TASIA.
That’s what those twins called her. All this time and I never got close enough to hear what her name is. All this time and I never bothered to do a little bit of digging back in Reverie to find her name. All this time of watching, waiting, and studying her and I’ve been too preoccupied to look for answers elsewhere. It’s everything Yuki said. Just because I can’t get close to her and her angels doesn’t mean I don’t have other options to at least learn something. I’ve become truly pathetic.
Yuki walks by my side, though I’m sure she does it reluctantly. She isn’t pleased with me. She doesn’t understand what’s been going on. She doesn’t understand what has me so crippled that I’m not acting the way I should. My logician is too busy fighting my beast to figure out the best course of action—if there even is one. My beast would normally invite chaos, power, and proof of my dominance, but that’s not what it wants now. My logician doesn’t know how to react.
Those twins volunteered to walk Tasia home. Yuki and I have been tailing them from a safe distance, though I’m much closer to the girl now than I’ve dared to be these weeks I’ve been watching her. The angels haven’t made a move for me yet. From this distance, I’m positive they can pick out my darkness from the rest of the crowd, but they choose not to attack me. They never even come near me. What is it about the girl that they’re so sure they don’t have to do anything? Why don’t they take advantage of this opportunity? Are they afraid I’ll tear them to shreds if they did come for me? They’re probably right about that. I’m not so far gone that I wouldn’t snap an angel in two for approaching me right now.
I stop at the entrance of the apartment-complex, in front of the brick structure with the name of the place inscribed in metal. Yuki follows my example. We’re not going inside, so waiting here is good enough. I pull out a cigarette and a lighter and start smoking as I lean back against the brick apartment complex sign. The smoke intoxicates my lungs, but it’s a good burn, a good sensation. I puff out the smoke and watch as it disperses into the air around me. The activity is basically pointless, but it gives me a sense of calm—and I need calm right now.
Yuki links her arm in mine, and we wait. I continue smoking until I’ve gone through the entire package.
“How long are we going to wait out here?” she asks.
“As long as it takes,” I growl.
I drop my empty cigarette pack and kick it into the street. Then I look out into the apartment complex parking lot. I hear talking, and true to my senses, I see the twins coming our way. There’s only the two of them. The angelic presence is staying near Tasia, back at her apartment building. As I thought, the angels don’t care enough for these two to offer them protection as well. They’re spread too thin to waste their efforts on lesser humans. A bitter taste lingers on my tongue, but I push the memory aside.
“Follow my lead,” I tell Yuki as I slip out of her grasp.
I time my next movement precisely. As I step out from the shadows of the brick structure I was leaning against and into the setting light of the sun, I collide with the female twin, Didi. I was in her blind spot, so she had no way of preparing herself for me. She nearly falls onto the ground, but I catch her before that can happen.
“Sorry about that,” I say, hugging her closer to me than necessary. “I didn’t see you.”
She blinks her imperfect brown-flecked green eyes rapidly, trying to process what just happened. I continue to hold her, making sure she gets a good look and feel for me. She watches me intently as I move a strand of fiery hair away from her face and I give her my best smile. She returns it with an entranced smile of her own. She even squeezes my arms and plays up the fact that she isn’t yet steady on her own feet. This is one of the many perks of being a demon; we tend to draw mortals to us.
“Wow,” the male twin comments with his mouth hanging open. “You have wicked reflexes, man.”
I release Didi and she wobbles back toward her brother; however, she doesn’t take her eyes off me. She looks me up and down, assessing me in a lust-filled haze.
Yuki joins us, revealing herself from the shadows as she places herself right next to me. I’m irritated by her dominance display. It’s all too obvious she’s telling these mortals to back down from me. She doesn’t want Didi looking at me the way she is, but she knows better than to act this way around me. We came to an understanding years ago that I belong to no one and that she stays with me of her own desire and nothing more.
I shift my eyes to her subtly. My gaze is dark and she draws back, her head bowed. Then I return my attention to the twins.
“Let me make it up to you,” I say, immediately changing my countenance with a practiced smile.
“Don’t worry about it,” Connor says quickly. There’s a sense of unease about him now. The dark look I gave Yuki wasn’t lost on him it seems.
“Speak for yourself,” Didi retorts. Then she smiles seductively and bats her eyelashes at me. “What did you have in mind?”
Connor doesn’t back down. He points at Yuki and says, “Isn’t she your girlfriend?”
