I SAW BARBARA in one of the stables.
And she saw me.
And by my look, she knew why I was there.
And by hers, I knew that she knew.
“I’ve been wondering what I would say to you when this moment came, because I knew it would come,” Barbara said to me with so much delicacy that it frightened me even more. “I think you should know everything. Because if not, you’ll leave here thinking you’re stuck halfway. And I think we need to walk through it together, up to the end.”
After laying bait all over the island, suddenly I felt as if I was the one who had been caught. Barbara had laid a trap for me that had led me straight to Horse Rush Farm, and now I was afraid she’d devour me. Though I had been preparing myself for this moment for more than a year, I didn’t feel up to it. Everything was unreal. In fact I didn’t even know how I’d gotten there. How I’d been capable of waking Olivia up, making her breakfast, taking her to the hydroplane, breastfeeding Ruby and leaving her with Jennifer, who was delighted to see her.
I wanted to turn around and go.
I can’t. I don’t want to.
But Barbara didn’t let me turn back. She sensed how hard it must have been for me to take that step, and she didn’t want it to be in vain.
“How do you want us to do this? You want to ask me questions?”
My head shook for me.
“Just one,” I said. “Then I want you to talk. I want you to tell me everything. As if I wasn’t here.”
“All right. What’s the question?”
Before I started crying, I managed to get out, in a faint voice, “What was Chris doing on the island?”