September

Learn to Say I Am

September 1
Learn to say I am

We hear a lot about becoming whole. “Become a complete human being.” “Start on the pathway to becoming whole.” “You won’t find romantic love until you know you’re complete.” Frankly, these kinds of comments often confused me. But then I decided that wholeness relates directly to the process of detaching and letting go.

It’s admirable to go after our dreams and know what we want to accomplish. But after we identify what it is we’re after, we need to let it go. We need to know in our hearts and souls that we’re okay whether we ever get what we’re after or not.

Another friend described it this way. “It’s the old Zen Buddhist thing,” he said. “When you’re one with yourself, life becomes magical. You can get whatever you want.”

The most powerful and magical words we can say in the language of letting go are these: I am.

Then we step it up one notch by learning to say, I am complete just as I am.

God, help me know the power of the words I am.

September 2
Coping devices

We may do less-than-logical things to cope with tragic events. We don’t do these things because we’re silly. We do them because it’s the only way we know to survive.

One of the silliest things we do to cope with life is devaluing ourselves when bad things happen to us.

We might have experienced a lot of pain while we were growing up. So as a child we looked around and said, “Yup. This must be my fault. There’s something wrong with me.” Or, “I know if I would have kept my room cleaner, my daddy wouldn’t have gone away.”

Low self-esteem—and all the ways it manifests—becomes a way of coping with painful events. We look around and see all the people who don’t appear to have our level of problems, so we may conclude, “There’s something wrong with me.” Although adapting a posture of low self-esteem might have been a way of surviving pain, that time has passed. It’s time to replace low self-esteem with new perspectives.

Stop coping with events by devaluing yourself. Instead, respond to life by loving and taking care of yourself.

Love yourself just as you are.

God, help me love myself for who I am now.

Activity: Do a review of your self-esteem. Go back over past events from your childhood, teenage, and adult years. What painful events occurred? Did you give away your self-esteem to certain people? Now is a time to claim your self-esteem and take it back. Write down positive areas of your life. Write down what your friends and family members appreciate about you.

September 3
Let go of low self-esteem

“Self-esteem is so illusive,” said Amanda. “I’ve been working on my self-esteem for years. The harder I work at it, the less I seem to have.”

I believe we can let go of low self-esteem. We can turn around lack of belief in ourselves. We can become willing to forgive ourselves. We can stop tolerating treatment that doesn’t feel good to us. We can look at the dangers of defining ourselves by money, power, or prestige, or by whom we know and what we have. Ultimately, we can become willing to take care of ourselves and nurture ourselves through whatever experiences life may bring.

Twelve Step programs offer two Steps that can help us build self-esteem, acceptance, and self-love. Step Six says we become entirely ready to have God take our defects of character. Step Seven says we humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings. The work isn’t easy, but it is worthwhile.

For now it’s enough to become willing to let go of our low self-esteem and all the ways that low self-esteem manifests in our lives.

God, please replace my low self-esteem with self-acceptance.

Activity: Sometimes, we can have healthy self-esteem functioning in one area of our lives, but not in another. For instance, we may feel good about our work skills, but we may feel poorly about our personal relationships. We may have great confidence in our athletic skills, but feel bad about our finances. Decide if there are areas where you may be manifesting low self-esteem. What areas do you feel good about? Also, look at dreams you have not pursued because of your lack of self-confidence.

September 4
Look at your attachments

A friend called me one day. His shiny new car was in the garage for repairs again. “I should have gotten a truck, something practical, that would start every day and get me to work,” he said. “If ever, ever I start screaming that I have to have something and can’t live without it, start screaming back at me until I stop.”

What’s attached to your self-esteem?

Some people attach their cars to their worth. Other people can feel good about themselves only if they’re involved in a romantic relationship. Some people need a home in a certain neighborhood. Some people tie their self-esteem to future events. If I could only achieve this, then I’d be complete.

Take a moment. Look at your life. Is your self-worth attached to certain conditions?

We say we want others to love us unconditionally, but the problem is, that’s not often the way we love ourselves. We say we need money in the bank, a Mercedes, or a Gucci bag first.

Is there a certain level of success you’ve been striving to attain? Are you telling yourself you have to have it to be complete? Maybe it’s someone’s approval that you’re holding out for.

There’s an easy way to see what we’ve become overly attached to. We can ask ourselves this: What is the thing in my life that I can’t let go of and release? What makes me craziest?

Don’t be hard on yourself. We all want and need daily necessities, such as cars, jobs, and money. And having someone to love is a delightful part of being human.

But that’s a different issue than telling ourselves we can’t be happy without these persons or things. Help yourself to a healthy dose of completeness and letting go. Tell yourself that you’re complete and can be happy, just as you are. Let go of your attachment to whatever you’re clinging to. It may or may not come back to you. But if it does, you can more happily enjoy it knowing you don’t need it to be complete.

