All rights whatsoever in this play are strictly reserved and application for performance etc. should be made before commencement of rehearsal to the Authors c/o Oberon Books Ltd. No performance may be given unless a licence has been obtained, and no alterations may be made in the title or the text of the play without the authors’ prior written consent.
JOCASTA – Gina Moxley
OEDIPUS – Karl Shiels
ANTIGONE – Ruth Negga
CREON – Dylan Tighe
Text: Simon Doyle and Gavin Quinn
Direction: Gavin Quinn
Set Design: Andrew Clancy
Lighting Design: Aedín Cosgrove
Music: Gordon Is A Mime
Performances:
Smock Alley, Dublin; 9–24 October, 2006
High Performance Rodeo, Calgary, Canada; 11–13 January, 2007
University of Lethbridge, Canada; 17–18 January, 2007
The Banff Centre for the Arts, Banff, Canada; 20 January, 2007
Timms Centre for the Arts, Edmonton, Canada; 24–26 January, 2007
Recto–Verso Festival, Quebec City, Canada; 9–10 February, 2007
FFT, Dusseldorf, Germany; 15–17 March, 2007
The Arches, Glasgow, Scotland; 16–17 April, 2007
Auawirleben Berne, Switzerland; 26–27 April, 2007
Kilkenny Arts Festival. Kilkenny, Ireland; 16 & 19 August, 2007
Carnuntum Festival. Austria; 26 August, 2007
Das Schauspielhaus, Hamburg, Germany; 2–3 September, 2007
Espoo City Theatre, Espoo, Finland; 30 October–2 November, 2007
Euro–Scene Leipzig. Germany; 9–10 November, 2007
Hebbel am Ufer (Hau Zwei), Berlin, Germany; 14–15 December, 2007
Riverside Studios, London, UK; 8–24 February, 2008
The Oriental Pioneer Theatre, Beijing, China; 3–6 April 2008
Shanghai Grand Theatre, Shanghai, China; 10–13 April, 2008
Wexner Center for the Arts, Columbus, Ohio, USA; 15–18 May, 2008
PS 122, New York, , USA; 21–25 May & 28 May–1 June, 2008
Project Arts Centre, Dublin; 26 November–6 December, 2008
Everest Theatre, Seymour Centre, Sydney, Australia; 21–25 January, 2010
Powerhouse, Brisbane, Australia; 3–7 February, 2010
Granary Theatre, Cork; 4–6 November, 2010
Town Hall Theatre, Galway; 15–16 November, 2010
Curtain opens. THE SPHINX is revealed.
SPHINX: (Sings ‘Crackerass’.)
Second
Fill any second,
Take off take too much and the room
Silly now, Exhausted
Oh oh, it’s so open
Oh god, So hot, Sticky
Oh I’m gonna puke
So sick
Oh take too many
So warm
Slowing down and sicken
I love you baby and if it’s quite all right
I need you baby, if it’s really right
I really love you baby
Really love you, Really Love you
Really Love you, Really Love you
Really Love you, Really Love you
Really Love you, Really Love you
Don’t dance in front of me, come here and make me
Agree with the song, the loneliest drug
Back to your bed, holding yourself
There’s no one to hold you
Bring you back down
Wake up on bad days, desert and lies
Nothing too sick
Drown in your own eyes
Wanted to throw your arms around something
Anything that’s warm or possibly breathing
Don’t dance in front of me, come here and fuck me
Don’t dance in front of me, come here and make me
The loneliest drug here
The loneliest drug here
All the little faces
Pretty and gorgeous
Still all women with sweat so obvious
No one to hold you
There’s no love here, There’s no love here
There’s no love here, There’s no love here
There’s no love here
Don’t dance in front of me, come here and fuck me
Don’t dance in front of me, come here and fuck me
Don’t dance in front of me, come here and fuck me
Darling, darling, darling
Da da ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Da ba ba ba ba
I love you baby and if it’s quite alright I need you baby
I love you baby and if it’s quite alright I need you baby
I love you baby
Ha bee ba, ha bee ba, ha bee ba, ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
The SPHINX finishes singing, OEDIPUS enters.
SPHINX: I have a riddle for you. What has four legs in spring, two legs in summer and three legs in winter?
OEDIPUS: Man.
SPHINX: Yes. You’re right.
(Pause.) Oedipus, you mother fucker.
OEDIPUS and JOCASTA are in bed together.
OEDIPUS: Touch me.
JOCASTA: I don’t want to.
OEDIPUS: Why?
JOCASTA: I’m not into it.
OEDIPUS: What’s wrong with you? Lately you’re so dulled.
OEDIPUS: What kind of a plague?
JOCASTA: A plague. I don’t know what kind of a plague. I have no expertise in plagues. Ask Tiresias. It was his diagnosis.
OEDIPUS: Why haven’t you told me about this before?
JOCASTA: It’s not really of much consequence.
OEDIPUS: What do you mean it’s not really of much consequence? It’s a plague. We need to find a cure.
JOCASTA: I don’t know that we do. I kind of like it. It suits me. It suits my lifestyle. It makes sense of my inertia.
OEDIPUS: How long has this been going on?
JOCASTA: For a while. Since my first husband Laius died.
OEDIPUS: And what have you done about it?
JOCASTA: Nothing.
OEDIPUS: But you have to do something.
JOCASTA: I’m not sure. It’s kind of reassuring. Like being half asleep and knowing that you don’t have to wake up. I think it suits us here this plague.
OEDIPUS: Who do you mean by ‘us’?
JOCASTA: Everyone’s got it here. Everyone except Tiresias. And you. So maybe it’s you who have the plague? Maybe we’re the un-afflicted ones. Anyway, I don’t see what business it is of yours how we live our lives. You barged in here like you owned the place. You thrust your dirty feet into my husband’s shoes. You took his place in my bed without a passing thought for the consequences.
OEDIPUS: It was my right.
JOCASTA: Who gave you the right?
OEDIPUS: I vanquished the Sphinx.
JOCASTA: You vanquished the Sphinx. Did she need vanquishing? She had some good songs, that Sphinx. Maybe we enjoyed her routine. What made you think we needed rescuing?
