Chapter 5
Together Forever: The Eternal Importance of Family
In This Chapter
Becoming an eternal family
Doing family history work
Joining the house of Israel
Receiving one of life’s most important blessings
Upon hearing that Mormons believe families can be together forever, some people think the idea sounds more like hell than heaven, depending on the state of their own family relationships. Nevertheless, Mormons preach that people reach the highest level of heaven as families, not as individuals. Known for marrying younger, divorcing less often, and having more children than today’s average couple, devout Mormons who are sealed to one another in the temple believe they can accomplish nothing greater than building a strong, successful family that will continue throughout eternity.
In addition, Mormons think that discovering their ancestors and taking certain steps to eternally bind together their extended families, all the way back to Adam and Eve, is extremely important. Also, Mormons believe that all humans can become part of God’s eternal family by entering into covenants and getting adopted into the house of Israel, which is what God calls his covenant people.
The Eternal Family Unit
In the Mormon view, all human beings are the spirit children of Heavenly Parents and can grow up to become like them (we discuss this core concept in more detail in Chapter 2). So that humans can learn how to become parents, God commands them to form family units on this earth, which serve as miniature models of God’s own eternal family organization. Mormons have faith that, through the gospel, their earthly families can eventually become like God’s eternal family.
Why families are so important
Mormons believe that the traditional nuclear family is part of God’s plan and must remain the basic unit of society. In addition, they believe that the LDS Church’s main role is to help families gain eternal blessings together, through Jesus Christ.
In the Mormon view, all men and women are commanded to “multiply and replenish the earth” — in other words, have children. As we discuss in Chapter 2, God wants all his spirit children to come to this earth, gain a physical body, and go through a test, and this can happen only if people make babies. However, Mormons insist that all children deserve to be born to a married husband and wife. Although the Church expresses compassion for those people who can’t find a partner or bear children, it discourages self-imposed celibacy and has zero tolerance for sexual activity outside marriage (for more on Mormon views regarding chastity, see Chapter 16).
As anyone who’s seen a Mormon-produced TV public service announcement knows, Mormons are champions of close-knit families. One of the most repeated sayings in Mormonism is “No other success can compensate for failure in the home,” which has given pause to many a career-oriented Mormon. In a one-page document titled “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” which many Mormons hand out in their communities and keep framed on their living room walls, the LDS prophet and apostles declare: “We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.” This proclamation hasn’t yet been canonized in the Doctrine and Covenants (for more on this modern-day scripture, see Chapter 10), but many members expect that will happen eventually.
Because families are so central and important to their faith, Mormons believe the family is one of the devil’s main targets. That’s why Mormons get so alarmed about divorce, abortion, and gay marriage, which they view as sinful trends that move society away from traditional families. (Some observers find the Church’s opposition to gay marriage ironic because its objections resemble those raised about polygamy in the 19th century, when the Church was on the other side of the table.) Even the 1970s women’s liberation movement threw some Mormons into a tizzy, because they believe that a woman’s main role should be nurturing children in the home.
“Till never do you part”: Eternal sealing
Although many successful couples and families instinctively feel they’ll always be together, Mormons believe that love isn’t enough to preserve relationships past death. Rather, an eternal sealing ordinance is necessary to join husbands, wives, and their children together forever.
How and where
Eternal sealings occur in a sacred building called a temple (we discuss temples in detail in Chapter 7, including an overview of what goes on inside them). After a Mormon couple is sealed, any children they have after that point are automatically sealed to them at birth. If a couple doesn’t get sealed until after children are born, those children participate in a temple sealing ordinance with their parents. However, getting sealed doesn’t guarantee that every family member will make it to the eternal reunion — the sin in an unrepentant person’s life overrides the sealing ordinance for him or her.
To offer the blessings of eternal families to everyone who’s ever lived, Mormons are in the process of performing sealings by proxy in the temple for all husbands, wives, and children throughout history, especially their own ancestors. In the afterlife, these people can decide whether or not to accept the sealing — but there’s a catch: The sealing is available only as a package deal that includes allegiance to Christ and his gospel. For more on this idea, see this chapter’s section on family history work, as well as Chapter 7.
