As the days and seasons pass, I grow. Years go by for my parents, too. Teach me the secret of our bond. Give me, my God, a happy heart that is attentive and full of love. There is something good in this continuing chain: our family’s daily life together.
This commandment, like the one before it, is expressed in a positive way. But the fourth commandment is different from all the rest, because it is followed by a promise. The book of Exodus says, “Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Ex 20:12).
God promises us goodness and happiness. The honor we give to our parents will return to us in some way.
This commandment does not speak so much about the obedience we owe to our parents, but about something even more important.
God invites us to love our parents, to pay attention to them, and to show them respect through our words and actions.
But above all, he asks us not to forget them when they need us! When parents age, get sick, or experience particular need, their children must be there for them and not let their caring presence be absent.
There is no substitute for a child’s affection and love.
The fourth commandment speaks of helping our parents with the material things they need. It also encourages us to treat our parents and everyone who has rightful authority over us with a deep respect that comes from the heart. But what exactly does it mean to honor them?
To better understand, we can take a closer look at the verb “to honor.” In Hebrew, this word is tied to the idea of giving weight to something, or treating it as something important.
Our parents—with their words, counsel, needs, and desires—ought to “carry weight” in our lives; they ought to count. We should not treat them lightly. The commandment teaches us to consider them with respect and “give proper weight” to them.
In one Gospel passage, Jesus strongly criticizes those who give excuses for not taking care of their parents in a dignified way. Jesus, however, also calls us to live freely in the community of those who believe in him. In this “new” family of God, we become related to each other and to Jesus through the Holy Spirit. In fact, Jesus once said, “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it” (Lk 8:21).
This is not about loving one’s own family less, but about opening our hearts to new ties and sharing with our neighbors. Jesus invites us not to close ourselves off from others, not to only consider our own family relationships, but to recognize that all the world’s people are children of the same Father.
Still, there are no perfect parents. Some struggle with serious problems or sins. Others are—or choose to be—absent from their children’s lives. Some parents cannot or do not adequately care for their children. And, sadly, there are parents who behave in ways that hurt the children God has entrusted to their care. What then?
Even if a mother or father acts in a dishonorable way, God asks us to honor them as much as we can from a safe place. We do that by trying to forgive them, by praying for them, and by becoming all that God created us to be.
A beautiful saying shows us the path to understanding our connection to our parents.
“Parents give two things to their children—roots and wings. The greatness and vigor of the wings depend on the depth and robustness of the roots.”
Popular Proverb
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Do you express gratitude to your parents? |
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Write down at least three ways you could do so from the heart. |
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How is your relationship with your parents? |
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What are some of the things you like most about your parents? |
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When things in your family don’t run smoothly what can you do to help the situation? |
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Do you know how to forgive your parents? |
Guarding the stories and traditions of your family is a way of honoring your parents. Ask them something about the past, talk together, and fill in the family tree below.
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