OEDIPUS: But she was a Sphinx. She had to be vanquished.
JOCASTA: Who told you that? Tiresias? He’s living in his own fantasy world. We stopped listening to him ages ago. He’s insane.
OEDIPUS: He’s a psychoanalyst.
JOCASTA: What’s the difference?
OEDIPUS: I think we need to call a family meeting.
JOCASTA: I think you should take your medicine. You’re demented.
OEDIPUS: This isn’t right. We need to address this problem.
JOCASTA: You’re worse than Tiresias.
OEDIPUS: What about Tiresias? Antigone is making such progress with him. Maybe he can take us through some family therapy?
JOCASTA: He’s gotten to you, hasn’t he? That crazy blind old bat. He used to be in a band, you know. You can tell. You can always tell. He always needs to be the front man. He was the bass player. Till he deadened all the nerves in his fingers. He never changed the strings. He’d heard somewhere that it would give him a proper dub reggae sound. Eventually they fired him. They replaced him with a special amp that put the bass in the mix automatically.
OEDIPUS: I think he might be able to help. I think you just don’t want to get better. It’s a plague. It can’t be good for you. Why don’t you want to be cured of it? You’re addicted to sickness.
JOCASTA: Just let me put it to you this way. I used to have to take pills every day, and now I don’t. That’s something, isn’t it? I mean, that’s something, at least.
In the garden, ANTIGONE is in therapy with TIRESIAS.
TIRESIAS: Your father’s very stubborn.
ANTIGONE: Yeah. He’s very proud, I guess.
TIRESIAS: He always has to have his own way.
ANTIGONE: Big deal. Lots of people are like that.
TIRESIAS: Are you like that?
ANTIGONE: I don’t care. I take what comes my way.
TIRESIAS: Amazing, just like Jocasta.
ANTIGONE: Whatever. If that’s what you believe?
TIRESIAS: Yes. I think so.
(Pause.) How are you feeling these days? Anything on your mind, you’d like to talk to me about?
ANTIGONE: No, not really.
(Pause.) I feel normal.
TIRESIAS: What are you interested in?
ANTIGONE: Everything.
TIRESIAS: Everything.
ANTIGONE: I’m interested in everything. Everything that’s going on around me.
TIRESIAS: I suppose that’s an okay way to be.
(Pause.) Are you listening?
ANTIGONE: I am listening avidly.
TIRESIAS: Your life is like a scene in a film except it really could happen. Think about that.
ANTIGONE: Yes.
TIRESIAS: Do you have many pals? Your own age, I mean?
ANTIGONE: No.
TIRESIAS: I suppose it can be difficult to meet people with like interests. I mean you’re quite unique. You’re not the same as everyone else. You’re very different. You come from a very special family.
ANTIGONE: If you say so.
TIRESIAS: Your mother asked me to talk to you about your recent behavior with your father.
ANTIGONE: What do you mean?
TIRESIAS: She thinks you’re being a bit too friendly, you know, you’re a grown woman now. It’s just a little unnatural, she thinks, the way you sit in his lap and kiss him on the lips good night.
ANTIGONE: What the fuck are you talking about, you slimy creep?
ANTIGONE storms out, goes to her bedroom and throws pillows about her room. And sheets…
OEDIPUS and ANTIGONE are in the kitchen.
OEDIPUS: Do you think I look sexy?
ANTIGONE: I don’t know, you’re my dad.
OEDIPUS: It’s only a bit of fun, relax. It makes me feel better.
How come you don’t have a boyfriend?
ANTIGONE: I don’t want one.
OEDIPUS: You’re not gay are you?
ANTIGONE: No! Dad!
OEDIPUS: Sorry. I didn’t mean to.
ANTIGONE: It’s okay.
OEDIPUS: You seem to hang around with your uncle Creon a lot. It’s just I don’t think it’s healthy. You should hang around boys your own age – ones that aren’t related to you would be even better.
ANTIGONE: I do hang out with other boys, I just never bring them home, that’s all. What does it matter to you anyway? Why the sudden interest?
OEDIPUS: Just making conversation, that’s all. I’ll drop the subject if you like. Are you still a virgin?
ANTIGONE: I’m leaving.
OEDIPUS: Please don’t. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll stop.
CREON tries to drown himself in the pool. ANTIGONE tries to save him.
CREON: Don’t worry. I’m just trying to find out who I am.
ANTIGONE: Very funny. Asshole.
CREON takes his clothes off.
CREON: I have a hopeless tenderness for you. I understand the anxiety, the fear, the disgust.
CREON dances to Turkish folk music and changes into his Speedos. He looks at ANTIGONE first to silently ask for permission. She nods approval. When he is finished he gestures to her to do the same.
ANTIGONE: No way.
She rubs lotion into his body at his request. Especially around his breasts.
CREON: Ooh. That’s nice.
They look at each other in the eyes. They practice kissing for a while. They then go swimming in the pool. He plays music on his ghetto blaster and jumps on top of her.
ANTIGONE: Why are you behaving like this?
CREON: I’m sorry.
ANTIGONE: Maybe you should go.
CREON: Why don’t we rehearse for a while?
ANTIGONE: Did you know Tiresias used to be in a band?
CREON: He said something about that all right.
ANTIGONE: He was talking to me. He wants to join the band.
ANTIGONE: Join our band, yeah.
CREON: But he’s fucking ancient.
ANTIGONE: You’re no spring chicken yourself.
CREON: What does he play?
ANTIGONE: He used to play bass.
CREON: Bass.
ANTIGONE: But he says he doesn’t play bass any more. Something wrong with his fingers. He wants to play drums.
CREON: But we don’t need drums. Oedipus plays a bit. And besides, we’ve got a machine.
ANTIGONE: Yeah, I know. I told him.
CREON: What did he say?
ANTIGONE: He said that humans sounded better.
CREON: But they don’t keep time as well as a machine.
ANTIGONE: No. No they don’t.
CREON: So he’s not much use to us, then.
ANTIGONE: No. No he’s not.
