NICE Mr. Grey and Mr. Brown
Have recently arrived from town,
I heir country’s interests to promote.
I wonder how I ought to vote?
Each is so pleasant and so rich
I scarce remember which is which.
Each has a wife and a cigar,
Two daughters and a motor-car.
Each wears a watch-chain, and of course
Each has a Military Cross,
Won, during the Allies’ advance,
Somewhere behind the lines in France.
And shares in steel and poison-gas,
And oil, and coal, so that — alas!—”
I scarce distinguish what they say,
Nice Mr. Brown and Mr. Grey.
‘Our difference’ (they say to me)
‘Lies in our fiscal policy.’
Mr. Brown’s a Conservative,
And certain products that arrive
From certain countries, he would tax —
I think he mentioned sealing-wax —
While Mr. Grey’s a Liberal,
And wouldn’t tax such things at all.
Each of them wears a fur great-coat:
I wonder how I ought to vote?
For if to either I impart
The word that’s graven on my heart,
Nineteen-fourteen, they smile and say
We do not want a war to-day, We don’t want war as yet; our aim
Is (save for sealing-wax) the same.
We’re merely wanting to get in,
And then — why then we can begin.’
And behind Mr. Brown there stands,
With glittering prizes in his hands,
And jolly words about the dead,
The Lord High Galloper Birkenhead.
And behind Mr. Grey I see
Great Churchill of Gallipoli, Who did immortal glory win
Through Kolchak and through Denikin.
Saved Antwerp, pacified the Turk,
And now is needing further work.
And thus, whichever way I vote, I get into the same old boat,
And Mr. Brown and Mr. Grey Are rowing it the same old way —
The way of blood and fire and tears
And pestilence and profiteers —
The way that all mankind has been
Since nineteen hundred and fourteen.
Nice Mr. Grey! Nice Mr. Brown,
Why trouble to come down from town?
[1923]