God, help me let go of my unhealthy attachments.

Activity:What are you holding on to, telling yourself you can’t live without? Is there a person who you fear will go away? Is there a job or a particular level of success you’ve attached yourself to? Is there a level of finances that you’re waiting to have before you let yourself feel complete? Do an inventory of your life. Discern what you’ve convinced yourself you need to be complete. Now, transfer these people or things to a list in your journal. Make the title of that list “people and things I need to release and detach from my self-esteem.” You can still have these people or things in your life, but your goal here is to get clear on your motives for wanting them in your life.

September 5
Love yourself for who you are

“I’m tired of working so hard to be skinny, wearing the latest clothes, and trying to get my makeup just right,” Gina, a beautiful woman, said to me one day. “I just want to be loved for me, for what’s in my heart.”

It’s healthy to look our best, but some of us substitute self-esteem for what we wear, how much money we make, and the things we possess.

One day, I met a woman who had long hair, bright eyes, and she played beautiful Irish folk music. She loved to sing and dance. Her eyes lit up when she talked about her music. I could see how passionate and alive she was. Her band performed for people, but usually for a nominal fee or for free, she explained.

“But we want to get better,” she said. “I really want to be somebody some day.”

“You are somebody now,” I said.

Pursue your dreams. Drive that car. Wear nice clothes. Have your hair done up, just right. But don’t forget to love yourself without those things.

You are somebody now.

God, help me see beyond all the exterior trappings I surround myself with. Help me see the real beauty in myself and the people in my life.

September 6
Stand up to your fear of abandonment

“I’m in a relationship with someone who isn’t good for me,” a woman said to me one day. “My boyfriend manipulates me, and he often doesn’t tell me the truth. But every time I get ready to kick him to the curb, my fear of abandonment sets in.”

Many of us have a fear of abandonment. Some of us let it rule our lives. We’ll do anything just so that person doesn’t walk out and leave us alone.

I spent many years letting fear of abandonment control me. After a while, I finally wore out that belief. I just got sick and tired of worrying about whether I was good enough for that person.

Then a new thought set me free: If you don’t want to be my friend, or my lover, or my employer, I don’t want you in my life.

No more emotional blackmail. No more stress. No more having to second-guess what that other person is feeling.

Are you spending your time worried about someone leaving you? Does your fear of being abandoned leave you feeling like an underdog in your relationships? Let it go. Stand fast. And listen to what I’m about to tell you: If that person doesn’t want to be in your life, just let him or her leave. Do you want someone in your life who really doesn’t want to be there? Of course not. Let him or her go.

Once you adopt this belief, it’s easy to send the bad relationships packing, and the good people want to stay.

God, help me believe that I deserve only the best of relationships.

September 7
Appreciate who you are

Scott was sixty-nine when he took up skydiving for the second time in his life. He had jumped in the British military in World War II. When the opportunity arose to make a demonstration jump into one of the old military bases, he came to California to learn how to skydive.

His body was old and stiff. But his heart was full of youth and fun. As he worked his way slowly through the levels, repeating many of the jumps until he got the skills dialed in, each jump took a little more out of his body. Despite his resolve, the training was more than he could handle and he had to stop short of his goal. As he left, he vowed to begin strength-training exercises and to return later to complete his training. “I’ll be there; it’ll just take longer than I thought,” he said.

At the same time Scott started training, Tim started his skydiving training, too. Tim had never jumped before, though he had been skiing, mountain biking, and sailing. Tim was terrified. He was fearful that he would fail, afraid that he wouldn’t respond well in an emergency, afraid that he would forget how to land, afraid to get out of a plane nearly two miles above the earth.

Scott talked to Tim. Scott laughed at him and laughed with him. And Tim kept getting back on the plane and passing his levels. He graduated. “I would have quit after the first jump,” Tim said. “But if Scott can do it, so can I. I’m glad he was here. He gave me the faith to do something I believed was impossible.”

We are each to walk our own path regardless of the fears and desires of those around us. Maybe you are like Scott, trying something new, something that may be a little beyond you. Great! Maybe you’ll succeed; maybe you’ll fail. Only you can decide what you’ll do with the results. Scott could have taken his setbacks bitterly and dragged Tim down with him. Instead he built Tim up, enabling him to achieve something that he might not have done on his own.

Maybe you’re like Tim, wanting to grow, but afraid of what you might lose in the trying. Follow your heart, and if you can find a mentor to help you on your way, thank that person for lifting you up.

Keep walking the path.

Some paths may lead to fame and recognition, others to quiet support of our fellow travelers. Walk your own path. Learn your own lessons.

God, thank you for my life.

September 8
Be a team player

You may have heard this saying: “Unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.”

