January
Trust That Good
Will Come
January
Trust That Good
Will Come
January 1
Trust that good will come
It was a slow, boring January day at the Blue Sky Lodge. We had just moved in. The house was a mess. Construction hadn’t begun yet. All we had was a plan, and a dream. It was too cold and rainy to skydive or even be outdoors. There wasn’t any furniture yet. We were lying around on the floor.
I don’t know who got the idea first, him or me. But we both picked up Magic Markers about the same time. Then we started drawing on the wall.
“What do you want to happen in your life?” I asked. He drew pictures of seaplanes, and mountains, and boats leaving the shore. One picture was a video-camera man, jumping out of a plane. “I want adventure,” he said.
I drew pictures of a woman tromping around the world. She went to war-torn countries, then sat on a fence and watched. She visited the mountains and the oceans and many exciting places. Then I drew a heart around the entire picture, and she sat there in the middle of all the experiences on a big stack of books.
“I want stories,” I said, “ones with a lot of heart.”
Across the entire picture, in big letters, he wrote the word “Woohoo.”
As an afterthought, I drew a woman sky diver who had just jumped out of the plane. She was frightened and grimacing. Next to her I wrote the words “Just relax.”
On the bottom of the wall I wrote, “The future is only limited by what we can see now.” He grabbed a marker, crossed out “only,” and changed it to “never.”
“There,” he said, “it’s done.”
Eventually, the house got cleaned up and the construction finished. Furniture arrived. And yellow paint covered the pictures on the wall. We didn’t think much about that wall until months later. Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, and sometimes in ways we’d least expect, each of the pictures we’d drawn on that wall began to materialize and manifest.
“It’s a magic wall,” I said.
Even if you can’t imagine what’s coming next, relax. The good pictures are still there. The wall will soon become covered with the story of your life. Thank God, the future is never limited by what we can see right now.
The wall isn’t magic.
The magic is in us and what we believe.
Before we start speaking the language of letting go, we need to understand what a powerful behavior letting go and letting God really is.
God, help me do my part. Then help me let go, and let you do yours.
Activity: Meditate for a moment on the year ahead. Make a list of things you’d like to see happen, attributes you’d like to gain, things you’d like to get and do, changes you’d like to occur. You don’t have to limit the list to this year. What do you want to happen in your life? Make a list of places you’d like to visit and things you’d like to see. Leave room for the unexpected, the unintended. But make room for the possibility of what you’d like, too—your intentions, wishes, dreams, hopes, and goals. Also, list what you’re ready to let go of, too —things, people, attitudes, and behaviors you’d like to release. If anything were possible, anything at all, what are the possibilities you’d like to experience and see?
January 2
Doing my part
The surest way to become Tense, Awkward, and Confused is to develop a mind that tries too hard—one that thinks too much.
— Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh
The universe will help us, but we need to do our part as well. Here’s an acronym, My Part, to help you remember what it means to do that.
Manifest
Your
Power
Accept
Relax
Trust
Too often, we tell ourselves the only way to get from point A to point B—or Z—is to tense up, obsess a little (or a lot), and live in fear and anxiety until what we want takes place.
That isn’t the path to success. It’s the path to fear and anxiety.
Accept. Relax. Breathe. Let go. Trust yourself, God, and the universe to manifest the best possible destiny when the time is right for you.
God, help me make the journey from fear and control to letting go and stepping into my true power.
January 3
Bring your ideals to life
There is a Zen story about two monks walking down a street after a heavy rain. Arriving at a corner, they came upon a beautiful girl in fine clothing unable to cross the muddy street without getting filthy.
“Here, I’ll help you,” said one monk. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her to the other side. The two monks walked in silence for a long time.
“We’ve sworn a vow of celibacy and are not supposed to go near women. It’s dangerous,” the second monk said to the first. “Why did you do that?”
“I left the girl back at the corner,” the first monk said. “Are you still carrying her?”
Sometimes, we may find ourselves in a situation where our ideals conflict. Being kind and loving to another person may conflict with our value of being committed and loving toward ourselves.
When one ideal imposes on another, then use your judgment. Do the right thing by others. Do the right thing by yourself, too. Then let the incident pass and move on.
For the monks in our story, right action usually meant not having contact with women. However, when encountering a stranded person on the road, right action became helping others. Ideals remain. Right thought, right action, right speech—but the path to those ideals may twist and turn throughout life. Be sensitive and aware that you are following an ideal and not a rigid belief.
God, help me learn when it’s time to let go.
Activity: In an earlier activity, we explored our goals and dreams list. Now, let’s determine the ethics and ideals we want to live by, the code of conduct we want to follow. What’s of foremost importance to you, whether or not your dreams come true and you achieve your goals? Examples of ideals may be staying clean and sober, honoring your commitments to others, and honoring your commitment to yourself. Many people choose additional spiritual values, such as compassion, honesty, tolerance. Some people choose to live by an ideal they call “Christ Consciousness,” some “Buddha consciousness,” some the “Twelve Steps,” and some the Ten Commandments. List your ideals, and put that list with your goals. Let these ideals be a light that guides your path and allows you to live in harmony with others and yourself.
