| |
December 11th
BLAIR’S PHONE PINGED as she zipped up her skate bag. She leaned over her bed to retrieve her phone from the nightstand. Even though she had made plans to clear her head at the skating rink, she could probably take a second to check her latest notifications.
Her heart stopped when she realized. It was a text from Colson. Saying that he was in the neighborhood and wanted to meet up.
Chewing her lower lip, she stared at the screen as she tried to figure out how to respond. She hadn’t seen him since their kiss. Hadn’t made much contact either. After she’d let him know that she had arrived home safely, there hadn’t been any further communication, leaving her to obsess about that kiss for the past day and a half.
Her mind had raced with a thousand questions. Three seemed to nag her the most. What did the kiss mean? Had she scared him off? And most importantly, could she get another chance to kiss him again?
There was no getting around it, the holidays had definitely taken a turn for the dramatic. Which was why she was at a loss for what to text back. Blair didn’t want to sound so casual that she came across as unfeeling. But she also didn’t want to just throw herself at him and act like she was desperate clingy. Ugh. If she hadn’t let her love life fizzle out, she’d probably know how to handle this instead of freaking out.
Plus, she’d been pretty cold in her last text to him. Though it had been the perfect message to create some distance between them while she thought things through, Blair felt guilty. Maybe she should have dealt with things right then and there. There wouldn’t be this huge question mark over everything if she had stayed to talk with Colson. Too bad she had been too conflicted to have a conversation. She’d been so confused about what to do next that she had left in a hurry.
Taking time to sort through her feelings had probably widened the rift between them, but she had been able to figure out some of her emotions. She wasn’t sorry. Although common sense dictated that she should have been, she wasn’t. That was another reason she had fled from his house again. Because she should have regretted kissing him, and yet, she didn’t. Blair hadn’t even regretted giving in to kissing him under the blasted mistletoe. She still thought the tradition was ridiculous, but that kiss with Colson had taken her breath away. A kiss like that wasn’t something she was going to forget.
Still unsure, she began to tap out a message: I made plans. Skating rink.
Let me pick you up and drop you off, he quickly replied. We can talk on the way.
It wouldn’t be a long ride. Certainly not long enough for a real heart to heart. But it would be a mistake to pass this up. Colson was trying to do the mature thing here. Besides, she might as well rip off the Band-Aid. They’d have to talk eventually, so why not today?
Sighing, she texted her agreement.
Colson arrived ten minutes later, and she slid into the passenger side of his fancy car. Definitely not the sort of car the average local drove around in.
“Thanks,” she said, greeting him with a pained smile.
His response was a curt nod and nothing more. The tension between them felt so heavy she could scarcely breathe.
Were they going to act like nothing had happened? Maybe she had misinterpreted the meaning behind his message and he just wanted to talk about his great-grandmother’s belongings.
They drove through town in silence, passing by the decorated streets. Lights were starting to come on as evening descended, each one twinkling brightly. They lifted her spirits ever so slightly, giving her a little bit of the holiday cheer she so desperately needed right now.
“Didn’t know you were so athletic,” he said suddenly. Probably an attempt to relieve some of the tension.
She held her bag tightly to her, feeling awkward. “Yeah. I’ve been skating since I was a kid. Do you skate?”
“Played a little hockey back in high school,” he said. “It’s been years, though.”
“Is that what you wanted to be when you were a kid?” she asked out of curiosity. “A hockey player?”
He shook his head. “No. I didn’t want to be anything.”
“Because your family was so rich?” she pressed.
“Yes. But also because we all work for the family empire,” he said. “All the Bennetts work for one of the family’s companies, so there’s no point in dreaming about anything else.”
“Really? That sounds so stifling,” she said. Honestly, it seemed profoundly sad. All that money and he wasn’t even allowed to have dreams.
“What about you?” he asked. “What did you want to be?”
“I wanted to own a store in town,” she said. “Pretty small dream.”
He gave her a quick glance. “It’s not small, Blair.”
“Well, it is a small business,” she pointed out.
“A small business trying to do big things,” he said.
That made her smile a little. “You’re not going to tell me how many small businesses fail? Or how big your family’s companies are in comparison?”
“No use repeating myself,” he replied with a shake of his head. “Plus, I know how stubborn you are. You wouldn’t give up against any odds.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” she confirmed softly.
He pulled into the parking lot near the skating rink. “That’s how I know your store is in good hands.”
Her face heated at the compliment. “Is that what you wanted to talk about so urgently? Work?”