Not everyone is the lead dog. Not everyone is the CEO or leading man. Better to be a working actor than an out-of-work star. At least you’re in the play.

Every person who has accomplished anything of value in this world and is honest, recognizes that he or she hasn’t done it alone. They’re part of a team. Even Christ had a group of Apostles.

If you’re in a supporting role, accept it. Not everyone is a leader every time. By being a part of the cast, you can make the entire production stronger. You can do your part to make it work. And you’ll learn the humility and team spirit that will be so important if you do get that lead.

Take a look at your life. Are you living as fully as you can where you are right now? Or are you waiting until someone recognizes your true talent to really give it your all? If you’re in a supporting rather than a starring role, maybe it’s because the cast needs the strength and talents that you can provide. Maybe the team needs a blocker. Life is not so much about the greatness of the role we’re given as it is the heart with which we play it.

It’s great to strive for the lead-dog position, but give yourself permission to enjoy and contribute from the level that you’re at right now.

God, help me to accept the role that I have been given and to play it with dignity and to the best of my ability.

September 9
Discover what works for you

“Enroll in this weight loss program and you’ll lose thirty pounds in five days!” “Come to this free seminar and after spending one hundred dollars on books you’ll be a millionaire!”

There is no quick fix, no panacea that will work for every person. Success rarely happens overnight or in five days. Even the Twelve Steps are only suggestions. Although proven to work, the details and decisions about how we apply those Steps in our lives are left to each one of us.

And few things happen overnight, except the beginning of a new day.

Listen to your mentors. Examine what’s been tried and true, and has worked and helped countless others along their paths. The Twelve Steps are one of those approaches. But don’t be taken in by false claims of overnight success and instant enlightenment along your path.

True change takes time and effort, especially when we’re changing and tackling big issues. We can often get exactly the help we need at times from a therapist, book, or seminar—the best things in life really are free and available to each one of us. The Twelve Steps, again, qualify in this area.

Discover what works for you.

Trust that you’ll be guided along your path and receive exactly the help and guidance you need. Then give it time.

There really isn’t an easier, softer way.

God, give me perseverance to tackle my problems.

September 10
Be who and where you are

One day when I was new to recovery from chemical dependency, I looked around at my living situation, my job, my relationships. Nothing felt right. A chronic sense of being in the wrong place at the wrong time was overriding everything I did. My life felt like an ongoing series of errors.

I had heard talk about a brilliant therapist, one who was particularly effective in getting to core issues. Whatever was going on in my core, I wanted it to be resolved.

The problem was that this therapist lived way out in a rural area. I didn’t have a car. I’d need to take the bus. He saw people only during the week. I worked nine-to-five, Monday through Friday. And his fees, although well-deserved, were high for my budget.

I saved enough money to pay for a session. Then I made an appointment. I was so excited.

The big day arrived. I started my series of bus rides (I had to transfer three times) at 5:00 p.m., when I finished work. By 7:30 that evening, I arrived at the estate where this therapist lived and worked. I was exhausted but elated when I finally sat down across from this teddy bear of a man who had helped so many people progress in their lives.

In elaborate detail, I began spilling out what was going on in my life. I explained that I was recovering, trying to do the right things, going to my support groups, making my amends to people I had hurt—but nothing felt right. A chronic sense of uneasiness plagued my life, no matter what I did.

He listened to what I said. Then he leaned back in his chair.

“Melody,” he said calmly, confidently.

“Yes?”

“You’re right where you need to be.”

Session ended.

I gathered my things, walked the two blocks to the bus stop, and rode the several buses back to my small cubicle of an apartment in South Minneapolis. The lesson stayed with me for life. When nothing in our lives feels right, sometimes the answer isn’t doing more or searching frantically for the miracle we need. The miracle comes when we accept, believe, and trust that who we are right now is who we need to be.

Save yourself the time, the money, and the trip.

Be your own guru.

God, thank you for where I am today. Help me trust that when I need to be someplace else, you’ll naturally move me to that place.

September 11
Listen to yourself

In the Bible, God tells us, “Be still and know that I am God.” Learn to silence the chattering of your ego, whether through prayer, meditation, or a long walk in the park. Find that place where you can detach from the pressures of the world. Find that place where your body and spirit work together in harmony.

Being aware of your true self is the best way to free yourself from the controlling, manipulative behaviors of others. You don’t need the right car, the right shoes, the right girlfriend to be complete. All you really need is to be yourself.

Your spirit is the real you. Let it guide you.

Be still. Listen to your spirit say, I am, and I am enough.

In the silence, you’ll hear God.

God, help me be quiet so I can hear you.

September 12
Look at the roles you play

In his book Ethics for a New Millennium, the Dalai Lama spoke of the idea that most of us aren’t a static personality. There isn’t just one side to us; we play many roles in life.

