All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved and application for performance etc. should be made before commencement of rehearsal to the Author c/o Oberon Books Ltd. No performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained, and no alterations may be made in the title or the text of the play without the author’s prior written consent.
Trade premiered on 29 September 2011, at the Dublin Theatre Festival, with previews on 27 and 28 September.
OLDER MAN |
Phillip Judge |
YOUNG MAN |
Ciarán McCabe |
Directed by Tom Creed
Designed by Ciarán O’Melia
Produced by Philip McMahon
It had previously received a public reading at Project Arts Centre, Dublin, on 10 December 2010. On this occasion it was presented as part of Queer Notions, a festival of theatre and other performances by thisispopbaby. This reading was also directed by Tom Creed. Older Man was played by Liam Carney, Young Man by Robbie O’Connor.
A cheap B&B in Dublin’s North Inner City. The room is small and shabby. A queen-size bed with polyester quilt covers. A window onto a yard. The last of the light has almost gone from the sky and it colours the room blue into black. It is late autumn. There is no lamp on and the room is illuminated only by sodium light bleeding in from the yard or from the door to a small ensuite which is slightly ajar. There is an eighteen-year-old boy here. He stands alone for a moment, small in the shadows. He is wearing sports clothes and a baseball cap. There is a forlorn look on his face or an absence. Occasionally he comes back fully into the space and moves about. There is the sound of running water from the bathroom. Someone is cleaning themselves.
YOUNG MAN: You finished nearly?
OLDER MAN: (Off stage.) What?
YOUNG MAN: You done?
OLDER MAN: (Off stage.) Hold on.
YOUNG MAN: It’s just cause it’s nearly fucking half past like.
OLDER MAN: (Off stage.) I know…
YOUNG MAN: Yeah, well.
OLDER MAN: (Off stage.) Wait.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: (To himself.) Sake.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN sits on the side of the bed. He sits silent. Eventually an OLDER MAN enters from the bathroom. The YOUNG MAN doesn’t look up or acknowledge the OLDER MAN. The OLDER MAN is in his late 40s. His collar is loose as he has been washing himself. We can see that he has been in an altercation. His face carries an injury to the nose. It is not serious. There are some spots of blood on his shirtfront. He is also holding a toothbrush in his hand. He stands not far from the bathroom door awkwardly. He beholds the YOUNG MAN.
OLDER MAN: Clean now anyways. Done. Better.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: (Explaining why he washed.) A bit of blood just. Gone.
OLDER MAN: She thought I was mad at the door I’d say. Do you think?
YOUNG MAN: I don’t know.
OLDER MAN: She won’t call anyone will she?
YOUNG MAN: She’s grand.
OLDER MAN: Used to it maybe.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: People.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: Is it sore your nose?
OLDER MAN: What not no. He caught it with his swing just. It’s grand. I been hit harder in my day you know.
YOUNG MAN: Who done it?
OLDER MAN: No one.
The OLDER MAN realises he still has a toothbrush in his hands.
OLDER MAN: This.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Yeah. I suppose I look like a right fucking knob standing here with this in my hand and my face in bits.
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: Odd even.
YOUNG MAN: Maybe.
OLDER MAN: Yeah.
Beat. The OLDER MAN feels awkward, exposed or ridiculous. He looks at the brush in his hand again.
OLDER MAN: I’m kind of funny about teeth me this.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: I can’t feel clean if I can’t wash them just. Carry that with me everywhere then.
OLDER MAN: Always been funny about my teeth. Washing them about ten times a day I do. Always at the dentist. The hygienist then as well.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: Yeah. Wouldn’t like to lose them just.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Should stop getting my gob punched in that case I suppose you could say.
Small beat. They both smile. The room is still. The OLDER MAN looks at the toothbrush again.
OLDER MAN: She’s an awful cunt anyways.
YOUNG MAN: Who?
OLDER MAN: The hygienist but you’re as well.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: I’d hate to like to think there was smells or that there. From my mouth. I’m mad like that. I imagine. I’m stupid.
Pause. He puts the toothbrush away in his jacket.
OLDER MAN: (Meaning the hygienist.) Exactly. Awful fucking job.
Beat. The OLDER MAN is perhaps upset.
He steadies his nerve.
OLDER MAN: Apparently they’re always killing themselves.
YOUNG MAN: Who?
OLDER MAN: Dental hygienists. I heard, women ones.
YOUNG MAN: Oh.