CREON: So what did you tell him?
ANTIGONE: I told him he could join.
CREON: You’re crap. You get embarrassed too easily. You need to learn how to turn people down. Just tell him to fuck off.
ANTIGONE: I can’t.
CREON: Why not?
ANTIGONE: Cause he’s old. I feel guilty. Old people make me feel guilty somehow.
CREON: You’re a fucking spa.
ANTIGONE: Shut up and play.
CREON: I’m bored of your songs.
ANTIGONE: Then write some of your own.
CREON: I couldn’t be bothered. What’s the point? They all sound the same in the end.
ANTIGONE: Maybe Tiresias can write us some new songs.
CREON: Is he your ‘special friend’ now?
ANTIGONE: No he’s not. Shut up ye tit. It’s just about the band. It’s all about the band. He just wants to join the band. He’s really enthusiastic.
CREON: I’ll bet he is.
ANTIGONE: We’ve been practising secretly.
CREON: I’ll bet you have.
ANTIGONE: I’ll play you one of our songs.
CREON: Go on then.
ANTIGONE: (Sings.)
Sex, Sex with real women
I can tell you it’s over-rated
I tried it myself and I can tell you I hate it
Oh but I love them all when they’re sedated
TIRESIAS enters.
TIRESIAS: So. What’s all this about a band then?
CREON: It’s just me and Antigone. It’s experimental. We jam. I process her. She processes me. We listen back to the tapes and splice together the songs in real time. We write each other’s lyrics and sing on the spot. One take. Purity. Never rehearse. Never play a song twice. Never think. Just act out the moment.
TIRESIAS: That sounds… Interesting.
CREON: And what do you have to offer us?
TIRESIAS: I’m a seasoned musician. I used to be in a glam rock band. I had very intricate make-up. Hair right down to my ass. These days I’m a percussionist. I bang stuff. It’s quite a unique form. Very ancient. Full of possibilities. You are, of course, aware that I study the ancient Greeks. Well, I try to reconstruct their epic poetry in percussion and song. With a contemporary angle.
CREON: You’re completely outmoded.
TIRESIAS: You haven’t heard my songs.
TIRESIAS: (Sings ‘I’m A Ladies Man’.)
Sex, Sex with real women
I can tell you it’s over-rated
I tried it myself and I can tell you I hate it
Oh but I love them all when they’re sedated
I’m a ladies man
I’m a ladies man
I’m a ladies man
And there’s nothing queer about that
And there’s nothing queer about that
I’m a ladies man
I’m a ladies man
I’m a ladies man
And there’s nothing queer about that
And there’s nothing queer about that
La La La La La
You were so soft so uncomplicated
I loosened your clothing
My heart palpitated
I felt so alive
I felt so elated
I’m a ladies man
I’m a ladies man
I’m a ladies man
And there’s nothing queer about that
And there’s nothing queer about that
I’m a ladies man
I’m a ladies man
I’m a ladies man
And there’s nothing queer about that
And there’s nothing queer about that
OEDIPUS is barbecuing in the back garden.
ANTIGONE: Where’s Creon?
OEDIPUS: I sent him away. To the oracle.
JOCASTA: Why did you do that?
OEDIPUS: To find out what’s wrong.
JOCASTA: But nothing’s wrong.
ANTIGONE: What do you mean? Everything is wrong.
OEDIPUS: She’s right. Everything is wrong.
JOCASTA: Why do you always have to side with your father in these things? There’s nothing wrong. Tell me what’s wrong.
OEDIPUS: There are problems in this house. That’s why I sent Creon to the oracle.
JOCASTA: Did you give him money?
OEDIPUS: Yes. I gave him a few quid. For the bus.
JOCASTA: Oh no. He’ll be gone for days. You know you really shouldn’t give him any money.
ANTIGONE: That’s not the answer, you know. Going to the oracle. The solution is only to be found in a just morality.
OEDIPUS: You’re so full of crap, Antigone. You’re young. You think that you can control the world. Wait till you get to my age. Then you’ll find out that the world controls you. That’s why I sent Creon to the oracle. To find out what it is that’s controlling us.
JOCASTA: Nothing is controlling us. Nothing is wrong. Except for your own fuck-ups. And you can take responsibility for those without infecting us all with the blame. You’re a fool.
OEDIPUS: Are you finished?
OEDIPUS busies himself with the barbecue. JOCASTA takes ANTIGONE to one side.
JOCASTA: Antigone. Come here. I have to tell you something.
ANTIGONE: Yes? What is it?
JOCASTA: It’s about your father.
ANTIGONE: Yes?
JOCASTA: It’s about the barbecue. He’s burning the meat. Watch him. He throws on a few sausages. He turns his back and they’re frazzled.
ANTIGONE: But that’s not such a terrible thing, is it?
JOCASTA: You don’t seem to understand. I don’t think he can be trusted with meat.
ANTIGONE: Then you can do the barbecue.
JOCASTA: The man of the house must be the one to do the barbecue. But your father cannot be trusted to cook the meat properly. This is a dreadful omen.
ANTIGONE: We could just order pizza.
JOCASTA: You can’t have pizza at a barbecue. There must be burgers and ribs and sausages and chicken legs. There must be sauces. There must be salads, which nobody remembers bringing, and nobody bothers to eat. There must be ice cold beers in rubbish bins full of ice. There must be paper plates incapable of holding anything. There must be plastic cutlery which shatters very easily. Because all that matters is meat, barely cooked, taken in the hands and ripped from the bone. Now that’s what a barbecue is all about.
CREON returns. He begins to tell OEDIPUS what he learned in Delphi. He is prompted through headphones.
CREON: What I learned was, ‘Drive the corruption from the land, don’t nurse it in the soil, root it out.’ We all, especially you, have to be honest with ourselves and go into therapy, and get our problems out in the open.
OEDIPUS thinks for a moment. They look at each other.
OEDIPUS: Okay. Fuck it. Why not?
CREON gives him a hug. CREON receives another prompt.
CREON: There’s one more thing. The oracle thinks we should try to solve the murder of Jocasta’s first husband, Laius. She thinks that would help.