January 4
Know when to compromise
Sometimes compromise is important. Sometimes it’s better to give in to someone else’s wishes in order to have fun as a group or as a couple, or for the benefits of the team. Sometimes compromise is dangerous. We need to guard against compromising our standards to gain the approval or love of someone else.
Decide when you can, and when you cannot, compromise. If it’s not harmful and you are ambivalent about a decision, then compromise. If it could lead to breaking your values, compromise isn’t a good idea.
Is it okay to have lunch with an attractive colleague if you’re married? Possibly, but not if lunch will lead to dinner, which then leads to more time spent together, culminating in an affair. Is it okay to go to the bar with friends after work? Maybe, but not if it leads to one rationalized decision after another until you have broken your commitment to stay sober.
Remember that what may be an acceptable compromise for one person might not be acceptable for you. Know your limits, know your values, and be aware of the dangers that can come from compromising them.
God, help me be aware of my limits. Give me the strength not to compromise the values that I need to help me on my path.
January 5
Move when it’s time
We were touring the ruins at Hovenweep National Monument in the southwestern United States. A sign along the interpretive trail told about the Anasazi who had lived along the small, narrow canyon so long ago. The archaeologists have done their best to determine what these ancient Indians did and how they lived their lives. The signs told about the strategic positioning of the buildings perched precariously on the edge of a cliff, and questioned what had caused this ancient group to suddenly disappear long ago.
“Maybe they just got tired of living there and moved,” my friend said.
We laughed as we pictured a group of wise ancients sitting around the campfire one night. “You know,” says one of them, “I’m tired of this desert. Let’s move to the beach.” And in our story they did. No mystery. No aliens taking them away. They just moved on, much like we do today.
It’s easy to romanticize what we don’t know. It’s easy to assume that someone else must have a greater vision, a nobler purpose than just going to work, having a family, and living a life. People are people, and have been throughout time. Our problems aren’t new or unique. The secret to happiness is the same as it has always been. If you are unhappy with where you are, don’t be there. Yes, you may be here now, you may be learning hard lessons today, but there is no reason to stay there. If it hurts to touch the stove, don’t touch it. If you want to be someplace else, move. If you want to chase a dream, then do it. Learn your lessons where you are, but don’t close off your ability to move and to learn new lessons someplace else.
Are you happy with the path that you’re on? If not, maybe it’s time to choose a new one. There need not be a great mysterious reason. Sometimes it’s just hot and dry, and the beach is calling your name.
Be where you want to be.
God, give me the courage to find a path with heart. Help me move on when it’s time.
January 6
Take responsibility for your life
Before you can jump out of the airplane, before you can fly solo in an airplane, before you can go on the whitewater rafting trip, before you can make a bungee jump, you have to sign a waiver.
The waiver is a document that says that you realize the dangers in what you’re about to do, that you and you alone have made the decision to participate in the activity, and that you and you alone are responsible for the outcome.
You sign away your right to sue, whine, complain—to do anything except risk your life for a new experience.
You sign the waiver to protect others from being liable in case of an accident. I think waivers are a good reminder that ultimately no one is responsible for my life but me. There is no one to blame, no one to sue, no one to ask for a refund. I make my own decisions and I live with the results of those choices each day.
So do you.
It’s your life. Sign a waiver saying that you take responsibility for it. Set yourself and others free.
God, help me understand the inherent powers I have. Help me take responsibility for my choices, and guide me about what decisions are best for me.
Activity: Read the following waiver carefully. Fill in the blanks, and be aware of what you’re signing. It is your life, after all. Take responsibility for what you do.
WAIVER
I understand that during the course of my life I will be required to make many decisions, such as where I want to live, whom I want to live with, where I work, how much fun I have, and how I spend my money and time, including how much time I spend waiting for things to get better and people to change, and whom I choose to love.
I understand that many events that occur will be out of my hands and that there are inherent dangers and risks in all decisions I make. Life and people have no obligation whatsoever to live up to my expectations; I have no obligation to live up to the expectations of anybody else. Life is a high-risk sport, and I may become injured along the way.
I agree that all the decisions I make are mine and mine alone, including how I choose to handle the events that are beyond my control. I hereby forfeit my right to recourse as a victim, including my rights to blame, complain, and whine or hold someone else responsible for the path I choose to take. I am responsible for my participation—or lack of it—in life. And I take complete responsibility for the outcomes and consequences of all decisions I make, understanding that ultimately it is my choice whether I become happy, joyous, and free or stay miserable and trapped.
Although people may voluntarily nurture and love me, I and I alone am responsible for taking care of and loving myself.
Signed:________________________
Dated:_________________________
January 7
Save your life in a journal
Are you saving your life by writing about it in a journal?