OLDER MAN: Yeah women ones the worst they say. Don’t know why that is. Maybe cause they hate themselves apparently or everyone else hates them or something.
OLDER MAN: I don’t know how true that is now I just read that.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Wish my one would kill herself.
Small beat. The OLDER MAN tries to smile or laugh but may be close to tears.
OLDER MAN: Yeah. No.
YOUNG MAN: Are you alright?
OLDER MAN: I’m alright. I think.
YOUNG MAN: What happened?
OLDER MAN: Nothing no. You’re good to see me.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
The OLDER MAN looks at the YOUNG MAN.
OLDER MAN: (Softly.) Take off your hat.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Just.
YOUNG MAN: Covering me hair sort of.
OLDER MAN: Just please.
Pause. The YOUNG MAN takes off his baseball cap. He does perfunctory fixing of his hair. It has been very badly bleached and is heavily waxed forward. It may make him look younger and more vulnerable.
YOUNG MAN: (Softly.) There.
OLDER MAN: Thanks.
Beat. The OLDER MAN could almost be close to tears. He stands very still and awkward. He pulls himself together almost.
OLDER MAN: (Meaning the YOUNG MAN’s hair.) Who done that on you?
YOUNG MAN: Me mate.
OLDER MAN: (Light.) Not much of a mate.
YOUNG MAN: Practising she was.
YOUNG MAN: She’s in a salon.
OLDER MAN: (Almost laughing.) Really?
YOUNG MAN: Started just.
OLDER MAN: God fucken help us.
YOUNG MAN: Though all she ever does in there is sweep up or sit on her hole.
OLDER MAN: And you let her at you?
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: Yeah.
YOUNG MAN: (He trails off.) She’s a fat fucken…
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Can’t really see it that well anyways with the lamp there not on.
YOUNG MAN: Will I turn it on?
OLDER MAN: Do you want it on?
YOUNG MAN: I don’t know.
OLDER MAN: I don’t give a fuck either way now if I’m being honest. You can just leave it off or you can just…
Beat. The moment hangs. The YOUNG MAN eventually leans over and turns on the lamp by the bed. He may feel slightly exposed by this action. The OLDER MAN is still standing stranded.
OLDER MAN: There.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Yeah.
Small beat.
OLDER MAN: Your hair is sort of, it’s kind of fucked.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: It looks sore.
The YOUNG MAN smiles and fixes his hair again.
YOUNG MAN: I could kill her I could.
OLDER MAN: It’s not that bad though but. You just look a bit, you know.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: Like a knacker.
Beat. The phrase has landed harder than the OLDER MAN had intended.
OLDER MAN: Sorry. I didn’t mean…
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: I was just being funny. I’m a fucken edjit really is what. I should shut up.
YOUNG MAN: You’re alright.
OLDER MAN: My mouth.
Beat. The OLDER MAN may move closer to the YOUNG MAN.
OLDER MAN: You hot?
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: You alright?
YOUNG MAN: The radiators?
OLDER MAN: Yeah.
YOUNG MAN: It’s nice it’s grand.
OLDER MAN: It is.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: It was cold before earlier.
OLDER MAN: Was it?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah in town.
OLDER MAN: You were around?
YOUNG MAN: I was around and it was cold.
OLDER MAN: I was inside all day. Most of the day. Before I called you before… I stayed in bed late and then.
Beat. The OLDER MAN looks at the YOUNG MAN questioningly.
OLDER MAN: (Low.) Were you working or…
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Just…
Beat. The room is very still again.
OLDER MAN: Take off your top, your jacket, if you want, if you’re hot. Do you want a drink?
Beat. The YOUNG MAN takes off his tracksuit top. The OLDER MAN watches him closely.
YOUNG MAN: I don’t know.
OLDER MAN: I have cans there in my bag. Only cheap auld Polish shite but…
The YOUNG MAN looks at him.
OLDER MAN: I didn’t know what to get you, what you drink, but those were going then so I got them.
Short beat.
OLDER MAN: If only, now, if you want just only.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Do you want?
YOUNG MAN: (Softly.) Yeah so.
OLDER MAN: So go on so. They’re there for you. You can take them with you after then or…
Small beat. There is a recyclable shopping bag in the room holding the beer. The YOUNG MAN gets up and gets a can.
OLDER MAN: I got six or eight or something. YOUNG MAN: You having one?
OLDER MAN: I will. I’ll join you anyway.
