YOUNG MAN, YOU look like you are carrying the weight of the world.” Nick whirled, frustrated he hadn’t heard Pap enter. After a subdued family dinner, Kaylan had gone on a walk with Micah, and Nick had retreated to the sunroom to think and pray. The sun had set, and the room rested in murky, black shadows.
“Just a lot to think about, sir.”
“I imagine. Micah told me you are leaving tomorrow.” Pap lowered himself to the couch and patted the seat next to him. Nick sank into the cushions on the wicker furniture, feeling more exhausted than he had in a long time.
“You know, David whittled this for me.” Pap extended his cane for Nick to see. “Look at the intricate knife-work, the detail and precision. It was a labor of love. But you know, each detail took time and effort.” Pap rubbed his hands over the smooth wood. “This used to be an ugly, disproportionate piece of wood. It was uprooted and knocked off its parent tree. David took it, invested in it, and made it something beautiful. A treasure. One-of-a-kind.”
“I don’t have time. I’ve run out.”
“Takes time to fashion something beautiful out of what has been broken. And it’s not ultimately your job. The only One who can heal and refashion something this beautiful is the Creator.”
“I just want to fix it and make it better. I want to be here for her. I made a promise.” He raked his hair in frustration. “I’m letting her down. I can’t fight this.” Pap rapped Nick’s shin with the cane, causing it to sting. “What was that for?”
“Come on, son. Have you told her yet?”
“Told her what?”
“Told her you love her? That you want to be with her?”
“I can’t tell her that yet. Not when she’s like this.”
“Talk to her again. Reassure her, and then go do your job. She isn’t thinking straight. Let her run to the only One who can fix what is broken. He knows her better than you, and He understands. You see, He was with her in the earthquake, even though she thinks He has forgotten her.” Pap’s eyes bore into Nick’s, a silent challenge lurking in their depths. “And right now, she doesn’t need you to play God.”
The words stung. He could be her knight in shining armor, but only when she knew the King had her best interest at heart. The best thing he could do for her was leave. There was a distinct possibility that it would break his heart, and . . .
“What if she doesn’t forgive me?”
“Well, that’s not in your control, either. Son, do you believe that the God who created you, got you through SEAL training and a deployment, and brought Kaylan into your life is capable of getting you two together at the right time? He’s a big God. Why did He allow the earthquake? Why did He allow Sarah Beth to die? Why is Haiti in shambles, without the means to recover fully? I don’t know, but I do know the reports I’ve heard of people coming to the Lord, of others coming together and giving. Big things are happening in the wake of a big disaster. I won’t pretend to understand why God allowed it to happen. But this God who is big enough to move the earth and unite cultures is big enough to heal Kaylan and heal you.”
Nick squirmed like a fish caught on a hook. Had he limited God to his own capabilities? He hadn’t trusted the Lord in this situation. He had prayed for wisdom, for the Lord to work through him, for Kaylan to heal, but he hadn’t prayed that the Lord would have His way.
“I see you have more to think about. Gran and I are leaving. Be careful, son. We’ll be praying. Pray for Kaylan, and leave her in the capable hands of the God who has her wrapped in His arms, even though she can’t feel Him right now.”
Nick stood and shook Pap’s hand, loving the man. “Thank you, sir. Thank you for the family you invest in.”
“You’re as good as family.” He hobbled to the door and paused. “Son, have you looked into your birth parents anymore?”
The question caught Nick off guard. “No, sir. We’ve been training, and then everything happened with Kaylan. It’s on the back burner until all this is resolved.”
“I have a lot of connections. People in powerful places with access to records. I may be able to help when you’re ready.”
Red flags waved in Nick’s mind at the way Pap studied him. He knew something he wasn’t saying. “I’ll take you up on that. Thank you.”
Nick turned back to the windows and the blackness permeating outside. He opened the door and walked down onto the dock. The late January night chilled him. Outside the city lights, a few stars blinked. Nick loved the night. It was his time to thrive as a frogman. Nights in the desert on a mission had left him gazing at the stars.
“Lord, Your Word says You know each star by name, which means You see Kaylan and me and the people of Haiti. Please, Father, do big things here. Give me the courage to let go and trust that if this is right, You’ll bring us back together at the right time.”
In his weariness, he felt a measure of peace. The knots in his heart released, and he walked back to the house to pack and get ready for bed. He needed to sleep, or he would be worthless on the upcoming mission. Hopefully he would have one last chance to talk to Kaylan before he left. Meanwhile, he released the happenings in Alabama into the hands of a good God.
Screaming pierced the dark, and Nick slapped the night stand for his gun before he realized where he was. Micah crouched low on the floor as another cry sounded and a door slammed.
“Kaylan,” they said together. She had come back from her walk with Micah in a relatively peaceful mood but quickly retreated to her room for the night, exhaustion and depression still constant enemies. Apparently her body’s need to sleep was no match for the nightmares.
Nick hit the floor at a dead sprint with Micah on his heels and slid in front of Kaylan’s door. The sound of crying and glass breaking continued for seconds before all fell still.
“Go slow, Bulldog. We don’t need to startle her anymore.”
Micah pushed the door open and hit the lights. The lamp lay on the floor along with a broken picture frame.
“Kayles? Where are you?”