I am a recovering alcoholic and a recovering codependent. I am a mother. I am a writer. I am someone’s girlfriend. I am a sky diver. I am a business person, a negotiator, a woman. In each of these roles, my personality expresses itself differently. I use different talents and traits.

What are all the different roles you play in your life? Most of us are aware that we’re one person at work, somewhat different at home, and sometimes a lot different when we play. Some of us tend to feel guilty about this. “Oh, if they only knew what I was like at home, they’d never respect me as a boss,” one man said.

Take the time to get to know all the different parts of yourself. Honor and respect each one. Each has an important role to play in your life. When you’re trying to move forward, take a moment. Make certain that all of your I am’s are working together for your best.

You don’t have to behave the same at home as you do at work. You get to be a mother, and a wife, too. Honor and respect all the different roles you play in life, understanding that each one has its own important place.

Then remember to practice the principles we’re striving to live by in everything we do.

Our roles might change, but the ideals and values we live by don’t.

God, help me honor and accept all my past and present I am’s. Help me leave enough room to create new sides or parts of myself, too.

Activity: Take some time to write in your journal about all the different roles you play in your life right now. Describe each role as accurately as you can. The next time you get stuck, consult each one of these personalities. For instance, the worker in you may want to make a particular decision about moving forward in your career, but the parent self may have some objections. Understand every part of your personality and learn to make decisions that benefit the whole.

September 13
Who do you say you are?

I was driving out to the skydiving center one day, mulling things over in my head. Before long, I’d be on the plane and it would be my time to walk to that door and jump out. The fears started brewing and building up. I don’t know if I can do this, I thought. I don’t even know if I want to become a sky diver or if this path is right for me.

“You already are a sky diver,” a quiet voice said.

That’s right, I thought.

When I first began recovering from my chemical dependency, I preferred to identify myself as a drug addict. “My name is Melody, and I am a drug addict,” I’d say quietly at the group. One member of the group started harping at me after hearing me identify myself this way. “You’re an alcoholic, too,” he said. “And you should label yourself as that.”

I resisted what he said for a while, and then I decided to give it a try. Finally at one meeting, I said the words aloud. “My name is Melody, and I am an alcoholic.”

Now, I understand why it was so important—not to him but to me—to label myself as an alcoholic. Number one, it was important because it was the truth. In order to focus on my recovery, I needed to abstain from using both alcohol and drugs. Number two, whether this friend knew it or not, he knew the power of the Great I Am.

He wasn’t asking me to degrade or limit myself. All he was asking me to do was identify who I really was and am. And by saying and acknowledging this, I helped create a new role, a new personality. I am now, at the time of this writing, by the grace of God, a recovering alcoholic and addict.

Most of us aren’t one single thing. We’re a parent, a student, maybe a recovering person, and a grown child. We form many new I am’s as we go through life.

Watch each time you say the words I am in a conversation or thought. Pay attention to the times you say I’m not, as well. Then spend some time reflecting not only on who you are, but who you want to become.

Discover the power in your life from saying I am.

Who do you say you are and you aren’t?

Give yourself a chance to become someone new.

God, help me understand and use correctly, to the best possible benefit of my growth, the power of the Great I Am.

September 14
Affirm yourself

When I began flying and skydiving, I found myself fumbling inadequately with new roles or parts of myself. When I began writing, I found myself fumbling with that part of myself. I want to be a writer, I’d think, but I’m not, at least not yet. I have to get this number of books published and this number of good reviews first.

It can take years and many successes in any new area in our lives before we can confidently say to ourselves and others, I am. I am a sky diver. I am a pilot. I am a writer. Oh, the power of those words I am.

You may not have much parenting experience if your first child was just born last week, but you are a mother. I didn’t have my ten-year medallion yet, but on the first day of my recovery I could honestly say, “I’m a recovering addict and alcoholic.”

Who or what do you want to become? A good parent? A sober, recovering person? A good girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse? Do you want to become happy, peaceful, tolerant? Don’t wait until you’re successful to tell yourself you’re that. Start now by saying you are what you want to become instead of reinforcing the words I’m not. Yes, you have much to learn. Yes, there’s a ways to go on that path. And you may not be proficient at it, or an expert, yet. But you don’t have to be to say those two little words I am.

Help create the new part of your personality by using and affirming those powerful words I am. Then watch as a new part of yourself emerges.

God, help me use my creative powers to create a better, more fulfilling life. Help me use the words I am to create who you and I want me to be.

Activity: Create your own affirmations. We each have our own path to follow; we each have different needs at different times. Pick out one area of your life that you’re working on. Then give yourself one affirmation that helps you create the new reality you’re working hard to create. The first two words of the affirmation need to be I am. Say this affirmation out loud seven times while looking in the mirror. Do this three times a day, once in the morning, once midday, and once before retiring at night. Do this for twenty-one consecutive days, without missing one day—or until you don’t need to say it aloud anymore because you believe it.