The eternal payoff
For Mormons, eternal marriage offers several benefits:
Knowing that marriage can last forever adds a deeper dimension to a relationship and gives couples an important goal to work toward together. When a spouse dies, Mormons find it reassuring to look forward to resuming the relationship in the afterlife.
Parenthood becomes more meaningful when parents focus on the belief that their relationship with their children can be eternal. Motivation increases for parents to teach their children well and build stronger, happier homes.
Although someone can be saved to live with God in the afterlife without being sealed to a spouse, Mormons believe that only those with an eternal marriage partner can be exalted to become like God. Mormons don’t often mention Heavenly Mother, but they believe God himself is married — which stands to reason if he’s going to produce spiritual offspring. (For more on the Heavenly Parents, see Chapters 2 and 3.)
Breadwinning and homemaking
To keep families strong, Mormons uphold traditional gender roles. Ideally, men earn the money so women can stay home with the kids. However, U.S. demographics show that Mormon women work outside the home just as much as non-Mormon women do. LDS Church authorities still preach the ideal, but they allow for the fact that some families require two incomes to make ends meet. However, authorities warn against women working just so the family can enjoy more luxuries.
In Mormonism, men are expected to preside over their homes and families by exercising their priesthood authority in love and righteousness, not bossiness or intimidation (for more on the Mormon priesthood, see Chapter 4). Mormon men are frequently reminded to treat their wives as equals and consult with them in making decisions. Although “househusbands” aren’t unheard of in Mormonism, the idea makes most Mormons uncomfortable because the Church teaches men to provide for their families to the best of their ability.
In addition to encouraging traditional gender roles, Mormonism elevates marital romance to near-religious status. Church leaders encourage men and women to continue courting each other throughout their marriage, including spending an evening alone together on a weekly basis, if possible. Mormon spouses recognize the obligation to do their best to help keep their partners happy.
Raising up seed
When it comes to having children and raising them, Mormons go for both quantity and quality.
Populating the earth
Mormons aren’t prohibited from using birth control, but they’re still known for having large families (see Chapter 16 for more on Mormon views regarding birth control). For example, coauthor Christopher Bigelow is the oldest of ten children, which his parents spaced out every two years. Although Mormon birth rates typically follow the general trend, which means that Mormons in developed nations are having fewer children nowadays, they still have more kids on average than their non-Mormon contemporaries.
Why do Mormons have so many kids? Beyond simply valuing family life and parenthood, several possible reasons exist.
To make sure they’re not leaving anyone out: As we discuss in Chap-ter 2, Mormons believe that everybody’s spirits lived together and formed relationships before coming to earth. Mormon parents sometimes have more children because they sense that another spirit who belongs in their family is still waiting to be born, although this widespread belief isn’t official doctrine.
To give premortal spirits the opportunity of a lifetime: Mormons want to give as many people as possible the opportunity to come to earth and be raised in a Mormon home, where they can learn the gospel and receive the necessary ordinances for salvation, such as baptism.
To extend their boundaries: Mormons believe they’ll progress together through eternity as families, and having lots of children is good preparation for that. In heaven, after an exalted couple — see Chapter 2 for more about exaltation — produces a sufficient number of spirit children, these heavenly parents will eventually organize their own world over which they’ll preside, like God the Father presides over this world. This belief has led evangelical Protestants and other Christians who oppose Mormonism to charge that Mormons believe in many gods, but Mormons point out that they never stop honoring and obeying their own Heavenly Father, even after becoming like him. He remains the only God to them throughout eternity.
Rearing children in the way they should go
Mormons view parenting children as perhaps the most critical aspect of this earthly test. According to the LDS document “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” parents are under solemn obligation to “rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God, and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.” Mormons believe that parents who fail in these duties will be held accountable before God. (For more on the Proclamation, see Chapter 10.)
As a family-centered organization, the LDS Church teaches members several ways to strengthen their families:
Family home evening: Mormons reserve Monday evenings to gather as families and study the gospel, discuss plans and problems, and enjoy a fun activity together. This evening is so sacred that all Church buildings are closed, and Mormons consider even telephoning another Mormon family on Monday evening to be bad form. (We discuss family home evening in more detail in Chapter 17.)
