When all else failed, Kevin painted. Usually before he worked on a large canvas he sketched some ideas out first, but not this time. This time, he let it come through in a long sustained burst of creative energy. Or maybe more like a desperate need for exorcism. It was always hard to tell the difference at times like this. He started in the middle of the canvas with an indigo square, nearly perfect in its lines even without a ruler. From there he slowly added more elements. Concentric rings of garnet and gold, rippling waves of midnight shadows. If pressed, he couldn’t have explained what any of it meant. He had no interest in putting those thoughts and emotions into words. It was enough that he give them shape and color.
He took a break for a cup of coffee. Bright sunlight shone through the kitchen window, accented with occasional flares from the glass high rise across the street. Just that shade of orange with a diamond hard center – could he mix that color for the canvas in progress? Obsessing over getting a color right seemed far preferable to wondering if Dani was still in the city, if she’d caught a bus out of town, if she would be okay.
The chiming of the doorbell finally took him out of his own head. He opened it to find Dani standing there. His throat dried and his pulse sped up. The set of her face showed strength. Determination. A woman on a mission. A question filled her eyes. She didn’t need to ask it, but he wasn’t surprised she did anyway. He felt the answer in his gut before the thought had time to form in his head. He let her know with a single nod.
He was in.
***
Dani breathed a sigh of relief. She’d been pretty sure, but still, there was always the chance he didn’t want to get further involved in this. “Are you sure? Absolutely sure?”
“Yes. Want some coffee?”
Oh God please yes, she wanted to say, but nodded instead. “There’s a lot we need to talk about. If I’m going to do this, I need someone I can trust to have my back.”
Kevin dumped coffee into the French press. “I have your back. Without reservation. You know you can trust me, I’m just a little surprised that you’d want to.”
She furrowed her brow. “How come?”
He shrugged. “I guess I just figured that you’d want to do this on your own.”
“I tried the whole loner thing. Not having somebody to trust, it doesn’t work. All it got me was sold to traffickers for fifty bucks and a gun with the serial number filed off. Screw that.”
He rested his hands on the counter, anger and sympathy warring on his face. She hoped the anger won, she didn’t want anyone’s sympathy. “I’ve got your back,” he reiterated.
“I know trust is a two way street. If you’re going to put yourself on the line like this, you deserve to know who I am.”
“I know who you are, Dani.”
“No, you don’t. You don’t know anything about me. Not really.” She’d spent the entire walk back to his penthouse steeling herself for this conversation. Convincing herself it was none of his business would be easy, but she didn’t believe it would be the truth. Or the right thing to do. “You asked me who Molly was. I’ll tell you.”
He turned off the stove and stood with his hands in his back pockets, the coffee abandoned. “I’m listening.”
“She was my foster sister.” Dani paced a short distance, figuring it might be easier to get the words out if she was moving. “She was three years younger than me. She knew what was happening to me but she was too young. He left her alone.”
Kevin dropped his gaze to the floor. “Who was he?”
“The foster father.” The scents of cheap aftershave and spearmint gum floated up from memory and threatened to smother her. “He…” Dani shook her head. What did the details matter? “Uh. So, Molly knew what was going on. We didn’t share a room but she still knew.” She paused, tried to keep her voice from shaking. “I thought I had time to figure out how to get us out, a little time until he started going to her room at night. She was only eleven but her body started changing. Just enough hips and breasts to get his attention. We knew…we knew we had to do it soon.”
“Did you report him?”
She waved a hand dismissively. “Hell, I’d already tried that and it didn’t work. He was a real pillar of the community type. Nobody believed me.”
“What about the foster mother? How did she not know what was going on in her own home?”
“She knew.” Dani met Kevin’s gaze briefly then skipped away. “She knew.”
“Jesus.”
“We were going to run away. I had a little money hidden. We had backpacks full of clothes and some food. No plan, really. As soon as we had an opportunity, we were going to take it. I promised Molly I’d take care of her. That I’d get her out before he raped her too.”
Kevin placed his hand on her shoulder and she realized she’d stopped pacing.
“She was so scared.”
“What happened when you tried to run away?” His voice was soft, as gentle as his touch as he wrapped his arm around her waist. Dani held herself stiff for a moment, fighting the urge to push away from him. She didn’t deserve the comfort he offered. Right? Maybe it was selfish, but she needed that comfort. Needed it so badly. She let herself relax, her back to his front, the wall of his chest warm and solid. His words fully registered and she realized he’d probably already figured out what happened.
She said it anyway. “He came to her room that night. I don’t know if he’d already planned to or if he heard us. It was a two story house and it was easier to get out from her window. I went first. She tossed her bag down and then she was supposed to come down. I pick up her bag and the next thing I know, I hear her screaming. He caught her. She was trying to fight him off but he was too big, too strong. She couldn’t get free of him. So it was either climb back up there and help her, and probably get beat so bad I’d be lucky to be able to walk in the morning. Not to mention all the other stuff that would just keep on happening, and no one would believe me. Or I could run. Right then, run. With Molly screaming for help right over my head. Go back in there and get beaten and keep getting raped, or run.”
Don’t leave me.
Don’t leave me.
Don’t leave me.
An endless loop of Molly screaming for help had played like background music in Dani’s dreams ever since that night. She’d run then but she couldn’t run from her dreams, the nightmares full of screaming and suffocation and a dozen different kinds of shame that all burned like brands into her skin. She carried those things with her always.
“So I ran. I was so scared, and I hated him so much. I hated being so damned powerless all the time. He did that to me and she let it happen and no one believed me because everyone thought they were such good people. I couldn’t go back in that house. I loved Molly and I wanted to get her out of there, but I couldn’t go back in that house. So I ran.”
