DANCING WAS KAYLAN’S favorite pastime. The polished wood floor was as familiar as the sound of waves lapping her dock at home. She and Sarah Beth stretched in one of Madame Sally’s dance studios where they had danced since they were five.
“What are we going for today?” Sarah Beth held up her iPod and skipped to plug it into the speakers at the back of the room. “Jazz, pop, ballet? What are you in the mood for?” The smack of her bubble gum bounced off the mirrored walls.
“Let’s burn some stress. Pop or jazz.” Kaylan stretched, slipped on her shoes, and stood as an old ‘N Sync song blared over the speakers. Sarah Beth danced to her side.
“Old school, huh?”
“I thought we could test our memories on the routine from our senior dance recital. You still got the moves?” Sarah Beth nudged Kaylan and then rushed to restart the song.
“Bring it.”
The music began again, and Kaylan closed her eyes and moved with the beat, the old routine flowing naturally. Instinct took over. She was no longer in the studio. She was in Nick’s arms, the relationship restored. He was strong and safe. She kicked and leaped in rhythm with Sarah Beth, imagining herself in Haiti, surrounded by orphans, teaching them about Jesus and helping them live healthy lives. She could feel their little hands, hear their voices singing.
They continued to dance, the steps growing more intricate. She was with her brothers playing football and with Pap horseback riding. Sarah Beth held up cards of nutrition facts with funny acronyms. She was with her dad in his study, telling him the exact proportions of a mast as he crafted a model ship. And she was with her mom and Gran, picking out paint colors and wall decorations to create a homey atmosphere at the lake house. Sarah Beth bumped into her, and they both giggled, bringing her back to the moment.
Songs continued to play, and with each, Kaylan moved with more intensity, the stress and anxiety flowing with her sweat. She focused on her favorite memories and wishes. Strands of her hair clung to her neck as she kicked and twirled, while Sarah Beth followed or created her own movements.
Without fail, time with Sarah Beth refreshed her. No words were necessary. They danced as two who shared one heart, letting years of friendship heal and do the talking. The polished wood under Kaylan’s feet was a welcoming sensation. The room smelled of sweat and accomplishment.
A slower song filled the room, and Kaylan slowed her movements to match. She closed her eyes again and willed herself to feel the movement of the music and act on it. Her art teacher had once told her that creative expression was often a product of music. Dance was Kaylan’s version of creative expression. When she danced, she was truly herself. No hiding. Emotions released with the flow of her body, refreshing her spirit.
The final strains filled the room, and Kaylan dropped to the floor, adrenaline leaving in a rush. Drained and soaked, nevertheless she felt alive, just as she did in the mornings when she watched the sun rise. She was back in control, and life felt less overwhelming.
A deep cough bounced off the walls, and Kaylan bolted upright. Sarah Beth was gone, but Nick leaned against the wall, watching her.
“I think I need to teach you to be more aware of your surroundings.”
“I think you need to learn not to sneak up on me,” Kaylan shot back, her heart dancing to a new cadence. “Where’s Sarah Beth?”
He shrugged. “Went home, I guess.” He pushed away from the wall and joined her where she sat in the middle of the dance floor. Her heart rate doubled. His nearness and the intensity rippling in his eyes told her that she could no longer deny their chemistry. They were treading into unfamiliar territory, approaching a point of no return.
“Do you think we could finish our conversation? We were interrupted earlier.”
She nodded and bit her lip, bracing for what could come next.
“I need to understand something.” His relaxed manner eased her fluttering pulse. “Why Haiti, Kaylan? Why now?”
“Because I want to change the world, or at least a part of it. I want to do something that matters, Nick.”
“You have a red carpet to your dreams. Why not wait?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to second-guess myself again, Nick. I see that child, his ribs sticking out from hunger, or that mother thinking of giving up her baby because she can’t feed him, and I want to change the cycle.”
“You want to be the catalyst.” He nodded, but his eyes held caution. “You can’t do it on your own.”
“No, but I can change one life. One piece of the world in my own backyard. I can make a difference.”
“And us, Kayles? Where do you see that going?”
She swiped her hand across her forehead and shivered, the sweat on her body cooling in the chill of the studio. Her body shook from more than the air.
“You asked me to trust you again. To give you a chance. I can give you that, but it’s my turn to leave, Nick. And I don’t know what’s waiting for me or when I’ll be back.”
“That’s usually my line.”
She wished she could read minds. His poker face denied access. It was his turn to study her, not the other way around. “I was counting on you. I can’t stay here just to give you another chance. It’s my turn. I want to see the world, people I’ve never met, make a difference. It’s what you wanted when you left.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to put your life on hold for me, to just stay at home and wait. Not if Haiti is something you really feel you need to do.”
Relief filled her, and his support bolstered her trust. “I’ve sat on the sidelines my whole life. Always waiting for a better time, always following the plan in my head. But I feel like the Lord is calling me to step from my comfort zone and take this unexpected adventure. Yes, this is something I want to do.”
He grabbed the backpack he’d been carrying that morning and withdrew a box, the red wood stained and rustic. He handed it to her. She traced the wood grains and then lifted the latch. Inside lay a stack of letters, all addressed to her and bound by a rubber band. Wondering, she met his eyes. They churned like the sea about to break over the rocks.
