Chapter 22:// Breaking out

 

It was a mess. Leo screamed, the daemons screamed, the inmates yelled, the cobra hissed.

Leo backed up into the corner, trying to keep himself as far away from the serpent as possible. The cobra’s enormous bulk stood up, almost as tall as a man. It waved slowly, sizing him up for attack.

 

eyed> We’re gonna die!

fingerd> I can’t finger her. I’ll keep trying, but no fingering is possible at the moment.

httpd> What the hell are you talking about? This is it. Our user is gonna get deleted, and us with him!

armd> I can hold her off.

eyed> Sorry man, but you can’t. I still have your specs cached, these bars are made to withstand your above-normal 120 psi strength, and this cobra tore through it with a slight squeeze.

armd> A meatbag is a meatbag. I’m just gonna punch this one till it bleeds.

 

The cobra moved its body around, it’s tail still in the widened gap between the prison bars, tearing it open slightly as it writhed. The cobras eyes focused on the user, and her tongue extended, thin, fast and split at the end.

Leo gulped. “Please don’t eat me. Remember, at the street? You were nice then, be nice now. Don’t eat me.”

She replied by tasting the air once again.

A fellow prisoner banged the bars of his cell with something hard, that made a deep ringing sound. The cobra twitched and turned her head towards the noise.

Time slowed down.

Well, it didn’t actually slow down, it was the normal processing speed for computer daemons. Real life was the one that flowed with glacial speeds, and they had invented ways to keep themselves busy between the huge millisecond gaps where nothing actually happened. Floating point mathematical problems helped a lot.

 

eyed> Now. Do it now.

armd> Yeah, I’m gonna punch her…

httpd> Wait! Is no one seeing what I’m seeing? This cobra can’t possibly be real.

armd> That’s exactly why I’m punching her. For tactile confirmation.

httpd> No, no. I mean, it didn’t come from a zoo. It seems to be augmented, not natural.

fingerd> Fingered! The cobra has no specific email address but here’s a bunch of image tags on various social media streams.

httpd> Shut up you idiot, we are trying to save the user here.

armd> Yeah, it’s clobbering time.

eyed> This is a tough spot to be in.

httpd> Hey! What did you say?

armd> Yeah, it’s clobbering time.

httpd> Not you, fingerd. Did you connect?

fingerd> Sure. I have a strict work ethic. I retry every 60 ms. You are welcome. Now my work here is done.

 

The gap in the cage meant also a gap in the Faraday cage. Those prevalent wifi signals bounced around the walls and managed to get inside the cell. The daemons suddenly had a lot more information to work with.

So they argued.

 

armd> OK, that was helpful. I’ll punch her lower, where the bend is, see?

httpd> No, that makes no difference. There must be something here we can use.

eyed> Just don’t hit her in the eyes.

armd> Good idea! The eyes, yeah, that’ll show her who’s boss.

eyed> You barbarian!

 

The web-connection daemon httpd cycled through the various social media pictures that random people had tagged the cobra in. By the 103th loop he realised he was basically procrastinating, so he took his mind off it for a few cycles and shifted through his cache to come back with fresh eyes. He did, taking note of the comments under the pictures as well. One of the pictures had the cobra bent awkwardly, when a little boy had pulled her tongue. The comments were “OMG I thought my Timmy was gonna die! #worstdayever #bansnakes” and “I hope our little Timmy is OK *scared smiley face*”

Httpd pulled up another picture from a different account that showed little Timmy stepping on the cobra’s tail on purpose, shunning any sense of self-preservation since the snake could eat him as a light snack. A next one from the crowd that gathered was showing the mother scolding the Turban-wearing snake charmer, him taking it stoically, staring with his beady white eye at her. It was the face of a bad man, keeping his anger in check.

 

httpd> Pull her tongue!

eyed> Oh great, he lost it too. Do me a favour, check yourself for any corrupted files.

httpd> Listen to me, I found an exploit. Pull her tongue!

armd> And then punch her?

httpd> No! Just pull her tongue and she’ll crash.

armd> So no punching? Nah. Let’s do it my way.

httpd> I bet you aren’t fast enough.

armd> Me? Not fast enough? Hah. Look at this!

 

The cobra turned back to Leo, hissed once more and took out her thin tongue to taste the air. The cyberarm snatched the reptile’s tongue out of the air and kept it high. Leo yelped “Ahhh!” in surprise as his evil hand toyed with the killer beast with a mind of its own. The cyberarm pulled the tongue left and right, forcing the cobra to follow with her head.

 

armd> Look at me! I’m a snake charmer! *whistles*

httpd> She should be stunned now. Drop it and let’s go!

 

An arrow showed up in the user’s veil, pointing towards the gap the cobra’s entrance had left in the prison bars. He was shocked and didn’t move at all. A glowing red display counting down 10 seconds also appeared next to it.

“Huh? What’s that? Who’s doing that?” Leo asked to the air.

The seconds reached down to five.

Leo jumped past the stunned cobra, pulled her tail out of the gap, failed, and pulled even harder. The heavy snake’s body slid through. He squeezed below the prison bars, he was barely thin enough to fit his chest. He got stuck, under the prison door.

He craned his head back and saw the cobra coming to her senses and twisting her scaly body around to face him.