Chapter Twenty-Seven

And thus Floyd announced himself, not just a voice or an image in a mirror but his full, evil, logical, illogical self. He had inserted himself right back into her life and her dreams. Somewhere beneath the graveyard soil he was making himself known and laughing with delight.

She was awake, her eyes open, the dark pressing in all around her as if it were alive. After a couple of seconds her eyes adjusted to the absence of light. She was aware that her heart beat like a jackhammer. She could feel each breath, scraping and tearing at her throat as it entered her body. It was as if her breath had sharp, serrated edges. She could have sworn it wasn’t the dream that had awakened her, but someone whispering hot in her ear, “Repent.”

As her breathing calmed, she heard a soft hiss that sounded like a rattle. She realized that it was not only the dark pressing all around her, but something heavy pressing against her side. She could feel its coldness through her pajamas. She lifted the thin covers from her body.

In the moonlight from the open window, snuggled up next to her side, was a coiled snake with a hooked snout like a pig’s. She screamed, slapped on the lamp next to the nightstand, grabbing her Glock. She scrambled out of bed and crashed to the floor so fast that her flailing arms knocked the lamp off the nightstand. The bedcovers tangled around her kicking feet. Glass shattered as the lamp’s light bulb broke. She heard another thump as the snake fell to the floor, and let out one prolonged hiss.

She was in total darkness except for the teasing sliver of light coming through the window. It was just her, the dark, and a snake. The snake hissed again. She screamed. Something told her to stay still, to be calm, that there were almost fifty species of snakes in Louisiana, and only a small handful could send you running to the emergency room. That dang ole snake is probably more scared than you are. The problem was that the voice belonged to Floyd. Her father could lie up a streak of blue lightning when it suited his purposes. The snake hissed again as if in agreement.

There wasn’t a chance in red Hades that she was going to stay still waiting for the snake to slither over her bare legs. She felt for her Android on the nightstand, found it, and backed out of the room on her butt, kicking the door shut behind her.

Once in the living room she hit the speed dial for Billy Ray before she was fully standing. She didn’t even think of calling the police, or animal control. After all, she was the police, and she had a good idea who placed the snake in her bed in the first place. She would deal with him later.

She flicked on every light she owned in the living room and kitchen. She was downing her second glass of ice water and still shaking when there was a knock at the door. Relieved beyond what she had the right to be, after all the snake was still in her bedroom, she threw open the door. The words she was about to say died on her lips.

Billy Ray was not alone. Edmée, wearing sequins and dangling earrings, stood beside him. Raven would bet her paycheck that those weren’t rhinestones sparkling in the bright living room lights.

“Really, a tux?” Raven said to Billy Ray.

“I have a life too, Raven.”

“Apparently so.” She turned to Edmée. “Does your husband know that you’re single?”

“Oh, don’t be like that,” she said, stooping to kiss Raven, her loud perfume announcing the dry feel of her lips on Raven’s cheek. “Charity event that Fabian wanted nothing to do with. Billy Ray’s filling in for him. My husband appreciates the night off.”

“You party while Noe is missing?” Raven accused.

“Life doesn’t stop, Raven,” Billy Ray said. “Noe will turn up one way or another. Besides, this has been months in the planning and it’s going to help a lot of people. Now you said something about a snake in your bed? You sure you weren’t dreaming?”

“Yes, I’m sure I wasn’t dreaming,” Raven said, pulling them both into her apartment and shutting the door.

“How did it get there?” Edmée asked.

“Heck if I know,” Raven said.

“What kind of snake was it?” Billy Ray asked.

“Big.”

“Big?”

“Yes.”

Billy Ray took a deep breath in. “Anything aside from big?”

“Look, I wasn’t trying to paint its portrait. All I remember is that it was big and had a face like a fist.”

“I see,” he said. “Color?”

“I don’t know. Dirt colored? Black?” she said. “And it rattled like a baby rattle.”

Billy Ray hung his head. He looked back up at her and said, “You’re telling me that while you were sleeping, someone slipped a rattlesnake in your bed and you didn’t wake up.”

“Why are you here if you don’t believe me?”

“Because he’s your friend, darling, and that’s what friends do, right, Billy Ray?” Edmée said.

