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My stomach roils as the scent of oil and cold metal hits my nose. It's not my first time on the docks. Last night I was ordered to sneak around, listening to the workers. Report back what I learned. Workers know dock rats are thieves and spies for organized crime. The long, quick reach of an adult arm is dangerous. We learn to stay out of their range. You must always know what's behind you. If you are careless, someone could find your dead, mangled body in a container on a far colony world.
Tonight is different. Pieter is coming with me. They expect something more from me tonight.
I am afraid. So afraid. As numb on the inside as the cold of the dock makes me feel on the outside. They have warned me. If I get sick and have to return to the ship, Anthy will not eat. I cannot let him cry from hunger again.
We move on the edge of shadow with silence and purpose, through the chaos and cacophony of ships and station shifting cargo, until the sounds gradually change. They are still loud, overwhelming my senses, but now I hear music and laughter, and the smell changes to things I remember from home: sweat from laboring bodies, cooking, drinking. Mama's perfume. Adults are walking all around me. The lights I see on the buildings between the moving, sometimes stumbling, people are beautiful colors.
A shriek from somewhere nearby causes me to bump into Pieter. The sound switches to laughter and Pieter's hand on my shoulder pulls me closer to his side. It reassures me. Makes me feel protected. Normally I would never want Pieter to touch me or any of the other children in my team, but now I lean closer into him and shiver.
The smell of food from the bars is a stab in my stomach. I'm hungry. The older kids have told me that the client will feed me well. The captain insists on it. Maybe even give me some treats to bring back with me. The older kids talk about the things they eat with a glow on their faces. They do not want to talk about the rest. There is no light in their eyes when they look down and turn their heads. We talk about the food a lot.
We walk for a long time—so long I begin to fear Pieter will lose our way back to the ship. But then he stops at a gap between two buildings. His hand on my shoulder tightens. A voice comes from the darkness beside him. Pieter edges toward the sound, drawing me along. Their voices are low, they speak in a language I do not understand. Pieter is looking at everything as he talks. It is dangerous for adults in this place, too.
He crouches down beside me suddenly, looks into my eyes. "You go now, girl," he says—they always call us 'boy' or 'girl' off the ship. No names. Ever. "You remember your team and be a good girl. I will be here, waiting to take you back to them." His hand grips the back of my forearm and pushes me forward.
I see two men walking toward us. They look official and I freeze, my heart drumming.
Pieter, noting my reaction, starts to stand.
"Earth Alliance Space Fleet." The angry, harsh voice cuts through all the noise. Black-gloved hands have Pieter's shoulder now in the same grip that he held me. People clad in police black are coming from all directions, including the alley. The person who talked to Pieter from the shadows grasps me.
This one thing I know: if the space police butt into our business, the ship will leave us behind. They have made it clear to anyone going out on the docks.
Anthy will be gone.
I shake free of the grip on my arm and dodge beneath the reaching hands, slide between slow-reacting adults, and I run.
I thought Pieter was getting us lost, but we walked straight. There were no turns along the way. I run, zipping between adults, bumping one who cries out in complaint. There are sounds of anger and protest behind me. The police are following.
Suddenly, the bulky, slow forms surrounding me shrink back toward the buildings. The voices fall to whispers. There are shouts outside and inside the buildings. Music crashes to silence. The silence in my ears is terrifying.
An angry cry from behind. It is the police, demanding I stop. A booted foot shoots out from the crowd of people who have drawn to the edge of the street. I dodge it and keep running. Running toward the shadows. I work the shadows. They will not find me there. I need to get back to the ship.
Before it leaves me and Pieter behind...
The shadows fall in around me and I move fast. Faster than the shouts behind me. Their sound switches to confusion, frustration. I keep moving, dodging between containers, working my way to the lights and the oil-stink of the docks.
