37

 

Dad was home for the weekend.

I’d stayed at school late working on my recession story. I still didn’t know for sure if I wanted to major in journalism in college. Right now what the future held seemed a long way off.

Mom had told Dad about my plans to go to Lincoln Prep. Dad took us out to dinner at the steakhouse on the Plaza so we could discuss it.

The restaurant had lush carpeting, heavy wood furniture, and hushed tones. It had been a while since we’d been in a place like this as a family, and I could see why. Lots of people recognized Dad and came over to greet him and wish him well.

I immediately felt at home. I belonged here. This was the world in which I felt comfortable. Then what was I trying to figure out?

Dad’s voice brought me back to the present. Our waiter had us choose from a selection of cuts. Then we settled down to family talk while our steaks were being char-grilled.

Dad told us about his first week at work in Atlanta. He had dinner with his colleagues at various golf and private clubs every night. When Mom got to Atlanta they would decide which clubs to join.

“What’s this I hear about you wanting to graduate from Lincoln Prep instead of Fairfield Oaks?” Dad asked.

“I’ve given it lots of thought,” I said. “Fairfield Oaks is all I’ve known since middle school. I want a change. I want to see what it’s like going to another school, a school with more black students. I haven’t had that experience ever.”

“There’s a reason why you haven’t had that experience,” Dad said. “You know why we moved to Fairfield. I wanted you to have the best.”

“Who says that’s the best?” I struggled to get him to understand my position. “I’ve had the Fairfield experience and see where it got me. Jay’s family wouldn’t allow him to take me to prom. Steffy now drives my car. Living in Fairfield and going to Fairfield Oaks is not all that important anymore.”

“Then, Kitten, what is important to you?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I’m trying to figure that out. I want to get to know Tiffany better. We’re cousins and we barely know each other. I loved the atmosphere at Lincoln Prep the weekend that I spent with Tiffany. There was more pageantry and more school spirit at Lincoln Prep than at Fairfield Oaks.”

“You can’t say there is more school spirit,” Mom said. “They just express it differently.”

“Well I want to be a part of that atmosphere,” I said, pleading with my eyes and gestures. “Being at Lincoln Prep was cool when you were out of town. No one judged me or looked at me funny. They welcomed me as Tiffany’s cousin.”

“I want you to graduate from Fairfield Oaks if you’re not going to move to Atlanta with us,” Dad said.

“You can have the black experience at a HBCU,” Mom said.

“Mom, I haven’t decided where I want to go to college yet.”

“What about the Ivy League? Or one of the elite women’s colleges on the east coast?” Dad said. He was bewildered as to why I wanted to change plans now, plans that had been in the making since we moved to Fairfield.

“I don’t want to go to Fairfield Oaks my senior year.”

“Is it because of Jay?”

“No, he wants to get back together and go to the prom.”

“Then problem solved,” Dad said.

“No! I don’t want to get back with him,” I said. “Besides, he isn’t the reason I want to change to Lincoln Prep.”

“Then is it because Steffy is driving your car?” Mom asked.

“I’ll get you a new car when you get to Atlanta this summer,” Dad said.

Exasperated, I looked from one to the other. I couldn’t think of words to make them understand.

Our food arrived and the waiter, with great fanfare, placed our meals in front of each of us. We took our first bites in total silence.

“If I stay with Aunt Ira and Tiffany, the traffic back to Fairfield is horrible. Bumper to bumper. I don’t want to be stressed going to school every day.”

“What about your walks in the park before school?” Mom asked. “You always enjoyed the river and being out in nature before school started.”

She just didn’t understand. “That was our special thing, but you stopped going. This semester I had to do it by myself. It was all that was left that was normal, except I had to do it without you.”

Mom lowered her head. “I’m sorry I abandoned you. I just couldn’t be there for you.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

“I’m not blaming you for anything,” I said. “Being in the park and getting to know the people there caused me to rethink my life. They made me think about what I wanted out of life.”

“Kitten, what do you want?” Dad asked.

“I want to experience life, all facets of it.”

“If you go to Lincoln Prep, you’ll only know Tiffany.”

“I met her friends, plus Mrs. Stevens will be there. She’s my mentor. She’ll continue to help me and offer advice.”

“You have it all worked out, don’t you?” said Dad. “This situation just turned our lives inside out. It wasn’t supposed to do that.”

“I’m not blaming you, Dad. I know you want the best for me. So do I. But I have to start knowing what’s best for me. I’m almost seventeen and will soon be off to college. Shouldn’t I start making some major decisions that will affect my life?”

“Yes, dear, I understand,” Mom said, taking my hand across the table.

I looked at Dad. “I just need to find out who I am.”

“You are my daughter and your mother’s daughter,” he said. “You held your head up high through all of the media attention. You’re a strong young woman, and I’m proud of you. You didn’t fall apart during this ordeal.

“You’re thinking about your future. That’s a good thing. The only reason you want to go to Lincoln Prep is because your Mom and I won’t be here.”

“I want to get to know my family better,” I said.

“I know,” said Mom. “It’s OK. We’ll make it work.”

I hadn’t realized we had been in the restaurant all evening. We were one of the last two tables occupied. Dad left a huge tip to compensate for tying up the table.

The cool air embraced us as we strolled around the Plaza looking in shop windows, pointing out items of interest. Most of all we were quiet, each occupied with our own thoughts. Mom and Dad were probably wondering what they had done to bring about this turn of events. I didn’t know how to explain my feelings to them. I hoped they understood. They were going to Atlanta to start anew. They didn’t understand that I needed a new start, too, but at a place of my choosing.

I walked on a bit ahead of Mom and Dad.

I heard her say, “Maybe we can get our marriage back on track in Atlanta.”

I stopped abruptly and tried to play it off by pretending I was looking at something in a store’s window.

I hadn’t realized their marriage wasn’t on track.