Sometimes I use a file in my computer for my journal. If I’m rambling, ranting, or raving—writing something that could embarrass me if seen—I lock the file with a code. My words in my journal, whether it’s in a computer or a green Italian notebook, are meant only for me.
There are many ways to write in a journal. We can go on and on about whatever comes to us. That’s helpful, especially if we’re stuck. We can use our journal as a record, writing down what we did that day. It’s a good place to write our goals and to explore our fantasies and dreams. We can write poems or short stories. We can write letters to God or our Guardian Angel, asking for advice. Or we can just say what happened each day, and then write how it feels.
People may think there’s a right and wrong way to write in a journal, but I don’t agree. There aren’t any rules about journals. It’s just a way to record and save our lives.
Do you think your life is worth saving? I do. If you’ve been neglecting to do that, ask yourself “why?”
God, help me be aware of and respect the details of my life.
Activity: Transfer your goal list to a journal, and begin writing your responses to the meditations and the activities as part of your journal entry for each day. Use your journal as a logbook, to record what you’re doing and whom you’re doing it with as you pursue your dreams. Or use it as a way of exploring how you feel, who you are, and what you want to do. Save your life in whatever way makes sense to you.
January 8
Letting go to save our lives
I crouched in the doorway of the airplane, next to my skydiving coach. I held on to the doorway with my right hand for balance. With my left hand, I firmly grasped my coach’s gripper, a padded piece of cloth on his jumpsuit.
It was up to me to give the count. “Ready,” I hollered. “Set …”
I backed up and took another breath. “Ready, set …”
I heard a snicker. “Get out of the plane,” someone hollered.
“Go.”
I released my grip on the door, closed my eyes, and dived headfirst into the air—with my left hand firmly attached to my jump master’s gripper. We wobbled around for a moment. The plan was, we would turn to face each other in the air, I would grab his other shoulder grip, get my balance, then I’d release him.
He turned to face me. I grabbed his other grip. Now I was falling stable and holding on with both hands. He nodded, giving me my cue to let go.
I shook my head, carefully, so as not to lose my balance.
He looked confused, then nodded again.
I shook my head again, clinging more tightly.
I looked at my altimeter. Six thousand feet. Thank God. It was almost time to pull. I released my grips. I just let go. Obviously, I couldn’t safely pull my rip cord while I was hanging on to him.
It was time to save my own life.
My coach backed away.
I signaled, then pulled my rip cord. My parachute made that sweet whooshing sound, the one I had come to identify as the sound it makes when it opens correctly and fills with air, slowing my fall into a float.
Wow! I thought. This is really fun!
Sometimes we’re so scared, all we can think to do is hang on. Hanging on in this case was a silly illusion. We were both falling through the air. Holding on to a relationship that’s not working, a negative self-image, a job that isn’t working, moments and times that have passed, or emotions such as fear and hurt can be a silly illusion, too.
To save our own lives, sometimes we have to let go first.
God, show me what I need to let go of, and when it’s time to do that.
January 9
Detach in love
In the original Language of Letting Go, I told the gerbil story. It’s one of my favorite stories about letting go. Here it is again.
Many years ago, when I lived in Stillwater, Minnesota, my children wanted a pet. They wanted a puppy, but I said no. We had tried a bird, but its feathers fell off. I suggested a goldfish, but we settled on a gerbil instead.
One day, the gerbil got loose. It got out of its cage and scurried across the floor. It ran so fast that none of us could catch it. We watched as it disappeared under a crack in the wall. We stood around, wondering what to do, but there wasn’t much that could be done.
In the months that followed, the gerbil made timely appearances. It would scurry out from behind the walls, run across the room, then dart back into the walls. We’d chase it, lunging after it and screaming as we ran.
“There he is. Catch him!”
I worried about the gerbil, even when we didn’t see it. “This isn’t right,” I’d think. “I can’t have a gerbil running loose in the house. We’ve got to catch it. We’ve got to do something.”
A small animal the size of a mouse had the entire household in a tizzy.
One day, while sitting in the living room, I watched the animal scurry across the hallway. I started to lunge at it, as I usually did, then I stopped myself.
“No,” I said. “I’m all done. If that animal wants to live in the nooks and crannies of this house, I’m going to let it. I’m done worrying about it. I’m done chasing it.”
I let the gerbil run past without reacting. I felt slightly uncomfortable with my new reaction—not reacting—but I stuck to it anyway. Before long, I became downright peaceful with the situation. I had stopped fighting the gerbil. One afternoon, only weeks after I started practicing my new attitude, the gerbil ran by me, as it had so many times, and I barely glanced at it. The animal stopped in its tracks, turned around, and looked at me. I started to lunge at it. It started to run away. I relaxed.
“Fine,” I said. “Do what you want.” And I meant it.
About an hour later, the gerbil came and stood by me, and waited. I gently picked it up and placed it in its cage, where it happily reestablished its home. Don’t lunge at the gerbil. He’s already frightened, and chasing him just scares him more and makes us crazy, too.