“Work talk is just an ice-breaker.” He paused and then chuckled. “No pun intended.”
She laughed softly. It wasn’t the funniest joke ever, but it was clear that Colson was doing his best to alleviate the tension between them. So far it was working. A little.
He got out and came over to her side of the car to open the passenger door for her.
“Thanks for the ride,” she said gratefully before scrambling out.
“No problem.” Colson jammed his hands into his jacket pockets. Suddenly he appeared very vulnerable and boyish. His hair fell over his eyes and he kicked at an invisible pebble on the ground. “Still want to talk?”
“Yes, but I don’t want to make you wait while I’m skating. Unless...” She stopped. “You know, you can rent skates.”
That seemed to make him stand ten feet tall because he threw back his broad shoulders and shoved the hair from his eyes to gaze at her directly. He smiled, looking relieved. “Talk while we skate? Sure, I can do that.”
Within minutes they were lacing up their skates and then taking steps out onto the icy surface of the outdoor rink. There were about a dozen people out on the ice, all of them enjoying a nighttime skate beneath the bright lights.
Blair skated a circle around him to warm up, then came back to his side. “How have you been since...you know?” Her face heated again and she cringed as she said those words—an attempt to bring up the kiss without actually saying it outright.
He cleared his throat. “Well, that’s what I wanted to talk about.”
Her heart started pounding. Of course he wanted to talk about the kiss. Refusing to refer to it wasn’t going to erase it from his mind any more than it would be erased from hers.
They skated together side by side for a few moments, neither of them speaking.
Finally he said, “My father called yesterday.”
She blinked in surprise. That was the absolute last thing she expected him to say. But if he was mentioning a call from his father it must have been important. Perhaps he really was here to talk about his family’s antiques. Crap, maybe kissing him had been such a bad idea that Colson was preparing to end their agreement. She couldn’t blame him for considering another antique shop just to avoid the awkward reality of an attraction that wouldn’t go away. Whether it was her attraction to him, or his to her, Blair couldn’t say. More than likely it was her desire that was causing the problems. Either way, that kiss must have been explosive enough to make him rethink his plans to let her sell his family’s treasures for him.
“Was it a serious call?” she asked.
More silence as they skated together. Except this time, she could practically hear him thinking. He looked so pensive that she could sense his turmoil.
“Yeah pretty serious,” he answered. “I told him that your store was handling my great-grandmother’s affairs.”
“Okay. Go on.”
“My dad seems to think that spending weeks sorting through Opal’s stuff is a waste of time,” Colson elaborated. “The old man’s pretty cold, so, anything sentimental is a waste of time to him.”
“But you loved Opal. It’s only natural for you to want to do right by her now that she’s gone,” she said fiercely. “You want to make sure that her things are respected and cared for. You deserve to have an antique expert who will see how personal this is for you.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Opal was over a hundred years old. That’s a long time to acquire so many things. I just want to honor what’s left of her long life,” he said.
“Exactly. It takes time to sort through the things you want to keep and the things you feel comfortable selling. These aren’t just antiques. They are memories of her life. Your father should appreciate your efforts to preserve your family’s history the best way you can,” she said.
“Well, he doesn’t.” Colson sighed. “My father doesn’t appreciate anything other than raw power and money.”
“Nobody is going to remember Opal for those things. I bet people loved her for how kind she was. How thoughtful. Imagine being a hundred years old and still making time to buy your loved ones the most heartfelt gift.” Blair was breathless all of a sudden. For a moment she couldn’t understand why, but he turned to look at her and she saw the reason in his eyes.
There was pain in their depths. Then a flash of something else—a flicker of hope.
Colson had never experienced a real Christmas. Had never known what it was like to feel all that love and warmth during the holidays. He’d only just decorated a Christmas tree for the first time in his life a few days ago. Proof that he’d missed out on so many joyful traditions. But Opal had given him a little bit of that magic. Even though his parents had treated him coldly, his great-grandmother hadn’t. Judging from his devotion to her, Blair guessed that he had received some amount of love from her, and yet, his father was demanding that he just put her behind him. Move on. It was enough to make Blair angry on his behalf.
“It’s not okay for him to tell you how to grieve,” she continued firmly. “You’re trying to honor her memory. Your dad should respect that.”
“Yeah, well, my father’s attitude is probably the least of our problems right now,” he said.
Something in his tone gave her pause. “What do you mean?”
“You’re not going to like this,” he said.