Family prayer: Every morning and night, the ideal Mormon family kneels in a circle and says a prayer together. Also, Mormon families say a prayer before each meal.
Family council:
On a regular basis and especially when a family faces a significant decision or challenge, the LDS Church encourages parents to hold a family meeting so each person can express his or her insights and opinions.
Family scripture study: The Church urges Mormons to spend time each day reading from the scriptures together, especially the Book of Mormon. Many families do this in the morning, before school. Mormon children never doze through it. (Yeah, right.)
Family work: Many Mormon families assign chores and organize family projects to help children learn to work and cooperate together. One of the most common projects is a family vegetable garden, and some Mormon families do service projects for widows or other needy people.
Family recreation: Mormon families place a high priority on taking time to play games and sports together and go on outings and vacations. In addition, the LDS Church specifically urges fathers to spend time alone with each child. (Presumably, mothers already do.)
Extended family relations: Mormons are typically very big on extended family gatherings, reunions, cousin sleepovers, newsletters, and other traditions. In multigenerational Mormon families, the first cousins alone often number in the dozens.
Shaking the Family Tree: Family History Work
Southeast of Salt Lake City, Utah, the white-topped peaks of the Wasatch Mountains seem to beckon with the promise of powdery snow, great skiing, and . . . millions of rolls of microfilm? Yes, you read that right. The LDS Church, long known for its obsession with eternal families, considers genealogy (more commonly called “family history”) to be so important that it has buried the world’s largest collection of genealogical records 700 feet deep in the cool, solid earth underneath a granite mountain.
The giant doors of the vault are made to withstand a nuclear blast. (Sure, it may seem like overkill, but remember that the site was built in 1960, at the height of the Cold War.) For four decades, this site — off-limits to anyone who’s not a Church employee — has been the nerve center of genealogy research. Here, the LDS Church keeps master copies of genealogical microfilms protected at a constant temperature of 60 degrees Fahrenheit, preserved for the ages and ready to be copied for distribution all over the world.
The reason for the fuss
You may be wondering: why all the fuss? To Mormons, keeping family history records isn’t just a quaint practice that helps folks remember their great-grandparents. In fact, the LDS Church urges all Mormons to contribute their time, energy, and prayer to the eventual salvation of all people, and doing family history work is part of that. You can thumb back to Chapter 2 for the full scoop on the Mormon plan of salvation, but here’s the nutshell version: Every person has the opportunity to be reunited with God in heaven after living faithfully and receiving certain ordinances, including baptism (see Chapters 6 and 7) and a temple endowment (see Chapter 7). This opportunity is available not only to those who’ve lived since the restoration of the gospel in Joseph Smith’s time but also to everyone who’s ever existed on earth, from Adam and Eve on down through the entire human race.
Mormons believe that proxies (substitutes) can perform the essential ordinances on behalf of people who didn’t have the chance in this mortal life to be baptized and attend the temple. In acting as proxies, Latter-day Saints give those spirits the chance to embrace or reject the gospel in its fullness in the spirit world. (For more on the spirit world and the decisions that spirits there can still make, see Chapter 2.)
Mormons are a bit puzzled by the hullabaloo, because proxy baptism doesn’t make the baptized person Mormon or force a spirit world conversion — it just provides deceased spirits with the choice. As we explain in Chapter 2, agency (free will) is one of the most important principles of LDS theology. No ordinance or ritual can take away a person’s right to choose his or her own path.
The cloud of this controversy does have a silver lining: Although Jewish advocacy groups have criticized the practice of proxy baptism, they’ve also praised Mormon genealogists’ efforts to use knowledge of Jewish family history in order to regain property lost in the Holocaust.
The details of the work
The LDS Church has two basic ways of gathering family history records: Mormons and other people who are working on their own genealogies submit some of the records, while Church representatives and volunteers get others from public records.
Submitting names
Individuals around the world have submitted many of the family history records that the LDS Church possesses. Some of these people are Mormon, but most are members of other faiths who’ve graciously agreed to share the information they glean from their research in return for the free use of local LDS family history libraries and access to all the Church’s microfilmed records. (The Church doesn’t require that individuals who use its libraries share whatever information they find, but doing so is a nice gesture.)