The YOUNG MAN takes a couple of cans and delivers one to the OLDER MAN. They are close now. The OLDER MAN and the YOUNG MAN open their cans. They both drink.
YOUNG MAN: I’m trying not to be drinking.
OLDER MAN: Me too as well yeah. Cheers.
They drink.
OLDER MAN: Chin-chin as the man said. YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: There. Us.
They clink cans. The silence is thick around them.
OLDER MAN: Not bad.
YOUNG MAN: No. It’s nice, they are.
OLDER MAN: It’s shite. It’s nice. It’s OK. Yeah.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: We can relax before…
Beat. They drink.
OLDER MAN: I’m glad to see you anyways.
YOUNG MAN: Thanks.
OLDER MAN: I didn’t think I’d see you again after the last time.
YOUNG MAN: Oh?
OLDER MAN: I thought I didn’t want to just.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: I nearly even deleted you even.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: Yeah. Only I didn’t cause I couldn’t. My new phone is a Samsung and I’m fucking baffled by it. I’m more used to Nokia mostly. My daughter tries to teach me sometimes but I’m stupid with machines like. The internet and that. She just dies laughing at me then and it was her made me get the fucken thing in the first place. Calls me a dope. Only joking just. Can barely use the fucken remote control me. So I never got to delete you.
Beat. They drink.
OLDER MAN: I needed to. To see you.
YOUNG MAN: Why?
OLDER MAN: Just mad shit just.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: I haven’t been myself. I don’t know. I been lonely or something.
The silence resumes. Again the OLDER MAN stands and is on the point of tears perhaps. Again he steadies himself.
OLDER MAN: So how you been keeping and anyways?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah you know.
OLDER MAN: I know.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: And you alright?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: Yeah good yeah.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: Only I’m not at home any more.
OLDER MAN: Oh?
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: Why?
YOUNG MAN: No why. She’s just, I was sick of her, me ma. I’m done with her. She’s mad.
OLDER MAN: Right.
YOUNG MAN: Drinking and that. Throwing slaps. She’s a cunt really.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: So where you now?
YOUNG MAN: Nowhere really. I was staying with my girlfriend first in her place. But then the baby was crying all the time and I was coming in late and she didn’t want me drinking or anything even so I went.
YOUNG MAN: Fighting always.
OLDER MAN: Not good.
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: With a baby not good anyways.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: So.
YOUNG MAN: So I’m staying with mates now. Kipping down with mates. With one mate just. But.
OLDER MAN: Yeah?
YOUNG MAN: With him. But it’s not forever that.
OLDER MAN: Alright.
YOUNG MAN: He has a place.
OLDER MAN: Yeah.
YOUNG MAN: He has a place now. But I’m only for a while with him. And I don’t know then.
OLDER MAN: Right.
YOUNG MAN: He’s a fucking asshole mostly but he’s alright.
OLDER MAN: And you’re alright?
YOUNG MAN: I’m alright.
OLDER MAN: Good.
YOUNG MAN: Get my own place then maybe sometime.
OLDER MAN: Good man.
Very long beat.
OLDER MAN: So what’s your baby?
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Is it a boy or a girl?
YOUNG MAN: A she.
OLDER MAN: And what she called?
OLDER MAN: No why. You don’t have to say. I’m just asking just…
Beat. The YOUNG MAN looks at the OLDER MAN.
YOUNG MAN: (Softly.) Chloe.
OLDER MAN: Oh?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: Chloe.
YOUNG MAN: I picked it.
OLDER MAN: It’s nice.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: Chloe.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: You’re young for a baby.
YOUNG MAN: It was an accident.
OLDER MAN: I know yeah
They both smile.
OLDER MAN: You love her?
YOUNG MAN: Who?
OLDER MAN: (Smiling.) Chloe.
YOUNG MAN: Of course.
OLDER MAN: Of course.
YOUNG MAN: She’s lovely. The little thing. She cries a lot.
OLDER MAN: Does she?
YOUNG MAN: Wah!
OLDER MAN: I know.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: She’s twenty-three weeks nearly.
Small beat.
YOUNG MAN: I gave up smoking when she was born.
YOUNG MAN: Just.
Beat. They drink.
YOUNG MAN: She’s lovely Chloe is but I hardly get to see her now. My girlfriend never wants me there.
OLDER MAN: I see.
YOUNG MAN: And then she blames me for not being around. She’s a cunt too sometimes Lorraine. She hates me nearly.