Kevin’s arms tightened around her. On some level, she felt his embrace. Mostly she felt the sickening choke of hatred and self-loathing pressing down on her until she could barely breathe.
He said, “How old were you?”
“Fourteen.”
He turned her around so they were facing each other. “You were a child.”
She kept her gaze on the center of his chest because couldn’t stand to look him in the eyes. “I knew right from wrong.”
He cupped her face in his hands and lifted her head so she was forced to meet his gaze. “You were a child, and everyone failed you.”
“I failed her.” Her voice cracked and broke but she kept the tears at bay.
“You were a child.” He stroked her cheek then spread his fingers in her hair. “You can’t spend the rest of your life punishing yourself for a split second decision you made at the age of fourteen.”
“Maybe not. Maybe I need to make up for it.”
“So this is why you do what you do? Run headlong into danger when you hear someone screaming for help, because a part of you always hears Molly in that moment.”
Dani nodded. A lump of emotion clogged her throat and she couldn’t have spoken even if she’d wanted to. Instead, she leaned against Kevin. Whether she deserved it or not wasn’t a question she wanted to think about right now. She took the comfort he offered and let it fill her up. For the first time in forever, she could feel the telltale warmth of a light in the dark, see its blurry golden edges flickering in the black.
“I thought you were supposed to be a dumb pretty boy,” she murmured.
He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. As if he knew she wouldn’t break. “That’s my alter ego,” he said. “My secret identity is the dorky guy in glasses who paints and isn’t quite as dumb as everyone thinks he is.”
Dani stepped out of his embrace but took his hand in hers. “If you want out, at any time, just say the word. I’ll never hold it against you.”
“Dani.”
“I killed men in Lincoln Heights. I know you’re not comfortable with that.”
“I don’t think you are, either.”
“No,” she admitted. “But I have to live with it. You don’t.”
“You don’t have to kill, Dani. There’s got to be a better way.”
“Bessonov may not give me a choice. If it’s him or me, him or Tatiana or some other innocent, I’m putting him down.”
“You can live with that?”
Dani shrugged. It wasn’t something she wanted to give much thought to. “What am I supposed to do, let him kill me or some other girl? I already screwed up and got Masha killed. I don’t want that to happen again.”
“I don’t want that to happen, either.” He ran his hands through his hair and blew out a breath in frustration. “I just wish there was a better way.”
“So do I. If I can find one, I’ll take it. I promise you that.”
“So what happens next?”
“Tonight I talk to Housecat again, see if he’s had any luck finding Tatiana. I need a shakedown run.”
“A what?”
She explained about shock overload. “I need to make sure I’ve recovered. Physically, and also test out the interface.”
“And in the mean time?”
“I need some sleep. I’m still sore and my head hurts. I need to be in better shape when I go back out there, so I’m going to sleep for a few hours.” She paused, wondering if she was being presumptuous. “If it’s still okay for me to stay for a while.”
“Of course it is.” His mouth curved into a smile. “So, superhero, what do you want your sidekick to do while you’re sleeping?”
“Don’t call me a superhero. It’s embarrassing.”
Kevin held up his hand and ticked off points with his fingers. “Superior strength and speed. Enhanced senses. Various little odds and ends through gene therapy and cybernetic implants. Those are your superpowers.”
Dani sighed. “I don’t like calling them superpowers, but yeah. I guess so.”
“I’ve got superpowers, too. Devastating good looks. Irresistible charm. A trust fund and a no limit credit card.”
Dani suppressed a smile. “Those last two could come in handy.”
Kevin smiled big enough for both of them. “I’m buying you a cape.”
“No cape.”
“Oh, come on. You’re a superhero. You have to wear a cape.”
“I am not wearing a cape. And stop calling me a superhero.”
“Red. The cape should definitely be red.” He wagged his eyebrows.
Dani narrowed her eyes. “Tell you what. I’ll wear a cape if you wear tights. What do you say?”
Kevin’s smile disappeared and it was like the lights dimmed in the room. Sparks danced in his electric blue eyes, though. “Okay, no cape.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“Fine, have it your way.”
“I will.”
“Besides, you just confirmed that you think of me as your sidekick. You want me to keep helping you. To work with you and be your partner.” Right then Kevin was all the smug triumph of a spoiled boy who got exactly what he wanted at Christmas. “I hate the thought of hiding my pretty face under a mask, but for you, I’ll make the sacrifice.” Laughter floated just under the surface of his words.
This time Dani couldn't keep the smile off her face. The last thing she needed was some playboy billionaire to take care of, but if she was going to have someone watching her back, she could do a lot worse. He might be useless at fighting but he was great at digging up information. Not hard to look at, either. Maybe she'd finally get a good look at that tattoo on his right bicep.
He leaned forward and clapped his hands together. “So what’s my first job as your official sidekick?”
Didn’t superheroes always bone their sidekicks in the comics? That night in his car had been so, so good. If they took their time and had a little room to play, how amazing would it be between them? “I’ll have to get back to you on that.”
He put one hand on her hip and drew her closer, then kissed her cheek. “Get some rest. The sidekick’s going shopping.” She started to protest and he placed a finger over her lips. “No cape and no tights. Promise.”
Dani knew he would keep that promise. She just hoped she could keep hers. He might not want to admit it, but Kevin didn’t want to be involved with a killer. The guilt by association would eat at him, she knew, until he couldn’t stand to look at her. If she were being truly honest with herself, she knew it would do the same to her. She had to find a way to bring down Bessonov without killing him.