Dante stuffed Leilah into the passenger seat and headed Mari off on the pavement. He gestured with his hands and stopped Mari peeking around him at the stricken woman. Whatever he said seemed to work because she shuffled away without looking back and Dante got into the driver’s seat. He watched Leilah’s agony, seeing how she tipped backwards and forwards in physical and emotional pain before starting the ropey engine and moving into the traffic.
Leilah didn’t settle until the township sign moved past, wishing them a safe journey wherever they were bound. Dante reached across and put his hand over her writhing fingers. “Stop now,” he commanded, authority in his voice. He drove to a layby off the beaten track and got out, holding his hand to Leilah to guide her out of the truck. When she saw the gentle incline up to the river bank she panicked and scrabbled at the door handle, desperate to escape. But Dante seized her shoulders and guided her forward.
“No, not here!” she begged.
“I can’t take you anywhere public,” he replied, his voice gentle. “You look like a panda bear. I thought you could wash your face in the stream and sit for a while until you’re calmer. Then you can tell me what the bloody hell happened.”
Muscular arms lifted Leilah under her knees and he climbed the post and rail fence with her clinging around his neck. She inhaled his familiar scent and nestled her face under Dante’s chin. His strength provided a calming effect, just like always. She remembered their first kiss; tender, soft and loving; ruined by the mess which came afterwards. Leilah groaned and turned her head, suffocating in his chest with deliberate intent, figuring she’d be better off dead and so would the rest of the world.
“Stop being a drama queen.” Dante snorted and laid her prone body on the soft grass. He slumped next to her and cuddled her close, his bicep acting as a hard pillow. The bubbling river soothed them both with its excited delight with life, crashing and splashing over jutting rocks and sharp shale. “You told her the truth.” Dante stated the obvious, not needing to ask unnecessary questions. “And she didn’t take it well?”
“She took it fine,” Leilah muttered into his chest.
“Of course she did.” Dante sniffed. “That’s why you were hysterical and she chased you down the street.”
“She didn’t chase me.” Leilah wiped her nose on his shirt and heard the laughter in his voice.
“I love you, Deleilah Dereham. Why won’t you let me take care of you?”
“Nobody can take care of me.” Her voice sounded loaded with meaning and Dante pulled her closer.
“Idiot!” He settled his cheek on the top of her head and closed his eyes, drinking in the calm of their surroundings and allowing his muscles to relax. Leilah caught his mood as he knew she would and let her bunched limbs stretch. When she wrapped an arm around Dante’s waist he sighed and she felt his lips move into a smile against her head.
“Hector was a good man, Leilah.” His words came out of nowhere and she tensed, lulled into a false sense of security by the familiar surroundings. So many memories clamored in her brain for recognition and she battled them, sorting them out one by one into good and bad. Dante’s words jarred them back into a mess and she huffed an exasperated breath.
“Don’t ruin it,” she said, her tone testy and demanding.
“Well, he was! We were a right motley crew and they parented us, Hector and Horse. They’re responsible for raising all four of us, really. Tane’s dad was always too busy and mine was a waste of space.” Dante snorted and Leilah cuddled closer, feeling his agony.
“It wasn’t his choice! How could it be? You’re blaming your father for things he couldn’t change.”
“Can you imagine what an outsider I felt back then? Nobody else’s father lived openly as a homosexual.”
“Your dad’s sweet,” Leilah mused. “He’s a kind, gentle man and you never needed to doubt his love.”
Dante shook his head, latent anger still boiling at his core. “Everyone treated it like an infection, Lei. Yeah, Dad’s Swedish but the ‘F’ in the Three Effs didn’t stand for foreigner. It was ‘fag’ but you were all too nice to say it.”
Leilah sat up, her blue eyes filled with sadness. “We never said it because it didn’t cross our minds!” She grabbed Dante around the neck and mushed his face into her chest in a rush of maternalism. “We loved you for yourself! Nothing else mattered. And for what it’s worth; I like your dad heaps!”
Dante snuffed against her shirt, his tone heavy. “You’re right. He’s been a great dad and now he’s dying. I don’t know what to say to him or how to help. I want to tell him it’s ok and that I don’t resent my upbringing but I can’t. It’s not fair to lie to him now it matters so much to tell the truth.”
