16

Who would have thought she’d be excited about losing her breakfast? More than excited. Jubilant. If Kate didn’t feel so shaky, she would be tap dancing on the little back porch. It was proof her prayers had been answered. She was going to be a mother.

The late March day was full of sunshine. The whole world looked bright from the yellow jonquils bursting into bloom along the side of the yard to the flash of a bluebird’s wings as it flew by. Perhaps looking for love. Love she had already found. Gloriously found.

The song they sang at the beginning of Sunday services bubbled up in her mind. “Praise God from whom all blessings flow.”

She did praise him. And thank him. She leaned against the porch post and put her hands on her flat belly. Soon it would be swelling with the blessing of a baby. She’d been almost holding her breath for a couple of weeks now. Hoping, but not sure. She hadn’t shared the hope with anyone. Not Jay. Not her mother. She wanted to be sure first.

They all knew what she was hoping. They knew how much she wanted to be a mother. But nobody seemed to be in as much a hurry as she was. Jay wanted to just enjoy being home, being with her. Her mother was wrapped up in guiding Evie along her rocky path toward motherhood. Evie had finally gotten through the morning sickness, but now she was distraught over the loss of her waistline. And the loss of her job.

“What does a person do sitting at home all day long?” she had complained last Sunday. “Twiddle her thumbs?”

“If she wants to,” Kate told her. “Or you could take up knitting or sewing. Maybe make the baby a quilt.”

“Quilt? Me?” Evie sank down in one of the kitchen chairs. They were cleaning up after dinner and as usual Kate was doing all the work. Tori was rocking a very cranky Samantha, who was teething. Jay and Lorena left with a plate of food for Aunt Hattie. Kate wished she’d gone with them, but then Mama would have thought she had to do the cleanup. Her mother rarely sat down. She deserved a few minutes of Sunday afternoon peace. So here Kate was. Stuck with her hands in dishwater and her ears full of Evie’s whining.

“Well, then read some books.”

“You’re saying what you’d like to do. I guess what you can do now that you’re not working.” Evie shifted in the chair and held out her feet to stare at them. “Even my feet are fat.”

Kate looked down at Evie’s fashionable black pumps. “It’s not permanent, you know.”

“But I just bought these shoes. I thought at least I wouldn’t outgrow shoes and now they’re killing my feet.”

“If they hurt your feet, take them off.”

“You always act like everything is so simple.” Evie stomped her shoes down flat on the floor. “But it isn’t. Lots of things aren’t simple at all.”

One thing was more than simple—how Evie could drive her crazy. Kate counted to five and turned back to the sink. Washing dishes, now that was simple. Glasses first, then plates.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” If she wanted to keep things simple, agreeing with Evie was generally the way to go. No need to fuss about things that didn’t matter, although they’d done plenty of that in their time. But they weren’t little girls anymore.

It worked. Evie quit worrying about her feet. “I thought you were going to work at the store.”

“Not right now. I decided to try writing some freelance stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?” Evie didn’t sound all that interested.

Kate concentrated on washing a plate and rinsing it. She had dreams of writing stories for magazines, maybe even writing a book, but she wasn’t ready to tell Evie that. Evie might say something to shoot down her dreams. Not on purpose, but just being Evie.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Kate carefully placed the plate in the drainer. “The editor at the Herald said he might consider something with a human interest angle. And the Edgeville paper wants me to submit some ideas to them. Besides, Tori didn’t want to give up the job at the store.”

“Really? I’m surprised. She’s never liked working there. You remember how she would rather haul in the coal and cook supper than be at the store.”

“I know, but now she has Samantha. She feels like she needs to work.”

“What she needs to do is get married again. You know Tori never wanted to be anything except a wife and mother. Unlike us.”

“I want to be a wife and a mother.” Kate set the last plate in the drainer and began washing the utensils. She hated washing the knives and forks. So many of them.

“But that’s not all. You’ve always wanted more. We both do.”

“More. More what?”

Evie pushed up from the chair. She wasn’t that big yet—only six months along—but she already acted as if she weighed a ton. What on earth would she do two months from now? Kate remembered Tori’s final month of carrying Samantha when just moving was difficult for her and they had to help her up off the couch. But Tori was so slim, the baby weight had been extra heavy on her.

That wouldn’t be true with Evie. Mama said she was carrying well. But everybody got big. That was part of it. Big and beautiful. Expectant mothers were always beautiful. Mike certainly thought so. He was more like the old Mike, the Mike before the war, as he tried to do everything and anything to please Evie. But nothing pleased Evie right now. Mama made excuses for her. She said being in the family way made people moody. Kate had to bite her tongue to keep from saying that Evie had always been moody.

Evie picked up a dish towel to dry the plates. “You don’t have to act like you don’t know what I mean, Kate. You liked working at the paper and seeing your pieces in print. Doing something yourself. Good gracious, you’ve been trying to fix the world for years.”

“Maybe.” Kate dumped a handful of spoons in the drainer. On to the forks. “So I want to fix the world. What’s the more you want, Evie?”

“I like typing up letters. I know how to keep things organized in an office so work can get done.” She gave Kate a look as if daring her to doubt the importance of that. “And I’m good at it. Very good at it. Mr. Winters said he’d never had a secretary half as good as me.”

“That didn’t keep him from letting you go as soon as he found out you were expecting.”

“Policy. He couldn’t go against company policy.” Evie leaned against the cabinet and didn’t pick up another plate to dry. She stared out the window. “Do you think it would be awful if I went back to work after the baby comes?”