Is there someone you’d like to get close to? Is there an irregular circumstance in your life that you can’t change? Detachment, particularly detaching in love, helps.
God, show me the power of using detachment as a tool in all my relationships.
January 10
Push a different button
If you keep pushing the same button, you will get the same results. If you don’t like the same results, maybe you could try pushing a different button.
“I try and I try and I try. Nothing seems to change. I don’t know why he can’t try to please me a little more; I’ve done so much for him.” “The people at work just don’t appreciate my efforts after all that I’ve done.”
If you find yourself reacting to the same situations with the same responses over and over again, waiting for a change, stop! If you’ve been pushing the same button again and again, maybe the only result you’re going to get is the one that’s been taking place.
Look at your relationships. Is there a situation that has been moving steadily downhill despite your best efforts to push the right button? Do you find yourself responding to the same situations in the same way over and over, never satisfied with the results? Are you trying the same thing over and over, waiting for something outside of yourself to change instead of doing something differently yourself? Maybe it’s time to stop pushing the button, walk away, and do something else.
God, give me the clarity to see the situations in my life honestly and to act with wisdom and responsibility in the associations that I have.
January 11
Throw the ball
“I think of letting go as being like throwing a baseball,” a friend said to me. “The problem is, I just don’t want to let go of the ball.” Hanging on to the ball is a temptation. We’ve got it in our hands. Why not keep it there? At least if we’re dwelling on the problem, it feels like we’re doing something. But we’re not. We’re just holding on to the ball, and chances are we’re holding up the game.
There’s nothing wrong with trying to solve the problem or offering requested advice. But if we’ve done everything we could, and there’s nothing left to do but obsess, the person we need to stop is ourselves.
Here are some rules:
• If you’ve tried to solve a problem three times, and obsessing doesn’t count as a problem-solving skill, then stop yourself. Let go. Throw the ball. At least for today.
• If others ask for advice, give them the advice once. Then throw the ball to them. Say no more.
• If a person hasn’t asked for advice, or if you’ve offered advice and were told no thanks, there’s nothing to throw. The ball isn’t in your hands.
Remember the times you’ve willingly let go. Think about how things worked out for you then. Now remember those times you resisted letting go. Whether you wanted to or not, did you throw the ball in the end?
God, please show me the benefits of letting go.
January 12
Stop playing tug-of-war
Letting go can be like a tug-of-war with God.
Have you ever played tug-of-war with a puppy and an old sock or a toy? You pull. He pulls. You pull it out of his mouth. He grabs hold again and shakes and shakes and says grrrrrr. The harder you tug, the harder the puppy tugs. Finally, you just let go. Then he comes right back again, for more.
I have never successfully treated or solved one problem in my life by obsessing or controlling. I’ve yet to accomplish anything by worrying. And manipulation has not wrought one successful outcome. But I forget that from time to time.
The best possible outcomes happen when I let go. That doesn’t mean I always get my way. But things work out and, ultimately, the lesson becomes clear. If we want to play tug-of-war, we can, but it’s not an efficient problem-solving skill.
God, help me surrender to your will.
January 13
Take care of yourself
For once a person begins on this path of knowledge they will only look inward, learning how to fix themselves, instead of trying to fix other people.
— Rav Brandwein
Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care. Letting go doesn’t mean we shut down.
Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible—controlling that which we cannot—and instead, focus on what is possible—which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.
Have you tricked yourself into believing there’s someone you can control? If you have, tell yourself the truth. Stop trying to have power where you truly have none. Instead, exercise your will in a way that will bring results. The one power you always have is the ability to let go and take care of yourself.
God, help me make letting go and taking care of myself a way of life.
January 14
Say yes to yourself
Are you balanced? Do you share your time, your energy, your life, as much with yourself as you do with those around you? We all know how simple it is to say “yes, yes, yes” each time someone makes a request. After all, it makes us feel good, makes us feel needed, makes us feel loved. And the more we say yes, the more they ask of us. And we tell ourselves this is an example of even more love.
But soon we say yes to too many things. We get bitter about our relationships. Can’t they do anything for themselves? Nothing would get done around here if it weren’t for me. Isn’t there anyone else who can help? After a while, things don’t get done, promises go unfulfilled, relationships break down. And so do we.
It doesn’t have to be that way. Know your limits. You are one of the most important people you need to look after and love. Balance your time, your energy, your life with those around you. You will be able to give more freely and joyfully as a result, and you’ll be more open to the gifts of the universe.
It’s not wrong to give to others. But it’s okay to say yes to ourselves, too.
God, help me live a balanced life. Help me learn when it’s time to say yes to myself.
January 15
Discipline yourself to let go
It may sound odd, but the way to give up being over controlled is to become more disciplined about letting go.