OLDER MAN: But she had a baby for you.
YOUNG MAN: That’s why maybe.
OLDER MAN: What age is she?
YOUNG MAN: Same as me, younger. Eighteen, seventeen.
OLDER MAN: Yeah?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: But I still give them money when I can sometimes. I’d do anything for her if I could.
OLDER MAN: I know.
YOUNG MAN: I do this.
OLDER MAN: Yeah.
Pause. They both drink silently.
OLDER MAN: Quiet, we’re quiet.
YOUNG MAN: Just.
OLDER MAN: I know.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN looks at the OLDER MAN.
YOUNG MAN: Who slapped you?
The OLDER MAN is pained. He looks at the YOUNG MAN.
OLDER MAN: I just done something.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Nothing. Just fucked things up for myself.
OLDER MAN: Not too mad now. I didn’t fucken murder anyone or that. So you can relax. Just…
YOUNG MAN: OK.
OLDER MAN: I’m just a fuck-up.
YOUNG MAN: Oh?
OLDER MAN: I am. That’s all.
Long beat.
OLDER MAN: (Cheerfully changing the mood.) And I lost my job there as well. Since I seen you.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: Yeah. Fucken…
Beat.
OLDER MAN: It’s hard to believe that just.
YOUNG MAN: When?
OLDER MAN: Gone.
YOUNG MAN: Oh.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: They had some scutty little fuck in a suit come in and tell me. We been taken over by some crowd from Norway or Sweden or somewhere. Scandinavia apparently which is news to me. Yeah. And now half of us is gone and the other half has to work twice as hard. Bang.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: That’s the way of things anyways. Cargo.
YOUNG MAN: Sorry.
OLDER MAN: Thanks. All falling to fuck.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: Yeah for certain. Broken. But we keep going.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: (Almost angry.) We keep fucken…
OLDER MAN: And it could be worse now I suppose. I mean we never remortgaged or nothing. We don’t think like that, us. So the house is paid for and my kids is paid for but still but. And my wife works so…
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: So we could be worse so.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I just always had that job just. Even when things was bad before. I never worried.
YOUNG MAN: Oh.
OLDER MAN: I been in there since I was sixteen. Loved it sort of. Fucken dull alright but that suited me. I’m dull fucken dull you know. The docks. The port. And I loved it there I do. It’s neat ordered and all.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: And I know they fucked it up a bit with building shit everywhere but the port is still the port. It’s hidden there behind all the blah. Still looking out on the world.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: It’s like we’re all being put back in our box or something isn’t it?
Small beat.
OLDER MAN: And now I don’t know what I’ll do now.
YOUNG MAN: Oh?
OLDER MAN: Yeah. I’m done.
Long beat.
OLDER MAN: Here’s me giving you all this now.
YOUNG MAN: That’s alright.
OLDER MAN: I’m an awful mouth.
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: I am. I’m sorry. I should shut up or something.
Beat. The OLDER MAN looks at the YOUNG MAN.
OLDER MAN: I was worried about you, you know.
YOUNG MAN: Oh?
OLDER MAN: No reason now. I been thinking about you. I couldn’t stop.
YOUNG MAN: Why?
OLDER MAN: No why. Not bad now. Since the last time. Since then. Since we met even. I like you. I was worried about you. Thinking if you’re safe.
YOUNG MAN: I’m grand.
OLDER MAN: I see.
Beat.
I dreamed about you.
Beat. The OLDER MAN feels awkward again.
OLDER MAN: You’re looking at me now.
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: He’s a fucken nut job you’re saying.
YOUNG MAN: I’m not.
OLDER MAN: Go on.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Can I tell you this?
YOUNG MAN: What?
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I dreamed about you.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: I did. I do.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Fucken stupid.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I dreamed and this might sound crazy now so you can call the fucken funny farm yeah and I’m never one to dream either so you can write this one down too. Maybe boring dreams about work maybe. Shipping orders or packing containers and really boring shit with lists. Like that. But this dream was different. This dream I was talking to you, yeah.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Yeah. I dreamt I was holding you. Holding on to you. The both of us easy. Only next thing it changes and I don’t know how it starts. Maybe you rock forward or maybe you want it but we’re falling in a lurch like down a set of steps. A big steps a stairs and we’re falling into the dark and I let you go then cause I can’t hold on. I can’t hold on and I let you go then and you disappear down this down. And I’m hardly falling now at all I’m stopped and standing but you just keep falling farther. And I want to help you I do but I can’t. I can’t reach out. I can’t reach down. And then I wake then. And I’m crying. I’m crying cause you’re gone cause you’re dead maybe. I’m crying. There. Then. Like that. That’s it. That’s all.