“Sis?”
“Hide! You have to hide. It’s happening again.”
Nick crept to the closet in his bare feet, careful to avoid the glass. The sight broke his heart. Kaylan sat curled in a fetal position in the corner of her closet, clothes hanging around her head. She rocked back and forth, tears streaming down her face.
“Bulldog, go get your mom.”
David and Seth tore into the room and stopped to survey the damage. Nick studied the flickering emotions playing on their faces in rapid fire succession. Shock. Pain. Grim acceptance. Helplessness. They needed to feel useful.
“David, can you get something to clean up the glass? Seth, we may be up for a bit. Can you start some coffee?”
They both nodded and ran from the room.
Nick crept into the closet slowly and folded himself into the corner with Kaylan.
“Sarah Beth?”
“Kaylan, honey, you gotta wake up. Sarah Beth’s not here.”
“Hold my hand. She wanted me to hold her hand.”
Nick linked their fingers. They were cold and trembling.
“She was so cold. I’m cold now. She . . . she was twisted. It kept shaking. Wouldn’t stop shaking. Why won’t it stop? Everyone screamed and wailed. People, so many people. Blood, dust. I couldn’t breathe. No fresh air. We told stories. She coughed up blood. I couldn’t move the rock. No matter what I tried. I couldn’t stand, only crawl. I didn’t want to leave her. Why does everything keep shaking? Sarah Beth?”
“Kaylan, she’s not here. Are you awake? Let’s get you out of this closet.”
She panicked and clutched at his bare chest. “No, everything will fall out there. We can’t leave. We’re safe in here. We can’t leave.” Her voice rose, and Nick feared she would start screaming, her mind trapped in the earthquake.
Her parents came into view, along with Micah. Nick tried to stand, but Kaylan clung to him, her strength flowing from a place of panic.
“Don’t leave me. You have to hold my hand. I don’t want to die. You have to hold my hand. It’s not safe.”
Her words pierced him like machine gun fire. She wasn’t just frightened of the shaking or reliving the deaths of her friends and countless others. She saw herself dead. His stomach churned. Her knuckles were white in his. With his new understanding, his priority shifted. He needed her to wake up and snap out of this flashback. There was only one way to do that.
“Mrs. Richards, can you go turn on the shower? Make it as hot as you can get it without burning her. Micah and Mr. Richards, can you move anything that might break or be in the way? I’m going to have to carry her out of here, and she may fight me the whole way.”
Kaylan whimpered now: “All my fault, all my fault.”
He pulled her close and felt a tear slip down his chest. “Baby, we’re gonna get you past this. But I need you to come back to me. Wake up.” He avoided shaking her and instead kissed the top of her head.
“They didn’t get to us in time. Rock kept shifting. The ceiling was too close. They tried. I tried. Sarah Beth was white. Her body. Oh, God, she was so hurt. I didn’t have any medicine. I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t save her. Why didn’t God save her? She was so good. She braided Sophia’s hair and played soccer with Reuben. She loved the women.” Her voice cracked, and a tear splashed onto his hand. She was crying. Finally, she was crying. “Why? Sarah Beth . . . why not me?”
“Nick, the water’s ready.”
“Mrs. Richards, I’m going to need your help. Is everything moved?”
“Yeah, Hawk, you’re good to go,” Micah answered for his mom.
Nick gritted his teeth. He wasn’t sure how she would handle this, but he had to do it. In one quick movement, he was up. Flinging her arm over his shoulder, he lifted her from the ground. As soon as he exited the closet, she began to kick and shout. She closed her eyes against the light.
“Put me down. It’s not safe. It’s not safe. I won’t leave her. Sarah Beth! Take me back.”
Nick walked into the bathroom and stepped into the large, open shower with Kaylan as Mrs. Richards held the glass door. Kaylan’s eyes flew open as water hit her face. She shivered, and tears intermixed with the water. Steam rose around them.
“Kayles, are you awake?” He cupped her face with his hands, studying her eyes as they struggled to process her surroundings.
“Nick.” She covered his hands with her own and glanced around the shower and then at her mom through the open door. “Mom.”
“Honey, it was just a bad dream. I’m so sorry.”
Kaylan’s eyes flew back to Nick’s. “It was so awful, Nick. I was there, and I could hear you, but I couldn’t leave. It was like I was stuck in that building with Sarah Beth.” Her eyes pooled. He thanked the Lord that she was awake and coherent. “I’m so sorry. I hate that you’re seeing me like this. I’m so sorry.” He hugged her, accepted the towel from Mrs. Richards, and slipped through the glass doors.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry I had to do that. She may need your help. She’s still a little hysterical and confused. The flashback is still close to the surface. Tell her to work out the tension in her shoulders with the hot water. The guys have coffee ready downstairs when she’s ready.”
“Thank you, Nick. I don’t know what she would do without you.” She kissed his wet cheek, and for a moment he missed his own mother.
“I’m sorry this is happening,” he told her.
“She’s tough. She’s going to get through this. Now go get cleaned up and let me take care of my daughter.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Nick slipped into dry clothes and prayed Kaylan would be ready to talk when he got downstairs. There would be no sleep tonight. He wasn’t sure how to heal this precious woman he loved, but if she could find the strength to get through this, then so could he.