Her pounding heart began to beat even faster. Because it was obvious there was some family trouble that inexplicably seemed to involve her. Yet she couldn’t begin to imagine what that might be. “Just tell me what’s going on,” she pressed.
He slowed down his skating to hang back with her. “My father knows, or at least suspects there’s something going on with us.”
She gasped. Another bombshell that she hadn’t remotely expected. And she didn’t need him to explain further. Blair was pretty sure she understood exactly what his father knew. “What? How could he possibly even know about me?”
“I told him that your store was handling Opal’s stuff,” he answered.
“Okay, but how would your father begin to guess anything based on that information?” She frowned. “Did you tell him about—”
“No. No way,” he insisted, cutting her off. “I never talk about my private life with him unless he’s trying to pry information out of me. Even then, I typically give him the bare bones. Since there’s never been a wedding on the horizon for me, he takes a pretty grim view of my progress in the relationship department anyway. I’m either going too fast or too slow.”
She remembered him talking about how hard it had been for him to get serious about anyone. A clue that he wasn’t going to be interested in her beyond a winter fling at most. Which meant that opening her heart to him would be just about the worst mistake she could make. Good thing that kiss hadn’t meant anything whatsoever. Good thing. She couldn’t breathe again and she forced herself to inhale the cold, crisp air. Who was she fooling? That kiss meant something. It meant everything. And now she was hopelessly waiting for a sign that he felt the same way. A sign that was never going to come.
She forced out a shaky breath, the weight of her feelings for him an aching pressure against her chest. “Right, you said that your job kept you from seriously dating.”
Together, they slowly turned to start skating in the other direction, her eyes on the ice so he wouldn’t see her face give away the torment inside her.
“It’s not just the job,” he said, after a few beats.
“It’s not?”
“In my family, you’re pretty much expected to date within a narrow circle of upper-class people,” he said. “Old money and new money that’s been approved of.”
“Oh.” Her heart sank. “I see.”
“That’s not what I want, for the record,” he said. “It’s just what’s expected of me.”
“Must be a big responsibility,” she said quietly.
“Responsibility. Burden. Boils down to the same thing,” he said, his tone emotionless. “Honestly, it’s the same handful of girls. Pretty limiting. Plus, those high society girls are probably sick of me as well.”
As much as it hurt to have her fears confirmed, she was going to be grateful to know that she could release any foolish notions of them being together. She’d been right. A guy like Colson was not going to give a small town girl like her the time of day. He’d end up with some high society blue blood.
At least, she could still sympathize with him. They were both being stifled by family expectations. “That sounds a bit like dating in a small town. Everyone knows everyone else. You’re kind of in a little pond, stuck with limited options unless you go farther afield.”
“Huh. Never thought of it that way,” he said. “But yeah, guess it does resemble the dynamics of a small town.”
There was a lull in the conversation as Blair tried to gather her thoughts. For several days she had tried to ignore her feelings. Tried to pretend that this was nothing more than a crush. Unfortunately, now that she realized she didn’t have a chance with Colson, she was coming to terms with what she was truly feeling inside. She liked him. A lot. Blair cared about him. There was no denying it anymore. No use acting like he had no effect on her. Problem was, even if he returned her feelings, he had basically just let her down easy. His family wouldn’t approve of her. End of story.
“So...your father clearly isn’t happy about whatever it is that’s going on between us—”
A pair of kids barreled towards her, and Colson wrapped an arm around her immediately, guiding her out of the way. Her insides wobbled as he rescued her without breaking a sweat. Now her mind was spinning in all directions. She wanted Colson. Knew that wanting him was futile. And yet, her body didn’t seem to care now that his arm was secured around her.
“You okay?” Colson asked, glancing down at her with concern in his eyes.
Nodding, she brushed her hair out of her face and said, “Fine. What I don’t get is if you didn’t tell your dad about us, how does he suspect anything?”
Colson sighed heavily. “I was video conferencing with him and he saw the Christmas tree that we set up.”
“And that made him suspect something was going on?” she asked in shock.
“My father is like a shark. He’ll smell the faintest trace of blood in the water and use it against you. That’s how he succeeds at everything. He’s ruthless. Doesn’t let emotions get in the way.” Colson’s face turned grim. “Maybe he doesn’t even have emotions.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “It must be hard to deal with.”
It also sounded terrifying to her. Blair felt pressured by her dad sometimes when he tried to get her to date more, but there wasn’t a malicious bone in his body. She couldn’t imagine being afraid of her parents at all. No wonder Colson thought her father was perfectly reasonable after their brief time on the phone. He’d probably warmed to her dad because his own father was so unfeeling.