OEDIPUS: Okay. No problem. Maybe we’ll finally catch the bastard.
(To himself.) But if he hadn’t been killed, I wouldn’t be here right now sharing his wife’s bed.
(To CREON.) And besides it’s a good idea to try and find the murderer because whoever killed Jo’s first husband might try and kill me.
CREON: Absolutely. You’re so right. Finally we can begin a year of living honestly.
OEDIPUS: That would be great, brother.
CREON: Yes, brother.
(They hug.) I think you should know. The people hate you.
OEDIPUS: What people?
CREON: All the people. Out there. You know the ones. Hate you. Can’t stand you.
OEDIPUS: And how do you know?
CREON: I stayed out there. To see. To check them out. I wanted to see if there was anything out there. For me. I mean, it’s nice here and everything. And I really love you all. Love my family. I mean I really love my family. In a very special way. Even though you’ve totally ruined my life. But I just wanted to get out and see how I would get on with other people. See if I could make some friends. Tiresias thinks I spend too much time with my family. Even though I really love them. Even though they fuck me over constantly.
OEDIPUS: And how did you get on?
CREON: Terrible, mostly. People are so awful. I mean, not like here. My family is so wonderful. But out there… Wankers. They hate you, you know.
OEDIPUS: How can they hate me? They don’t even know me.
CREON: That’s exactly what I said to them. And you know what they said? They said that that was besides the point. That it wasn’t so much you personally that they hated, but what you stood for.
OEDIPUS: Really. That’s just – That’s just too much.
CREON: I really admire you. You’ve got guts. I don’t know how you do it. But I’ll tell you this much, I won’t be going out there again. I don’t need them. I’ve got everyone I need right here.
CREON kisses OEDIPUS.
TIRESIAS: He’s mixed up.
JOCASTA: I know.
ANTIGONE: What’s going on?
JOCASTA: Apparently we are all going to enter therapy.
ANTIGONE: Spare me.
(Pause.) The dead are spreading death and therapy is going to rescue us. Come with your face aflame with drink and your raving women’s cries and we’ll get to the bottom of this mess.
Everyone is sitting around in a therapy session.
VOICEOVER: Act Two. Therapy.
TIRESIAS: Let’s start.
OEDIPUS: I wasn’t here when all this happened. But I will try and help.
JOCASTA: We don’t have to tell everyone our shortcomings do we?
TIRESIAS: Not exactly, just what’s on your mind, really. To get the thing rolling.
JOCASTA: Oh. I feel embarrassed.
TIRESIAS: Okay. Why do you think you feel embarrassed?
JOCASTA: Isn’t it obvious? Being here like this, in front of you all.
TIRESIAS: Go further. That is not the full reason.
JOCASTA: I feel embarrassed for myself, I feel a general embarrassment for the whole family, as I am the mother, you see.
TIRESIAS: Okay. Thank you. Anyone else embarrassed?
They all put their hand up.
V.O.: I know. Why don’t you turn the lights off? That might help. Or put on those masks. Then maybe you’ll feel more comfortable when you have to speak about yourselves.
TIRESIAS: Well if you really want to. I think you are missing the point, though. Isn’t that just further secrecy, murkiness?
ANTIGONE: Oh. Come on. Let’s try.
CREON: Yeah. It’s a good idea.
TIRESIAS: Okay.
JOCASTA: (Nods.)
Blackout. They put the masks on.
CREON: I used to masturbate a lot as a teenager, mostly thinking of Jocasta’s breasts.
ANTIGONE: Creon!
JOCASTA: Creon!
CREON: Sorry. Only joking. Sorry.
TIRESIAS: So let’s try again. Who feels awkward, let’s say, when we are all having dinner together?
OEDIPUS: I do. I feel awkward.
Laughs.
TIRESIAS: Antigone, can you remember a happy moment? From your childhood?
ANTIGONE: Let me think.
(Pause.) No, I can’t. I’d need more time to think.
TIRESIAS: Are you sure? Nothing at all?
ANTIGONE: I just can’t think of anything in particular. None of it really stands out. I mean, I’m not saying that it was an unhappy childhood. No. But I can’t think of anything to single out. I’m sorry. I’m bad at this, aren’t I?
TIRESIAS: That’s fine. We’ll do an exercise. A role play. Creon, you be me. Jocasta, you be Antigone. The rest of us will observe, as if from outside a goldfish bowl. You will ask her to recall a happy memory from her childhood. All right. Are you ready? Go.
CREON: Antigone.
JOCASTA: Yes?
CREON: Tell me something. When and where were you happiest?
Pause.
JOCASTA: In my mother’s womb.
Pause.
TIRESIAS: What did you think of that?
OEDIPUS: It didn’t hang together for me.
ANTIGONE: Yes. No. The body language was all wrong. And she spoke too quickly.
TIRESIAS: It was an interesting answer, though. Wasn’t it?
ANTIGONE: It was the sort of answer I’d expect from her. Self-serving. Flippant. Pat.
TIRESIAS: Do you think she tried to understand you?
ANTIGONE: No more or less than usual.
TIRESIAS: What did you think of him?
OEDIPUS: He was good. I liked the eyes especially.
CREON: Are we finished? Can we speak?
TIRESIAS: Yes. How did you find it?
CREON: It was very intense, being you.
TIRESIAS: Yes. I know. I’m a very intense person.
JOCASTA: I really feel that I got something out of that.
TIRESIAS: Good. That’s great.
ANTIGONE: Why can’t I think of a happy memory? I’m useless.
TIRESIAS: Antigone. Relax. Don’t forget. The person is not the problem. The problem is the problem.
ANTIGONE: I suppose.
TIRESIAS: Now. Let’s go again. This time, Oedipus, I want you to be Antigone. And Antigone, I want you to be me. The rest of us will observe. All right. Are you ready? Go.
ANTIGONE: Antigone?
OEDIPUS: Yes, Tiresias?
ANTIGONE: What is the happiest that you have been?
ANTIGONE: Tell me about it.
