“I’M VERY disappointed in the reports I’ve been getting lately.”
Jack scrambled to his feet as his guardian swept into the dining room. When the man didn’t wave him back into his seat, he clasped his hands behind his back and hung his head, dreading the rest of the lecture, even though it wasn’t unexpected. His recent performance had been sloppy, to say the least.
“This is not the way to show you have the necessary maturity to handle change. I’m beginning to wonder whether endorsing your friendship with Leo McCormack was the right move.”
Jack’s head jerked up, his eyes widening in shock. Of course his guardian would think his relationship with Leo was to blame for his recent failings. Nobody knew the real reason.
“I want to see an improvement in your behavior and your training outcomes. Otherwise I’ll be forced to rethink the whole situation.”
“Sir,” Jack said, the word barely scraping past his tight throat.
“Sit down, Jack,” Sean said mildly. “You and I are going to discuss this further after dinner.”
Jack sat down heavily and tried to get his pounding heart under control. The last thing he needed right now was to have his relationship with Leo forcibly terminated. Leo was the only person in the world Jack had shared his identity with, the person to whom he entrusted his secrets and his heart.
He jumped when one of the Center’s staff dropped a plate on the table in front of him. As always, he thanked her profusely; as always, she ignored him completely. Jack knew all the serving staff who rotated through the dining room each evening, though none of them ever acknowledged him outside of silently whisking his food in and out. He didn’t take it personally; like all the staff at the Center, they acted as though he didn’t exist.
“How is your wrist healing?”
Jack glanced curiously into Evan’s face. Since they’d had this conversation barely an hour ago, he thought it a safe bet that Evan was subtly reminding both Sean and his guardian that he had recently been injured in the line of duty and deserved a little slack.
“Fine, thank you, sir,” he said, grateful for the diversion.
“Are you ready to think about your next assignment?” his guardian asked, sounding more conciliatory.
“Yes, sir,” Jack replied quickly. He wasn’t surprised his next mission was already being planned; the Center didn’t exactly coddle him.
“I want you to talk to Dr. Clarke first,” Sean said. “Her insights into your last operation will be useful.”
Jack tried not to let consternation register on his face. Dr. Clarke was the Center’s psychiatrist, a woman adept at chipping away the defenses most operatives constructed around their true feelings. Jack wasn’t sure how he’d be able to hide everything he’d recently learned from her thorough, probing questions.
“Have you heard from Leo?” his guardian asked.
“No, sir,” Jack replied. “I don’t expect to.”
“You know it isn’t his choice,” Sean said. “It’s standard field procedure.”
“I understand that, sir.”
Leo had been gone for almost three weeks on an assignment with Martin, his foster father. He and Jack had only spent two weeks together before Leo deployed, unable to tell Jack anything about the mission, from where he was going to what he was meant to achieve to how long the operation would last. Although it was hard to lose Leo so soon after they had reconnected with each other, Jack had always known this would be their life.
“I think you and I need to talk that through as well,” Sean said. “My office after dinner. Don’t plan on any free time tonight.” Jack suppressed a groan when Sean added, “Or any night for the next couple of weeks. You have quite a list of transgressions to account for.”
“SIT.”
Sean pointed to the seat in front of the desk in his office, and Jack sat down, ducking his head when Sean perched on the edge of his desk with his arms folded across his chest.
“Tell me what’s going on with you. Is it Leo?” Sean asked.
“No!” Jack’s head shot up, and he locked eyes with Sean. “We’re totally fine.”
That much, at least, was true. He and Leo had found their way back to each other after weeks of discord and finally cemented their relationship. Although it had been hard for Jack, given the many challenges they faced, he finally allowed himself to put his trust wholeheartedly in Leo McCormack.
“You’re sure it wasn’t too soon to make that kind of commitment?”
“I’m sure,” Jack said emphatically. If anything, Leo had saved Jack’s sanity in recent weeks, offering a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen to all his confused ramblings. “It isn’t Leo. That couldn’t be better.”
“You’re positive you understood what you were getting into?” Sean continued, almost as though Jack hadn’t spoken. “You knew you’d both have to work separate assignments. You knew he couldn’t tell you what he was doing. That you won’t be able to tell him about your operations?”
“I know that, Sean,” Jack said, letting his exasperation finally show. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t been endlessly lectured by his handlers before being allowed to commit to the relationship. They had all put in their two cents’ worth, whether he’d wanted to hear it or not. Even Martin had taken him aside and solemnly listed all the ways things would never be “normal” between himself and Leo, as though anything at the Center could be called normal.