Beat. The OLDER MAN tries to recover himself. The YOUNG MAN is perhaps disturbed.
OLDER MAN: Mad.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: And it wasn’t once this.
YOUNG MAN: No?
OLDER MAN: This was loads of times this. Five or six times. More. And nearly always the same and it upsets me no end. It’s stuck in my head now and I feel responsible. I find it hard to sleep then sometimes.
YOUNG MAN: Sorry.
OLDER MAN: No it’s nothing. It’s just me. It’s my head and I’m the one.
The OLDER MAN is deeply moved. He stops speaking. The moment hangs.
OLDER MAN: So I haven’t been myself just and my wife now doesn’t know what’s going on. She thinks I need help or counselling or something and I think she thinks I’m losing my mind. Which is a worry.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Yeah. So that’s why I called you then just. I thought I’d like to see you.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: I thought I’d like to see that you were well, you were alright. And then that’s done then. I’d leave you alone then I think.
A very long pause. Eventually the YOUNG MAN puts down his can.
YOUNG MAN: (Meaning sex.) We going to do this?
OLDER MAN: Not yet I think.
YOUNG MAN: You want to?
OLDER MAN: Wait.
An long awkward pause. The OLDER MAN is in deep silence. The YOUNG MAN is perhaps anxious to leave.
YOUNG MAN: I better go then.
OLDER MAN: What?
YOUNG MAN: If we’re not doing nothing.
OLDER MAN: Where are you going?
YOUNG MAN: (Making up an excuse.) I’m meeting someone.
OLDER MAN: (Standing.) Who?
YOUNG MAN: (Standing too.) It’s late.
OLDER MAN: It’s not late.
YOUNG MAN: Just.
OLDER MAN: I’m paying.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: So sit fucking down.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Please.
Small tense beat.
OLDER MAN: Please. We’ll start in a minute in a while… Sit.
There is a stand-off. The YOUNG MAN may leave. He stares at the OLDER MAN.
OLDER MAN: I’ll pay you more.
YOUNG MAN: How much?
OLDER MAN: A hundred.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: Yeah. A hundred. Sit down.
The YOUNG MAN does not know what to do.
OLDER MAN: You can buy something nice for Chloe then.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN eventually sits.
OLDER MAN: Thanks.
The OLDER MAN remains standing.
OLDER MAN: Am I creeping you out here is that it?
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: I’d say I am.
YOUNG MAN: You’re not.
OLDER MAN: I can’t believe I am talking all this shit like this here even. That I’m here like this even. I don’t usually talk. I mean I talk but I don’t usually say nothing ever.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: What do you want to do?
OLDER MAN: Wait. For a while wait just… Alright?
YOUNG MAN: Alright.
OLDER MAN: We relax.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Are you finished your drink?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: Here.
The OLDER MAN hands the YOUNG MAN another can. They sit. The OLDER MAN looks at the YOUNG MAN.
OLDER MAN: I want to look at you.
YOUNG MAN: Oh.
OLDER MAN: I want you to take off some more of your clothes?
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Your top just if you want. Is that OK?
YOUNG MAN: It’s grand.
OLDER MAN: Open your can there.
YOUNG MAN: No.
The YOUNG MAN stands and takes off his top. There is a type of vulnerability to this action. A masking bravado.
He stands for a moment bare. His body is attractive. Eventually he sits.
OLDER MAN: Oh.
The OLDER MAN stares at him for a long moment. The YOUNG MAN becomes a little unnerved by this.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Nothing. Lovely you’re lovely.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: When I first seen you first. You remember?
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: In them toilets there.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: I was afraid of you.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: Yeah. I was afraid of you but I wanted to touch you. My heart was fucken thumping. I like looking at you.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN looks hard at the OLDER MAN.
OLDER MAN: (Almost chuckling.) If people saw me here now this they wouldn’t believe me.
YOUNG MAN: No?
OLDER MAN: No not at all. Yeah. Fuck.
He laughs short. Beat.
OLDER MAN: Do people know you do this? Does anyone?
YOUNG MAN: Not many.
OLDER MAN: Exactly. Your girlfriend?
