Susan looked out at the street through Laura’s big glass window, the roar of the automobiles loud in her ears. What had Teresa just said? That she wants to give me the baby? Wants me to take it back to the community? That’s not possible! And I can’t take care of a baby! Besides, I barely know this woman.
“Please!” Teresa said, her voice seeming to come from far off.
“But you don’t even know me!” Susan exclaimed, looking into Teresa’s eyes. “And, Teresa, I came here to get away from my Amish community. I’m not really Amish anymore.”
The tears now running down Teresa’s cheeks were shimmering rivers that caused Susan to grasp Teresa’s hand even tighter. Where is Laura? she thought desperately.
“I want my child to have a chance in life,” Teresa was saying. “There are no chances around here. There is no hope in my life—nor will there be in his if he stays here.”
“But there is always hope,” Susan said. “We have to believe in God and do what’s right. Even I have to move ahead with hope. Right now I’m working on my GED.”
Teresa shook her head. “You don’t understand. You and me, we’re not in the same world. The things you hope for are not the things I can hope for…here.”
“There must be some other way I can help you,” Susan said. “I’m a good listener. Would that help? I live in the apartment above the bakery. You could come by and we could talk. I can do that.” Even as she said it, Susan knew how lame such an offer must sound to Teresa.
“You’re more than kind, ma’am, as I expected you would be. But it’s my child I have to think about. I have to make plans for him before he comes. And it can’t be that long now.”
“Have you seen a doctor?” Susan asked.
Teresa laughed. “I’ve been to the few doctor’s visits the state helps out with. I don’t have any money for a doctor myself. And my mom barely brings in enough food for us to eat. I lost my job at the gas station since I’m showing big now.”
Susan stroked Teresa’s arm. What else could she say? The mountain this girl had to climb was certainly larger than any she had ever experienced.
“You will help me with the child then?” Teresa asked.
Hasn’t the girl been listening? “Are you talking about adoption?” Susan asked.
“Yes, adoption,” Teresa said. “I will sign any papers you want. I never need to see the child again. Whatever it takes I’ll do, but he has to be in good hands.”
“Maybe Laura will know how to handle this,” Susan said.
Teresa shook her head.
Susan caught Laura’s attention when the customer left and motioned with her eyes to come.
Laura moved toward them.
“Surely there are good-hearted people around here who want to adopt children,” Susan said.
“No.” Teresa leaned forward. “It has to be an Amish home. If you can’t take him, perhaps you know someone who can from your community. I don’t know any other Amish, so you are my only chance. They said on TV that the Amish are closed communities. Nobody can get in from the outside, but you’re already in, ma’am. And the chance that I should meet you, right when I needed it the most—now that’s a miracle from God. Didn’t you say God works miracles?”
“Yes, He does!” Susan whispered. But how am I supposed to take an Englisha child and expect an Amish couple to adopt him? And what about the government red tape and expense? And who among my family would want the child? None of my sisters had problems conceiving. All their children were considered blessings, but more would be too much.
“Are the two of you having a nice chat?” Laura asked, laying her hand on the young woman’s shoulder.
Teresa smiled and nodded.
“I need to talk to you, Laura.” Susan got up. “Will you wait here, Teresa?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Teresa said.
“So the girl’s name is Teresa,” Laura said as they walked back to the office.
“Yes, and she’s in a lot of trouble.” Susan closed the door behind them. “She wants someone to adopt her baby. Well, really, she asked if I or an Amish couple would take the child. Apparently she has a high opinion of Amish people and doesn’t want the child to grow up to live like she does.”
“The poor girl,” Laura said. “At least she’s making some good choices. Abortion would have been an easy option for her, I’m sure. The government goes out of its way to see to that.”
“So what do we do?” Susan asked. “It’s too much for me alone, but we can’t just send her back out on the street, can we?”
“No, we can’t,” Laura agreed. “Do you think she’d be willing to visit the Crisis Pregnancy Center? I don’t have close ties to the one run by the Catholic diocese, but our church supports it.”
“I don’t know, but I’ll ask. That sounds better than Teresa’s idea. I mean, Indiana is a long way from here.”
“She’ll need care either way,” Laura said. “Did she say whether she’s had medical attention yet?”
“She’s been to a doctor a few times. What the state supplies, she said.”
“That’s at least something,” Laura said. “I guess you’re getting to see the underside of Asbury Park. First, the murders and now this.”
“I’ll ask her about the Crisis Pregnancy Center then,” Susan said. “I think I heard a customer come in.”
“This girl may be delusional,” Laura said as they walked back. “I’m not sure how seriously you should take what she says.”
“She’s been in here before,” Susan said. “And she seemed to be looking for something then too.”
