Chapter Twenty-Nine

 

<><> Chris <><>

 

Leaving Miriam is the hardest thing I’ve done in a long time. I want to stay with her, comfort her, but I have another job to finish. Nick, Danny, and Cowboy meet me at the foot of the driveway of our new project. They know I’ve been at Miriam’s all night.

“How is she?” Cowboy asks. We’ve all gotten to know the Pritchards through the landscaping project and even someone as distant and emotionally vacant as Cowboy is touched by how things have ended up.

“She’s coping.”

“Will she sell the place?” Danny asks. It’s a question everyone’s been thinking.

“Probably. I doubt she’ll stay there by herself,” says Nick. He puts a hand on my shoulder. “Sorry, Loman. I know how much you like her.”

I have nothing to say. He’s right, and her leaving is probably the right thing for her. Still, it crushes me when I think about it. For the first time in months, a feeling of dread sinks into my bones, like something is slipping away.

To distract me from my constant doubts and the need to drive back to Miriam’s, I dive into today’s project with both feet. The smell of the earth and the feel of soil between my fingers puts me at ease. It’s soothing, relaxing, and the ultimate distraction. Still, being here at the next project and so far away from her feels wrong. I should be there. She needs me. But I can’t leave the guys. I’ve already taken some time off to be with Miriam. At the beginning of a new project, the days are so long that it’s impossible to get away to make a phone call without all the guys being around, but the situation with Miriam is different.

“I’m just heading to my truck to make a call. Back in a sec,” I say at first break.

“Take your time,” Nick hollers. I know he’s speaking for everyone.

After work, I swing by home to throw a few more clean clothes into a bag, throwing the dirty ones into the laundry. I shower and fix myself something to eat before heading out the door to Miriam’s again. Sitting in the Bronco, the phone rings. It’s Simon — again — calling to harass me into going out with him, but I’m not up to it. Simon doesn’t seem to understand how attached I am to this girl. Sure, he was sorry to hear about Miriam’s mom dying and everything, but he just doesn’t get how involved I am with everything. Simon’s never been in love with anyone but himself. He thinks I should carry on with my life, but how can I possibly pretend to have a good time when Miriam’s held hostage by everything she’s going through? She needs a good night out herself, but I can’t expect that from her. I can’t even ask. Right now, all I can give her is my support. My time and my support, that’s it. Any expectation I have for our 'relationship' is put on hold, and I’m forced to respect that. She’s dealing with enough shit without my shit piled on top. I won’t pressure her to stay or try to convince her. That wouldn’t be fair, even though I want to. I’d beg her to stay if I had to, but after talking to Jackie about it, she points out how selfish that would be.

I swing by the sub shop to get my lunch for tomorrow. As I’m paying, the ding from the door makes me turn around and I see Donna come in. Our eyes lock and then I turn to pay for my sub, debating whether or not to talk to her. She decides for me.

“Hi, Chris.”

“Hey,” I say, making for the door.

“I’m sorry about your girlfriend’s mom. I heard from Kimmy who heard from Travis who heard from Kyle. That sucks.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“No, I mean it. I’m really sorry. No one should have to go through that so young.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“Is she okay?”

“She will be.”

“Kimmy says she’ll probably move to her dad’s in another city. That’s too bad.”

Donna seems genuinely sorry, but there’s a little smirky smile at the corner of her mouth that I’ve seen many times before. She’s not capable of being sincere, so I’m not buying it.

“I’ve gotta go.”

“When she leaves, you know I’m available. I haven’t been with anyone else since you.”

“Bye.” I head for my Bronco, but Donna’s on me like a shadow.

“Wait up. Want to sit and talk for a while?”

“No. Don’t you have a sub to buy?”

“It can wait.”

I stop, not wanting to be forceful, but this has got to end. I don’t appreciate her attention anymore, so I turn to face her. “Donna, I don’t think we should be friends anymore. I don’t want to talk; I don’t want to do anything with you. I want you and me to be over. I’m with Miriam and I love her. Don’t call me anymore and don’t kid yourself that we’ll ever get back together.”

I turn away from her, expecting an insult or two…as usual…but she says nothing. I jump into my Bronco, kick it to life and ease out of the parking lot. I see Donna getting smaller in the rearview as I drive away, leaving her in my past. With Cas going away and Kyle about to leave for school again, I feel like I’m starting a new chapter in my life. I finally feel like an adult with responsibilities, making choices that are the right ones for a change. I feel free.