YOUNG MAN: No.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: (Meaning homosexuals.) I’m not one of those you know.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: You’re not one of them either.
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: Yeah exactly. I mean I see them all the time everywhere I do. On the telly permanently. With their clothes. With their clothes and their fucken…
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: With all that.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: And they have no idea.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: They don’t have families.
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: They don’t have children.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: They don’t know what it’s like.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: Not for us what it’s like. I’m not them.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: So what am I do you think?
YOUNG MAN: I don’t know.
OLDER MAN: You can say.
YOUNG MAN: I don’t know.
OLDER MAN: Do you hate me?
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: Thank you.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN looks at the OLDER MAN and eventually decides to speak.
YOUNG MAN: There was a lad in school with me. Ahead of me he was. Jason Connolly. A big bastard and mad as well and we used to go mitching together and it was just gas just and no one gave a fuck about us really. Jason and me.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: And one day we was up around Ballybough and then down by Fairview park then messing, hanging around like. And I must have said something cause me and Jason had a few words then. We was locked and he hit me a few slaps and he fucked off then so I was left there alone. Crying I think drunk. And this man stops. In the park just. This man. An auld fella. Starts talking all funny. Sort of weird shit about women and that. Had a car he had. So I went with him just. That was all. He gave me money and I was just laughing my hole off I was. I didn’t care. I was 14. It was easy.
Beat. The OLDER MAN is disturbed by this.
OLDER MAN: And do you never be afraid now?
YOUNG MAN: I can look after myself I can.
OLDER MAN: I know.
YOUNG MAN: Some people is just dirty bastards just.
OLDER MAN: Yeah.
YOUNG MAN: I know them. I can spot them.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: There was this one fucker once. This lad. He went about shouting a bit. Tried holding me down by the neck. Saying things.
OLDER MAN: And what did you do?
YOUNG MAN: Gave him a few digs. Told him I was going to stab him. Told him I was going to shame him.
OLDER MAN: Yeah?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah. He stopped then. Let me up. Started crying he did.
OLDER MAN: Right.
YOUNG MAN: The fucken asshole.
Small beat. The YOUNG MAN opens his beer.
YOUNG MAN: I’d like to make loads of money.
OLDER MAN: I know.
YOUNG MAN: For Chloe. For when she’s older.
Long pause.
OLDER MAN: My son it was who slapped me.
YOUNG MAN: Oh?
OLDER MAN: Oh yeah.
YOUNG MAN: Why?
The OLDER MAN sits.
OLDER MAN: We’re not close. Obviously. We never been. Don’t know whose fault that is. My fault. His mother’s fault maybe. I was always the giving out one you see. Shut up you and that. That was my part. Old-fashioned but that’s us.
OLDER MAN: And I’m good with my daughter now. She’s different. She loves me I think. But not him, I don’t know him. He’s rough.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: (With difficulty.) If he wasn’t my son now and he is. I’m only saying. He looks the head of me the poor fuck. But if he wasn’t and I met him in life… I don’t know that I’d like him you know. I wouldn’t. I know that.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I wouldn’t like him as a person you know. He’s hard. And I’m only saying this now just.
YOUNG MAN: You’re alright.
OLDER MAN: Same age as yourself maybe. Older. Is that an awful thing to say that?
YOUNG MAN: I don’t know.
Beat
OLDER MAN: Yeah. And that pains me now that does. Looking at him. I love him I do, I have to. But I don’t know him. I don’t like him. He doesn’t know me. No.
Long pause.
OLDER MAN: Is your dad with us?
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Is he dead or?
YOUNG MAN: No no. He’s alive he’s grand.
OLDER MAN: And you like him?
YOUNG MAN: He’s me Da.
OLDER MAN: You love him?
YOUNG MAN: Why?
OLDER MAN: No why. Just.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN decides to speak.
YOUNG MAN: I do. He’s a fucken tart sometimes though. He’s funny.
OLDER MAN: Oh?
YOUNG MAN: Always sniffing around after women. He loves them he does. Says he wants to come back as a lesbian next time round.
OLDER MAN: Yeah?
YOUNG MAN: He’s always saying shit like that. He’s funny.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: And does he help you?
YOUNG MAN: What do you mean?
OLDER MAN: He helps you?
YOUNG MAN: I don’t know.
OLDER MAN: He should.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN thinks.
