Non Grata

He’ll never be my boyfriend. I don’t understand why I’m always with him. When we run into people he knows, he doesn’t introduce me, he talks to them as if I’m not there. He’s very private. He would be uncomfortable if everyone knew everything about him, but sometimes I feel like I’m disappearing. Especially when he doesn’t come back to his apartment, even though he knows I sleep there most nights. It doesn’t happen often, but it does happen. The other day I stayed up all night watching DVDs, waiting for him to come home from the bar. He was surprised that I was still awake in his living room when he finally came home in the morning. He’d been with some redhead. She lives with her boyfriend, so they fucked on the old, crusty couch in the study hall at the university. I know that I have to end things, but I can’t tear myself away from him. If I were better, then I’d be enough.