53

 

Mom came into my room that night.

I looked forward to these late night chats. We had become closer these past weeks, probably because we spoke honestly to each other. I could ask her anything, and she could say what was on her mind without mincing words. These talks had become our special time, especially now that Dad was working in Atlanta. Both of us were conscious that come August our lives would change drastically and there would be no more heart to heart talks late at night between us.

Mom sat at my desk as she usually did.

“Honey, let’s talk.”

Honey. That could only mean trouble.

“What’s up, Mom?” I lifted myself to a sitting position in bed.

She moved over to sit on my bed. Taking my hand in both of hers, she looked me straight in the eye.

“I only want what’s best for you, that’s all. So don’t take what I am about to say wrongly. Don’t try to read any ulterior motive into what I’m about to say. I only mean to say what I’m saying.”

“Mom, you’re scaring me.”

“I don’t mean, too.” She looked away, as if this was hard for her to articulate.

“What is it, Mom?”

She took a deep breath. “I’m all for you finding yourself and discovering who you are and everything. I also wish you would take this time to also decide what type of man you want to spend your life with.”

“You’re talking about Patrick.”

“This has nothing to do with Patrick. Although I admit interracial relationships can be difficult, not only as you try to traverse your differences, but in how society, namely ignorant people, will treat you.”

This year had been so topsy-turvy that I hadn’t had a chance to consider if Patrick and I had any differences. I was just happy to have someone come into my life and take me to the prom and help me forget about Jay. Any cultural differences never occurred to me.

“I know you like Patrick and spending time with him,” Mom continued. “But is an interracial relationship really what you want? It’s fine if it is. I just want you to think about it.”

“I’m not even thinking about any long term relationship with Patrick.”

“Of course you’re not. I’m saying, while you’re trying to figure out what you want from life, also think about your mate. What kind of person do you want to marry? What traditions do you want to carry on with your children? All of that comes into deciding who you are and figuring out your place in the world.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“As I said, no ulterior motive. I like Patrick. He has a certain charm and seems to be a good kid. And he has his head on straight. I just want you to also think about a potential mate while you’re thinking.

“I know you have your college years to decide. Thinking about this now will help you decide what type of person you want in your life when you’re meeting young men in college.”

Mom leaned over and kissed my forehead. She walked to the door. “Just think about it.”

“Mom, do you regret choosing Dad?”

“I made a good choice. We were lucky.” She paused, mulling over her words. “Blessed is more like it.”

As the door closed behind her, I thought about all she had said. I hadn’t thought about what type person I wanted to spend my life with, probably because that was the farthest thing from my mind. I only focused on the next big thing, going to the prom, graduating from high school, getting into college. Those were the things on my radar, not marriage.

Being at Lincoln Prep would further define me and help me make future life choices. When I thought about Patrick, I never thought about the future. I didn’t think I had to. We were having a good time getting to know each other. When I had been with Jay, I also never thought about the future. Life was fun with our friends. We lived in the moment.

I know Mom meant well. She had certainly given me lots to think about. If I had to think about a future mate right this minute, I would choose someone with Dad’s qualities. And I knew when the time came God would help me choose the right person. I drifted off to sleep, with Mom’s words ringing in my ears.