Chapter Seven

 

<><> Chris <><>

 

Between my break-ups with Donna — yeah, we’ve had a few— I’ve dated my share of wild girls. I never got serious with anyone though, which was fine by me. I seem to attract girls that Jackie disapproves of. She’s never come right out and said it, but I can tell. For some reason, I’m like a bad-girl magnet. Could be my clothes, my attitude, don’t know. Honestly, I really don’t know. I think it might have something to do with my lack of education. Snobby girls stay clear of me 'cause I’m not good enough I guess. The only ones who’ve shown any want a one-night-stand and then they forget who I am. It’s so shallow, never giving me a chance. Never getting deep. Deep about topics and stuff. Sure, I may not sound like I’m a University graduate, but I read books and shit. I’m willing to learn too.

Simon picks me up and we cruise downtown. “Had any more of those panic attack things lately?” he asks.

“No.”

“That was freaky.”

“You’re not kidding. I guess anxiety is my new reality.”

Simon pulls his Mustang into the parking lot of the beer store. “Hey look, there’s the skank.”

Sure enough, I spy Donna, Marcy, and Kimmy standing in line through the plate glass window. I slump in my seat, trying to hide.

“Your turn to buy. Get in there, bro,” Simon laughs. “Can’t avoid her after all.”

“Lets hit the other beer store, seriously.”

“Nope!” Simon laughs harder.

I roll my eyes and get out, slinking into the beer store and hoping she won’t notice. Like moths to the flame, Marcy and Kimmy notice me right away, but Donna still has her back to me. They lean in and whisper and then Donna swivels around to face me. Great, I’m cornered. She saunters over wearing that playful smile, the one she always flashed when she wanted something, like I’m stupid enough to fall for it.

“Wherever you’re going tonight, we’re coming too.”

“No you’re not.”

“Why haven’t you called me?”

I swear, I’m almost speechless…almost. “Because we broke up. Do you have amnesia?” Sarcasm happens to be the crutch I fall back on with Donna. I’m not proud of it.

“Yeah, about that,” she informs, “I’ve decided it’s not over between us. What do you think about that?”

I stay quiet, keeping all emotions from showing. I know this pisses her off.

“Well?” She waits with a hand on her hip.

This is not the way to win me back.

“Donna, we need your ten bucks,” says Marcy, pulling her attention away from me.

The girls pay for their beer and step aside. It’s my turn so I step around Donna and ask for my brand. After I pay, I take a few steps sideways in the opposite direction as I wait for my case to come flying down the rollers. When it does, I snatch it up quick and make for the door as Marcy and Kimmy each take a handle of their case. I’m tempted to ask where they’re going, but I don’t. Do I really care?

Donna’s in front of me again, blocking my way. “You didn’t answer me. We’re still together, what do you think about that?” She crosses her arms.

“I’ve already said all I have to say.” I walk away, knowing that ignoring her will be more torturous than any words. I know this is what truly drives her nuts. As predicted, she loses it. I hear her foot stomp on the linoleum as she exhales with venom because she’s not getting her way.

“Chris! Don’t turn your back on me!”

Part of me is tense, afraid she’ll claw me from behind. I’m waiting for the attack, but I know she won’t make too much of a scene in the beer store. The automatic door opens, freeing me instantly. I exhale in relief. Glancing back, I see her in the distance with her arms crossed, just staring me down and I swear there’s steam coming out of her ears she’s so mad.

“Pop the trunk, Simon,” I say through the open window. I dump the beer in the back, close the trunk and hop in beside him. He cranks the music and backs out as Kimmy and Marcy walk out of the beer store carrying the case. Donna trails out after them, locking eyes with me and glaring until I turn away.

“From what I saw, that looked...awkward,” Simon adjusts his hat and laughs. He loves a good drama. “Pretending she doesn’t exist, that’s low, even for you. Hilarious.”

“Why can’t she see I’m moving on?”

“Because we’ve all heard this before. You’ll take her back. Why is this time any different?”

How can I explain? “Maybe 'cause I’m different.”

Simon laughs. “Yeah, whatever. How can someone change overnight? What is this, invasion of the body snatchers?”