September 15
You are a work of art

All the arts we practice are apprenticeship. The big art is our life.

— M. C. Richards

What you do is not who you are.

You are more, much more, than that.

It’s easy to get so caught up in what we do that we’re only identifying ourselves through our daily tasks. I am a mechanic. I am a parking lot attendant. I am a doctor. I am a dishwasher. When we link ourselves too closely to our jobs, we deny ourselves the chance to ever be anything else. We limit ourselves by believing that’s all we are and all we’ll ever be.

Our concept of who we are is one of the hardest, but most rewarding, ideas we can change. If you have been brought up believing that you are clumsy, you will probably demonstrate this belief in your actions—until you identify that idea, let go of it, and let yourself be something else.

Don’t limit yourself by saying you are just what you do. Stop seeing yourself as a static being. If I am “just” a parking lot attendant, then how can I hope to ever influence someone through my words, my art, my music, my life? But if I am
a vital, living, growing soul who happens to be parking people’s cars, then everything I do can become a symphony. I can have an influence for good in the lives of everyone I touch. I can learn from them, and they from me. I can learn the lessons that I am supposed to learn at this place in my life, and I can move on to other lessons.

God gave us the power to change. You’re more than what you do. You’re a vital vibrant soul that came here to experience, grow, and change. Make a masterpiece out of your life.

God, help me realize the glory of my soul. Thank you for my mortality and for the ability to learn and grow.

September 16
Let your creative self flow

To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.

— Joseph Chilton Pearce

Creativity isn’t just something we do.

Being creative doesn’t mean just drawing pictures, writing books, or sculpting statues out of clay. There’s not a limited pot of creativity available only to the artists.

Creativity is a vital living force in the universe that is available to each of us, to assist us in living our lives. All we need to do to align ourselves with that force is let go of our fears.

Need a new idea on how to fix that room, that thesis, that relationship? Need an idea about how to fix your life? Let yourself be creative. Encourage your ideas to flow. Listen to your intuition, to your spirit.

Listen to that small idea you have, the one you have so much passion for. Let go of your rational thought process just for a moment. Let creativity help you live your life. Ask the Creator to help.

God, show me how creative I am and can be. Give me the courage to be willing to make mistakes as I create my path with heart.

September 17
Refresh yourself

There’s a “refresh” button you can click on the computer when you’re on-line. It makes the computer operate more efficiently.

Sometimes we get a little sluggish, too. We’ve been pushing too hard. Mulling the same thoughts over and over. Doing the same things over and over. Sometimes we need a change of scenery. Sometimes we need to refresh our thoughts with prayer, meditation, a few words from a friend, or spending some time with a good book.

Maybe it’s our bodies that need refreshing. We need a cold beverage, a brisk walk, a nap, or a hot shower.

Maybe we need a bigger refreshment: a weekend at a spa, a vacation. Even if our budget is low, we can pitch a tent in a park and take in the refreshing beauty of the world around us.

Look around. The world abounds with refreshments. The next time you get bogged down, stop pushing so hard. Do what you need to do to become efficient and operate with ease.

Refresh yourself.

God, help me understand the power of taking the time to refresh myself. Then help me stop thinking about it and actually do it.

September 18
Rise to the occasion

“You should have seen me when I was younger. I was something else then.”

“Just wait until I’m older and bigger. Then I’ll show you what I can do.”

If all we do is remember the strength of our past, then we’re denying ourselves the wisdom and abilities we carry with us in the present. And we deny the lessons that age teaches us about slowing down, being still, and letting things be the way they are. If we’re waiting for the future to be happy, we’re robbing ourselves of the vitality and joy in our lives right now.

Stop reminiscing about the past and anticipating the joys of the future—that time when you become all powerful, bigger, and better than you are now.

You’re as good as you need to be today. Let yourself be who you are, then enjoy being exactly that.

Rise to the occasion of today.

God, help me be the best me that I can be.

September 19
What do you expect?

The key to life and power is simple. It’s knowing who we are. It’s knowing what we think, what we feel, what we believe, what we know, and even what we sense. It’s understanding where we’ve been, where we are, and where we want to go. That’s often different from who we think we should be, from whom others want us to be, tell us to be, and sometimes even tell us we are.

— Melody Beattie, Stop Being Mean to Yourself

It’s easy to get hooked into other people’s expectations of us. Sometimes, it’s even easier to get hooked into what we think they expect of us.

One of the biggest traps is locking ourselves into a preconceived notion of ourselves. We can keep ourselves so busy living up to an image of ourselves that we forget who we really are. It’s tough enough to break free of the expectations, spoken and unspoken, that others put on us. It’s more insidious when we start telling ourselves to be what we think other people are expecting us to be—whether they are or not.