“No. She’s my cousin. She’s in Philadelphia visiting me for a couple weeks. I’ve been showing her around the city.”
“We’re new to the city, too,” Didi blurts.
I grin. “Is that right? Where are you two from?”
“Reverie.”
“You mean the town that’s been all over the news?”
Connor stands right next to his sister and stares me down, unflinching. He has guts at least. “That’s the one,” he says.
“Getting away from all the drama, no doubt,” I say. “Murders, houses burning down… how tragic.”
“You don’t know the half of it.” The female twin frowns.
“Didi, let’s go,” the boy says. He’s itching to leave, but his sister has left herself wide open.
Yuki steps up. She walks over to Connor and touches his arm. “Don’t you want to hang out with us?” She traces her fingers down his arm. The action leaves a mixture of different emotions on his face, but the distraction is all I need.
I step closer to Didi and lean down so our eyes are level. “Tell me what I want to know.”
“Anything,” she says. The lighthearted tone of her voice is gone, receded into the depths of her being. Breaking through her defenses was easy. She hardly had any to begin with. She’s so consumed by her infatuation with me that it made things even easier. How often humans give in and forget themselves.
I whisper so only she can hear me, “I want more than you can tell me at the moment. Sneak out of your hotel room tonight. I’ll meet you on the roof, and then we can talk.”
“W-what are you doing?” Connor protests. He breaks free of Yuki’s grasp and pulls Didi away from me. “We’re leaving,” he tells his sister harshly as he pulls her along behind him
She looks back at me with that glazed look, still lost in my spell. I blink to break contact. The light in her eyes returns and she turns her head forward. She follows her brother without complaint, but then she looks over her shoulder. There’s longing in the gesture. She’s helplessly lost in her lust for me. She’ll follow my order without question.
When the twins are out of sight, I turn back to Yuki and growl. “What the hell were you doing?”
“I apologize,” she says.
“I’m not asking for an apology. I asked you a question.” I back her up into the brick structure, and then I slam my hand onto the bricks by her head. My hit is calculated, and I don’t touch her, but she flinches from the force all the same. I’ve made a significant crack in the apartment complex’s little welcome sign, and I was holding back.
“I don’t know,” she says, keeping her voice flat and calm. “My beast got irritated and I had a lapse in judgment.”
“See that it doesn’t happen again.”
“Of course.”
“And wait for me back at the hotel. I’m doing this next part alone.”
I wait outside on the roof of the hotel the twins are staying at. It’s well into the night, making it easy for me to hide in the shadows. Didi hasn’t come out yet, but I’m not worried. She’s too entranced by me to break free of my command. Not even her brother could stop her from carrying it out. It’s buried in her subconscious. She’ll have an incredible urge to do what I told her to, and she’ll give in to it. They always do. So many humans know nothing about mental defenses, and it costs them every time. They’re impressionable, like children.
The door leading to the roof creaks open. Didi comes out, wearing a jacket and sweats, light clothing considering the chill out tonight and the little flurry of snowflakes. She tilts her head left to right as she looks for me. I ease out of the shadows and offer her a smile. She returns the gesture with an energy I find endearing.
“You’re really here!” she exclaims as if she can’t believe it. “I had this weird thought that I should sneak up here and that you’d be there waiting for me. Can you believe it?”
“It must be fate,” I agree.
She squints at me. “It’s like your eyes are glowing.”
“Why don’t you take a closer look?”
I meet her halfway. She takes the last steps forward and eagerly gazes into my eyes.
“You’re too tall,” she complains.
I snicker, and then I lean down so our eyes are level. She boldly places her hands on either side of my face and looks at me until her eyes glaze over again.
“About those answers I need from you…,” I say in a low voice. “What do you know about Tasia? Show me everything about her.”
Images of Tasia flicker from behind Didi’s mind and into mine as she begins to share with me all of her memories of the girl who continues to be a complete enigma to me.
I watch her when recess starts. While all the other kids run off with their friends, she goes to the empty tire swing hanging from the elementary school’s oldest oak tree. I have Connor with me. I don’t know what being lonely feels like, but the girl looks sad. She looked sad in class, too.
“Let’s be her friends,” I say.
“Who is she?” my brother asks.
“The lonely girl in our class!”
“I don’t remember her.”
“Because you didn’t look! She’s sad.”