— Stella Resnick, The Pleasure Zone
I was sitting at home worrying one day when a friend called. He asked how I was. I told him I was worrying. Actually, I was crossing the line into obsessing about something that was going on in my life then. “There’s nothing you can do about it,” he said. “Just relax. It’s out of your control.”
What my friend was really talking about was practicing the discipline of letting go. After I hung up the phone, I deliberately put my worries and obsessions aside. I surrendered to the way things were. I simply relaxed. It was like a miracle. I was able to move forward with my life.
When we begin letting go, it may seem almost impossible just to relax and let go. As with anything else, with practice and repetition, we will become more skilled. That doesn’t mean we won’t need to remember to do it. It just means letting go will become easier, in time.
If you’ve become highly skilled at worrying, obsessing, or trying to control, deliberately practice relaxing and letting go until you’re good at that, too.
God, help me make the discipline of relaxing and letting go a daily part of my life. Teach me to let go with poise, dignity, and ease.
January 16
Drop it
How do you let go? I just can’t let go? It’s impossible to let go of this. These are thoughts that may run through our minds when we worry, dwell, and obsess.
Pick up something around you. Pick up this book. Hold it tightly. Then just drop it. Release it. Let it fall right out of your hands.
That’s what you do with whatever you’re obsessing and dwelling about. If you pick it up again, drop it one more time. See! Letting go is a skill that anyone can acquire.
Passion and focus can lead us along our path and help us find our way. But obsession can mean we’ve crossed that line, again. We can be compassionate but firm with ourselves and others as we learn to release our tight grip and just let things go.
God, help me know that if I’m obsessing about a problem, it’s not because I have to. Dropping it is always a choice available to me.
January 17
Relax. You’ll figure it out
Let the answers come naturally.
Have you ever gone into a room to get something and by the time you got there, you forgot what you went to get? Often the harder we try to remember, the worse our recollection.
But when we relax and do something else for a minute—just let go—what we’re trying so hard to remember pops naturally into our minds.
When I suggest that we let go, that’s all I’m suggesting that we do. I’m not saying the problem doesn’t matter, or that we have to entirely extinguish all thoughts of the subject from our minds, or that the person we care about isn’t important anymore. All I’m saying is that if we could do anything about it, we probably would have by now. And seeing as we can’t, letting go usually helps.
God, help me relax and let my answers about what to do next come naturally from you.
January 18
Let go of the past
I was sitting outside on the patio one morning. A foggy mist gently covered the peaks of the Ortega Mountain Range. The birds were singing. My mind wandered back to ten years ago and my life in Minnesota with my children, Shane and Nichole.
Shane was still alive then. Nichole was still living at home. Our love, our family bond, was so strong. “We’ll always get together for birthdays,” we had vowed. “Our bond, our love, will live on.” It had been the best year, the happiest year, of my life. I wanted that time back again. If I could just see him again, for one minute. If the three of us could just be together again, for one day, I yearned, life would be so good.
Later that morning I picked up an Osho Zen meditation card—not to tell the future, but to get insights into now.
My card talked about “clinging to the past.”
It said, “It’s time to face up to the fact that the past is gone, and any effort to repeat it is a sure way to stay stuck in old blueprints that you would have already outgrown if you hadn’t been so busy clinging to what you have already been through.”
“Silly me,” I thought, coming back to the patio and to the Ortega Mountain Range. “Even though life is different and I miss the children, life is pretty good now.”
Let yourself have all your emotions and feelings about losing people and moments you loved and cherished. Feel as sad as you need to. Grieve. Then let the feelings and the past go. Don’t let your memories stop you from seeing how beautiful and precious each moment in your life is now.
God, help me let go of yesterday so I can open my heart to the gifts of today.
January 19
You’re connected to life and the universe
“My friend died, and I was upset,” a man told me one day. “I took off on a trip, wandering around the Southwest, hiking through Bryce Canyon. I saw the snow in the caverns, the rich red carved peaks sticking up. I saw the vastness of the universe, and the beauty in all of it. I had set off on my trip to prove how unique and isolated I was in my grief. By the time the trip ended, I realized just how connected to this world I am.”
Part of letting go is recognizing that you are a part of this universe and not separate from it.
Perhaps a situation has come up in your life recently that signals an ending—the passing of a relative, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job. The people we love and the things we do contribute to our sense of who we are. When the people and things we love are threatened, taken away, we can rebel. We want to hold on to the known and don’t want to see what’s on the other side.
Let go of the uncontrollable in your life. You’re not a solitary being in this great universe, set to struggle against all of the forces; you’re part of the whole. And the changes that come—whether they’re joyous or sad, easy or difficult—are just a part of the growing process that each of us goes through.
Feel the pain when you have a loss. Feel the joy when you triumph. Then let go and continue to grow.
See how connected you are.
God, help me recognize that I am a part of your creation and don’t need to fight it. Help me live in peace and celebration of life.
January 20
We can go only so far
There is no such thing as complete acceptance. When you can remember a loss with a little distance and much less pain, you have accepted the loss and mourned it fully. You accept that life is different now and move on.