Look in the mirror. If you see a person who has been confined with a limiting image that doesn’t fit or feel right anymore, set yourself free.

God, help me let go of ego. Help me stop living up to self-imposed caricatures of who I think I’m supposed to be.

Activity: This week, do two things you want to do that you think other people wouldn’t normally expect of you. Don’t do anything that hurts yourself or maliciously causes pain to another. You might surprise yourself with how easy and fun it is to be you.

September 20
Experience your life

As soon as you say, “I want to change”—make a program—a counter-force is created that prevents you from change. Changes are taking place by themselves. If you go deeper into what you are, if you accept what is there, then a change automatically occurs by itself. This is the paradox of change.

— Frederick S. Perls

Dr. Frederick S. Perls, founder of Gestalt therapy, profoundly influenced my life. When I worked in therapeutic communities, to “Gestalt” a feeling meant to go fully into that feeling, to become one with that feeling, to totally and completely accept the feeling and the experience as a means of transcending, healing, or dealing with it.

How do we change? Don’t force yourself. Let yourself change. Let yourself be. Go as fully into the experience of your life, your feelings, and being you that you can.

When you come out, you’ll be different.

Accept who you are then, too.

Don’t intellectualize your life. Experience it.

God, help me accept who and where I am, and how I feel today. Then tomorrow, help me do the same.

September 21
Revere your connections

Things derive their being and nature from mutual dependence and are nothing by themselves.

— Nagarjuna

We are dependent on much around us, not just for our survival, but for our joy. We need food, water, and the company of our fellow travelers on this great journey.

We can be self-sufficient in our attitude to take care of ourselves, yet we need the world around us in order to live and to be fully alive.

We are one part of a whole. We are a complete part, but nonetheless, a part. We need the other parts. The other parts need us.

Just as we’re influenced and impacted by those who touch us, we influence and impact them with our thoughts, words, and behaviors. We cannot control others. Look at the difference in our relationships when we speak gently and lovingly, and when we scream.

While it is great to revel in the blessing of existence, the world becomes more interesting and alive when we recognize everyone and everything else in it, too. This body cannot be without the sustenance of food, and our soul’s experience here would be greatly reduced were it not for the company of other spirits we have met.

While we do not need to live up to anyone’s expectations of us, we need to remember that our actions will impact those around us. Yes, we have the liberty to think, feel, and behave however we choose. But what we do will touch the lives of others.

We are not responsible for other people. But we have responsibilities to them.

Revel in your freedom. But revere and honor your connection to the world around you. Take responsibility for how you touch and connect with everything and everyone in your life today.

Live reverently, compassionately, and respectfully toward yourself and all else in the world.

God, give me reverence and respect for all life.

September 22
Be uniquely you

We will discover the nature of our particular genius when we stop trying to conform to our own or to other peoples’ models, learn to be ourselves, and allow our natural channels to open.

— Shakti Gawain

We have much in common with each other. And recovery, growth, and change are strengthened by honoring these similarities. But each of us is unique. We each have our own strengths, weaknesses, gifts, vulnerabilities—our own personalities.

The purpose of spiritual growth is not to eliminate the personality. It is to refine and enhance it, and allow each of us to express ourselves creatively.

We are not meant to be just like anyone else. Comparison will leave us uncomfortable, either on the side of pride or of inadequacy.

You are you. The wonder of life comes in finding your own rhythm to the dance, your own way of seeing the world, your own brush stroke, phrase, or special combination.

There is an old story about a writer who goes to his teacher and says, “Teacher, all the stories have already been told. There is no need for me to write. Everything that needs to be said has already been written.”

“It’s true that there are no new stories,” the teacher said. “The universal lessons have been taking place for a long, long time. And the same themes have influenced humanity since time began. But no one sees that story through your eyes. And no one else in the world will tell that story exactly the way you will. Now return to your desk, pick up your pen, and tell the world what you see.”

The beauty of the world lies both in our differences and in our similarities. Allow the beauty that is channeled through you to be flavored with your own special perspective on the world.

There’s a difference between ego and personality. Drop the ego. Let your personality, in all its glories and foibles and eccentricities, come shining through.

Respect how much you have in common with other people.

Then be uniquely you.

God, thank you for making me unique.

September 23
You have the power

If you see Buddha, kill him.

— Zen koan

For the first several hundred years after the Buddha died, there were no images of him. Only his dharma, or teachings, were passed on from generation to generation. Eventually, however, the people wanted an image to remind them of their ideal, and that’s when and how Buddha statues came to be.

The good thing about having statues of Buddha is they remind followers of the ideals they’re striving for in their lives. The difficult thing about Buddha statues is that people may be tempted to idolize the statue, and forget to seek the state of consciousness the Buddha represented.