I take Connor’s hand and drag him behind me. I watch the girl as she sits still in the swing. She’s not even swinging. I wonder if she knows that’s what it’s for—swinging. I’m about to tell her that when she looks over her shoulder and sees us. Her brown eyes go big, and she almost falls off the swing.
“I’m Didi,” I say. “This is Connor.”
Connor waves, but he’s looking at the swing.
“Tasia,” the girl says. Her voice is too quiet.
“That’s a pretty necklace you have,” I tell her. It’s a heart.
“Thanks.” She starts playing with the sparkling heart. “It’s a black diamond.”
“If you’re not gonna swing, can I take a turn?” Connor asks.
Tasia shrugs and slides off the swing.
“Thanks!” Connor exclaims as he jumps on.
He stands with his feet in the tire, and he hangs on to the rope. He makes Tarzan noises as he swings back and forth.
Tasia watches him with her big brown eyes. I loop my arm in hers and grin at her.
“You’re our friend now,” I say triumphantly. “You’ll never be alone again.”
I gasp as what feels like a bolt of lightning comes careening through my brain. Didi broke my connection. I thought her partial submission was all I needed to get the answers I want, but it seems I underestimated her. It’s unfortunate because I don’t want to go through the process of breaking her down to the point where I fully own her, to the point where it would be nearly impossible for her to fight against me. Souls are too complicated, and this is why I don’t like to mess with them too much if I can help it.
I fall to my knees and dig my nails into my skull as Didi falls backward, equally as in pain. She’s whimpering and has her hands buried in her thick, curly orange hair.
“You’re him,” she says in between labored breaths. “You’re the one Tasia was talking about! Your eyes… they’re just like she said: too green to be green.” She screams as she smashes her forehead into the cement beneath her. “What did you do to me?!”
I don’t answer. I work through the now dull throbbing in my skull and make a running leap off this building and onto a neighboring building. This didn’t turn out the way I was hoping it would. I’ve rarely looked into someone’s memories with so much detail that they feel like my own memories. Truthfully, it was only one individual I’ve ever shared such a bond with, but she welcomed my invasion. She wanted me to know her and I wanted her to know me. The bond I shared with her was the closest bond I’ve ever shared. It was also the deepest I’ve ever been inside of someone else’s soul. That bond was…
My chest aches as I make my way back to Yuki. My beast mourns for what I’ve lost, but it’s not just loss that’s making my body ache. My beast is mourning because my logician won’t give in to its desires. My logician won’t give in to my beast’s wish to be with Tasia. My beast is so certain I know her. It’s so certain that she’s somehow my greatest desire, even though I’ve never laid eyes on her before October.
Friend. Companion. Teacher. Healer. Fated. Bonded. Lover. Soulmate.
My beast’s desires manifest only as fragmented thoughts twisting inside of my head, a form of communication it does not excel at. It can’t explain why Tasia elicits these feelings inside of me. All it can do is claim that I’m somehow part of her. That’s why my logician so vehemently rejects my beast’s desires. They’re illogical. Compromised. Impossible.
The angel masters used to dive into the souls of their servants, demons who joined the Servant Program. I used to think they went inside someone’s soul as far as possible. The angels delved into our very essence, what makes us each individuals. They kept that knowledge of our individual essence inside of themselves, allowing them the ability to sense us as an individual in a world full of so much light and darkness with ease, as a true individual despite all of that. I’ve done this, too.
Yuki was the first soul I’ve ever seen in so much detail, and because of that connection, I recognize her in a crowd, like a vibration in my own soul, before my eyes, ears, nose, or anything else can pick her out. As intimate as a connection like that is, it’s still an incomplete connection. I can’t command Yuki as if her soul were a slave to mine. I don’t understand how it all works, and I’m not sure I ever will. The angels are the same. They claim to be higher beings, to know so much, but even they don’t understand the full workings of the soul. If they did, they would have made servants submit everything to them. They would have found a way to reach into our souls and steal our free will.
If they’ve learned more about the soul, it might explain what’s been happening with my beast. But even that is hard for me to believe. No angel has seen inside my soul since Erin. No demon has either. No. Besides Erin, only one other has ever been allowed to look inside of me. On the day she, Emma, died, I vowed never to let another see my soul again. I vowed never again to be vulnerable. I vowed revenge. For 81 years I followed through. I stayed true to my vows.
And now I’m coming undone.