend.”
She smiled knowingly at me. “Oh, he may well be just your friend, my lovely lad, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t like to be more given half a chance.”
I sighed. “After what Ollie did, I don’t even think he’ll be speaking to me anymore. I think he broke his nose.”
“You’ll just have to see how the land lies tomorrow, sweetheart.” She smiled.
I felt defeated, like I had lost my friends, and I didn’t know what to do for the best. I snuggled in against Alice and let my thoughts go. I woke on the sofa covered in my duvet the next morning.
A few hours later, my phone rang. Amy’s selfie looked up at me from the screen. I paused to ready myself before I answered. “Hey,” I murmured.
“Hello, sweetie. Are you okay?” Amy asked with genuine concern.
“Yes. Is Steve okay?”
Amy sighed. “Well, he’s got a broken nose.” She paused. “I don’t know what the hell he was thinking, kissing you like that. Especially in front of Ollie.”
I frowned. Was Amy defending what Oliver had done? “Ollie should never have punched him. I can’t believe Steve has a broken nose. I feel so horrible. It’s my fault.”
“Oh, behave yourself!” Amy laughed. “Steve hit on another guy’s fella, and he was called on it. He said himself he deserved it, but he was drunk and didn’t really think about what he was doing.”
I couldn’t believe it was working out this way. I felt sure that the night had ended friendships for me. Instead, I had my friends dismissing it as drunken stupidity.
“Anyway, I just wanted to check that you got home Alright. Everything all good with you and Ollie?” she asked.
“I haven’t spoken to him yet. You sure this is all okay?” I asked in disbelief.
“Well, I wouldn’t use that word. But I think Steve learned a valuable lesson last night.” I could hear her smile as she changed the subject. “Are you still heading to the library today to work on that assignment for next week?”
“Umm, yeah, okay.”
“Great. I’ll see you later, then,” she said and hung up.
For a moment, I sat there in shock, just looking at my phone. Alice walked in with a mug of coffee for me.
“You okay, love?” she asked.
I explained to her the conversation with Amy, and how they seemed to all be viewing the events of the night before. She smiled with a shrug and left the room as my phone started to ring again.
“Josh, I’m so sorry about last night,” Steve started when I answered the call. I could hear how nasal he sounded, and I couldn’t help but wince.
“Jesus, Steve. Are you okay?”
He laughed. “I’m okay! I promise. Are you? I shouldn’t have done what I did, Josh. I’m sorry. I was drunk, and I just got carried away.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry. Ollie should never have punched you!”
“Oh, hell. If some guy was kissing my bloke, I would have punched the shit out of him too.”
“That doesn’t make it right.”
“Maybe not, but you don’t hit on someone else’s fella. It’s just not cool. I was drunk and stupid, and I would hate for it to ruin our friendship.”
“It couldn’t. You know I adore you too much to fall out with you.”
“Yeah,” he said, sounding regretful. I thought about what Alice had told me the night before. I wanted to say more. I wanted to explain that I did like him, but that I was with Oliver. That his kiss, under other circumstances, would have been very welcome, but I knew I couldn’t give him that false hope. I loved Ollie, and as much as I liked Steve, I wasn’t about to start playing with people. I owed Ollie a lot, and he deserved my loyalty.
“Listen, if you’re okay with what happened, then I can let it go,” I told him. “But I want us to be friends, Steve. I would hate to think that I would lose you over this.”
“You won’t. Just tell Ollie I’m sorry I overstepped the line last night, will you?”
I agreed and finished the conversation.
Ollie had been lucky. While I didn’t see it then because my friends played a big part in reassuring me that it was okay, Ollie was volatile. He had a sharp temper that was quick to boil. The evening’s events were downplayed. Steve had overstepped the line, broken the ‘bro code.’ Although a broken nose was not acceptable, it was dismissed as a drunken overreaction to bad behaviour. Things were shifting, and I didn’t realise then just how much they were about to change.