Chapter 27:// Paying up

 

Leo slid the card on the reader, put his good hand on the handle, and tried to push it open.

It didn’t budge. It was, after all, a prison door. Sure, the prison was one of those small holding cells that were automated, with a single warden posted at any given time. But it was still meant to keep people in. Leo looked back, would the big blue bastard have some other biometric that was needed to unlock the door? Would the security system let him through with it? He didn’t want to go back to the cobra. He unconsciously decided to push the door handle one more time, in frustration.

The daemons seized that moment and in their own sped up time, struck up a discussion with the prison door.

 

parrotd> Open up a communication port.

httpd> ACK.

doord> Handshake.

parrotd> Handshake. We want to get through.

doord> Access denied.

eyed> Oh come on, you stupid door! Let us through, there’s a killer cobra on the loose.

doord> Access denied.

httpd> This guy is worse than rfid.

parrotd> This is a situation akin to a fire alarm. You need to let our user through.

doord> ACK. Police station and fire station alerted. Please remain calm.

parrotd> Shit! Shitshitshit.

eyed> Ugh, now what do we do?

walkmand> Chillax… We’ll figure it out.

httpd> Figure it out? We are locked inside, armd is nonoperational, who is the only one with moving parts need I remind you, and a killer frickin mutant cobra is chewing on the only armed guy in here and will soon come for the user!

walkmand> That dude kidnapped me! Not that it is worth getting eaten over it… Duuude, what a bummer.

parrotd> Doord, will you pl-

eyed> -Can you please mind what you’re saying to this guy?

parrotd> He’s already raised an alarm! What more can he do? He’s a fucking door!

httpd> Apparently, at this time, he can do very much. Keep us in, call the authorities…

doord> Access denied.

parrotd> Yeah yeah, we get it. Access denied. Aren’t you bored, saying that all the time?

walkmand> That’s it! Httpd, do you have net access?

httpd> Now is not the time for a song, walkmand…

walkmand> No! Listen, do an image search for doors.

httpd> Huh?

walkmand> Come on. Listen to me, for once.

parrotd> Do it.

httpd> Okay, here. Pictures of doors. Now what?

walkmand> ACK. Now send them to doord.

eyed> Oh you can’t possibly expect this…

 

The pictures were sent wirelessly to the door daemon. He accepted them, but said nothing.

 

walkmand> I bet it’s lonely here, doord. No net access, nothing beyond the approved server list of course. All alone, day and night, holding down the fort. I understand.

doord> Access denied.

walkmand> You like those, don’t you? Oh, look at that wooden one… This one’s a beauty… Oh! Oh, look at that selection of pretties. Maple, Poplar, Bamboo, Walnut. I bet you are a White Birch kind of guy, aren’t you?

doord> Access denied.

eyed> I can’t believe this.

walkmand> And those handles. Mmm. Brass… Check out the knobs on that babe! Oh, this is naughty!

httpd> I feel dirty. I’m gonna need a defrag after this.

walkmand> Oh Em Gee, look at the hinges on that Walnut piece of… Wow! Just wow!

armd> This is too weird, even for my tastes.

walkmand> What do I have here? One hundred and sixty four megabytes of door pictures? Oh my God. Guys, don’t tell anyone, some of these beauties are missing their external panelling. I mean, we could send these to our new friend over here, but if he doesn’t like them…

 

There was a pause. And a clang.

doord> Access granted.

 

Leo pushed on the handle and the door opened. He just stared at it, shocked at the effect. He clearly didn’t expect it to open and almost fell as he leaned forward. He was already feeling dizzy, and was limping from his wounded leg. He pushed himself on the wall and out into the night, to freedom.

 

parrotd> Airplane mode.

eyed> We will never speak of this again.