People used to submit names on a longhand pedigree chart that traced a family’s history and provided information about marriages, children, births, and deaths. (Actually, these charts looked kind of similar to the ones that are still used for purebred dogs.) These pedigree charts could take hours to fill out, and many ran for pages and pages. The last decade has seen the process of submitting names and sharing genealogical information advance at warp speed. Nowadays, people use software to enter and edit information, export and import their family history to Web sites, create charts, and amaze their friends. The new software saves hours of tedium and does everything for you except slice, dice, and make julienne fries. (In fact, some Mormons believe that God inspired the computer’s invention mainly to turbocharge family history work.)
Extracting names
Every year, the Church sends teams of researchers to every corner of the earth to extract local history records. The word extraction may call to mind a painful root canal in the dentist’s chair, but trust us when we say that extracting genealogical records is a lot more pleasant than pulling teeth. From 1985 to 1990, the extraction program generated 13 million names and records, and the work continues to accelerate. The Church’s Web site says that its workers are using 242 cameras at any one time to microfilm records in over 40 countries.
LDS Church researchers copy the originals of each record — often in crumbling, dusty books and registers — onto microfilm or into a digital file. The original records typically remain in the local archives, churches, or libraries that own them, and the master microfilm goes into that granite mountain vault we describe at the beginning of this section. Then researchers make daughter copies of the film for distribution to libraries and individuals around the world.
Some of the sources that the Church puts on microfilm include
Parish records: Local parishes of various Christian denominations have kept records for centuries of births, deaths, marriages, and baptisms within their communities. These records are an invaluable source of information for genealogical researchers.
Vital records: Governments keep tabs on individuals, marking not only their births and deaths but also things like income. (Apparently, the idea that nothing is sure except death and taxes is universally true.) Relevant government documents include Social Security indexes, census records, county tax assessments, and the like.
Military records: Many people who research their genealogy want to know whether a particular ancestor served in a war, as well as details like battles, honors, and so on. In addition, because many veterans receive a pension after their discharge, military records may include information about where the individual lived after military service and when he or she died.
Immigration records: These details can be the missing link for researchers who want to know when their immigrant ancestor left County Kerry for Ellis Island. Immigration records sometimes also offer clues about ages, occupations, and possessions brought to the New World. The Church provides a helpful database of most of the 22 million Ellis Island immigrants who came to the United States between 1892 and 1924.
Some communities have expressed gratitude to the LDS Church for its extensive work in genealogical research. In 2004, for example, a tropical cyclone devastated the island of Niue in the South Pacific. In the village of Alofi, 180-mph winds swept away homes, businesses, and all the village’s vital records of births, deaths, immigrations, and marriages. However, only the original records were lost, because the LDS Church had already microfilmed all the records a decade before. The Church presented a copy of the microfilms to the local government so that Alofi’s people wouldn’t lose their knowledge of their ancestors.
How can I get started with family history?
Just 50 years ago, people who were serious about doing genealogical research would take a two-week vacation from work and embark upon the long journey to the Family History Library in Salt Lake City, Utah, the largest genealogical library in the world. They’d pore over books during the library’s open hours, tracking their small victories — a great-great-grandmother found, a link to another family discovered — in fat ledger books filled with names and dates.
Well, hooray for technology. No one needs to brave the Wild West to go to Salt Lake City anymore — most people only need to venture as far as their local LDS meetinghouse or even their own desktop computer. All the information contained in the megalibrary in Salt Lake City is available by ordering microfilms at any one of more than 3,700 Mormon family history centers in 88 nations. (There’s a small fee for shipping and processing the loaned roll of film.)
Moreover, most of the information is also available on the Web at www.familysearch.org. Here you can plug in what you already know about your ancestors and see what pops up; in many cases, researchers find that other people have already paved the way for them and they can piggyback on research that distant cousins may have done. If you’re not so fortunate, think of yourself as a pioneer, blazing a path that others will be glad to follow. The site allows access to the entire catalog of the main Family History Library in Salt Lake City, and you can order microfilms to be viewed at your closest branch library, which is usually located in a room inside the local Mormon meetinghouse or stake center.