— David Viscott, Emotionally Free
There are certain events that we may never accept fully. What can be accepted, though, is that we are required to live with these losses and find a way to go on.
Some people were horribly abused in childhood, beyond what anyone can be expected to endure. Some of us have experienced unthinkable losses later on in life. A spouse may have betrayed us. We may have lost our family through divorce. We may have lost our physical health through an accident or illness. A loved one may have died.
It’s okay to stop waiting for and expecting total acceptance of the unthinkable in your life. Instead, gently do one thing each day to demonstrate that you’re willing to move forward with your life.
God, grant me compassion for myself and others. Help me learn to be gentle with broken hearts, including my own.
Activity: Make a list of all the questions you have for God, the “why’s.” For instance, why did so-and-so have to die, why did I have to lose my family, why did this have to happen to me? Then, as much as possible, do not dwell on those questions. Trust you’ll get your answers possibly later, possibly when you can talk to your Higher Power face-to-face. For now, let those questions be the unsolved mysteries of life.
January 21
Try sharing with someone else
When we hoard what we have been given, we block the door to receiving more. If you are feeling stagnant in your life, share some of what has been given to you.
Let go of some of the sorrow that you have experienced by sharing your experience and the compassion that you have learned from it with another. Share your success by teaching someone else your methods. Share in the abundance given to you; donate to a favorite charity or church. Give of your time, your money, your abilities. When you give, you open the door to receive more.
Sharing our experience, strength, and hope is key in a Twelve Step program. It’s a key to all of life, whether we’re recovering from addictions or not.
Find some way to share of yourself. Maybe it will be as simple as picking up the tab at lunch. Volunteer to help with a local project. Just find one small way to give. Give without any thought of compensation. Don’t look for a thank you; give without expectation. Be aware of how you feel in the act of sharing; be aware of the glow that you feel in the deepest part of your soul. Then, do it again. Keep sharing small pieces of your gifts—your experience, strength, and hope—until sharing becomes a natural part of you.
Open your heart to all you’ve been given by sharing your gifts with someone else. That small glow you first felt in the bottom of your soul will soon overflow in your life. Maybe we gave compulsively and without joy at some time in our lives. The answer isn’t to permanently stop giving. It’s to learn to give with joy.
God, help me give abundantly of what’s been given to me. Teach me how to give, so that both my giving and my receiving are healthy and free from attachments.
January 22
Let go of your plans
Letting go can feel so unnatural. We work hard for a promotion, a relationship, a new car, a vacation. Then the universe has the gall to come along and mess up our plans. How dare it! And so, rather than opening ourselves to the experiences that await us, we hold on to the plans that we made for ourselves. Or we hold on to bitterness about our plans going awry.
Sometimes losing our dreams and plans for our future can hurt as much as losing a tangible thing. Sometimes accepting and releasing our broken dreams is part of accepting a loss.
Let go of your expectations. The universe will do what it will. Sometimes your dreams will come true. Sometimes they won’t. Sometimes when you let go of a broken dream, another one gently takes its place.
Be aware of what is, not what you would like to be, taking place.
God, please help me let go of my expectations and accept the gifts that you give me each day, knowing that there is beauty and wonder in each act of life.
January 23
Remember to let go
A friend called me into the next room. I didn’t want to move. I was head-deep in obsession, fretting about something I couldn’t change, at least not at that moment. I reluctantly walked to the window where he stood, walking in that stiff, unnatural way we jerk about when we’re obsessing.
“Look at the moonlight reflecting off the waves,” he said.
I stared at the white shimmering ripples in the ocean, like diamonds in the night.
We talked for a moment, about whether it was phosphorescence—that delightful and rare phenomenon that causes the sea to glow in the dark—or whether it was simply moonlight bouncing off the waves. We decided it was light.
I walked away, a little more relaxed. Letting go isn’t something we do to manipulate the universe into giving us what we want. It’s a way of opening our hearts to receive the gifts it and God have for us.
God, help me remember that I don’t have to let go today, but I’ll be happier if I do.
January 24
Learn to let
Someone said, “Let go and let God,” and this is a wonderful recipe for overcoming fear or getting out of a tight place. In any case, the rule for creation is always to let.
— Emmet Fox
Darren, a friend of mine, keeps Light Show in his computer. It’s a program of his own making. In this file, he records all incidences of Divine Guidance, Divine Intervention, answered prayers, and serendipitous events in his life. Whenever he begins to doubt the presence of a Benevolent Force, whenever he stops trusting life, whenever he feels abandoned or wonders exactly how wise it is to trust God, he turns to his own light show to remind himself how powerful and wise it really is to let go.
People can tell others how miraculous it is to let go, how beneficial it is to practice a hands-off policy when it comes to manipulating or controlling the affairs of others, how stunning it is to let go of goals and let nature take its course. I could tell you how beneficial letting go is in creating healthy relationships.
