I found out where she worked this morning and now I was waiting, like an eager school boy, for her to walk out of the building. A call to Mike had enabled me to start the process to track her down. All it took was to find out Ian's last name, a google search and I found his Facebook page. He had listed "In a relationship" as his status and tagged Kate as his girlfriend. Simply clicking on her name linked me to her Facebook profile page. The image of her filling my MacAir screen had me pausing to focus on her for a moment before greedily searching through her page for any information I could fill my head about her. It was there I found out where she worked, that she loved horses, loved to dance and was an outdoor enthusiast. Writing down her place of work, I googled it to find an address and hours of operation. I then proceeded to watch the clock slowly count down the minutes to 4:30pm. At 3:30, I could no longer wait. I put on sunglasses, a beanie with all my hair tucked underneath, and crossing my fingers, I had hoped no one would recognize me. I hopped in my car and waited outside her building in a parking spot that gave me full view of the entrance. Finally, the clock changed to 4:30. Slowly people were trickling out but not Kate. By 5:23, I am kicking myself that I didn't go into her office building to find her. I punch the steering wheel to alleviate my frustration. Glancing back at the entrance as I am about to start my car, I see her walk out. For a moment I am frozen as I finally see her, my brain trying to process that she was, finally, in the flesh, across the parking lot from me. Thoughts of her getting in her car and driving away before I have a chance to speak to her spurs me into action. I get out of the car and walk quickly towards the entrance.
She doesn't see me at first as she is looking through her purse, searching for something.
God she is beautiful.
"Looking for something? Maybe me?" I joke, with my heart racing, as I reach her side.
Her head snaps up and I see her eyes widen. I register the faint circles under her eyes and the panicked look on her face. This is not the reaction I had hoped for.
I see her stumbling for words and I want to kick myself. I have never felt so awkward.
"What are you doing here?" she asks, taking a nervous glance nervously around, automatically taking a step back from me.
I regret my actions as I watch her move away from me. I have scared her.
"I found out where you worked and decided to stop by to see if you wanted to go for a drink or coffee or whatever you want." Catching her eye, I murmur soothingly. "I didn't mean to scare you."
She doesn't break eye contact as she replies, "You surprised me."
Grinning back at her, trying to put her at ease, I say lightly, "I like surprising people." I move my gaze over her face taking in every detail that haunted me throughout the night. I can't believe she is here in front of me. Not thinking of anything else other than touching her, I reach out to take her hand that had paused in the process of digging through her purse when I surprised her. She doesn't pull away and I take that as a good sign.
"So how about that drink I mentioned?" I ask. Her hand feels right in mine. I want to tug her to me for a kiss.
"I have to get home," she says as she continues to hold my hand with a distressed look on her face. I want to wipe it away.
"Okay, we can go to your place," I suggest hopefully.
Her eyes widen more, as she stumbles once again for words. Removing her hand from mine, she says firmly, "That wasn't an invitation."
I feel a weight on my chest as I realize this is not going the way I had hoped.
"You can't spare thirty minutes to have a drink with me?"
Shaking her head, she starts backing away. I can't let her go.
Reaching out to her, I grab her hand again before she is too far away. "Okay. Then I will take a ride with you to wherever you are going so we can talk."
"I don't have a car. I walk to work. I don't live far from here," she says. I can see by her face that she regrets letting that small bit of information slip out.
"Okay, I will walk with you then." I am not letting her dismiss me. She has consumed my every thought since last night. I need to see what it is about her that makes me feel this way. I can feel that she is as mystified about me too.
"Suit yourself," she says as she tries to remove her hand to turn and walk away. I only cling tighter to her as I move to walk down the street with her. My hand feels electrified where we are connected. Does she feel it too? I know she does.
The first block is a silent conversation with myself. Wondering why I am doing this, practically stalking this beauty by my side.
Breaking the silence, I give a little tug on her hand and say, "This would not have been so awkward if you had agreed to have a drink with me."
Seeing her shoulders lower a little, a small smile crossing her face, I feel relief that she is relaxing a little over this awkward encounter.
"You surprised me. I wasn't expecting you to be outside my place of work," she gives in a little.
"I know, a bit stalker like but I had to see you again," I state honestly.
Startled, she stops and looks up at me. "Why?" she asks simply.
I love her direct approach. Not breaking the eye contact she has finally initiated, I reply just as honestly, "Because I have relived every moment of last night when I was with you over and over and I needed more."
I reach my other hand out, to brush the wisp of hair that has blown across her face in the gentle breeze, away. That leads to me to slide my hand along her jawline, to cup her face. I gently rub her earlobe with my thumb. I see many emotions flutter through her eyes. God, I want to kiss her.
"Can I please take you for a drink?" I hold my breath as I wait for her answer. I move my thumb to lightly brush back and forth over her lips. She has to feel this intense attraction as well.