OEDIPUS: I can’t remember much about it. There was just the sense of profound happiness. It’s slippery. The more I try to remember it, the more it recedes.
TIRESIAS: Can we have the lights back on now, please?
The lights go on.
CREON: I think this is stupid.
TIRESIAS: Thank you for that, Creon. Your opinion is valued.
CREON: This is really fucking stupid.
TIRESIAS: Thanks for that, Creon. We already had that point.
Let someone else speak.
CREON: You are not playing drums in our band.
TIRESIAS: Percussion. I play percussion. There is a difference.
OEDIPUS: Can I just say how happy I am that everyone came along today?
CREON: So fucking stupid.
OEDIPUS: I thought that we needed to get together to talk about the plague.
CREON: There is no plague.
TIRESIAS: It might be helpful if we go around the room and everyone explains what it is that they mean by the plague. Let’s start with you, Jocasta.
JOCASTA: I don’t know. I suppose that yes, it’s there. But it’s nothing major. It’s just like you’re feeling a little tired all the time. A little resigned. Like an interesting prescription medicine. I don’t have a problem with the plague. I think he’s the one with the problem.
TIRESIAS: Let’s not get into value judgments just yet. Creon?
CREON: This is stupid. I’m fine. There’s no problem. So what if I get a little upset from time to time. It’s no one else’s business. Are you saying that I have a problem? Stop looking at me. Leave me alone. I didn’t do anything. So what if everything is fucked up. Everything always fucks up, eventually. That’s just the way things go. So what if I get a little hurt from time to time. Wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you if it was fucken you?
TIRESIAS: Thank you, Creon. Antigone?
ANTIGONE: It’s a moral illness. It’s symptomatic of a failure in morality. Like a life support machine in a power cut. The emergency generator is running down. The first organ to go is morality. What will be next? Sanity? The plague is a symptom of a greater disease. None of you care any more, do you? About what’s going on beyond? About what’s happening outside your airless cocoon? All the oxygen of decency has been sucked out, and you just keep on going. Bacteria. That’s all you are. Bacteria.
TIRESIAS: And you, Oedipus, what does the plague mean to you?
OEDIPUS: I don’t know. I don’t really have a clue. It doesn’t really affect me. But it saddens me to think of you suffering under it. I’m the head of the household. I can’t be running a plague-ridden household now, can I? So we need to sort it out. Don’t you agree? That it’s a bad thing?
TIRESIAS: It’s really for you to decide. What does the plague mean to you?
OEDIPUS: It’s – It’s a sort of a sadness, I suppose.
TIRESIAS: Thank you. Thank you for that.
V.O.: Why don’t you take a short break.
(Beat.) And play a game to help you relax.
TIRESIAS: We’re going to play a game of wink murder. Everyone sit in a circle and close your eyes. I’m going to choose the killer by touching one of you on the shoulder. Then when I tell you to, open your eyes. If the killer winks at you, then you’re dead. If you guess who the killer is, put up your hand and say their name but if you’re wrong, you die. Okay. Everyone open their eyes.
OEDIPUS is the chosen killer, and proceeds to dispose of everyone, except TIRESIAS, who can’t see him wink.
TIRESIAS: Oedipus is the killer.
End of game.
OEDIPUS: You seem to have all the answers. What’s going on?
TIRESIAS: I think you already know the answer to that question.
OEDIPUS: What are you talking about?
TIRESIAS: Don’t play dumb. You’re such a bad actor.
(Beat.) Any bad memories? Anyone? Anyone?
JOCASTA: Not really.
ANTIGONE: I have to go.
JOCASTA: Please stay, we’re only just getting started.
ANTIGONE: Don’t fucking touch me.
(ANTIGONE storms out. She returns.) I just want to be left alone. Get off my back. I just want to be left alone like any normal teenager.
CREON: If you mention the plague again, I’m going to be sick.
OEDIPUS: I think that’s the point right there.
CREON: I’m too lazy to talk. What does that make me, then?
TIRESIAS: Tiresome.
OEDIPUS: You’re spoilt.
CREON: What do you care? Are you an oracle?
JOCASTA: Sometimes there are no words…
TIRESIAS: Anyway, there are some interesting points there for us all to consider.
JOCASTA: I’m talking. I’m talking. It might be nice to finish a sentence from time to time.
TIRESIAS: Of course. Sorry. Please continue.
JOCASTA: I can’t. The moment is gone…
OEDIPUS: Well, I’m quite outgoing.
JOCASTA: He butts in, so sneaky, as if his sentence is better than mine. He thinks he rules this house and he doesn’t. Every time I breathe he’s next to me, it’s suffocating, very, very draining.
OEDIPUS: I don’t really understand women, that’s my problem. I don’t know how to look after them.
TIRESIAS: But you got on very well with your mother, you told me.
OEDIPUS: I know. But that’s different. I mean, stranger women. Women that I bump into.
TIRESIAS: Oh.
Pause.
OEDIPUS: Why can’t you tell me what happened twenty years ago when I first came here?
ANTIGONE throws a full milk carton to the floor making a beautiful ‘don’t-cry-over-spilt-milk’ painting.
JOCASTA: What’s going on?
ANTIGONE: Sorry.
JOCASTA: It’s okay. I’ll clean it up.
TIRESIAS: I think it would be better to concentrate on now.
OEDIPUS: You’re all driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?
TIRESIAS: Can I suggest some visualisation techniques.
Sometimes it helps to write yourself a letter.
OEDIPUS: I’m sorry. I can’t…
(Writes something, privately.) ‘Dear Oedipus…’
(Stands up, reads what he has written.) ‘I am going to track down Laius’s murderer. I’ll fight for him as if he was my own father.’
TIRESIAS: Really. That’s magnificent.
OEDIPUS: How could you leave the crime unsolved so long? What’s wrong with you all?
CREON: We tried to find out but all we got were useless rumours.
OEDIPUS: What were the rumours?
CREON: That Laius was killed by strangers, traveling on the same road as him. Somewhere near a crossroads.
OEDIPUS: Brilliant work, Creon. But no one can find the murderer…
CREON: If anyone can, Tiresias can. They say, ‘The truth lives inside him.’