I have no idea what he’s talking about. Must be some old movie he watched with his dad. They’re always watching old movies together, like Shane and Old Yeller and shit. Sometimes I think Simon is so out of touch, but then he’ll say something totally current that blows my mind. He’s unpredictable.

“Why couldn’t we go to the other beer store? My mood is your fault now.”

Simon slaps the wheel to the beat of A7X. “Drink a beer, you’ll feel better, moody bitch.”

“Whatever.”

“How much you wanna bet you and the skank’ll be back together by next week. Fifty bucks?”

“Don’t want to talk about it.”

“Loud and clear.” Simon laughs even louder. “Where are we going, buddy?”

“I don’t know. You’re driving. As long as Donna and her friends aren’t there, I’m easy.”

“The Regent?”

“Sure.”

Baroness comes on and Simon cranks the volume. I wish I could disappear into the lyrics, into another place and time.

 

 

After a few drinks, my mind swirls with images of Miriam. I wonder where she is tonight. Probably taking care of her mom or something. She seems like a bit of a homebody. I can’t stop thinking about this girl, but I don’t dare say anything to Simon. He wouldn’t get it. Hell, do I even get it?

“Hi, Chris.”

I turn at the sound of my name. Marcy Tisdale is standing a foot away looking like she’s solved a great mystery. “We figured you guys would be here. Donna wants to talk to you.”

Great, just great. Why do I suddenly feel like going home? I crane over Marcy’s head in search of my ex. In the sea of people, Donna’s long dark hair catches my eye first. I’ve always been a sucker for brunettes. It’s probably what attracted me to Donna in the first place. Her hair and her other assets of course, I’m not blind. Donna looks over flirtatiously and then turns away. She probably thinks she’s playing hard to get right now. She can play all she wants – alone.

“Says she wants you to go and talk to her.”

“Nothing to say.”

“Come on, Chris, this has gone on long enough. You know you two are meant to be together. I’m tired of hearing her bitch about missing you.”

“Too bad for you.”

“Listen,” Marcy says, leaning in for intimacy, “this whole break-up thing has really brought her down. I’ve never seen her cry like this before. Haven’t you taught her enough of a lesson?”

“Taught her a lesson?” Okay, I think I’m missing something here.

“Yes, taught her a lesson. She knows it was wrong to sleep with Luke Dupuis, but that was so long ago now and she’s done everything to make you forgive her. Haven’t you punished her enough?”

I turn and give her my full attention. “This is pretty simple, Marcy. I don’t want to be with her anymore. That’s it. I’m not punishing her. I don’t even care enough to do something like that. I don’t think I’d even know how.”

Marcy juts out a hip. “Well, you’ll have to tell her that yourself. I’m not your messenger.”

“But you’re over here talking to me as her messenger? Why can’t she be the one telling me all this?”

In a huff, Marcy leaves and I turn to the bar. Something tells me I haven’t heard the end; all the more reason to go home immediately. Simon sidles up beside me with a blond attached to his side. “Lo, this is Suki.”

“Hi.” I nod. Suki? What the hell kind of name is that?

“She goes to East McKinley.”

Okay, so this grabs my attention and I instantly forget about leaving. “Are you graduating?” I ask, all energized.

“Next year.”

All of a sudden, I’m throwing all my attention at her. “Do you know a girl named Miriam?”

“Miriam Pritchard?”

“Yeah, so you know her?”

“Kind of. Why?”

Simon shoots me a weird look. “Lo, why do you care?”

“I’m landscaping her backyard.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” Suki says all polite.

Simon leans into her ear, “Lets go to my car, you wanna?”

Before she can answer, I’m hijacking her with more questions. “How well do you know her?”

“Enough, I guess. I had English with her this year.”

“Is she nice?”

Suki looks at Simon, probably wondering why he got her into this interrogation. “Yeah, she’s nice. In fact, she’s too nice. You know, one of those girls you hardly notice. Why? Do you like her or something?” She hollers over the music.

In my condition, I let honesty rule. “Yeah, I think she’s okay.”

“She has a boyfriend. This guy Ryan. A friend of mine knows him. They’re going to prom together.” It’s like someone kicks all the air out of my lungs. Damn, she’s already taken. Should have known. “Anything else?” Suki demands with pursed lips.

