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I finally asked him!

I couldn’t believe it took me so long to ask Patrick to go to the prom with me, but it did. I’d wanted to ask him from the beginning, since meeting him again at Maybelle’s house. But something held me back.

I was afraid of being rejected again. Even though he had invited me to his prom.

He said yes! He wondered what took me so long. He thought maybe I had another date.

I told him that I’d never had another date. And I hadn’t. I just thought I had.

Life is so complicated. Why couldn’t our lives run smoothly without any drama? Why couldn’t everyone in the world be happy and live their lives without distress?

The prudent thing would be to wear the same dress to both proms. They were a week apart. Amazing that I was even contemplating doing that. In the past I would have had to get another dress, even though it was highly unlikely that anyone from Patrick’s school was attending the prom at Fairfield Oaks.

This year was different. I’m not saying that I didn’t care how I looked because I did. It was just that there was so much more going on in my life, more important than getting another prom dress.

I told Patrick about the plan for us to ride in the hummer limo with my friends. He was all for it.

Part of me was glad that I had a date for the prom. This would show Jay and his family and everyone else at Fairfield Oaks that I wasn’t dependent on them for my happiness. I hoped I didn’t sound like a mad woman.

Another part of me was sad that I had abandoned my dream of going to the prom with Jay. All I had to do was say yes to be on the way to the prom with him.

But something deep down inside kept me from crossing that threshold. Was it my pride? Yes! I wouldn’t give Jay the satisfaction of breaking down and going to the prom with him. I’d rather go by myself first. Or stay at home.

Jay kept sending me texts asking me to change my mind. But I wouldn’t. I compared him to Patrick all the time. Patrick was so thoughtful. He called me every night. Patrick was organized. He had plans for his future mapped out. He didn’t expect me to change my plans for him.

Jay never called me, or rarely. He always sent text messages or e-mail. I wondered if he really liked me for me. Or if I was just a pretty girl for his arm.

I really didn’t know much about Jay. I didn’t know what he thought about lots of things. I didn’t know what his future plans were. I didn’t know where he planned to go to college. I didn’t know what he planned to do career-wise.

I thought I knew him, but I really didn’t. When he first told me we weren’t going together to the prom, I was devastated. How did we get to this point?

I finally sent Jay a text and told him that I was going to the prom with someone else, and he should ask someone else too.

Callie said I shouldn’t have told him anything. To let him be surprised when I arrived with a date. I didn’t want to hurt Jay intentionally. That wasn’t in me. I was concerned about hurting his feelings although he wasn’t concerned about hurting mine.

It was done. Time to move on.