OEDIPUS: Is that what they say? Okay, tell me. We are in your hands. Save us. Rescue us from everything being infected by the dead.
TIRESIAS: How terrible it is to see the truth. It’s so painful.
OEDIPUS: Why are you so morbid?
TIRESIAS: I want to go home.
OEDIPUS: Why do you want to hide the truth?
TIRESIAS: Why dig up all this now?
TIRESIAS gets up to leave.
OEDIPUS: Please, if you know something. Tell us.
TIRESIAS: None of you know anything. And I will never tell you.
OEDIPUS: You know but won’t tell us.
TIRESIAS: Trust me, you don’t want to know.
OEDIPUS: You killed him. Or you arranged it. If you weren’t such a coward you would have done it yourself.
TIRESIAS: Is that so? Actually, you are the murderer you hunt.
OEDIPUS: Are you mad? Who put you up to this?
TIRESIAS: You did. You had to go and force it out of me, didn’t you?
OEDIPUS: Creon. Is this your idea or his?
TIRESIAS: Creon is not your problem. You are.
OEDIPUS: I didn’t ask to be King. You asked me. Is this the reason you made me King so you could steal it from me later?
ANTIGONE: Please Dad, he didn’t mean it. He just gets angry sometimes and says the wrong thing. It’s not what we need right now. We need to concentrate and find the best solution to our problems.
OEDIPUS: Get out. Go back to where you came from. Fuck off. Vanish.
TIRESIAS: I would never have come here if you hadn’t invited me.
OEDIPUS: If I’d known you were completely insane and were going to talk to me like this…
TIRESIAS: Insane, am I? Maybe to you but not to your parents. They found me sane enough.
OEDIPUS: Parents? What about my parents?
TIRESIAS: This day will bring your birth and your destruction, Oedipus.
ANTIGONE: The horror too dark to tell. I am terrified. I can’t accept it. I don’t know what to say. I’m lost and the wings of dark foreboding are beating. I cannot see what’s happened and what’s still to happen. Never will I convict my dad, never in my heart.
ANTIGONE and CREON are talking in the kitchen. CREON is sitting sideways to the audience, we see his profile in an exaggerated way. ANTIGONE is facing the audience.
ANTIGONE: This place is a nut house.
CREON: Yes.
ANTIGONE: Do you have any cigarettes?
CREON: Sure. What are you doing?
ANTIGONE: I’m practising my killer stare.
CREON: Let’s see?
ANTIGONE: There. What do you think?
CREON: How is it a killer stare?
ANTIGONE: It goes on for miles and can last forever.
CREON: It’s okay, I suppose. I’m still alive, though.
ANTIGONE: No, no, no, no, no. It’s not supposed to be a deadly stare. It’s a killer stare. It’s a stare which says, ‘I could kill you if I wanted to, but I choose not to.’ It’s a cool stare.
CREON: Aloof.
ANTIGONE: Exactly. It’s for the band. When we perform.
OEDIPUS is with CREON in the kitchen.
OEDIPUS: Creon. You’re the source of this plague. Get out of here.
CREON: You’ve got me all wrong. What’s this really about? If I knew something, I would tell you. I swear…
OEDIPUS: We would never have even heard about the killing of Laius if you and Tiresias hadn’t got together. But you will never convict me of the murder.
CREON: Why would I want to get rid of you? I don’t want to be King. Go to Delphi yourself and talk to the oracle personally. I’ve reported the message word for word. If I’m lying, kill me.
OEDIPUS: What? Do you want me to relax and sit back while everyone shits on me from above?
CREON: What do you want? Do you want me to go away?
OEDIPUS: No, I want you dead.
CREON: Calm down. Try and relax.
OEDIPUS: You don’t think I’m serious. I am going to kill you.
CREON: You’re insane. I haven’t done anything.
OEDIPUS: It doesn’t matter. I don’t believe you.
JOCASTA comes out from the house.
JOCASTA: Can you keep it down? You’re going to wake everybody. Oedipus, go to bed. And Creon, get lost, leave us alone. Why are you making such a racket? Are you drunk?
CREON: Your husband is threatening to kill me.
OEDIPUS: Yes, because I caught your brother about to stab me in the back.
CREON: No way. I swear. You’ve got it all wrong.
JOCASTA: Oh god, just believe him. Do it for me.
OEDIPUS: What do you want from me?
JOCASTA: He’s your friend.
OEDIPUS: Do you know what you’re asking? If that’s what you want, then you want me dead, or out of this family.
JOCASTA: I feel sick.
OEDIPUS: I’m sorry. I’ll leave him alone. But don’t ask me to stop hating him.
ANTIGONE and CREON are alone together.
ANTIGONE: I’ve lost my earring. I need to find my fucking earring. Right now.
(Pause.) There it is.
CREON: (Eating an apple.) Do you know what your problem is? You’re always fishing for compliments.
ANTIGONE: Piss off. No I’m not. I’m genuinely quite quiet, some people accept that.
CREON: Everyone does. But that doesn’t mean you’re not always fishing for compliments.
ANTIGONE: You’re saying just fucking nothing. Everything’s a joke to you.
CREON: Just having a laugh. Relax, will you. That’s how I get by.
ANTIGONE: Fucking hell. You annoy me.
ANTIGONE introduces her band. The gig begins.
(Sings ‘Miss Dún Laoghaire’.)
I don’t know what happened to me
I used to be such a nice girl
I used to be Miss Dún Laoghaire
I used to be Miss Dún Laoghaire
Now look at me Antigonised
Like a clown in my underwear
Playing darts through the night
Don’t be too nice to me
It only makes me nervous
It only makes me nervous
It only makes me nervous
They’ve all had me
Yet they talk to me
As if I’m still a virgin
Still a virgin, still a virgin
Still a virgin, still a virgin
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
CREON introduces the song ‘Limp’.
CREON: (Sings ‘Limp’.)