YOUNG MAN: He has another family now like. He left me Ma a long time ago. When me and my sister Nadine was small. He left me and Nadine there with her, my mother, and she’s a mad fucken… I don’t think he should have done that. And that annoyed me for a while about him but he’s a good laugh he is sometimes.
OLDER MAN: OK.
YOUNG MAN: Lives in Cherry Orchard now. I never hardly see him never. Sometimes in town sometimes or when I was living in my Nan’s. We’d go drinking.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN thinks.
YOUNG MAN: Your Da?
OLDER MAN: What?
YOUNG MAN: Where’s he?
OLDER MAN: My old man is dead.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: He’s dead a year.
OLDER MAN: That time I first met you he was just gone.
YOUNG MAN: I’m sorry.
OLDER MAN: No. He was an old bastard. I don’t miss him.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I think about him but I don’t miss him. I wonder am I turning into him sometimes you know.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: Apparently we all do.
YOUNG MAN: Fuck.
OLDER MAN: Exactly.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Will you take off some more clothes?
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: You can take off your shoes, your sweats if you want.
YOUNG MAN: Do you want me to?
OLDER MAN: I want you to.
YOUNG MAN: OK.
OLDER MAN: Leave on your smalls just, your boxers. Let me look at you. I don’t want a show or anything.
The YOUNG MAN takes off his runners and his tracksuit bottoms. He stands in his underpants and socks only. He fixes himself. He is beautiful to look at. The OLDER MAN watches him as if in a trance.
OLDER MAN: You’re young.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: You can be here easy. Sitting here yourself just.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: I can’t be like that. I sit here now and I’m old. I wish I wasn’t. I wish I could be different. I wish I could be young again. You’re beautiful.
OLDER MAN: When my father died yeah?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: My father was all straight lines. This and this and this. You know?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: And he was permanently fucken church and morals and he terrorised everyone in our house then. And I took more than my fair share. I was the oldest. I was his greatest disappointment it seemed in life like.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: Yeah. And he was probably right.
Beat. The OLDER MAN steadies himself.
OLDER MAN: So when we had his funeral then. And he went sudden now like. I mean one minute talking shite and the next thing he’s down and bang he’s gone.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: Yeah. In front of me this was. At my Mam’s place when I went over to visit him, cause I went over twice a week when no one else did and he was still a cranky old cunt.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: And he dropped then and I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t bring him back and I tried, I don’t know why. In the galley kitchen there. He was just gone and there was a broken plate on the floor there beside him small. Ridiculous.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: And all that’s took its toll then. This year and after. Before I met you.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: And then I met you. When I met you. You were like a shining thing.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN is confused or disturbed by this statement.
OLDER MAN: Is that a stupid thing to say?
YOUNG MAN: I don’t fucken know.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: But at my Dad’s funeral then anyway. After his funeral. I found out this thing. I heard this thing. I was told.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: I guessed. There was a woman in the church there at his funeral. And I’d known her from around our area. From the local pub and that. And she wasn’t married. About that much away from being a slapper really but holds her own she does and she drinks. But there was something in the way I seen her there. The way she looked and the way she was crying in the church there. And a few weeks later I seen her again in our local and I’m a bit pissed so I goes over and I sits down at her table and she looks at me, ‘oh,’ like you know. Valerie her name is Val. So I asks her straight out simple sitting there and she tells me. Like that. Yeah.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: He’d been banging her for years it seems. Twenty years, more. That far back. And she loved him the fucken edjit she said and that was all. He used promise he’d leave me Mam when the kids was done and that and she believed him then and she settled for it and that was her life. And I felt sorry for her there I did. Yeah. Another one of his fuck-ups. That was all. Fuck him.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Left me complicated he did. Like this. Confused.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: You alright?
OLDER MAN: Me? I am yeah I am.
YOUNG MAN: You sure?
OLDER MAN: Yeah. Are you cold?
Beat. The OLDER MAN stares at the YOUNG MAN sitting semi-naked before him.
OLDER MAN: When I think about all that, all he did, I’m not angry you know.
YOUNG MAN: No?
OLDER MAN: I don’t mind anyone fucken anyone you know. It’s nature isn’t it?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: Exactly. Men do that. We’re animals. So I’m not angry at that.
YOUNG MAN: No?
OLDER MAN: Not at all. I mean it didn’t make me love the cunt for sure. No.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: Exactly. But do you know what it made me?
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: It made me afraid.
YOUNG MAN: Oh?