“I told you, it isn’t Leo.”
Jack knew he’d have to give Sean something. Otherwise he’d continue to push until he found out what was really bothering Jack, and he wasn’t prepared to discuss his real identity with Sean until he knew more himself. He ducked his head again and said, “The last assignment shook me up a little.”
It wasn’t a total lie; the last mission had been brutal. It was a succession of deceits and betrayals from everybody concerned. And he had been no exception, Jack thought ruefully. He’d lied right alongside everybody else.
Sean stood up and moved around his desk, then dropped onto his chair and started typing on his computer keyboard. “I’m setting up an interview with Dr. Clarke tomorrow. Talk it through with her. You’ll feel a lot better.”
Jack nodded, even though it was pretty much the last thing he wanted to do. Sean would eventually get to hear everything Jack discussed; in fact, he would probably be listening in as Jack supposedly bared his soul. Though he knew it was the way the Center worked, it still irritated him.
“Now,” Sean said, sitting back. “Let’s address your abysmal performance over the past few days.”
JACK DRAGGED himself tiredly toward his suite, his head throbbing after three solid hours spent reviewing and revising the training module he had so spectacularly bungled. He was grateful Sean had only given him a few days on restriction as punishment for his screwups. Two weeks ago, when Jack racked up three demerits in a single morning, Sean had put him on lockdown for four nights.
He’d accompanied Jack to the small, cell-like room that was stripped of everything but the most basic necessities and stood in the doorway as Jack stepped reluctantly across the threshold.
“Maybe a few nights of quiet reflection will do you some good,” Sean said.
Jack turned and shrugged, his heart sinking when the steel door clanged shut and he was left alone. Apart from a bed and a chair, there was nothing in the room to distract him, and he spent the next four nights in solitary confinement, turning over everything Agent Baxter had told him until he’d examined it from every angle. Not that it helped; he was still at a loss at the end of it all.
When he’d been allowed back to his own suite, he had been tempted to use his computer to search for information on his father. But he resisted the urge, knowing everything he did online would be tracked by the Center. He had really missed having Leo around then, missed having somebody he could talk to, somebody who was on his side no matter what.
Jack keyed in his code and walked into his room. Though they’d only had a few weeks together, he had quickly gotten used to Leo being around, and his suite now felt empty and lonely. He threw himself onto his couch and ran his thumb along the ridged edge of a leather wristband Leo had given him just before they made the decision to try to work things out.
It was strangely comforting, and Jack was able to conjure up the look on Leo’s face when he tied the band around Jack’s wrist. His expression had been sweetly sincere, and everything he had done since that night showed a softer side Jack hadn’t really known before.
It was easier than Jack imagined to make a place for Leo in his life. They had their separate schedules. Leo often disappeared during the day to work through his own training program, but they had also been able to spend more time together, especially at the end of the day when all the lessons and instruction were over.
Jack found himself smiling as memories surfaced: the easy way Leo had of making himself at home, even though he hated living at the Center; his ready smile and rich laugh; his willingness to listen whenever Jack wanted to talk. It never failed to send a thrill through Jack every time he made his way back to his suite, knowing Leo would be waiting for him, ready for whatever Jack needed from him.
Jack had quickly become used to having him around, so it was a shock when Leo told him he was being deployed. Jack hadn’t even realized Leo was prepping for an assignment until the day before he left.
“You knew this was likely to happen,” Leo pointed out reasonably.
“Not sure I knew it would happen quite so soon,” Jack replied, trying to hide his disappointment.
Leo shrugged ruefully. “This is who we are, Jack. That’s not going to change.”
Jack stretched and climbed to his feet. His empty bedroom felt more desolate than the correctional unit, and Jack didn’t know whether it was heartening or depressing to see the evidence of Leo all around. His watch was on the bedside table, a shirt was draped over the back of a chair, and an abandoned sneaker was tossed carelessly into the corner. The bathroom was no better, with a toothbrush sitting next to Jack’s own and a razor balancing on the edge of the soap dish.
He decided not to examine his actions too closely when he found himself unscrewing the top of Leo’s shampoo bottle and inhaling the crisp scent of apple. It kicked up Jack’s memories another notch and made the corners of his mouth twitch into a smile.
When at last he fell into bed, Jack buried his face against his pillow and breathed in the faint lingering smell of Leo’s citrus soap. He’d managed to get through another day without any major catastrophes. It was surely only a matter of time before Leo was back at his side.