“No.”

“Fine.”

Simon leads a sneering Suki away, leaving me at the bar with my head reeling. She has a boyfriend. She has a fucking…

“We need to talk.”

Pivoting, Donna faces me front and center. I try to think up an excuse to get out of this conversation before it even starts. “Hey, Donna. I’ve gotta go.”

“Not so fast. You won’t return my calls and you go out of your way to ignore me. What’s your problem?”

Newsflash, we broke up. “Donna, you should find someone else.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m no good for you.”

She leans into me, raising a finger and pointing it up into my face. “Bullshit. You think you’re too good for me. That’s what you think. I know.” I can tell she’s been drinking heavily. That makes two of us. This is probably not the best time to be spilling our feelings.

“What do you want from me, Donna?”

“You know what I want. Lets go to my place.”

“No.”

Not the right answer. Donna grits her teeth and exhales with a sound I’ve heard many times before — frustration. “You’re such a prick.” She whips around and stomps off, leaving me in her angry fallout. Good. I just want to be alone anyway.

The night drags on and for some reason, I’m still at the bar ordering another drink. Simon is busy getting to know Suki and I’m busy thinking about Miriam Pritchard with some guy named Ryan. He’s probably educated to the nines and good looking. He’d have to be if he’s with her. Scanning the room, everything’s getting sloppy as the night drags on. The couples on the dance floor are all over each other, hanging on as if they’ll fall over without support. The neon beer advertisement above the blackened windows flickers on and off. The air is hazy, as if it’s filled with smoke even though smoking is prohibited, making me wonder if this place is ever cleaned. It’s such a dump. I’ve been coming here for years, even as an underage kid with fake I.D. As I really take it all in, I begin to wonder why I bother. Don’t I want more than this?

“I forgive you for being mean to me earlier.” Donna’s voice slurs a little as she wraps an arm around me from out of nowhere, making me jump. If I’d seen her coming, I could have ducked for cover. Now I’m trapped…again.

“I’m about to go home,” I say as a warning to leave me alone.

She leans in and I smell the alcohol on her breath. Part of me can’t believe I’ve let her get this close, but I’ve had quite a few drinks and my judgment must be off. She pulls her shirt down on her shoulder, showing me a red lacy bra strap.

“I’m wearing your favorite.”

Little does she know that I don’t exactly discriminate when it comes to lingerie. I’ve seen my share and it’s always just been a barrier to what I’m really after.

“You know you want it, Chris. Don’t deny it.” Her voice is all sultry. I’m always a goner when she pulls out that sexy voice. “Come on.” Taking my hand, she leads me away from the bar toward the front door. Part of me wants to resist, but another part of me lets her take charge. This is a bad idea.

Around the corner and down the ally beside the bar, she pushes me against the brick wall behind the dumpster out of site from the sidewalk.

“No, Donna.”

“Yes.” She starts kissing my neck as I lean my head back, her hands gliding under my tee shirt and over my skin.

“I don’t think we should do this.”

“Yes you do, and we are. Trust me.”

Trust her. That’s something I know I can’t do anymore. I close my eyes as she kisses her way down my neck and then drops to her knees. I look up at the night sky, seeing stars all above. I’m already feeling guilty for letting it get this far. Her fingers find my belt buckle and then my fly goes down. Oh shit, this isn’t good, but then it is…so good. I’m in too deep to stop things now. Yes, I’m a dog. Wasn’t that what she called me when we broke up? And she’s Pavlov ringing that bell.

I run a piece of her dark hair through my fingers, remembering all the times she told me to relax and she’d make everything better. Maybe she can. Maybe Donna is the right girl for me, so I let it happen.

 

~ ~ ~ ~

 

The next day, I hear muffled footsteps and then a knock at my bedroom door. Slowly emerging from sleep, I throw the pillow off my head and roll onto my back. “Yeah?”

“Chris, Donna’s on the phone. Said she’s been calling you but got no answer.”

My mind swirls as memories of what Donna did to me last night come flooding back. What. Have. I. Done? “Be right there.”