OLDER MAN: Yeah.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: It made me afraid that no one knew him only in bits. That he lived a life and no one knew him fully. Not his children, not his wife, not even himself. That all he was at the end was an accumulation of fucken lies. That he never lived, he was of no consequence, nothing. He failed and he fucked us all up and then he died.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Isn’t that hard?
YOUNG MAN: It is.
OLDER MAN: It’s awful. I hate it and it makes me afraid.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I have a wife like.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: I know.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: And I don’t want to be like him, like that.
YOUNG MAN: I know.
OLDER MAN: I don’t want to go and be gone and have people putting me together different after. I want to be straight out.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: Yeah. For certain.
Beat. The OLDER MAN looks at the YOUNG MAN.
OLDER MAN: That’s why I done it.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: I told him.
YOUNG MAN: Who?
OLDER MAN: My son.
YOUNG MAN: What did you tell him?
OLDER MAN: This.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I’d had a hard weekend of it this weekend drinking. With me brother-in-law Noel. He’s just fell out of his marriage and I was keeping him company and he’s a fucking dog like.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: Anything now. So I was kind of disgusted with myself. When I woke up. Sick.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: He says things, Noel does, and he sickens me but I never contradict anyone and I should.
YOUNG MAN: OK.
OLDER MAN: He hates people I think.
OLDER MAN: He’s a fucking asshole. And I just sit there then. Listening.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Dying I was. When I woke. And I’d been thinking that dream again.
YOUNG MAN: Oh.
OLDER MAN: Yeah.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Sick and my son there and my wife was working.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: So?
OLDER MAN: So we start up the usual shit me and him, my son. And we’re chipping away at each other. And we don’t know each other. And I want us to stop. I want us to just talk. To try even. And I don’t know why but I felt like I was about to climb out of myself you know.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: So I told him then.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: Everything. I told him everything.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: How I met you. What we did.
YOUNG MAN: Who?
OLDER MAN: You. That. I told him all that. And I was calm now. I wanted him to know me.
YOUNG MAN: I don’t understand.
OLDER MAN: I know but I just wanted to be honest. From now on. I just want to be good. To be good and moral. I think I’d have died if I didn’t.
YOUNG MAN: Fuck.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I told him what we did. All. What we do. The fucken and that. And he looks at me like I don’t know.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: I told him I loved you. I told him I loved you more then I loved him. I told him that.
YOUNG MAN: Why?
OLDER MAN: Cause I do.
YOUNG MAN: You don’t.
OLDER MAN: I meant I only I cared for you only. I talk to you.
YOUNG MAN: So?
OLDER MAN: So he goes for me. He tries to batter me. He’s crying.
YOUNG MAN: Fuck.
OLDER MAN: And then I rang you then. There. After I left.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Pulled the whole fucking thing around my ears I have. Haven’t I? Now I don’t know what’s worse. Having done what we do. Or having said it out loud.
Very long pause.
OLDER MAN: Can we start.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: This. Can we do this. I won’t talk anymore.
Beat. The YOUNG MAN stands now confused.
OLDER MAN: What?
YOUNG MAN: Why did you say that?
OLDER MAN: What?
YOUNG MAN: That you love me.
OLDER MAN: Cause I do.
Small beat.
OLDER MAN: I care about you. I want to help you.
YOUNG MAN: You don’t know me.
OLDER MAN: Nearly.
YOUNG MAN: No.
OLDER MAN: Oh.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: This is just this. It isn’t real. It’s money.
OLDER MAN: Yeah?
YOUNG MAN: That’s all.
OLDER MAN: Right.
Beat. The OLDER MAN is a little broken.
OLDER MAN: I’ll pay you still.
YOUNG MAN: I know you will.
OLDER MAN: How much?
YOUNG MAN: You said a hundred.
OLDER MAN: Yeah.
Beat.
YOUNG MAN: What do want me to do then?
OLDER MAN: The same. Like before.
YOUNG MAN: OK.
OLDER MAN: Fuck me and that.
YOUNG MAN: OK.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: And I’ll leave you alone then I swear. I’ll try.
Beat.
OLDER MAN: Only first though.
YOUNG MAN: What?
OLDER MAN: I want to hold you first.
YOUNG MAN: Yeah?
OLDER MAN: I want to hold you just. Just a minute just.
YOUNG MAN: Right.
OLDER MAN: Is that OK?
YOUNG MAN: Yeah.
OLDER MAN: Thank you. Thank you.
The OLDER MAN moves to the YOUNG MAN.