But that’s my light show. Why not create your own?
Don’t try, don’t force, don’t make it happen. Let. Let it happen.
Let go and let God.
God, show me how letting go can benefit my life.
Activity: Start a file in your computer or dedicate part of your journal to a light show. Document how you try to control a problem, or a person, or the outcome of a particular situation. Enter that incident into your light show. Then, practice letting go. Make notes about what helped you, any tools you used such as meditation or prayer. When the problem gets solved, or the goal gets accomplished, or you simply get the peace and grace to live effortlessly with an unsolved problem, enter that into your logbook. Whenever you need reassurance, refer to your light show.
January 25
What do you want?
Imagine walking up to the counter at the local fast-food restaurant and asking if they had your order ready. “What order?” the counterperson would ask. “Did you phone one in?” “No, but I thought you might have something for me behind the counter anyway.”
It’s absurd, you might say. How could I expect them to have food ready for me when I hadn’t yet placed my order?
Exactly. And how can you expect the magic of the universe to start bringing you the things and experiences that you want for your life if you haven’t named them yet?
Have you placed an order yet? Maybe you thought about it at the beginning of the year, but put it off until you had more time to think about it. And every day, you wake up and stand at the counter of life asking, “What do you have for me?”
If you haven’t asked for anything, you may have to settle for whatever life hands your way. Why not take the time to ask? You don’t have to be too specific; just ask for what you want. Want adventure? Put it on the list. Want love? Write it down. There is no guarantee that you’ll get everything you request. Life may have other plans for you. But you’ll never know whether you can get what you want unless you know what that is, and ask for it first.
God, help me have the courage to bring the desires of my heart to my conscious mind, and to you.
January 26
Be a thermostat
There’s a thermometer on my back porch. It tells me when it’s hot enough to go for a swim.
Inside the house, there’s a thermostat. The thermostat not only tells us how hot or cold it is, but will actually do something about it as well. If the temperature gets too warm, the thermostat tells the air conditioner to cool off the house. If it gets too cool, the thermostat tells the heater to warm things up a bit.
Which are you? Are you a thermometer—only reflecting the attitudes of those around you? Or are you a thermostat— determining your own course of action and following through with it? Thermometer people often know where they are; they just don’t do anything about it. I’m stuck in this relationship. I’m really angry, resentful, and upset. Thermostat people are aware of where they are, too. They just choose to do something about it, as well. I’m in this relationship, and I will do everything that I can to improve it. But if necessary, I will walk away from it.
Being a thermostat means we take appropriate action to take care of ourselves.
God, help me learn to respond to whatever environment I’m in by taking the appropriate actions to take care of myself.
January 27
Find the adventure in your life
He had quit his job eight weeks earlier, a prodigal son off to find his story in the world. He arrived back in town dirty, unshaven, tired, and smiling. He had $4.38 in his pocket, he said. Enough for a burger and fries, if someone would give him a ride—there wasn’t enough gas in his car to get him to the restaurant and back. We were just getting ready to go to dinner and one of the others asked if he wanted to come along. “My treat,” a friend said, “as long as you tell us some stories.”
He did.
And oh, what stories he told from his trip through the west—high mountains, deep canyons, altitude sickness, frigid nights. Story after story poured out as we listened over plates of tacos.
“But what will you do now?” I asked later. “You only have four dollars to your name.”
“It’s okay,” came the reply. “I’ll just go back to work for a while.”
“And then?”
“Take another trip. Next year I’m going to Europe to see what’s over there.”
Take a chance. We don’t have to settle in and live in the first safe, comfortable box that we find. We can live in the moment, pull all that we can from it, then stretch our wings and fly someplace else. I’m not saying to quit your job and go off on a backpacking adventure, unless that’s what you want to do. I’m just saying you might want to follow your heart. Learn to cook, learn to paint, share what you know by teaching a class. Find the adventure in your life, calculate the risk, then take it.
God, put the adventure back in my life. If I’ve gotten too safe in my little world, help me take a risk. Help me learn to live big.
January 28
There’s magic in our beliefs
There’s a church in the town of Chimayo, New Mexico. Rumor has it that the soil surrounding the church has special healing properties. Long before the church existed, there was a spring gushing up from the ground nearby. The Tewa Indians of the area believed that this spring held special magical properties and thought that by drinking the water, their infirmities could be healed. The waters eventually stopped bubbling up, leaving only a muddy pool, and still the pilgrims came seeking healing. Finally, even the mud dried and turned to dust, and still the Tewa came. They ate the dust or mixed it with water and drank it. And many times it healed them.
Then the Spanish built a church in the area. When the stories of the magical healing dust persisted, the church decided to blend with the local beliefs instead of trying to eradicate superstition.
Today, people still come to the Santuario de Chimayo to be blessed or to take a little dirt from El Pocito, the little well in a back room. They still believe that the dust will heal them. And many times it does.
Is the dust magical? I don’t know. But there’s magic in what we believe.