Something is wrong. The sound of men and machines shifting cargo, the ring of metal striking metal, and the glow of plasma repairs is missing. There are other kids from the ship out tonight. If the police got to one of their handlers first—
Sobbing, I run even faster, not caring now if I am in light or shadow. The docks are quiet, all the movement frozen. Only a few people are standing in clusters. The lights seem brighter. Then I see the berth number for our ship—Pieter made sure I saw it as we walked past. The light on the hatch is flashing red. It is a warning of some type, but I don't know what. I don't care. I run for Anthy and my team.
"Hoa!" An adult steps from the shadows on my right. He carries a weapon in one hand. He reaches for me with the other. Behind me, there is sudden screaming. I recognize it from the lash. It is one of the older girls.
The policeman's hand catches my collar. I try to twist away, but his grip makes it hard for me to breathe. I kick at his shin and strike hard armor with the bottom of my foot. It hurts badly. I don't care. I swing my right arm back, over my shoulder and hit the arm gripping me. The grip is not as tight as a crewmember's would be. I knock it away, duck, and keep moving.
Two more police are coming toward me, one from each side. Between them, I can see the stationside hatch to the ship. It has changed. Now it is gray and has the berth number, huge and red, on it: the airlock is sealed.
The ship is leaving without me.
I scream as the police come together, catching me up. They pull me backward, then down. Between their shoulders, I see the lights around the hatch go from red to white and I know.
Anthy is gone.
There are more cries, children's voices swiftly stifled behind me, but I can also hear the voices on the comms of the police who have wrestled me to the dock. There is anger and urgency in their tones.
"...a mining tug on final approach," the anxious voice says.
"I gave orders to shut down all insystem activity," the policeman on my left barks back. He gets to his feet, dragging me with him, then thrusts me at the other officer, who holds me tight.
"It came from the outer system, ser. We couldn't stop it without tipping our hand," the comm says back.
"Well stop it now! That ship isn't paying attention to what's moving out there. It's focused on escaping!"
"Anthy!" I scream as if he can hear me across the vacuum. "Anthy!"
The man lifts a hand in a silencing motion. He is listening intently to a swarm of voices suddenly filling the air from his comm.
The station system begins to boom an announcement ordering residents to return to their living quarters immediately.
"Someone lay a shot across their bow. Make that pilot stop!"
There is a jumble of replies back on his comm. The one I hear is: "They are not responding."
Now it is like slow motion as everything rolls on around me. I see the officer's face in the light. He is angry and frustrated. Our ship will not listen. They will not answer, and the shuttle is moving across their flight path. My heart twists with hope; maybe they will stop.
But I know they won't.
An adult somewhere nearer the outer dock is raging at the top of his lungs. He is cursing Earth Alliance Space Fleet. He says they will get everyone killed.
The officer looks at the policeman who grips me. "Order the stationmaster to close all port shields immediately," he says. He returns to talking on his comm.
The police holds me with one hand and makes his call on the comm with the other. The stationmaster confirms the station shields are lowering over debris-sensitive areas. They don't want the station taking damage from wreckage...
Shields. I look up at the small plasglass panels high above, that let sunlight into the dock during day cycle. Protective shutters are beginning to slide over them, but I can still see out.
I can see the ship. Our ship. The one Anthy is on. I want to be there with him.
Then I see the tug. It is not some tiny lifeboat. It is a great, hulking chunk of metal, and it is moving across the bow of the ship.
It is moving too slow.
The ship plows into it, catching the front corner, causing the tug to swing on its axis. It burrows along the ship's side, its momentum fueled by its weight, and a long, ugly gash opens onto space. Atmosphere and fluids flow out of the tear in a slow fog peppered with specks of debris. I know some of those tiny specks are bodies.
I am screaming now, fighting to go out there. I want to be with my brother. Anthy needs me. The policeman has me by the arm, wrestling to hold me. Other people rush forward to help him.
The shields roll down as a brilliant flash engulfs the ship. I am on my knees, wailing.
I cannot save Anthy.
I am not enough.
***
A SLAP STUNG MY CHEEK.
I drew a breath, choked on a sob, and opened my eyes.
"Get up," Meeroush said. "You're coming with us."