CHAPTER 1

MESS

I know, I know—I blew it. Seriously, my life has become the kind of sticky mess that other sticky messes probably gross out about.

Most of the people in my life won’t even talk to me at the moment or acknowledge that I exist.

Sadly, being so disliked doesn’t mean I can stop writing down or doodling what I’m going through. I would love to be buried by a big pile of leaves or blankets and left alone for the rest of my life, but there are things I have to do.

I used to have no interest in books, and I definitely had no desire to write or draw things from my life for scientific purposes. But the world needs to know about my closet and what it can do. So despite being disliked by almost everyone I know at the moment, I must keep writing.

My life is in ruins. I’ve let my parents down.

My older sister, Libby, hates me just as much as ever.

Janae, the girl I’ve been crushing on for years, won’t even look at me. I could change my style completely and she still wouldn’t glance my way.

Even my little brother, Tuffin, doesn’t look up to me anymore.

Yes, things are uncomfortable. It feels like the time my dad did the laundry and accidentally shrunk all my clothes.

The worst part is that there’s nobody to blame but me. I made this mess by lying to all of them about a lot of things. I told them that our school dance was going to be televised and that they were all going to be filmed. I told them they were going to be famous, but in the end, they were just embarrassed. I let everyone down and ruined our first school dance. Principal Smelt gave me detention for fooling everyone.

I don’t think there’s a single teacher or student at Softrock Middle School who isn’t upset with me. Even the school announcements are painful.

One of the hipster kids at my school even suggested that we change the pledge.

I wanted to explain to everyone that Pinocula had been the cause of most of the trouble. But the things that came out of my closet weren’t really public knowledge, and even if I wanted to spill the beans, Pinocula had returned to the closet and I had no proof of what had gone down.

In an effort to shame me even further, my mom threw an apology party so people could come to our house and I could publicly say I’m sorry. It was a horrible idea. Luckily only one person came—and it wasn’t even someone I needed to apologize to. It was just Rex, the homeschooled boy who lived two streets over. He’d heard from someone that there was a party, so he showed up.

He thought it was a birthday party and gave me a gift. I was excited until I opened it.

Rex’s mom taught yoga and was big-time into nature stuff. Last summer when Tuffin and I had been playing out in the front yard, she came over and insisted we put on a bunch of homemade sunscreen she had made in her kitchen. I didn’t want to, but she stood there until we spread it all on.

It was super sticky and smelled like eggs. We could barely move once it was on. As soon as she left, Tuffin and I ran back and jumped in our swimming pool to wash it off. We splashed and swished, but it didn’t come off easily and it made the surface of the pool all oily and yellow. Which was pretty embarrassing when Janae’s older sister looked over the fence to see what all the splashing was about.

If you want to know the truth, I blame my closet for most of the mess I’m in. It used to be just a nice, normal walk-in closet without a door.

When I was a kid I wanted to have a science lab in it, but the only things my mom would let me experiment with were ketchup and mustard and old supplies around the house. All ketchup and cleaning supplies could really make was a mess. So I began to use my closet as a place to hide all the books my mom tried to make me read.

In time my closet became a big, sticky, booky mess. It might have remained that way forever if it hadn’t been for my dad. I like my dad most of the time. He always wears a suit and a tie, and he’s always super happy. He sells playground equipment for a living and loves his job. He also loves garage sales, and a while back, he found an odd door at a garage sale and brought it home. He put it on my closet, where it fit perfectly.

At first I didn’t like the closet door. It was old and unusual. It had a dumb sticker on it that I couldn’t get off. It was super heavy and hard to open. But the worst thing about the door had to be the doorknob. It was brass and on the knob there was a face of a little bearded man I decided to call Beardy.

Sometimes Beardy’s eyes seem to wink at me, or he changes his expression to show he’s disappointed.

I don’t know exactly what happens behind my closet door when Beardy locks up, but my theory is that the old ketchup and cleaning supplies drip through the books and bring mixed-up things to life. Wonk was the first to visit, followed by Hairy, then Pinocula. And I’m pretty certain that my closet will produce something new soon, seeing how Beardy has remained locked tight for days. My hope is that it’s some character big and amazing enough to help me frighten my enemies just a little.

I know it’s weird to feel this way, considering all the trouble they caused, but I miss Wonk and Hairy and Pinocula. Their personalities and stories have made my life much more interesting. But now they’ve gone. The only reminder I have of them is the three things they’ve left behind. Three things that might just help me someday.

I keep Wonk’s cane and Hairy’s scarf on top of my dresser. As for the bat/cricket that stayed behind after Pinocula left, I have no idea where he is right now. I’m also not sure how these things they left behind will ever help me. It’d be nice to think that wherever Wonk, Hairy, and Pinocula are, maybe they’re working on an idea to make my life clearer.