“Susan, I think it would be a good idea if you walked her home. See where she lives. Look into what the conditions are. Make friends with her, and we’ll take it from there. Okay? She can’t live far if she walked.”
“Go with her? Right now?” Susan asked.
“Yes, now.”
“There is the bell again,” Susan said. “What about the bakery? You’ll be here by yourself and customers are coming in.”
“Sometimes life calls with greater duties, dear. The customers can form a line if they want to. I’m sure you can make it back before the lunch rush.”
“I’ll hurry,” Susan said, opening the office door. Two people were waiting at the counter. Laura went out and greeted them immediately, while Susan slipped back to the table, this time sliding into the chair next to Teresa.
“Teresa, what you’re asking isn’t easy. There are a lot of things that must be done. And thinking of your baby’s care is the first thing. Would you like me to come home with you right now? You can show me where you live. We can take you to a doctor later for a checkup. That’s very important you know.”
“I can show you where I live,” Teresa said. “It’s just across the tracks.”
“Don’t you know the name of the street?” Susan asked.
Teresa didn’t answer right away. Finally she said, “We’re not really supposed to be living there, so we have to be careful.”
Susan stood. “We can talk more on the way.”
“I guess so,” Teresa said, sliding out from the table and getting to her feet.
Susan held the door open for her and guided her outside.
“This way,” Teresa said, motioning to the west.
They crossed at the stoplight, passing the diner where Duane had treated Susan to lunch. That seemed like another world at the moment.
Teresa held one hand on her stomach and hung on to Susan’s arm with the other. “He just kicked real hard!” Teresa said with a big smile. “I think he likes you. That will help a lot, won’t it! Make things much easier. I hope he remembers a little bit about me though. Do you think he will? Even when I give him away? He’s still part of me, isn’t he?”
“He’s very much a part of you,” Susan agreed. “And perhaps you don’t have to give him up. Perhaps we can talk with the father and persuade him to take care of the two of you.”
Teresa laughed. “If you take my baby boy to Amish country, that will be enough of a miracle for me.”
“How do you know the baby’s a boy?” Susan asked. “You keep referring to him as ‘he’.”
“I’m his mother…duh,” Teresa said.
“I didn’t know mothers could tell,” Susan said. “I’ve never had a child.”
“They might not all know, but I know it’s a boy,” Teresa assured her. “If I’m wrong, I’ll be really surprised.”
“I have eight married sisters with children. I wonder if they knew,” Susan said. “They never mentioned anything.”
They turned another corner, moving further away from the main streets of Asbury Park. They were approaching the railroad tracks.
“Eight sisters did you say? And all of them married?” Teresa asked.
“Yah,” Susan said. What did it matter if yah slipped out now? Teresa would like the touch of Amish.
“I knew you were a holy people,” Teresa said. “Just like I’ve seen on TV. I want my son to grow up like that. It’s much better than how I’m living.”
“I’m sure God can make things right for you,” Susan said as they crossed the railroad tracks. The quality of the buildings ahead of them was decreasing compared to the buildings downtown.
“God is taking care of me,” Teresa said. “Even though I sinned. Whoever would have thought I’d meet an Amish woman in Asbury Park? And one who will take care of my son. I know my boy will grow up to be a great man of God. Perhaps he’ll come and visit me once he’s older and has a beautiful wife. Wouldn’t that be something?”
“It would be,” Susan agreed. “But you have to think of other things right now. Like seeing a doctor and taking care of yourself during the pregnancy.”
“Here we are.” Teresa stopped and pointed toward a rundown, wooden, two-story house. The front yard was strewn with debris. “There’s supposed to be nobody living here, so we don’t lock up. Not that there’s any danger. Mom and I have nothing to steal, and we’re not good-looking enough to attract attention.”
“Twenty thirty-one—two zero three one,” Susan read aloud.
“Please don’t tell anyone,” Teresa said. “This is all we have.”
“I won’t,” Susan said. “And you are pretty! Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.” Teresa is good-looking enough, Susan thought. Sure, she looks worn and weary, but that is understandable considering her circumstances.
Teresa smiled. “That’s nice of you to say, but like I said, you’re not from my world.” She led the way across the yard and pushed open the rickety front door. A set of stairs led upward, and Teresa took them one step at a time.
The stairs didn’t squeak much, considering how ratty there were. Wood pieces were broken out of the steps and the edges were worn thin by years of use.
Arriving at the top of the steps, Susan paused to take in her surroundings. Everything was fairly clean, but the furniture was old. What passed for a kitchen area was a single sink with a dripping faucet. The refrigerator front was rusty with great slabs of paint pulled off the door. A hall led out of the room, and she could see curtains covering two doorways. One was probably a bathroom.