Coauthor Jana Riess, who volunteered for several years as a family history consultant in her former congregation, has a word of advice for people who are thinking about starting their family history: Don’t wait. She found that most people who used the services of the center were retired; they had the time to spend doing the research, and they also were more aware of their own mortality and the need for keeping records. But many of these people said they would’ve given anything just to have their mother or grandmother with them for an hour to answer questions about family history. The moral of this story is . . . don’t wait until all the previous generations are gone before you begin making a record. Start it now.
God’s People: The Family of Israel
The Mormon concept of family begins with the nuclear family — Mom, Dad, and the pitter-patter of (quite a few, ideally) little feet. Beyond that is the extended family — ancestors and descendants who become sealed forever along patriarchal lines through family history and temple work. But hold your horses: The Mormon concept of family has a third level that binds Latter-day Saints together with lots of people who aren’t even their blood relatives.
One of the distinguishing factors of Mormonism compared to other forms of Christianity is its emphasis on the role of Israel in God’s plan for the world. By Israel Mormons don’t mean the modern-day nation-state of Israel, but all the many people in the world who are heirs to particular promises God made in the Bible’s Old Testament. Mormons believe that anyone can become part of the house of Israel — the chosen people of God — whether or not they’re genetic descendants of the ancient Israelites. What’s more, one of the LDS Articles of Faith states that Mormons believe in the “literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes” — something that isn’t a core belief of other Christian denominations.
Why is the house of Israel so important? The story begins with a guy called Abraham.
Abraham and God shake on it
A bountiful land where he and his descendants could reside
Descendants without number
For Abraham, an old nomad, both promises were basically laughable. He was rich in everything but land and children — and by the time he was 99 years old, neither had materialized. But God made good on his promise with the birth of Isaac, and today Abraham’s descendants number as the stars in the sky, as God told him they would.
But according to Mormons, Abraham’s descendants aren’t just numbered among his literal biological offspring, the Jewish people. In fact, they believe that the Abrahamic covenant — God’s promises to Abraham — extends to all people who are worthy to be grafted in to the house of Israel. (That term is a spiritual one and not something painful, like a skin graft.) So each and every person has the potential to partake of the Abrahamic covenant. How does a person get grafted into the house of Israel? By joining the LDS Church.
The house of Israel in Mormon scriptures
The concept of Israel as a factor in community identification shows up not just in the Bible, but in distinctively Mormon scriptures as well. The plight of Israel’s scattering and promised regathering is one of the major themes of the Book of Mormon, in which the term house of Israel appears no fewer than 107 times.
In fact, when the Savior appears to the Nephites as recorded in 3 Nephi 10, the very first thing he does is to greet them as “descendants of Jacob . . . who are of the house of Israel.” To Mormons, the fact that Christ got right to the point about the Nephites’ lineage is significant: The Book of Mormon is about people who were Abraham’s descendants. In its opening chapters, the prophet Lehi receives a vision in which he sees the destruction of Jerusalem and the scattering of Israel, so he and his family flee Jerusalem. Six hundred years later, the promised Messiah visits their descendants over in the New World to gather them, as the Savior put it, as a hen gathers her chickens. In other words, the people were restored to their rightful heritage. (For more on themes in the Book of Mormon, see Chapter 9.)
Although the house of Israel is an important theme in the Book of Mormon, even many Mormons misunderstand it. Various outsiders have taught, and some clueless Mormons have mistakenly believed, that the Book of Mormon tells the story of the ten lost tribes who left northern Israel around 721 B.C. In fact, the Book of Mormon doesn’t deal with these lost tribes, whose whereabouts and identity are still known only to the Lord. Presumably, scriptures exist somewhere that describe these tribes’ history, which may include holy visitations from the Savior or other biblical figures. Mormons expect more of these scriptures to come to light at a future time.
Gathering God’s children
The prophets of old and modern-day Mormon prophets have stated that in the latter days just prior to the Savior’s Second Coming, the house of Israel will be gathered once again, with the remnant being assembled from among the nations of the earth (Jeremiah 23:3).
What does it mean to be gathered? The LDS Church teaches that Israel’s gathering will happen in two stages:
First, Israel will be spiritually gathered into the LDS Church. This stage is already happening as people all over the world embrace the gospel and come to understand themselves as part of God’s great work.