“There’s a letter for every week I was deployed last year. Well, once I realized I was missing you, which didn’t take long. Twenty-six total.”
She swallowed hard, her eyes darting from him to the box and back again. What was he saying? And what would she find within these letters?
“I don’t understand.”
“I meant what I told you today, Kayles. I missed you and thought of you while I was gone. Ending our relationship was the biggest mistake I have ever made. Right now you don’t trust me completely. I made a lot of promises to you before I left, and while I meant them, they were premature and hurt you. I am so sorry, Kaylan. I’m not that guy anymore. I know it will take a while to let me back into your heart. But for now, can you please let me be part of your life?”
He moved closer to her and reached for her hands. He’d never been this vulnerable with her before, but her thoughts were wrapped as tightly as a ball of twine. She couldn’t find the end to release them into a coherent strand.
“My heart is in those words. How much I missed you, how much I wished I could take it all back. My dreams of someday. Read them in Haiti, and I’ll be waiting when you get back.”
“You would do that?” She tipped her head, needing to know. “You would let me leave, let me figure this out for months, and still promise to wait for me? Why?”
“Because I care about you as more than a friend and more than my best friend’s sister. I love who you are.” He returned the gentle pressure on her hands and leaned toward her. “Kaylan, if this relationship progressed and we looked at forever, I would be asking you to support me as a Navy SEAL, a soldier for my country. That would mean long deployments, little contact, secrecy, and blind faith. How could I do any less for you in what you feel the Lord calling you to?”
Her heart raced and roared in her ears. “If you promise to wait for me, then I’m going to hold you to it.”
“I won’t let you down.” His voice sounded low and husky. He brushed his knuckles across her face and slowly pulled her to her feet. “I want to follow the Lord, Kaylan. I want to do this right. And to do that, I have to trust Him with you. I’ve let you down, but He never will.”
She smiled. “Trust is a big word.”
“Very true.” He leaned forward until their foreheads touched, his grin making her weak.
“I’ve got another chance, don’t I.” It wasn’t a question.
“Well, I guess so. Who am I to resist a pining frogman who wrote me letters in the heat of combat?”
“You wouldn’t be a lady if you tried.”
“Hey!” She pushed him away, but his cheeky grin mended the scars on her heart, reminding her of moments when her mom had applied Neosporin to her cuts and scrapes as a child. The cut would heat and sting, but a few days later it would be gone. Kaylan wondered if this was the start of a new normal. Her heart and her mind could barely keep up with all the changes. Is this really happening, Lord?
He held up his finger, motioning her to wait, and moved to the stereo system in back. “One more surprise.”
She smirked. “You’re just full of surprises. By the way, what did you do with my best friend?”
“I bought her off. It was easy. She knows what’s good for you.”
“And what’s that?”
“Me.”
“Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” drifted through the speakers. Nick jogged back to her, slipping his arm around her waist and bringing her hand to rest on his chest.
“Lion King, really? Who would have thought?” She laughed as they rotated in place, this time unable to clear her head as they danced. His nearness was like a drug, one she didn’t want to quit.
Whispering in her ear, he pulled her closer, “What can I say? I’m a man of many secrets.” He softly sang the words she’d known since childhood. “You know, love’s a pretty big word too,” he commented.
Kaylan met his eyes. “It’s also demonstrated best over time.” She kept her tone light, but her message was clear. He better tread lightly.
His smile grew as he acknowledged her gentle warning. “How about this: I promise I won’t say it until I know for sure.”
“I can handle that.”
His eyes grew intense again, and she fought the urge to pull back. “But when I finally say it, Kaylan, I’ll be playing for keeps. And you’ll need to make a final decision on whether you can trust me or not.”
She nodded, speechless. He pulled her near again as the song wound to a close, and they stood breathless in the middle of the studio.
His lips lowered to hers, his fingers weaving through her hair, challenging her resolve. Her racing heart galloped like Black-Eyed Pea in an open field. Heat poured into her face. She wasn’t ready for the feel of his lips on hers again. Not when everything was still unsure. Before she could change her mind, she gently pushed against his chest and away from his embrace.
“Make good on your promise,” she whispered. “Let’s see what happens.”
He nodded, pulling her close again and resting his forehead on hers. He chuckled. “You won’t let me say good-bye like I want, will you?”
She shook her head, tempted to change her mind. Her arms slipped around his neck, and they swayed in the silence. In the moments that passed, she stored the memory in her heart to recall when she was miles away and this seemed only a dream. His arms, warm and firm, made it seem as though all was right in the world. He chased away the shadows. But it was time to face her future. Only God knew if Nick would play a part.
Weaving her fingers into his hair, she brushed his cheek with a kiss before pulling away, her eyes looking to his heart, to the hole in his armor he’d opened for her alone. Her whisper echoed in the gilded room: “It’s how I want to say hello.”
“You can bet on it, beautiful.” He slipped his rough hand in hers, linking their fingers, and brushed her fingers with his lips. Her breath caught and a future with him materialized in her mind again piece by piece.
As they left the studio to rejoin her family at home, Kaylan felt as if she could conquer the world with him at her side.
With his promise to sustain her, the trip to Haiti shone all the brighter.