“You really live here?” Susan asked. Why did I ask such a mean question? Susan thought belatedly. I sound so harsh.
“Thankfully we have power and water,” Teresa said, not seeming to be offended. “That’s a lot to be thankful for! Charlie got things hooked up somehow from the place below. Back when he was still being nice to me. Don’t ask me how though. He just did it. Mom pays a little to the landlord, and we try to keep things toned down. We don’t turn on the lights much—just these dim lamps Mom got at Goodwill. Nobody else wanted them, I guess.”
“Lamps?” Susan asked as she walked over to the kitchen table. Around the edges of the table the veneer had worn off. No self-respecting Amish would have anything like this anywhere near their house. Perhaps in the barn, but not inside the house. But Teresa can’t help it, and she would feel worse if she knew my thoughts, Susan decided.
“The lamps?” Teresa had a puzzled look on her face.
“Oh.” Susan refocused. “Yah, well, these look a little like Amish lamps. I have one in my apartment.”
“You do?” Teresa was beaming.
Susan nodded. It was gut to see joy filling Teresa’s face.
“Then God has already been working in my life,” Teresa said. “We have Amish lamps in the house, and I didn’t even know it. I’m so thrilled.”
“I’m glad you like them,” Susan said.
Teresa glanced down the stairs when a door slammed below them.
Susan jumped.
“It’s Mom,” Teresa whispered. “She’s home.”
“Are you sure?” Susan asked. The footsteps coming up the stairs sounded awfully heavy for a woman. But when she glanced down she saw a middle-aged woman appear carrying a single grocery bag.
“Hello,” the woman said warily when she reached the top of the stairs.
Susan nodded as Teresa said, “Mom, this is Susan. Susan, please met my mom, Maurice.”
“Hello, Maurice,” Susan said.
“Susan is Amish,” Teresa said. “She’s the woman I’ve been telling you about. And Susan’s going to take my baby to Amish country. Just think about it, Mom! He’s going to grow up to be a real honest Amish man. And I might even get to see him someday—when he’s big and all grown up.”
“Teresa always has her head in the clouds,” Maurice said to Susan.
“Mom, I really want this for my baby!” Teresa exclaimed.
Maurice set the bag on the table. “Whew! That bag doesn’t have much in it, but it’s heavy after the walk from the store.”
“We don’t have much money for groceries,” Teresa explained.
“And food stamps don’t go as far as you think,” Maurice said.
“Does the government help out with this place?” Susan asked.
“Yes, but you can see what it gets us. The landlord manages to keep the inspector away somehow. If this place was up to code, we couldn’t afford it.”
“That’s why I have to get a better life for my child,” Teresa said.
“Her boyfriend, Charlie, wants the child gone,” Maurice said. “But Teresa won’t do that.”
“Abortion is murder,” Susan said. “Teresa understands that.”
“Those words don’t go over well in this part of town,” Maurice said. “Look at us, at where we live. The law says abortion is a woman’s choice. That’s good enough for me. Besides, I’m not the one who went and got pregnant.”
“Mom!” Teresa said. “Don’t talk like that. You had me.”
“I know, dear. And I’m not sorry I kept you! That was a good choice I made. One of the few.”
“We’d like to help in some way,” Susan said. “My boss, Laura, and I. That’s why I came over…to see what we could do to help Teresa.”
Maurice laughed. “So you really are an Amish woman? I don’t know that I ever met one before. Not in this neighborhood!”
“I was Amish. I’m joining the Englisha world right now.”
“She has contact yet with her folks back home though,” Teresa said. “She can find an Amish couple for me.”
“Is this true?” Maurice asked. “That you still have contact. I mean, don’t they shun you if you leave? Isn’t that the word the TV used—‘shun’?”
“No, I’m not in the ban.”
“Well, then,” Maurice said, a smile spreading across her face. “I must say I’m surprised by my daughter. I never really thought she’d find an Amish person to take her child. I’m sure not going to raise another child in this place—or in any other place. And Teresa doesn’t want the government’s Child and Family Services involved, so that left us in a bit of a pickle.”
“Mom,” Teresa said, “I’ve been telling Susan all about me.”
Maurice ignored her. “Ever since Teresa saw the thing they did on TV about the Amish, she can’t get enough about the Amish. She’ll stay up all hours of the night for a chance to watch that movie…what’s it called? Oh yes—Witness. And what was the other one? For Richer or Poorer. Oh, I did get all misty at the end of that Harrison Ford one. How they all gathered around at the end to protect each other. Yes, that did make me cry a little.”
“But…” Susan took a deep breath. “I can’t promise anything. I know what Teresa asked me to do, but I can’t take the child myself. I don’t know about adoption. The Amish don’t adopt many children. They usually have plenty of their own.”