Sometimes I feel like setting my clothes on fire
So I can be naked with you
I would burn all my skin just be in sin with you
You are my small personal alarm grenade
I fell in love with a girl with a limp
But she never fell in love with me
She only liked me as a friend she said
So one day I stole her walking stick
I’m really down like being in a tunnel
Don’t see any light
I have a few questions
I have to write them down
What is the benefit of the medication I take?
I am on now
Play pool, play pool, play table tennis
Pool, pool, table tennis
Pool, pool, table tennis
And she never left her house again
No, she never left the house again
No, she never left the house again
Stravinsky’s ‘Oedipus Rex’ plays. The characters sing along to it through headphones. It fades out. Everyone is prompted through headphones throughout this scene and the following scene.
JOCASTA: Oh god, I need your help. My husband is paralysed by fear.
MESSENGER: I’m looking for someone called Oedipus. I have some good news for him.
JOCASTA: What news?
MESSENGER: I’m from Corinth. And the good news is that we want to make Oedipus our King.
JOCASTA: Isn’t there a King already? Polybus?
MESSENGER: He died last week.
OEDIPUS: What’s going on? Who’s he?
JOCASTA: He’s come from Corinth and he’s here to tell you the good news that your father is dead.
MESSENGER: It’s true. Polybus is dead.
OEDIPUS: How did he die?
MESSENGER: He died in his sleep.
OEDIPUS: He died and it had nothing to do with me. So much for oracles.
JOCASTA: That’s what I have been trying to tell you all along.
OEDIPUS: Sorry. I was afraid.
JOCASTA: This fear you have of marrying your mother, lots of men dream about that, it doesn’t mean it will ever happen.
OEDIPUS: I know that you’re trying to help, but as long as my mother is still alive, I’m afraid of her.
JOCASTA: But surely your father’s death is a good omen.
MESSENGER: What’s the problem with your mother that makes you so scared of her?
OEDIPUS: Not her personally, but the oracle which fortold that I would kill my father and marry my mother – that is what scares me.
(Beat.) And that’s why I never really visited them much.
MESSENGER: (Shakes his head.) That’s unbelievable. All this time you thought that Polybus and Merope were your real parents? That’s so incredible.
OEDIPUS: Of course they’re my real parents.
MESSENGER: They loved you as a son but they were not your real parents. You were a gift from me.
OEDIPUS: What do you mean, a ‘gift’?
MESSENGER: I found you abandoned on the side of a mountain with your ankles and feet shackled together, helpless. I took you back to Corinth and gave you to Polybus and Merope who brought you up as their own.
OEDIPUS: (Removes his shoe.) My limp and these awful scars, I’ve had them for as long as I can remember.
MESSENGER: And your name comes from them too. Oedipus, meaning pussy foot.
OEDIPUS: Who did this to me?
MESSENGER: I don’t know. Actually, it wasn’t exactly me who found you. It was another man who passed you on to me.
OEDIPUS: Who was he?
MESSENGER: I didn’t know him but I remember he said he worked for someone called Laius.
OEDIPUS: Jocasta, do you know the man we are talking about?
JOCASTA: Jesus. Let it go, will you? Don’t listen to this fool. He’s talking rubbish.
OEDIPUS: I have to know. Don’t you understand?
JOCASTA: Please stop. Please. Please Oedipus, let it go.
OEDIPUS: I can’t. I want to know the truth.
JOCASTA: For your own sake. Stop right now.
OEDIPUS: You know I can’t stop.
JOCASTA: Oh no.
JOCASTA goes into the house. OEDIPUS and the MESSENGER turn to watch her go. TIRESIAS enters, reluctantly.
OEDIPUS: Is he the one you mean?
MESSENGER: That’s him, definitely.
The MESSENGER leaves.
OEDIPUS: Tiresias?
TIRESIAS: Yes. I tried to warn you, but you never listen.
OEDIPUS: Will you answer all my questions now?
TIRESIAS: If that’s what you want.
OEDIPUS: Did you give him a child as he says you did?
TIRESIAS: Why are you doing this?
OEDIPUS: DID YOU GIVE HIM THE BABY?
TIRESIAS: Yes. Yes. Now, are you satisfied?
OEDIPUS: Where did the baby come from?
TIRESIAS: No more questions, please. Leave it.
OEDIPUS: Who did the baby belong to? Tell me. Or I’m going to kill you with my bare hands.
TIRESIAS: Your wife, Jocasta, she gave me the child, it was her child, Laius and hers.
OEDIPUS: Why?
TIRESIAS: To kill it.
OEDIPUS: Murder her own baby?
TIRESIAS: She was afraid of the prophecies.
OEDIPUS: What prophecies?
TIRESIAS: That the boy would end up killing his father.
OEDIPUS: So why wasn’t the boy killed?
TIRESIAS: I couldn’t go through with it. I hoped that the boy would grow up somewhere far from here and never meet his real parents.
(Pause.) But the boy is you.
OEDIPUS goes into the house. CREON comes out from the house. They remove their headphones.
CREON: The Queen is dead.
TIRESIAS: How?
CREON: She ran into her bedroom pulling at her hair. We all heard her screaming out Laius, her dead husband’s name. Then Oedipus knocked down the door, to find her hanging by the neck. He cut her down and laid her on the floor. Then he took a knife and scissors in either hand and held the points of both above his eyes. And plunged them deep into his eyeballs, screaming. He kept screaming as he kept stabbing his eyeballs, until the river of blood stopped flowing and gushing, and it was only clots and sinewy nerves peeking out of his decimated skull.
TIRESIAS: The poor bastard.
Later, CREON and ANTIGONE are on the lawn.
ANTIGONE: How are things?
CREON: I finally unblocked the toilet.
ANTIGONE: Great.
CREON: Do you think I’m a little autistic?
ANTIGONE: Yes, a little.
CREON: Really, this is serious. Do other people know? Do strangers know when they meet me? Should I get tests done?
ANTIGONE: Oh don’t be silly, there’s something wrong with everyone, just chill out.
CREON: That’s like telling someone to relax who’s stressed. That’s bad.
ANTIGONE: Or ‘snap out of it’ to someone depressed. Bad too. You’re not autistic enough for tests. The doctor would think you’re mad. You just have to live with it.