She takes a moment to consider, and with a slight hesitation in her tone, she asks, “Do you promise to behave?”
I nod quickly, ready to promise her anything that keeps me near her.
"I really want to change out of my work clothes,” she says cautiously.
Nodding, feeling excitement rise up inside that I am being invited into her home, I drop my hand from her face. I eagerly follow her into the building where we had stopped on the sidewalk. Getting on the elevator with her, I envision pressing the stop button, then grabbing her to push her up against the wall, reaching my hand underneath the sheer white blouse she has on to cup her breast. I almost moan out loud with the fantasy. Shifting, hiding my raging hard on from her, I impatiently wait for the elevator to stop on her floor.
I had promised to behave.
Getting off on the third floor, I follow her down the hallway to apartment 319. I watch as her trembling hand tries to put the key into her lock. My already accelerating heart speeds up another notch as I realize she is not unaffected by me. She finally manages to get the key in and unlock the door. I watch as her small hand grasps the knob to open the door and I wonder what that hand would feel like, grasping me. I have to force myself to breathe evenly at the image.
"Behave, behave, behave..." I silently chastise myself sternly.
Following her inside, I try to tamper my rush of desire, but she doesn’t help as she bends over to remove her shoes. The outline of her ass as her skirt pulls tight is playing havoc with my control. I think about the skirt hiked up over her ass while I push inside of her. Clenching and unclenching my hands to keep them from reaching for her, I tell myself to look away, but I can't take my eyes from her. I am thankful when she straightens up, smoothing that skirt back down her toned thighs, saying, "I have beer and wine. Sorry, I don't drink liquor and neither does Ian..." she trails off. Once again awkwardness fills the room.
I hate thinking about him here with her, sitting on the couch, watching movies, drinking wine while they laughed together, him touching her. I move my glance around the room to look for the kitchen, trying to keep the conversation off of him, saying, "Don't worry. A glass of wine is great. I'll get it while you change."
She pauses momentarily and then gives me a quick nod before heading down the hallway. I hear her door open and close.
Taking a deep breath, wanting to pinch myself that I am actually in her apartment, I head to the open concept kitchen. I am eager to take advantage and roam about her apartment, trying to soak up as much knowledge about her as I can. Opening cabinets to look for wine glasses, I pause momentarily to wonder if she prefers white or red wine. Taking the gamble that a glass of white is the way to go, I open the fridge and locate a bottle of white wine. Opening it, I pour each of us a glass. I move back to the living room and set hers on the coffee table. I take the few moments I know I have alone to wander around her apartment, soaking everything in. The apartment, although small, is well decorated, very tidy and clean. Picking up a picture frame, I stare at the image of her and her boyfriend. I wonder what kind of relationship they have. Does he know how lucky he is? His luck is about to run out. He has no idea that his time with her is very limited. I won't walk away.
Hearing her door open, I lay the picture frame facedown.
She walks back into the living room and I move to hand her the wine as I take in her apparel. I love her casual look of leggings and a long sleeved shirt that comes to the top of her thighs. My mouth goes dry as my eyes roam down her long toned legs that are clearly outlined by the tight fitting pants. She sits on the end of the couch, curling her legs up under her and takes a sip of her wine. I take that as a cue to sit next to her. Startled, she tries to slide herself a few inches away from me but the back of the couch allows her to go nowhere. I mentally applaud myself for taking the opportunity to sit so close to her.
"It's okay," I soothe, as I reach out to clasp her hand. She doesn't pull away. I rub my thumb over her knuckles, soothing her.
"I think this is a mistake. You should go," she says quietly but she continues to hold my hand. The hand holding her wine glass wobbles a little.
"I will go after we have had a chance to talk. Relax, I won't hurt you," I murmur as I continue to draw my thumb slowly back and forth over her hand.
"What do you want to talk about? I hardly know you," she says as she tries to tug her hand from mine. I hold it more firmly.
"You hardly know me and I don't know you, but after last night you question why I had to see you? I couldn't stop thinking about you all last night and again today. I have never experienced this pull with anyone. I had to see you or go out of my mind."
I can see my statement has affected her. Her hand pulls out of mine as she stands saying with no conviction in her voice, "This isn't a good idea. I have a boyfriend. You have to go.” Continuing, she tries for firmness in her voice as she says, “You shouldn't be here. Bringing you here was a mistake." I see the hand holding her wine glass tremble again.
Laying my wine glass aside, I stand up. I see a flicker of disappointment cross her face. At least, I convince myself that is what it is.
Reaching out I cup her face in both my hands. "Kate, I am not going anywhere. I am seeing this through, boyfriend or no boyfriend. There is a connection between us and I am not walking away. I will leave for now because you seem shaken and a little scared. But know I won't ever hurt you. Just know that and also know I will be back. Soon. This time you have advance notice." I lean in, give her a light kiss on her forehead, inhaling her scent, storing it away for later, before forcing myself to walk out the door.