“Then don’t.” Leilah kissed the top of the blonde head and rocked her friend back and forth. “You’re already showing him how much you love him by being here so often. Keep doing that and the rest will sort itself out. I wish I’d got the chance to make things right with Hector. You’re lucky in that way. You’ll part as friends.”
They walked by the river, hands interlocked and their troubles sitting on the bank behind them, waiting. Dante picked up rocks and threw them one-handed, his hair glinting with sun-kissed highlights. Leilah stroked his strong, tanned fingers and wished she could go back in time; knowing if she did, it would remove too much that was good in her life along with the bad. They sat amongst the daisies and buttercups and Leilah weaved the upturned faces into a necklace which she strung around Dante’s neck, kissing his forehead as she tied the final knot.
“Promise you’ll always think well of me?” Dante begged as they lay in the sunshine like a pair of railway tracks.
Leilah turned onto her side to face him. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing, just promise me.”
“Has something gone wrong?” Leilah nudged his shoulder with her hand and he caught it and brought the tips of her fingers to his lips.
“Yes.” His reply seemed to crack open the pleasantness of the afternoon and restore the ugly foreboding to its rightful place above Leilah’s head.
“Can I help?” she asked and he shook his head.
“No. I got too far into something and now I’ll have to let it run its course. But promise you’ll think well of me, no matter what.”
“I promise.” Leilah dipped her head and kissed his lips, knowing further questioning was futile with the banker. He wouldn’t tell her and the weight of their secrets sullied the good memories of the riverbank. Leilah pulled away before Dante could make anything more of the kiss and sat up, watching the bees dot from daisy to buttercup and back again, collecting pollen from the bed in which she conceived Seline two decades earlier. Leilah felt embarrassed by the ache between her thighs which the thought activated. It induced the memory of those other times and she pushed it away. She wished she could have warned herself that she’d never experience such innocence again; those powerful and overwhelming sensations only available when two people loved each other that much, exploring their bodies like the contours of a sacred map. She bit her lip and thought of Tane’s knowledge, afraid of his reasons for not demanding answers sooner.
Leilah washed her face in the clear water and let her agonies bubble away. She squatted on the bank and watched flecks sparkle in the river bed. “Do you remember how we used to pan for gold?” she asked Dante and he nodded. “Tane always found some, but I never did.”
“Vaughan was pretty lucky, as I remember. He always found a small nugget which he proceeded to lose on the walk home.” He shielded his eyes with his hand. “What if the mine could be reopened? It would regenerate the town.”
Leilah shook her head. “It would wreck it. The mine wasn’t profitable when they worked it in the late 1800s. The owners made a whole big mess of the mountain and went bankrupt.”
“Did you know Vaughan had money problems?”
“Yeah. He didn’t tell me though.” Leilah squatted by the river looking pensive.
“If the mine could be extended onto his property, it might solve his troubles.”
Leilah shook her head. “I doubt it. Hector said the mine was the biggest disappointment the town had ever seen. His grandfather tied up everything he brought with him from England and almost lost the lot. There was one seam of gold and they got that out early on. The rest was pipe dreams and ruined lives.”
Dante shrugged and nudged her with his foot. “Come back and cuddle me.”
Leilah lay down and snuggled into his chest, the sun warm on her back. She closed her eyes and dozed as the afternoon wiled away.
“I should take Vaughan’s ute back.” She let out a sigh of resignation and Dante stroked the small of her back.
“Will you go to Auckland?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” Leilah thought of her hopes for Hector’s house and the deal felt like sawdust in her mouth. “Act in haste; repent at leisure.”
“What?” Dante drew circles on her back.
“Just something Dad used to say.” Leilah sighed and watched a cloud scud across the azure New Zealand sky. The cicadas trilled in the high trees like a chorus of white noise, enjoying their last hurrah before summer gave way to autumn.
Dante sighed and hauled himself to his feet, pulling Leilah up by her hands. He caught her around the waist and bent his lips to hers, nibbling her neck with desire sparking in his long-lashed eyes. “Don’t forget what I said,” he whispered and Leilah nodded.
“I promise.”