Our beliefs tell our future better than any crystal ball or psychic can. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he, one holy book says. Be mindful of your thoughts and beliefs. What you think and believe today, whether it’s I can’t or I can, is what you will manifest tomorrow.
Do you have any beliefs right now that are holding you down or back? What are your I can’s and what are your I cant’s? Take a moment. Look into your heart. Examine what you believe to be true. Is there an area of your life that could be benefited by thinking and believing something else?
If you’re going to use the power of your mind, use it to form a positive belief. Sometimes, the littlest bit of magic is all we need to change our lives.
God, help me come to believe what is right and true about myself, life, and others. Show me, and help me understand, the power and magic of what I believe.
January 29
Protect yourself from negative influences
After a long rainstorm in the desert, I watched little drops of runoff splashing off of a rock face into little indentations in the rock. Each drop fell in exactly the same place as the drop before, and over the years, the procession had dug a tiny hole into the stone. I looked around at the other rocks in the area and saw that they, too, were pockmarked by the slow but steady effects of erosion over the years.
Poor relationships can be like that rain. We start out on a course of learning and self-improvement with the best of intentions, but little by little our efforts are undermined by the associations that we choose. We do have an advantage over those rocks though.
We can move.
Maybe you have allowed your efforts to be sabotaged by wrong friends, wrong thoughts, or negative input of some sort and kind. You have a choice. You can choose to stand in the rain of negativity and slowly be worn down by it, or you can find shelter, a support group of like-minded people, a good book or program, a minister or mentor, a helpful and positive friend.
Be aware of the negative rain in your life. If even a stone can be worn down over time by constant falling rain, how much more must we be aware of the influences in our lives. Seek out that which is edifying, and find shelter from that which can erode your resolve.
God, protect me from negative influences, which erode my beliefs. Help me protect myself. Surround me with that which is positive, edifying, and uplifting.
January 30
See the good in yourself, too
“Let me see your hands,” she said, gently holding my right hand up close to hers. “Look,” she said. “We have the same hands.”
My daughter was thrilled by the discovery that our fingers were the same size, curved the same way; even our wrists were the same shape. I was at her house visiting her, her child, and her husband that afternoon. We had snuck away for a few quiet moments together. Later that evening, when I returned home, she called me on the phone.
“You seem so excited and interested in our hands,” I said.
“I’ve always thought your hands were so beautiful. Then I started looking at my hands, and I thought maybe they looked just like yours, but I wasn’t sure until we looked at them today. It’s just so cool,” she said, “that my hands look just like yours.”
It’s so easy to see and notice what we like in other people. Sometimes, it’s not as easy to see the attributes and beauty in ourselves. It’s good to see the beauty in others. But sometimes, take a moment and get excited when you notice what’s beautiful in yourself, too.
We hear so much about people mirroring our negative qualities back to us. You know—what you don’t like in others is probably what you don’t like in yourself. And often that’s true. But people can also mirror our desires, our hopes, our attributes, and our strengths back to us. Chances are that what you see and admire in others is probably a mirror shining your good qualities back to you.
God, help me see the beauty and the good in life. Help me be aware of what I like in others, so that I can better define what I aspire to become.
Activity: Choose five people in your life whom you like and respect. Make a list of the qualities they have that you admire. Now, see how many of these qualities might correctly be used to describe yourself, as well. If you don’t believe you already possess these qualities, could you be selling yourself short? Or do these qualities describe who you aspire to be? If you define some new aspirations, transfer them to your goal list. See how easy it is to begin defining and clarifying our dreams?
January 31
Speak the language of letting go
Sometimes in our lives, we can let go in an instant. We recognize that we’re dwelling on or obsessing about a particular situation, and we just let go. We drop it. Or we run into someone who has a problem, and we instinctively adapt a hands-off posture, knowing that it’s not our responsibility to take care of other people. We say what we need to say, and we almost automatically let go and focus on taking care of ourselves.
Other times, it’s not as easy. We may be entangled in a situation that feels utterly impossible to let go of. We get enmeshed with a problem, or a person, that seems to compel us to hang on more tightly when letting go is the key.
We know we shouldn’t be obsessing, but we can’t seem to stop.
One day, many years ago, back in Stillwater, Minnesota, my son was hugging me tightly. He didn’t want to let go. I started tipping over. I lost my balance.
“Shane,” Nichole scolded, “there comes a time to let go.”
Sometimes letting go happens in stages. Sometimes it means becoming more aware. Sometimes it involves going deeply into the feelings hidden underneath our behavior. Learning to let go may involve gaining more confidence and self-esteem. Sometimes it means simply practicing gratitude for the way things are.
Be gentle with yourself and others as you learn to practice the language of letting go.
Sometimes, no matter how much we know, letting go takes time.
God, help me remember that letting go is a powerful behavior, one that can change my life and impact the lives of others. Help me be patient with others and myself as letting go becomes a way of life.