Second will be the physical gathering of Israel, which won’t be completed until the Savior’s Second Coming, although it has already gotten underway in the Middle East. This gathering will involve an actual, bodily migration as the different tribes of Israel move back to biblical and Book of Mormon lands to reclaim their heritage. (Even the ten “lost” tribes, which we mention in the preceding section, will be restored to their lands, as directed by the descendants of Ephraim. For more on Ephraim, skip ahead to the section on patriarchal blessings.)
Becoming adopted into Israel
Presumably, hundreds of millions of people walking the earth today have some genetic link, however faint, to the 12 tribes of ancient Israel. Because bloodlines have been diluted through the centuries and the Jewish Diaspora was so geographically extensive and prolonged, there’s no way of telling who has Israelite heritage and who doesn’t. However, it doesn’t matter, because those who aren’t born into the Abrahamic covenant can become adopted into Israel through baptism.
Personal Prophecy: Patriarchal Blessings
Mormons can discover their personal lineage in the house of Israel through an ordinance called a patriarchal blessing, which is also an opportunity to receive some personalized prophecy regarding their individual lives. Many Mormons refer to the typed transcript of their patriarchal blessing throughout life, prayerfully consulting it for insights into personal circumstances and future events. Unlike other priesthood blessings in the Church, a patriarchal blessing is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, never to be repeated. What’s more, not just any Melchizedek Priesthood holder can offer it. Only a stake patriarch who’s specifically ordained to that role and gifted with the insights of the Holy Ghost can give this blessing. (For more about priesthood blessings, see Chapter 4. To understand what a stake is, flip ahead to Chapter 6.)
Each stake usually has only one patriarch, though very large stakes may have two. Patriarchs have already been ordained as high priests (see Chapter 4) and are usually middle-aged or older. Until very recently, the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in Salt Lake City individually chose and ordained all patriarchs. Now, with so many stakes around the world, the stake president submits a recommendation to the Twelve, who must approve the proposed patriarch before the stake president ordains him.
Discovering personal lineage
One of the most important aspects of every patriarchal blessing is the declaration of a person’s lineage in the house of Israel. Drawing upon the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, the patriarch indicates which tribe the individual belongs to. Remember that in the book of Genesis, Abraham’s grandson Jacob had 12 sons who became the 12 tribes of Israel.
Other aspects of a patriarchal blessing
Mormons rarely show their patriarchal blessing transcripts to people outside their own families. To them, blessings are sacred; in addition, Church leaders don’t want people to covet one another’s promised gifts, talents, or destinies. For example, if some teens compared their blessings, one young man may feel pangs of jealousy that his best friend’s blessing contains specific information about the woman he’ll someday marry. Or a young woman may realize that all her buddies’ blessings contain promises of missions they’ll serve and worry why hers doesn’t.
However, Mormons sometimes mention the promises of their patriarchal blessings when they’re relevant to a church discussion or in private conversations. In addition to the declaration of lineage discussed in the preceding section, most patriarchal blessings contain some, though by no means all, of the following aspects. These aren’t prepared or researched by the stake patriarch beforehand, but come to him through prayer during the blessing, as directed by the Spirit:
Discussion of the person’s premortal existence:
Often, this statement is simple and general, saying that the person fought valiantly in the War in Heaven. (For more on that topic, see Chapter 2.) But some patriarchal blessings are quite specific about what people did and whom they knew before coming to earth.
A statement about the person’s earthly family: Some patriarchal blessings make general mention about a person’s family situation (“You’ve been raised by loving parents who’ve taught you gospel principles,” and so on). Others are quite particular about unique circumstances in the person’s family life or make predictions about the recipient’s future spouse or children.
Reference to individual strengths and weaknesses:
Some blessings are very personal, as the Spirit inspires the patriarch to talk about the individual’s personality traits, spiritual assets, and potential flaws.
Mention of a full-time mission: Some blessings for young people mention serving a full-time mission for the Church. (To understand what missionary work means to Mormons, see Chapter 14.) For example, in the mid-1980s, one young man’s patriarchal blessing said that he would one day serve a mission to Russia. The Cold War still prevailed, and the Soviet Union didn’t exactly welcome the evangelistic efforts of Mormon missionaries, so he rightly wondered if the patriarch had gotten soft in the head. However, by the time this fellow was 19, the Church had just opened its first mission in post-Soviet Russia, and he was among the charter group of missionaries sent to preach the gospel there.
