BISHOP WELLDON, DEAN of Durham, in a letter to ‘The Times,’ censures the ‘vulgar profanity’ of the language used by the Labour Party in the House of Commons, and inquires whether there is ‘no adequate means of preventing or punishing it.’
MY brethren, nothing on earth is finer
Than a truly refined inarticulate miner
(Or may we say ‘under the earth,’ for there
Is a miner’s place, not up in the air?);
But he must be refined, he must be meek,
Expert at his job, yet unable to speak,
He must not complain or use swear words or spit;
Much is expected of men in the pit.
It is different for me. I have earned the right,
Through position and birth to be impolite.
I have always been used to the best of things,
I was nourished at Eton and crowned at King’s,
I pushed to the front in religion and play,
I shoved all competitors out of the Way;
I ruled at Harrow, I went to Calcutta,
I buttered my bread and jammed my butter,
And returned as a bishop, enormous of port,
Who stood in a pulpit and said what he thought.
Yes, I said what I thought and thought what I said,
They hadn’t got butter, they hadn’t got bread,
They hadn’t got jam or tobacco or tea,
They hadn’t a friend, but they always had me.
And I’m different to them. I needn’t be meek,
Because I have learned the proper technique;
Because I’m a scholar, a don, and a dean,
It’s all in good taste when I’m vulgar or mean.
I can bully or patronize, just which I please;
I am different to them.... But those Labour M.P.’s,
How dare they be rude? They ought to have waited
Until they were properly educated.
They must be punished, they’ve got to be stopped,
Parliamentary privilege ought to be dropped.
They shall be scourged and buried alive If they trespass on My prerogative.
May I most clearly state, ere I lay down my pen,
That rudeness is only for gentlemen? —
As it was in the beginning, it shall be... Amen!
[1923]