“Why are you here if you’re not taking the child?” Maurice asked.
“Trust me, Mom,” Teresa said. “Susan is going to find my boy a home.”
Susan cleared her throat. She needed to speak up now. If she didn’t, this moment would come back to haunt her. Teresa obviously wouldn’t listen to her denials, but Maurice likely would. Things would have to be made clear.
Facing both women, Susan said, “As I said, Laura and I want to help. But adoption is beyond my ability to promise. I can’t say that will happen. I’m sorry.”
“Did you hear that, Teresa?” Maurice looked at her daughter.
“Mom, please! She is going to help me!” Teresa insisted.
Maurice softened her voice and said, “Listen, honey. I don’t want to see you hurt and disappointed again. You have to face facts. You can’t live on false hopes like this. That’s what you did with Charlie. You thought he’d marry you, and you and he would be happy ever after. But it just doesn’t happen that way in real life. That’s something I know a bit about. The fact you have to face is that I cannot and will not raise your child. I’ve humored you about this because I’ve never seen you want something so bad. But if this Amish woman can’t promise an Amish home for your child, then you’re going straight down to that pregnancy center to see if they will help you arrange an adoption here.”
“Mom, I can’t. Please! He is my child, and I can’t do that to him. I don’t want him growing up in the world I live in.”
“He won’t be in your world, child,” Maurice said. “They can find a nice, upright home. Or you can still let Charlie arrange the…”
“No!” Teresa said. “I will not kill my son!”
“Listen to me. With your child gone, Charlie will come back to you. Think what that would be like. He’d hold you in his arms again and love you. We’d have a real man in the house again. And maybe you could marry him someday, Teresa.”
“He wants to kill our boy,” Teresa screamed. “How can I love such a man?”
“By coming to your senses, that’s how!” Maurice said. “Jerk yourself out of that dream world of yours! Either arrange for an adoption or end the pregnancy. There are no other choices. And you need to decide now. I know you. Once that baby pops out, I know you won’t want to give him up. So you’re either going to let Charlie handle this or you’re going to put this child up for adoption locally. This Amish thing is a pipe dream of yours that’s obviously not going to happen.”
Teresa collapsed into a chair, her arms spread across the table. She sobbed onto the dirty tabletop.
Susan tried to move, but everything felt frozen in place. She shouldn’t even be here. She had absolutely no business being in this place. So how had this happened? How in the world could she ever do what Teresa wanted her to do? That was expecting way too much.
Seeing her daughter’s pain, Maurice went over and wrapped her arms around Teresa. “You’re such a dreamer, my little darling. You know I love you, but this has gone on long enough. The world is what it is, and we can’t make it anything else. All this talk about God and how He helps people. It’s good talk. I’ve played along with you because I hoped too, I guess. I hoped that maybe God would hear you and give you what you really want. But, sweetheart, it’s not happening. It’s just not.”
Both women were in tears, and Susan found herself also unable to hold her emotions in check. Through her own tears, she heard herself say, “I’ll do it.”
Maurice went silent, turning to study her.
Teresa didn’t move.
“You will take the child?” Maurice asked.
“I will write home,” Susan said. “I will tell them Teresa’s story, and they will ask around. That’s all I can promise.”
“So what do you think, Teresa?” Maurice asked. “Is that good enough for you?”
Teresa’s shoulders shook, but she made no sound.
“That’s good enough for now,” Maurice said moments later. “The baby isn’t due yet. Why don’t you see if God will answer my little girl’s request? If the way she prays is any indication, that letter will be answered right back with good news.”
“Okay.” Susan swallowed hard, feeling the burden of her promise. The whole situation now lay on her shoulders, heavier than a hamper full of wash. Why had she ever thought herself capable of coming here to help? It had seemed so simple, so right, back at the bakery. And now she had promised to write a letter home with a very strange request.
“Is that okay with you, honey?” Maurice asked, running her fingers through Teresa’s hair.
Teresa nodded, her head still buried in her arms.
“Do you need any other help with the care of the child?” Susan asked, taking a deep breath. “That is why I came over in the first place. Teresa needs to see a doctor again, I’m sure, and Laura is willing to arrange it and pay for it. Is that okay?”
“Is that okay, honey?” Maurice asked.
Teresa’s head moved up and down again.
“Anytime then,” Maurice said, answering before Susan asked. “God knows we’re not going anywhere.”
“I’ll go now,” Susan said. “I’ll let you know what Laura can arrange.”
She left quietly as both mother and daughter embraced. The stairs were silent on the way down. Susan paused outside to make sure she could find this place again. She whispered the number above the door under her breath and then found her way back to the bakery.