In my boxers, I groggily climb the basement stairs to the kitchen and face Jackie. She’s got this little smirk on her face like she’s caught me red-handed. Before I can grab the phone, she covers the receiver. “I thought you two broke up? She sounds incredibly happy.”

I take the phone without a word. I don’t need a lecture right now because I’m already giving myself one internally. I wait until Jackie disappears into the living room. “Hello.”

“Hi. How’s Mr. Sparky feeling this morning?”

Okay, so Mr. Sparky isn’t me. It’s the nickname Donna gave a certain part of me a few years ago and I can’t stand it. Because I can’t stand it, or her chipper voice chirping in my ear, I stay quiet.

“I tried calling you, like, twenty times this morning, but you didn’t pick up.”

“Forgot my phone in the truck.”

“Oh. That was dumb. Wanna go for breakfast?”

Clearly Donna’s under the impression that things are all back to normal and life can carry on as before, with her treating me like shit and jumping when she says how high. No way. “Donna, we should talk.”

“Okay, over breakfast?”

“No. I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

Man, she’s making this nearly impossible for me without even realizing it. “Donna, it’s not like we’re back together after last night.’

Silence.

“I’m sorry,” I say, the guilt rising. A huge part of me is thanking my lucky stars she’s on the other side of town so she can’t show me how angry she is physically.

I hear her whimper and then mumble, “I hate you so much.”

This has got to be one of the worst experiences ever. Yes, I was selfish last night, not caring what the consequences were. And now I’m faced with just how serious my decision was and how much I used her. Maybe I am trying to punish her for cheating on me last year. What I let her do to me last night was wrong and I know it, but I have nothing left to say except, “Goodbye, Donna.”

Feeling groggy and guilty, I head for the shower. Letting last night’s debauchery wash down the drain is my plan; wash off Donna’s touch and start fresh. I decide then and there never to let something like that happen again. It’s left me feeling like a man-whore and yes, I’m ashamed of the way I treated Donna. But then again, I’m also feeling used and abused myself. She came after me, refusing to take no for an answer. It’s strange to say, being the guy and all, but I was the one who was assaulted last night. My guy friends would probably high-five me if I told them I’d been cornered by a hot girl who only wanted to use my body. They’d see it as a victory, but I don’t. I see it as entrapment.

As I’m coming out of the bathroom, the front door opens and my Uncle Terry comes in like a thunder bolt, all energized and loud and making his presence known. He’s a big guy, all covered in tattoos with long hair and muscles. My mom’s younger brother. He used be a roadie with some major rock bands in the nineties. Still works in the industry.

“Chris, Kyle’s here!” he shouts. Years of being around loud music have left him hard of hearing.

My younger brother Kyle comes in after him, trailed by Jackie who’s wearing the widest smile ever.

“Hey!” I cry, coming over to bring Kyle into a bear hug. I haven’t seen him since Spring Break back in February. He looks healthy and older, like he’s got his shit together. There was a time when his hair would be in front of his face and he’d be slumping, like he was hiding from the world. Now he’s a force of nature, all out there, confident. I notice the change right away.

“Nice outfit. Thanks for dressing up for me!” Kyle points to the towel wrapped around my waist.

“Sorry, man. Didn’t expect you for another hour.”

“Uncle Terry has a heavy foot. Every time I turned the music up, he’d speed up.”

“I got you home faster, right?”

“We’re all together again!” Jackie’s smile is so wide I think she may do some permanent damage to her cheeks. She shuts the screen door and puts one of Kyle’s suitcases down. “Welcome home, baby!” Practically attacking him, she lunges forward and wraps her arms round Kyle, burying her head under his neck as he rests his chin on her short spiky hair. I watch as she squeezes him like a python.

“Missed you, Jackie.”

“Missed you too, honey,” she squeaks. Here come the waterworks.

“We all missed you!” Uncle Terry practically screams.

“Thanks, guys. It’s great to be back.”

Not wanting to miss a minute of the reunion, I run downstairs and throw on some jeans and a tee shirt before joining them again. I want to hear about the world outside of Buffalo. They’re in the kitchen now, where we usually end up without fail. Kyle is home for two months before he jets back to The Curtis Institute of Music — his new home away from home. With one year down, he still has three ahead of him. I can’t even imagine going to school for another minute let alone four years.