Message from Heavenly Mother: Heavenly Mother has been known to make an occasional appearance in patriarchal blessings, especially for young women. In these blessings, the message from Heavenly Father is supplemented by words that Heavenly Mother specifically wants the person to hear: that the individual is dearly loved, has a divine nature, and possesses special and unique qualities (which may or may not be spelled out). The recipients, who don’t hear much about Heavenly Mother in church, often cherish these words.
Predictions of events the individual will personally witness:
Some patriarchal blessings make statements about things the person will someday see, whether they be Church growth or signs of the End Times.
Specific blessings related to career or Church service: Patriarchal blessings can vary dramatically in this regard. One of us authors (we’re not telling who!) was stunned to receive very detailed guidance about education and individual talents through a patriarchal blessing, despite having never met the stake patriarch before the blessing.
Loving reminders to live worthily: Most patriarchal blessings contain counsel to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost and remain worthy to keep his constant companionship (see Chapter 3). Many also urge the individual to be a good influence in the family, at work, and in all circumstances.
A final promise to be sealed and protected against the Destroyer: Many patriarchal blessings close with a benediction for protection against Satan.
Understanding a patriarchal blessing
Most Church members are grateful for their patriarchal blessings, which are tailor-made for them and reflect the guidance of the Holy Ghost. However, they’re not always easy to understand.
One of the most interesting aspects of a patriarchal blessing is the high emphasis the Church places on its individuality. If a member has questions about the content of a blessing, the patriarch, bishop, and other Church leaders are explicitly told not to interpret the blessing for the member. Church members can, through prayer, bring all their questions directly to Heavenly Father.
The LDS Church encourages Mormons to remember that although patriarchal blessings come from the Holy Ghost, they aren’t road maps for life or fortunes from a soothsayer. Some of the elements of a patriarchal blessing may not be realized until late in mortal life, or even in the afterlife. (For example, someone who was told that he’d see peace established on the earth may eventually view that transition from the spirit world, not this one.)
As one Church leader taught, a patriarchal blessing is “a paragraph from the book of our possibilities,” and it naturally raises questions about who we are and what we may become. As Mormons reflect on its promises and blessings throughout their lives, they grow in understanding and come to more deeply appreciate God’s love for them as unique individuals.
Obtaining a patriarchal blessing
To get a patriarchal blessing, you must be a Mormon in good standing and be considered worthy by your bishop. This worthiness interview isn’t as set in stone as an interview for a temple recommend (for more on that process, see Chapter 7), but it’s important for the bishop to determine whether you’re ready. (The LDS Church doesn’t set a fixed age for a person to receive a patriarchal blessing, so Mormons who grow up in the Church don’t have absolute guidance about when to seek after it, although most do it during their mid-to-late teens.) By interviewing you, your bishop can figure out whether you’re spiritually mature and responsible enough, or if you should wait a little longer. If you’re a recent convert, he can see whether you’re established enough in the gospel to be ready for the blessing. Unlike the temple, which a new convert must wait a full year to enter, there’s no preset waiting period for getting a patriarchal blessing after baptism.
If your interview with the bishop goes swimmingly, make an appointment with the patriarch. Unless you have a family member who’s an ordained stake patriarch, you can’t cross stake lines to have the patriarch of another stake perform the blessing. Some patriarchs allow you to bring one or two loved ones to hear the blessing — parents, a spouse, or a good friend.
At the appointed time, you all sit down for a few minutes with the patriarch, usually in his home. The blessing recipient is typically a bit nervous at this point, so you can make some small talk, and many patriarchs ask questions that will help them pray about and personalize the blessing. When the time comes for the blessing to begin, the patriarch stands behind you and places his hands on your head. Every blessing is recorded on audio and then transcribed, often by the patriarch’s wife or another family member, so don’t worry if you don’t catch every word. One copy of the transcript is sent to Church headquarters, and another is mailed to you to consult throughout your life. If you lose your copy, you can request another copy from Church headquarters.