Jillian
“ASHES TO ASHES, dust to dust . . .” The priest delivers the passage that Vera selected years ago when she planned her own funeral.
Her ashes sit on a pedestal at the front of the church encased in a shiny silver urn that Kitty and I picked out. Classic and beautiful, just like Vera.
Raine stands tall next to me in a black suit with his hair neatly tied back. His fingers are entwined tightly with mine. I take solace in his strength. He leans in and whispers, “Are you doing okay?”
I nod, clutching a wet tissue in my hand. He’s checked in with me three times since I survived delivering the eulogy with Kitty earlier, and I don’t mind.
We stand next to Kitty, Bob, and Jenny. At the end of the aisle is my Aunt Sue who is my mother’s and Vera’s younger sister, and the only living relative from my mom’s immediate family. She flew up from Florida yesterday and is staying for the weekend. The rest of the cavernous church is filled with Aunt Vera’s senior citizens group, and the many families whose children she taught as one of the longest-tenured Sunday school teachers at St. Theresa’s. John is sitting in the back. I spotted him earlier when I was at the podium.
My stomach aches as loss fills the center. The finality of knowing I’ll never hear my Aunt Vera laugh in that girly giggle she had, or watch her face light up as she tells me about all the “sexy bits” in the latest romance novel she read, or eat her apple cake, or cry on her shoulder, I feel more alone in the world with her gone.
I squeeze Raine’s hand. He pulls me in front of him so that he can shelter me inside his arms.
As the final hymn ends, our row exits to the back of the church, and we form a receiving line for the mourners to file past and give their condolences. Raine stands silently next to me at the end of the line.
Like an automaton, I shake hands and receive kisses from people I know, and some that I don’t. Some I met at the wake, some I didn’t. Raine slips me new tissues as I need them.
John finally comes at the tail end of the procession of guests. Most of them have already scattered and gone to their cars. Only our immediate family, and Raine, will travel down to the beach house to transport Aunt Vera’s ashes. Kitty and I will spread them after dark, once the beach is clear of tourists and sunbathers.
John greets Aunt Sue and then stops in front of Kitty. He gives Bob only a cursory glance.
“Kitten, I’m so sorry for your loss,” he says. Bob steps away, half to give them privacy and half to hide his jealousy. I’ve watched this same dance happen many times over the years.
John’s mouth is grim, but his eyes are kind when they rest on Kitty. He takes her hands in his and squeezes. She smiles sadly. “Thank you for coming, John. Vera was very fond of you.”
I watch all the unspoken dialogue pass between them through their eyes. Kitty saying she’s sorry and that she’ll always love him, John telling her he’ll never forget her and will always love her, too. I wish I knew the details of why Kitty made the choice she made, but even after all these years, she won’t discuss it.
John leans in and gives her a kiss on the cheek, and tears glistens in Kitty’s eye as she closes them for a moment at the touch of his lips. I suspect her tears aren’t just related to Vera.
John clears his throat when he pulls away and moves to Jenny for a hug. “Sorry for your loss, Jenny dear.”
She smiles kindly through her red-rimmed eyes. “Thanks, Detective Henshaw.”
When he gets to us, he pulls me into a firm hug. His face is all business when he steps back. “Jilly, can you and Raine step away with me for a minute?”
His words send a tingle of worry down my back, and Raine stiffens next to me. We haven’t heard much about the incident with his father since we gave our formal statements this past Monday. Thankfully, we haven’t had any unwelcome visits, either. Raine’s father was released from custody after being charged with breaking and entering and assault charges. We still aren’t sure how he made bail given his lack of capital. The trial date is set for next month, and I’m eager to hear if John has any other news.
We walk around the corner into the courtyard.
John takes a deep breath and scrubs his hand over his face. “The last thing I wanted to do today was to bring you both bad news.”
I feel the unmistakable prickle of hairs on my arms standing on end at the same time Raine tightens his grip on my hand so that I can barely feel my fingers. “What is it?” I ask and brace myself.
He turns to Raine, and says gently, “I’m very sorry, Raine. Your father’s body was fished out of the Hudson River early this morning. Since my name was on his case file, they contacted me directly.”
An involuntary gasp escapes through my lips, and Raine’s body sways beside me.
John motions to the bench with his hand. “Let’s sit. There’s more,” he says solemnly.
I glance at Raine, and his face is ghost white. “Will you be okay to hear this?” I whisper. He nods, but doesn’t utter a sound.
John sighs. “I did some digging. Raine, did you know your father was let go from his job three weeks ago?”
He shakes his head. “No,” he says so softly it’s no more than a whisper.
“I also found out that your father took out some big loans with the wrong people. His gambling debt was sky high. He owed some serious coin to the tune of two hundred grand. At this point, even though it looks like a suicide, I suspect it was a hit. Let’s just say, the person who posted his bail had connections. Either way, this just became a federal case, so I’ll be turning over my files.”
My eyes go wide. “John, what about Raine? Is he in any danger? His father thought he had something of value.”
John shakes his head. “I honestly don’t think so. But the Feds will probably want to talk to you both at some point.”
“Do you need me to identify the body?” Raine asks quietly.
“No. He’s been in the water for several days so you probably wouldn’t recognize him anyway. Since he was in the system, we made a positive ID based on his fingerprints and identifying marks.”
When I look at Raine, his head is hanging, his arms resting on his thighs. I know him well enough now to realize his reaction means he’s deep in thought. With his father dead under these circumstances, there’s a lot to think about. Or maybe he’s shell-shocked. I’ll find out once we’re alone.
Raine lifts his head and asks, “Will I get a chance to see him?”
“Once they’re done with the body, the funeral home can make their arrangements. It’s probably best to speak with them,” John says kindly. “I’m really sorry for your loss, Raine, truly. You’ll have to forgive me for dumping this all on you here.”
Raine nods. “I understand.”
“When do you think they will release his father’s body?” I ask, wondering if I should intervene on his behalf.
John shrugs. “Given the nature of his death? Two days, minimum.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. One thing at a time. We’ll deal with this on Monday. “Thanks, John.”
“Like I said, sorry to bring this to your doorstep today, but I figured it was better coming from me than having the Feds show up at your house and surprise you.”
“I appreciate that,” I say.
Raine lets go of my hand and stands. He offers a handshake to John. “Thanks, John, I appreciate it, too.” He seems stronger than he did a minute ago. I take that as a good sign.
“Any time, Raine. I’ll be in touch.”
As John walks away, I pull Raine into a hug. He rests his cheek on my hair. “How’re you doing? Will you make it today?” I ask.
“Yeah, I think I will.”
And I believe him.