“How was the drive?” I ask.

“Long,” Uncle Terry says. “I’m starved. Got anything to eat, Jacks?”

“Of course.” I see her wink at Uncle Terry and then give me a playful little look. “What about you, Kyle, you must be hungry too, baby. Want something?”

“Sure,” Kyle says pulling out a kitchen chair. As he sits, Jackie pulls a small chocolate cake from the fridge and sets it on the table. It says Welcome Home scrawled in blue frosting.

“Wow! Thanks, Mom, that’s great.”

Jackie claps and gushes. It’s sweet. “I’ll get some plates and we’ll have us a piece before I have to head to work. I have tomorrow off so we’ll spend some time together then, okay?”

“Sounds good.”

“Chocolate cake for breakfast. Don’t mind if I do,” I laugh, taking a seat beside Kyle.

“Considering it’s almost noon!” Jackie giggles.

Uncle Terry grabs some glasses and places the milk carton on the table while Jackie hands out forks. She cuts the cake up, doles out the slices, and we eat in celebration. With my brother home and things back to normal again, all thoughts of Donna evaporate into thin air.

 

~ ~ ~ ~

 

Whenever I start a new project, I get this rush of adrenaline. This must be what it’s like for a painter facing a fresh blank canvas. There are endless possibilities, endless options. Working like a maniac comes second nature when your job doesn’t even feel like work. Feels like I’m playing, creating something magical. When I landscape, I feel like a kid, and I also feel most in control.

When we arrive at a new site, chaos usually happens for the first day. We rip the yard to shreds, really stirring everything up. We’ve had some home owners yell at us ‘cause they weren’t expecting things to get so ugly so fast. I guess it shocks them or something. Thing is, it’s gotta get worse before it gets better, and nine out of ten times the scared homeowners are the ones who praise our amazing work in the end more than anyone. I love it when people underestimate us and we school them by the end of the project. My goal is to drop jaws.

It’s Monday and we’re knee-deep in mud in the Pritchard’s backyard. Just as Cas predicted, it rained yesterday, so everything back here’s a little sticky. I caught a quick glimpse of Miriam on her way out the door this morning as she left for school. Mrs. Pritchard came out to offer us drinks just after lunch. The fence was removed and we’ve got the Bobcat backhoe in here, really tearing things up. It’s practically unrecognizable already.

I have a crew of six including my brother, Casper, and myself. They’re hard working guys who don’t dick around, so I can’t complain. I can trust these guys with my life, say anything to them and they keep quiet about it. It’s mutual. Nick Panagakos is a couple years older than me. His girlfriend, Evan, just had a baby so he needs the money to support his little family. Nick having a baby sure did change him. Now instead of talking about hot girls, he’s always talking about his daughter’s sleep patterns – or lack of sleep – and what she’s doing developmentally. And Evan’s a great mom. At nineteen she’s better at this than a lot of other mom’s twice her age. She’s a natural. I think they’re actually going to make it, even though everyone said they were crazy to keep the baby.

Cowboy is the lone wolf of the crew. I swear, there’s something a little off about this guy, but he works hard and doesn’t take any shit from anyone. I’d hate to be his enemy 'cause he’s ruthless. Al says if he hadn’t hired Cowboy when he did, he’d be in jail for sure.

Danny is new to the crew this year. He’s just a young kid, same age I was when I started. He’s our hardworking grunt assistant. He’s the one we send for last minute supplies and coffee. Simon worked for Al a few summers back, but Al fired him because he was too mouthy and lazy. I can see that. Simon’s got a good thing going with his dad’s towing company anyway.

At three-thirty, we stop everything and take a break. I light a cigarette, take a drag, and then hand it to Nick. It’s been over a year since I quit, all thanks to my younger brother leading by example. Every once in a while I’ll split one with Nick just for old times sake. We usually break at ten and one sharp, but the first week is an exception. It’s balls to the walls hard work prepping the site, so we take breaks more often to recuperate in between. We also split our lunch in two because it keeps us going through the day better than one big lunch that’ll only make us sluggish by mid afternoon. We know what to do. Been doing this job long enough to know the little things that work.