HOW CANDY MET WAFFLES
AND HOW WAFFFLES WON
THE RIGHT TO THE DOG CHAIR
There is a big old chair that sits in a corner of the room where Honey Babe makes dinner and other Good Things. It is very old, soft, and torn a little. Nobody sits in it except me, and sometimes Cat, not even Jeff. Honey Babe calls it the Dog Chair, and since I am the dog it really is my chair.
Cat sits there occasionally, but only when I’m not around. Even Thor, when he was here, didn’t try to sit in it when I was there. He couldn’t, anyway. He was too big. And if Cat was there when I arrived I just needed to look at her and she would jump off.
Anyway, on this day I was sitting in the Dog Chair and Honey Babe was in the hall looking out at the long driveway through the glass in the front door. Suddenly she called out, loud and happy:
“Hey! Jeff! mumble, Car! mumble, mumble, Nanna, mumble mumble!”
Jeff came tumbling down the stairs in a great hurry and joined Honey Babe at the door.
“Come on, Candy!” He yelled. “Nanna, mumble mumble, Car!”
Now I know what Car is, though I wasn’t sure what Nanna was so I began to bark, a happy bark because I think things are going to be good. And I ran and joined them both, barking and scrabbling at the door. The car stopped at the top of the driveway where we could still see it.
The door opened and out came a Honey Babe type of person. She was carrying something in both arms. I was sniffing the air trying to find out what it was all about, and then suddenly I remembered. Nanna! Nanna who would give me hugs, and ruffle the fur around my neck, and all the time she would say:
“Good dog, Candy! Candy’s a good dog! And then she would stroke me, all the way down from my head to my tail, and ruffle me under my neck. It was good!
But then, still sniffing, I became aware of something else, something that smelt like dog, although I couldn’t see any dog. Only Nanna with her bundle. She came up to the door still carrying it.
“Come in, mumble, mumble!” said Honey Babe, pulling her in to the house. “Put it down! mumble, mumble. Big hug!”
I knew what “big hug!” meant, and I even knew what “Put it down” meant. Someone was always saying that to me when I had something in my mouth I wasn’t supposed to have. But I wasn’t sure what it meant when Honey Babe said it to Nanna. However, Nanna seemed to know. She lowered her bundle to the floor.
And it ran away! I was shocked! Completely shocked! So I jumped back and barked at it. The bundle stopped and looked back at me. The dog smell got stronger and stronger, but I’d never seen a dog like that before. It was small, very long, with a long nose and a long tail, and little short legs that seemed to bend out at the feet. It sat back on its little short back end with its little short front legs splayed out. And then it barked at me! Barked at me! Me, a Big Beautiful Golden Retriever. And this little thing actually barked at me!
I barked harder and jumped forwards towards it. But it didn’t move. It just opened its mouth and showed me some tiny little teeth. Tiny, but sharp. I stopped barking and moved forwards again, very slowly this time until we were almost nose-to-nose. I sat down and we sniffed noses gently, then suddenly its tail began to wag. Not a full wag. It just started at the far end and then moved up the long tail until the whole tail was wagging, and then on into the body until the whole body was wriggling. As I watched it my tail went thump on the floor. I stood up and my tail wagged, a little bit at first and then more and more.
“Good dog, Candy,” said Nanna. “Good dog, Waffles!”
“Waffles!” I thought to myself. “That’s a Waffles! At least I’m glad it’s not a real dog!”
So I stood up and walked back to the Dog Chair. I curled round in it, as I usually did, with my tail just touching my nose. Waffles followed me and sat down facing the chair with me in it.
She looked at me for a moment and then suddenly with a mighty leap she landed just beside me. I was so surprised I didn’t know what to do. Nobody sits in my chair! And certainly not a Waffles that smells like a dog but can’t be a real dog because real dogs don’t look like that.
I gave a little growl and pushed her gently off. It didn’t seem to bother her. She just gave another mighty leap, this time right on top of me. I growled again and showed my teeth. This time I think she understood. She hopped off and lay down on the floor. I felt good. I knew that a Big Beautiful Golden Retriever owned that chair and nobody else could use it.
Honey Babe was watching. She was smiling.
“O.K. Candy!” She said. “Outside mumble, mumble. Outside Waffles!” And she pushed us towards the door.
I blocked the door so that I could get out first, but Waffles ran between my legs and away she went, away towards the Dark Woods. It didn’t seem to bother her that there might be Tigers there, or any other bad things. She ran into the long grass at the edge of the woods, barking, as she smelt Little Animals hiding there, holding her tail up high as she ran. All I could see was the tip of her tail as she ran this way and that way, or sometimes the top half of her body above the grass as she stood on her hind legs barking at me to come and join the hunt.
And then as she came out of the grass she saw the hole in the bank where the fat furry animal lives, the fat furry animal that tried to bite me, until Honey Babe and I, or maybe it was just Honey Babe, chased it away.
But anyway, Waffles saw the hole in the bank and ran up to it. She sniffed and sniffed and put her head inside.
And then she went inside! All by herself, right into where the fat furry animal lived. I could hear her scrabbling, and then she started to bark and growl, a funny muffled kind of bark from inside the hole. I could hear all sorts of sounds, and then suddenly, out of the hole came the fat furry animal. It got its head out and then it started to run, and out came Waffles behind it, still barking, as she chased it into the Dark Woods.
I stood and watched, amazed. A little thing like that with funny short legs that thinks she’s really a dog! Chasing the fat furry animal, all by herself. No Honey Babe or anything! I’m a Big Beautiful Golden Retriever and I’m not really afraid of any fat furry animal….Am I? But I don’t know if I would have gone gone into that hole, even if I could, but of course I couldn’t. Could I? But if I had, I would have chased it. I think. If I had gone into that hole.
I was thinking Fuzzy Thoughts like that when Waffles came out of the Dark Woods again, her head up high and her tail straight out. She went to the door and Honey Babe let her in. I looked at the hole for a little, thinking more Fuzzy Thoughts, glad that I hadn’t been able to chase the fat furry animal, and then I went into the house, back to the Dog Chair.
Waffles was sitting in it. She seemed very comfortable. I stood in front of the Chair and looked at her the way I look at Cat when she sits in it. Waffles didn’t move. I put a big paw on the
Chair. She still didn’t move, she didn’t growl, she just opened her mouth and showed me these little sharp teeth. I pulled back my paw and lay down in front of the Chair. I know a big dog when I see one, even if it’s a funny little long thing with short legs. I wasn’t going to sit on that Chair when she was in it. Not for a long time yet. But maybe, just maybe, we could become good friends and one day we could share the Chair. That was a Good Thought. I continued to think it and Waffles continued to stay in the Chair, as though she owned it, not me.
But I’m a Big Beautiful Golden Retriever, and she’s only a Waffles.