Appointment I

The psychiatrist lifted a gigantic notepad and, as I spoke, scribbled notes here and there on the blank pages. I told him that I’d tried to off myself. That the man I loved was a womanizer, but things had gotten better. I answered his questions as honestly as I could: Yes, I cry often. No, I don’t go out of the house much. No, I haven’t thought about doing it again. The doctor called me dear and sweetie—I hate it when strange men do that, but I didn’t mention it. I’m polite.

As the appointment went on, I asked the psychiatrist questions that I hadn’t dared ask another person, but he’s a professional, so he can’t disclose any of the nagging worries that I air in his office: “Can I stay with him, even though he’s cheated on me?”

The psychiatrist took a long pause, laced his sausage fingers together under his chin, and said thoughtfully, “Breaches of trust are remarkably common in relationships. There are a number of ways to work through issues like this. You have a choice: Do you want to try to forgive him and stay together? If you don’t believe you can do that, the only option is to end the relationship.”

“But I want to stay together,” I answered, relieved.

At the end of the appointment he wrote a prescription that he wanted me to begin taking immediately.