HOW CANDY AND WAFFLES WENT HUNTING AND HOW WAFFLES BROUGHT HER CATCH BACK
I was sitting on the dog chair on this particular morning, on the dog chair where I belonged, pleased to be on the dog chair alone, with no Waffles to glare at me, when I heard Honey Babe open the back door and say, in a loud voice, kind of angry, kind of proud:
“Waffles! Mumble, mumble. Oh! Waffles, bad dog! Mumble, mumble, mumble!”
Now, I didn’t want to think of Waffles being a bad dog, but I was pleased it wasn’t me, so I lumbered off the dog chair and ambled round to the back door to see what it was all about. However, when I looked, it didn’t seem to be very much. The only thing different that I could see was three of the little animal things that Waffles chases in the grass. They were lying on the back step where Waffles puts them when she catches them. She likes to bring them home like that so that everyone can see how clever she is.
But I don’t think she’s all that clever. I could catch them if I wanted to. I think. Couldn’t I? But surely a Big Beautiful Golden Retriever shouldn’t want to catch silly little things in the grass. If she wants to catch anything at all she should want to catch Tigers, and I don’t think I want to catch Tigers.
Waffles likes to go out and hunt for Tigers. At least I think she likes to hunt for them, but she never seems to find any. Not that I’ve seen anyway. Sometimes I would lie on the deck at the front of the house and watch her, but all I could see as she ran through the long grass would be her tail sticking straight up in the air.
Every now and then she would give a yelp and run faster, and her tail would wag, still sticking straight up. And sometimes she would stop running and actually bark, to tell me to come and help her because she had really found something, like one of the little things that live in the grass, or perhaps even a Tiger. But I wasn’t too sure about meeting a Tiger, so mostly I would lift myself off the deck and go down a little way to see what was happening and then go back and lie down again.
Anyway, I couldn’t see anything important about the little animals on the back step, so I thought I would go and lie on the deck and look at things. And then I saw Waffles—tail up, nose to the ground, yelping and clearly on the trail of something important. She stopped, sat up with her long body balanced unsteadily on her hind legs, and barked and barked and barked:
“Candy! Come here! Come quickly! Come and help! It’s great! I’ve got something!”
And then I saw it, running in front of her at a surprising speed for a fat furry animal, the same fat furry animal that I had frightened away, long before Waffles ever came here. Or was it really Honey Babe who did it? I don’t remember now, but I wasn’t too keen to meet it again. However, I didn’t want Waffles to be frightened by it, so I got off the deck and went to show Waffles that everything would be all right now that I was here.
When I got there the fat furry animal was standing on its hind legs with its back to a tree, growling, showing its teeth, and waving its front paws with long claws that looked as if they could slash Waffles wide open. It didn’t seem to frighten Waffles though. She was in front of it, barking and snarling and showing her little teeth. Every now and then she would jump forward to attack it, but the fat furry beast would just knock her away with those paws without actually slashing her.
I didn’t want to get too near in case I upset Waffles, so I stood back a little bit, far enough not to get slashed, but close enough to Waffles so that she could see that I was there, and that everything would be all right.
And then Honey Babe came. She had a big stick.
“Waffles! Candy! Mumble, mumble mumble! Off! Off! Back!”
She waved the big stick at the fat furry animal. It growled at her and waved its paws, and then turned away and ran off.
Waffles and I looked at each other. I think we both felt pretty good. Waffles took off down the long lane across the road and into the other woods, not the Dark Woods, but the other woods. I followed her, just to see she didn’t get into any more trouble.
We went quite a distance into the woods until we came to a sort of open space. And then we
suddenly saw the Moo Beast. It was the biggest thing I had ever seen. It had a great big head, with horn things sticking out of it. It saw us and put its head down and made a sound like “Moo!” Waffles was quivering with excitement.
She barked and jumped at it, but it didn’t pay much attention, and when Waffles came close it just pushed her away with those horns on its head. Waffles didn’t know what to do. She ran round it and jumped at it but every time she got near it just moved away.
Nothing seemed to be happening so I thought I would leave her there and go back and see if Honey Babe had something for me to eat. So I went back home and climbed into the dog chair again. I think maybe I went to sleep. And then I heard Honey Babe shouting. She was standing at the front door looking down the lane.
“Dave Honey!” She called her voice high and excited. “Dave Honey! Come quick! Waffles!”
Something was happening, I could tell, so I jumped off the chair and ran to the open front door. I looked out. Waffles was barking and I could feel the hair stand up on the back of my neck when I saw what was happening. There was Waffles, running round and round a bunch of these Great Beasts, biting at their heels, shoving them up the lane, nearer and nearer to the house.
Waffles was bringing her catch back, to leave them at the back door.