“What would you do with the baby?” Kate looked over at her in surprise.

“There are such things as babysitters. I met a woman at the grocery store who says she loves taking care of babies.”

“Oh.” Kate didn’t trust herself to say more. She couldn’t believe Evie was thinking about turning her baby over to some stranger in Louisville who wasn’t even family.

“You do think it’s awful. So does Mike.” Evie sighed. “But what’s wrong with a woman having a career? Tell me that.”

“Babies need their mommies. You’ll feel different once you have the baby and hold him.”

“Not him. Her.”

“How can you know that?” Kate looked at her with curiosity.

“I know I don’t know the first thing about little boys. Maybe I can figure out a baby girl, and a girl will be so much more fun to dress.” She dried the spoons and carefully stacked them in the utensil tray in the drawer.

Kate laughed. “You’ll have a boy and you’ll love him so much you won’t let any of us hold him. You’ll have a conniption fit when Tori tries to take him fishing the way she does Samantha, because you won’t trust anybody else to watch him as well as you do. You’ll nearly spoil him to death, but thank goodness, a little sister will come along before you completely ruin him.”

Evie rolled her eyes at Kate. “You are out of your mind. It’s going to be awhile before I try this again. You’ll change your tune about how wonderful it is when you start looking like you swallowed a watermelon seed.” Evie made a face. “That’s what crazy old Graham told me the last time I came home.”

Kate smiled as she washed the knives. “That’s a seed I want to swallow.”

She hadn’t told Evie about her suspicions of maybe already having that seed growing inside her. She wanted to be sure.

And now as she leaned against her porch post, she looked to the west, toward Louisville. Her child and Evie’s child would grow up together. Playing here in Rosey Corner. Exploring Lindell Woods together. Letting Aunt Tori bait their hooks. Perhaps fussing like sisters. Maybe being terrified of Fern appearing out of the gloaming the way Kate and her sisters were as kids.

In fact, at that very moment she spotted Fern across the field behind the house. On her way to the woods. The woman had to wander, perhaps searching for her more. Could it be that every person always wanted more the way Evie said she and Kate did? Even Tori, in spite of Evie saying all she wanted to be was a wife and mother. That could be her more right now. She needed more to happen to be a wife again.

Kate stared out at the field. Fern climbed over the fence and disappeared into the trees. Fern needed her solitude. Tori seemed to need that solitude now too. She slipped off to Graham’s pond every time the sun warmed the day the slightest bit. While Kate hated to think about it, she had to wonder if Tori wanted to shut out the world the way Fern did.

Clay Weber was in love with Tori. The man’s longing for Tori was almost palpable, but she would barely give him the time of day. Samantha loved him and ran to him with her arms stretched up every time she saw him. That seemed to make Tori want to push him out of her path even more. He was a good man. A perfect solution to Tori’s need for more, but love couldn’t be orchestrated. Kate sighed.

Evie was right about her. She did want to fix the world and make everybody happy. Especially her sisters. She wanted Evie to embrace becoming a mother. She would. Already Kate could see a different look on Evie’s face when the baby moved inside her. Kate was so ready to feel that quickening of life. A smile slid across her face. That would be worth tossing a few breakfasts.

Since she was thinking on fixing the world, what else could she want? Tori to fall in love again. Not to forget Sammy, but to open her heart to new love. Then there was Lorena. Her little sister was growing up. Soon she might have her own heartaches. Perhaps she already did. Kate remembered the snow family they made at Christmas. Lorena was right. No matter how much she loved her family now, she couldn’t block out her first family.

Lorena treasured the memory of her mother’s love and her promise to someday come back for her. That was why she said her name every night. My name is Lorena Birdsong. Her name was her connection to the mother whose memory was fading in Lorena’s mind.

Kate leaned her head against the porch post. She’d been glad when the snow family melted away after Christmas. Lorena’s eyes were too sad when she looked at the shrinking mounds of snow.

Right now, Lorena would be at school in Edgeville. Fourteen. Beautiful without trying. With a natural voice that got stronger the more she sang. A church in Edgeville had asked Lorena to sing at their services a few Sundays ago. Kate and Jay had taken her.

Lorena sang all the time at their church, but seeing how her voice reached out and grabbed the attention of a congregation that wasn’t all family and friends opened Kate’s eyes to the passion Lorena had for singing.

Jay had felt it too. On the drive back to Rosey Corner, he said, “Wow, Birdie. Someday I’ll get to say ‘I knew her when.’”

“When what?” Birdie said, although it was obvious she knew what he meant.

“When you were just a curly headed little kid who sang at her sister’s wedding.”

“I didn’t sing at your wedding,” Lorena said.

“But you did at Evie’s. You and Kate both. Remember? That sweetheart song.” Jay reached over to squeeze Kate’s hand. “Made me want to have a sweetheart.”

Lorena burst out singing right there in the car. Then they were all singing, even Jay, though he was a little off pitch. That made Lorena laugh and lean her head on Kate’s shoulder. She was happy with them. She was. And she’d be ecstatic when Kate told her about the baby.

First Kate had to tell Jay. Tonight. She’d make a pie to celebrate her news. It didn’t matter that the very thought of pie made her queasy again. Jay would like the pie. She wanted him to be happy too. She wanted him to be as happy about the baby as she was. He would be. Of course, he would be.

But when she opened the refrigerator to see if she had enough milk for the pie, her stomach flipped and she had to run back out on the porch. Some things were better about being in the family way than others.