“Show me.”

Both of Raven’s eyebrows shot up. “Now who’s losing their mind?”

“Okay, fair enough.”

As he strode to her bedroom door, Raven started to doubt. Maybe she had been dreaming. The fears she had hidden deep in her soul were no longer confined to inside her head. They were starting to escape, like the man in black at the restaurant, Floyd beside her in the bathroom after Clyde’s autopsy, and Floyd in her dreams as clear as the sky on a bright, blue day. Maybe she was starting to go insane.

Before she could tell Billy Ray not to bother, he already had the bedroom open.

“Overhead light?”

“Right side.”

She heard his long-suffering sigh from the bedroom doorway. “Raven, did you shoot the snake?”

“No?” she answered, hearing the question in her own voice. Did she? She smelled the tip of the Glock.

“Knock it on the head with something?”

“No!”

“Come over here, please.”

She did, with Edmée tapping behind in her stilettos. There on the bedroom floor was the snake entirely on its back, white belly showing, its mouth open and forked tongue lolling.

Raven shuddered at the sight of the thing. She gazed up curiously at Billy Ray. “I didn’t do that. I swear that I didn’t kill that snake.”

“Oh, how delightful,” Edmée said from behind them. “Billy Ray, Raven, don’t you see? It’s a zombie snake. Raven scared the shit out of it, so now it’s playing dead.”

“Wait, I scared the shit out of it?” Raven said, forgetting herself for a moment.

“Of course, I’m sure you did with all of your screaming and flailing around. No one is trying to hurt you, my dear. It’s just a harmless joke. And that poor little snake is scared shitless right now.”

“How do you know so much about snakes?” Raven said.

“Because I garden. See them all the time. Plus, I’m a country girl at heart. Grew up on a farm. Snakes get a bad rap but they aren’t so bad, except the cottonmouths. I cannot abide by cottonmouths.”

Raven gave her the side-eye. “Edmée, did you put—”

“No. Now how could I have done that? I was with Billy Ray. How do I have time to slip away from this handsome man, find a hognose snake to put into your bed to play some sort of trick on you when everybody is already so upset by Clyde and Noe? I would not think to do such a thing.”

“Well, can we just kill it now?” Raven asked.

“No,” Edmée said. “Not the poor darling. When he plays dead, you meanies are supposed to go away.”

“It’s my bedroom, Edmée. I’m not going to live with the thing like a new pet.”

“Of course you’re not. Go get me a big bowl with a plastic lid.”

“Wait, what if it’s somebody’s pet that got out?” Billy Ray asked.

“If it was I think it would not have been so frightened when Raven started all the blubbering.”

“Nice one, Edmée.”

“Just bring me the bowl so we can get him out, and we can all finish our night.”

Raven stood looking at her. Edmée clapped two times to get her attention. Raven said, “Edmée, I’m single. I don’t have a big bowl.”

“A pot?”

Raven said nothing. “A pitcher for water or mixing drinks? A big one?”

In the end Raven found a small gym bag. Black strappy heels and all, Edmée walked into the room and gave the snake a small nudge with her foot. The snake didn’t move. She then bent down and touched its nose with the bright red nail of her index finger. Still nothing. She put her finger inside his mouth, looked at them and laughed.

“You’re two bricks short of a full load, Edmée,” Billy Ray said, his face troubled.

Edmée removed her finger. “It’s just a little scared darling.”

Then she started scratching the snake’s head, petting it, and talking in soothing tones. Maybe Edmée had it wrong. Maybe Raven had scared the poor thing to death. But then they heard the hiss, not the big one that Raven had heard when she first became aware of it in the bed, but a little one. Then the entire coil begin revolving in opposite directions in a circle of tan and black like patterns in a spinning top. Edmée started laughing, calling the snake little baby, and little piggy nose. Surprisingly fast, she grabbed it by the back of its head with one hand, the middle of its back with the other, and looped the long body into the gym bag. She zipped the bag almost closed, saying to the snake, not to Billy Ray or Raven, that she would leave it a little open so he could get the air.

Billy Ray sent Raven a half-smiling look. “See,” he said. “Aren’t you glad I brought her along?”