“We are taking that bitch down.”
You gotta love Becca. I’ve just told her and Mel about my little tennis match with Crystal, and she’s ready for war.
Melanie shakes her head in amazement. “I can’t believe she put the moves on a guy while you were with him! That’s low even for her.”
“And now she’s going on your date to see the fireworks.”
“It gets worse,” I tell them.
“How could it be worse?”
“I just got a call from work. It turns out that Eager Beaver is going to be part of the Fourth of July celebration. We’ve got to do our dance and pose for pictures with kids.”
“Does that mean … ?” Melanie asks.
“Yes. That means I will have to leave my crush of crushes with Crystal Gentry while I sneak away and dress up like a huge beaver.”
Becca’s getting mad. “I bet she knew. I bet she already knew when she weaseled into your date.”
I lie back on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I can’t believe this is happening. “I should have known better than to go after a guy like that. He’s out of my league.”
“Don’t say that,” Becca complains. “You didn’t go after him. You got him. And, if you’re not in his league, it’s because you own his league. The problem is Crystal.”
Melanie paces around the room for a minute, trying to come up with a solution. “Somehow you need to be Eager Beaver and Bikini Jane at the same time.”
Melanie looks at the picture of Janus on the sign above my bed. “You’ve got to be like Janus—one you, two faces.”
Suddenly, I have an idea. I don’t know if it’s pure brilliance or just desperate. But it comes to me and I start to get excited. So excited that I reach across the bed and poke Becca’s tattoo.
“Buzz, buzz, buzz!”
“What? What?” Becca asks. “You figured it out?”
“I could be in two places at once … if someone else was in the beaver costume.”
This sinks in for a moment.
“That’s hot,” Becca says. “That’ll work.”
I smile and look right at her. “Good. ’Cause you have to be the other person.”
Suddenly, the smile disappears from her face.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why does it have to be me?”
“It can’t be Mel. She’s only five feet two. The costume won’t fit her.”
Becca’s still not getting on board. “But, isn’t Eager Beaver kind of all cheerful and cuddly? Those aren’t words that go real well with me.”
“No, but they could be. Think about it. If you can teach me to walk like Jennifer Garner, don’t you think I can teach you to hop around like Eager Beaver?”
She is totally not buying this.
“Would you do it … for me?”
I give her the same look I used on my dad when I was trying to talk him into getting me a car.
“Hell, no. Does that face work on Alex? Because it sure doesn’t work on me.”
Melanie chimes in. “Screw that. Would you do it to piss off Crystal?”
That seals it.
Becca smiles. “Yeah, that works. I’d do it for that.”
On the night of July 3, Becca and Melanie come over to my house for a makeover much different from the one that produced Bikini Jane.
Tonight we’re creating Becca the Beaver.
She’s a little bit taller and a whole lot curvier than I am, so the fur bodysuit is really snug. She instantly discovers what Mrs. Claus warned me about at orientation: The costume tends to bind in the bust.
She lets loose with a flurry of Spanish words that I assume are not family-friendly. When she s done, she gives me her meanest look.
“You will owe me for the rest of your life.”
“I know. I know. But we can worry about that later. Now, let’s see you walk.”
Melanie and I watch as Becca saunters across the room and back. We’re both stunned.
“What? Is something wrong?” Becca asks.
“Yes, something’s wrong,” I say, dumbfounded. “That was sexy. How the hell can you look sexy wearing a giant beaver costume?”
Becca can’t help but smile. “You can put a cover over a Ferrari, but the engine’s still going to purr.”
Mel and I both laugh. Only Becca could get away with a line like that.
“Let’s try to keep it under the speed limit.”
Next we adjust the beaver head to Becca’s head so that she can see out of the eye slits. It takes a little getting used to, and she runs smack into the door.
When she finally gets the hang of it (sort of), I spend an hour going over the rules and practicing the dance Eager Beaver does with Platypus Rex and Ollie Otter.
Becca has a little trouble with the rules. (Especially the one that says she can’t slug a kid who pulls her tail.) But she gets them all down. The dance is a different story. Grayson and I have practiced it together all summer. It’s too difficult to master in one night.
We decide on an alternate plan. Becca will do the first forty-five minutes of shaking hands and posing for pictures, and then well sneak off somewhere and switch places before the dance. While I’m away, Melanie will run interference between Crystal and Alex.
It’s not much of a plan, but it’s all we’ve got.