It’s easy for us to idolize our mentors and teachers, the people who encourage and help us to grow. It can be easy to look around us and think others have the key to enlightenment, success, joy.

Stop idolizing other people.

Look in the mirror.

You have everything you need to learn your lessons, grow, achieve success. You have all the courage you need to fail, then try again. You have everything you need, within you, to live and follow your own path with heart.

Not only are you right where you need to be, but you can get wherever you want to go from here. And you and I have all the power we need to learn the lessons we came here to learn.

God, teach me that all I need is within me.

September 24
Make conscious contact

God must become an activity in our consciousness.

— Joel S. Goldsmith

God is not separate from this beautiful world that he created. He is the creative force behind everything we do. He is the sunrise, the moonrise, the tides, and the eclipse. He created us from nothing, and we are special for no other reason than that we are.

When we let go of our separateness and welcome the fact that we are a part of the universe, an amazing thing happens: we see we are a part of the glory of the universe.

God is more than a great father standing judgmentally above looking down with a mix of love and anger at his creation. We were created in God’s image. We are a part of God, and a part of God’s spirit resides in each of us.

We are a part of universal consciousness.

Today, whether you are feeling down and sad or joyous and free, take a moment and get in touch with the part of God that resides within you. You’re a part of something bigger than all the petty victories and losses in your life. Enjoy your uniqueness; embrace your universality, too. Find comfort and humility in all that is.

See God in your life and in the world. Pray. Meditate.

Make conscious contact with your God.

God, help me make conscious contact with you today.

September 25
Fill in the blanks

The magic of a story lies in the spaces between the words.

When we read a novel, we often find that the writer gives us only the barest elements of a scene, and yet our imagination fills in all the blank spaces from our experiences, our hopes, our desires. We don’t need the author to give us all of the details.

So it is with life. Often we are given only the barest outline of the path that we are to follow, and yet if we are silent and listen to our hearts, we can hear all of the details of our path spelled out for us, a step at a time. There is no need to have everything laid out for us beforehand. If it were, there would be no need to take the trip. We could simply read about it.

Get up.

Live your path with heart.

Fill in the blanks yourself.

God, give me the strength to find out how the story ends by living until the end of it, instead of wanting it read to me beforehand.

September 26
Connect yourself

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot-dog vendor? Can you make me one with everything?

I was buckling my seat belt in the little Cessna one day, getting ready for flight training, when my instructor Rob turned to me.

“I just take a second when I strap myself in and tell myself I’m becoming one with the plane as I do,” Rob said. “It really helped me in the beginning when I was nervous and felt so separate from the airplane.”

What a great idea, I thought. That day turned into one of my most comfortable flying sessions. It reminded me of a lesson I had learned a while back.

For most of my life, I felt disconnected from things: from myself, from other people, from life. That feeling of separateness haunted me. It explains why I tried so desperately to attach myself codependently to people, places, and things.

Over the years, I began to see that my separateness was an illusion. The same energy, the same life force, that runs through all the universe runs through you and me, too.

We’re connected, whether we know it or not.

Nobody has to make you one with everything. You already are.

Let go of your illusion of separateness.

Connect yourself.

God, help me know my oneness with the world. Help me know how connected I really am so I don’t have to connect in ways that don’t work.

September 27
Own your life

Are you willing to take responsibility for this mat, to own it? That doesn’t mean it isn’t everybody else’s mat, too. If you’re big enough to own the mat as yours, you’re big enough to let it be theirs, too.

— George Leonard

In his book The Way of Aikido, George Leonard wrote about the concept of owning the mat. He was talking about aikido. He was referring to an air of ownership, a certain presence he learned to demonstrate both on the mats while practicing martial arts and in his life.

Many subtle attitudes and past conditioning can affect our sense of ownership of our lives and of the world we live in—guilt, a haunting sense of victimization, laziness, living with repressive, angry, or abusive people may have tamed our sense of ownership of our lives.

One day, I was at my daughter’s house. She had recently acquired a new dog, Stanley. Stanley huddled in the corner timidly instead of scampering over to greet me like her other dog did.

“We got Stanley from the pound,” Nichole explained. “His previous owners abused him real badly. He’s afraid to move around too much. He’s afraid he’ll get hit. So he sits real quietly, hoping not to make anyone mad.”

I thought, That dog reminds me of me.

Let go of negative conditioning. No matter what happened, today is a new day. And it’s your lucky day. You’ve just received an inheritance. You now own your world—your life, your emotions, your finances, your relationships, your decisions. Walk onto the mat of your life with an air of confidence. Welcome others graciously because it’s their world, too. Whether you’re walking into your cubicle at work or pushing a shopping cart down the aisle at the grocery store, stand tall, move from your center, and walk with an open heart.