CREON: I’m not sure how I feel about that. I know. I feel scared.
ANTIGONE: But you’ve been the same all your life. Nothing has changed.
CREON: Are you 100% sure? I want to know. You see, I feel different.
ANTIGONE: Yes, Creon, you are the same as always.
CREON: Is that good or bad?
ANTIGONE: It’s good, of course. We all have stuff we need to work on. I have to fight my deep-seated melancholia.
CREON: How do you do that?
ANTIGONE: Struggle, struggle.
CREON: Struggle is a beautiful drug.
An instrumental song, ‘Every Hard-on Needs Love’. Everyone dances. When the song ends, they are all sitting around in the kitchen. OEDIPUS goes to the front of the stage.
OEDIPUS: Hello, my name is Oedipus, Oedipus Rex. And I think I have been unhappy for a very long time.
(Pause.) Let me be happy.
TIRESIAS: Sorry. Not on the cards. You’ll just have to face it.
OEDIPUS: I have limited imagination. Tell me something straight.
TIRESIAS: You were fucking your mother and you murdered your father. Is that straight enough for you?
Pause.
ANTIGONE: What was your favourite song when you were growing up?
OEDIPUS: ‘Freebird’ by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Pause.
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I’m free traveling on now
Because there’s too many places I’ve got to see
OEDIPUS cries inconsolably.
A barbecue. Everyone is sitting around in the back garden. OEDIPUS’ eyes are bandaged.
TIRESIAS: Where did you get the sausages?
OEDIPUS: At that butcher down the road. The one that’s always smiling.
TIRESIAS: They’re… Interesting.
CREON: Moist.
OEDIPUS: What?
CREON: I said, they’re moist. The sausages.
ANTIGONE: I should have bought a new dress. For the summer.
JOCASTA: That’s all right. It’s raining.
ANTIGONE: It might stop.
JOCASTA: It never stops.
OEDIPUS: Does anyone else’s eyes hurt? I think it might just be the smoke.
JOCASTA: Who made the potato salad? Has anyone tried it?
CREON: Hard.
JOCASTA: What?
CREON: It’s hard.
JOCASTA: You always have to find fault in everything, don’t you?
TIRESIAS: Life is hard. The potato salad is just a little chewy.
ANTIGONE: You’re so deep, Tiresias.
TIRESIAS: You should hear my poetry.
CREON: Why aren’t there any ribs?
JOCASTA: Oh, come on. It doesn’t matter.
TIRESIAS: Yeah. Where are the ribs?
OEDIPUS: I fucked-up the marinade. I mistook tablespoons for teaspoons. They were inedible.
CREON: And what about the steaks?
OEDIPUS: They went off. I forgot to put them in the fridge.
There were little worms crawling out of them. Sorry.
TIRESIAS: And where are the burgers?
OEDIPUS: They were in the freezer. I thought they’d be okay. But they came out all grey and mushy. There wasn’t time to get any more. Sorry. But the sausages are good, aren’t they?
CREON: Moist.
OEDIPUS: See? We have moist sausages. Grand.
CREON: Moist is not a good thing.
TIRESIAS: Tender. Tender is a good thing.
ANTIGONE: They’re disgusting.
JOCASTA: At least it’s not raining.
ANTIGONE: It is raining.
OEDIPUS: Have some potato salad. I made it.
TIRESIAS: It’s chewy.
JOCASTA: You ruined the barbecue.
OEDIPUS: I always ruin the barbecue.
JOCASTA: I live in hope that some day you’ll get it right.
OEDIPUS: At least the weather held.
JOCASTA: It’s pissing rain.
OEDIPUS: Not as much as it might be.
JOCASTA: You’re blind.
OEDIPUS: You’re dead.
JOCASTA: Have you got a problem with that?
OEDIPUS: I’m going to go away.
JOCASTA: I thought you might.
OEDIPUS: There’s nothing left for me here.
JOCASTA: No. Nothing.
OEDIPUS: And what about you?
JOCASTA: I’m dead. I’ll be fine. It’s the children I worry about.
ANTIGONE speaks into a mic.
ANTIGONE: I’d like to say something.
TIRESIAS: Go ahead.
OEDIPUS: Go ahead.
ANTIGONE: I think it’s all been a big misunderstanding.
JOCASTA: It usually is.
ANTIGONE: I mean, we get on okay. We just need to be kinder to each other. And forgive more…
TIRESIAS: Yes, but it’s getting too hard for some of us to truly accept that. To truly forgive. That’s why we need to go through this process. To discover how upset, angry and hurt we really are with each other so we can work it out. Work out how much we are really being asked to forgive.
OEDIPUS: Wouldn’t it be easier if I just left?
TIRESIAS: Maybe. But that’s kind of giving up isn’t it?
ANTIGONE: I’d like you to stay. I want us to be a family, no matter what.
JOCASTA: Antigone, darling, it’s just too fucked-up, I can’t bear it.
OEDIPUS: You know what the biggest regret of my life is right now? That I was born. That’s pathetic, isn’t it? As miserable as it gets. What did I do to deserve this? I love you all.
(He takes out a piece of paper and reads.) ‘I’m a bad person. I want to apologise for all the terrible things that I’ve done. I’m not doing this to make myself feel better, it’s so you all know the truth and are not sitting there thinking that I’m something great, something special, to be looked up to, to be admired.’
TIRESIAS: Come here, come here.
TIRESIAS gives OEDIPUS a hug. OEDIPUS’ face is covered by TIRESIAS’, then we see TIRESIAS’ eyes open.
OEDIPUS: (Sings ‘I Think We Are Just Waving Ourselves Goodbye’.)
But I still can’t give you up
I won’t believe the dreams till they are gone again
I can’t hide my face till I’m awake
I hope one day to find a way
To learn how to give you up
Even though you are just scraping by
We are all just waving ourselves goodbye
In hotel rooms
And airport bars
And quiet streets
And public parks
Even though you are just scraping by
We are all just waving ourselves goodbye
In hotel rooms
And airport bars
And quiet streets