“I’m used to it though. Have to be on my guard with him, but it is what it is,” Colson said. “What matters is that I get the ball rolling by New Years’.”
Blair guessed what that meant. Business was going to have to come before pleasure. That made sense. They couldn’t be together long-term anyway. Still, she could enjoy his company for the next couple of weeks, couldn’t she? There were so many traditions left to share with him. If they could spend time together, maybe that would soften the blow of his upcoming departure. Besides, a fling couldn’t cause any harm. Perhaps that was what she needed after a romantic dry spell.
As she contemplated the remainder of the holiday, they continued skating side by side now, his heavy arm wrapped around her. The heat of his hard body making it difficult for her to concentrate. She should have been grateful to have that arm encircling her protectively, but she wanted more. What she truly wanted to do was lean against him and fall into his arms. Hold onto him for dear life until there was no one else on the ice but the two of them.
“Where does that leave us, Colson?” she asked, finally plucking up the courage to hint at the kiss.
He slowed down until he came to a stop. Blair slowed down to a halt with him, desperate to hear what he was going to say next. That was when she felt him reach down to take her gloved hand in his exposed hand. She felt the strength and the warmth of his touch through the woolly fabric of her gloves. As he squeezed her hand, her heart clenched at the exact same time. It felt like she was walking on air. Had they held hands before? She didn’t think that they had. Surely, she would have remembered the sensation of his large hand enveloping hers. Amazing that a single, innocent touch could make her feel like she was floating.
Her gaze shifted to meet his and she saw the most earnest look on his face. Though Blair couldn’t decipher exactly what the expression meant, she knew that this moment was just as significant for him as it was for her.
Colson exhaled, his breath fanning her cheek as he moved to get in front of her and take her other hand. Now he was holding onto both of her hands as he stared deep into her eyes. She trembled then, her knees in danger of buckling under the intensity of his gaze. There was desire in the depth of his green eyes. Stark desire that mixed with some unfulfilled longing. A yearning that was both physical, yet so much stronger than that.
If he wasn’t holding onto her, she probably would have stumbled onto the ice.
He skated closer. Close enough for his forehead to touch hers. Blair’s heart began to race, body quivering as she realized that his lips were a single breath away.
“Listen, I want a kiss like that to happen again. I’d be lying if I said otherwise.”
So, a part of him really did want her. Blair’s heart skipped a beat.
“But?” she prompted.
“I have more bad news,” he said.
“What is it?” she asked.
“My father is going to visit in a few days,” he told her.
Blair jerked her head back in shock. Her mouth fell open. “He’s coming to Mislin Bush?”
“Yeah. To register our progress with Opal’s belongings,” he explained.
“I suppose it would make sense for him to want his grandmother’s things handled properly,” she said, regaining her composure.
Yet she knew that there was something left unsaid. Colson’s father wasn’t simply coming all the way to Mislin Bush to see if they were making headway with the antiques in the mansion. He was going to visit because he had guessed that there was a real risk of them ending up as more than friends. A dangerous proposition for a man who sounded like he was a controlling snob. Colson’s dad was clearly trying to put a stop to this. Whatever this was.
“I tried to talk him out of it, but he wouldn’t budge. Worst part is he’ll be staying at the mansion,” Colson said. “He didn’t want to hear about staying at a local inn.”
“Sounds super stressful,” she said, sympathy flooding her.
“He’ll be in his own wing,” Colson said. “But, if staying under the same roof becomes intolerable, I’ll volunteer to get a room at the inn.”
“Room at the inn,” she said. “Fitting imagery for this time of year.”
“Here’s hoping I have better luck than Mary and Joseph,” he said.
She knew him well enough now to recognize when he was trying to crack a joke to get her to smile. Luckily for him, it worked, because Blair gave him a faint smile as she realized what he needed. What they both needed. Something that was more important than what they both wanted. They needed to respect his family by honoring his great-grandmother’s wishes.
Blair didn’t want to drive a wedge between Colson and his father. Not while they were grieving. Not during the holidays. If she was going to show Colson that Christmas traditions mattered, she couldn’t very well encourage him to go against his own family, no matter how strained things were with the Bennetts. She owed him that much for Christmas. Her professional duty to handle Opal’s possessions, and the duty as a friend to put his needs above her wants. She’d keep her feelings to herself. Make sure there wasn’t a repeat of that kiss. Even if it meant she had to withstand feeling her heart slowly start to break.