Welcome to your world.

God, teach me what it means to live and let live.

Activity: Review each of these areas of your life: work, relationships, finances, leisure time, emotions, your body, and your spiritual growth. Have you forfeited or given up ownership in any of these areas? If you have, today’s a good day to take it back.

September 28
You’re responsible for you

We can delegate tasks, but we can’t delegate responsibility, if the responsibility is really ours.

Sometimes, it’s normal to delegate tasks to other people. We may hire people to do certain things for us. We may engage in contracts with a therapist or a healer to help us work through a certain issue. But the responsibility for which pieces of advice we follow, and the decisions we make in our lives, ultimately belongs to us.

It’s easy to get lazy. We can let a friend, an employee, or even a skilled therapist begin making our decisions for us. We can listen to what they say and blindly take their advice. Then we don’t have to take responsibility for our lives. If the decision doesn’t work out, we can say, “You were wrong. Look at the mess you’ve gotten me into. I’m a victim, again.”

Yes you are. But you’re a victim of yourself.

We can listen to advice and let other people help us, but if they’re helping us do something that is our responsibility, the ultimate responsibility for the decision still belongs to us.

Get help when you need it. Delegate tasks. But don’t give away your power. Remember you can think, you can feel, you can take care of yourself, you can figure out your problems.

Don’t get lazy. Don’t give away responsibility for your life.

God, help me remember that I am responsible for me.

September 29
Remember to take care of yourself

Jenna started dating a new man. Like many women, she was a little frustrated with all the losers that had come along before. She thought she’d put this one to the test. She wanted to see how good he’d be to her.

So when he called her up and asked her what she wanted to do, she told him she thought he should take her on a little trip.

“Hawaii would be nice,” she said. “You get us the tickets. And find someplace nice for us to stay when we get there. I don’t want to be in a cheesy hotel.”

He had enough money in the bank. The trip, she thought, would be exquisite and luxurious. She envisioned the first-class air travel, the limos, and the home he’d rent complete with maid service and a cook.

When the day of the trip arrived, they took a taxi, not a limo, to the airport. And when she boarded the airplane, he led her back to coach. When the flight attendant came around asking if people wanted to rent movies, her boyfriend shook his head and went back to reading his book. She had to dig out the four dollars to pay for the movie.

She sat scrunched up in her seat, all the way to Hawaii. When they got there, he took her to a time-share condo. Then he drove her in the rental car to the grocery store and said, “Pick out what you want to cook.”

Throughout the vacation she spent a lot of time stewing in her head, but when they got home, she decided to give him one more chance.

So when he called her up and asked her what she wanted to do Friday night, she said she thought a movie would be nice. She hung up the phone, then dressed up and did her hair. She thought maybe he’d take her to a nice theater.

He picked her up, then drove to the nearest Blockbuster. “Go in and pick out whatever video you’d like to rent,” he said. “Do you want to watch it at your place or mine?

The moral of this story is twofold and simple. The first lesson is if you know exactly what you want, you need to spell it out clearly. The second is that it’s better not to expect people to take care of us. Even if they agree to do it, we might not like how they do the job.

While it’s nice to have people love us and do things for us, it’s better to plan on taking care of ourselves.

God, help me remember that it’s my job to take care of myself.

September 30
Own your power

I was in an airplane on the way up. I was doing my fidgeting thing, as usual. Brady Michaels, a stunt man and sky diver I had come to know and respect, was sitting across the aisle from me.

“How are you doing, Melody,” he asked in a gentle way, like he really wanted to know.

“I’m scared,” I said.

“Do you believe in God?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“Well then walk to that door, jump, and pull your rip cord when it’s time,” he said. “And don’t forget to have some fun, too.”

Owning our power can be one of the most illusive issues we face in recovery. How much is my part? When do I do it? How much is God’s part? Which parts of my life am I responsible for, and which parts are destiny?

You can spend years in therapy talking about feelings, but that isn’t the same as releasing your feelings and fears and moving forward in your life. You can go to college and train to do the thing you want to do in life. You can sleep every night with your wish list underneath your pillow. But that’s different from stepping up to the plate and doing it, whether that means writing a romance novel, starting your own business, learning to bake a cake, or buying an easel and painting a picture. You can read all the travel books in the library—but that’s different from getting on an airplane and taking a trip to someplace you’ve always wanted to see.

We can go to a million Twelve Step meetings, but that’s different from actually working each of the Steps.

As my favorite skydiving instructor, Andy, told me, there’s three things to remember:

Gravity always works. The earth won’t move out of your way. And God won’t pull your rip cord.

We’ve surrendered our lives and will to the care of God. Now, it’s time to learn what it means to align with and own our power.

God, help me own my power to take care of myself. Help me learn to do the job well.