Chapter 20

Ten Things Never to Say in Russian

In This Chapter

Avoiding embarrassment when addressing and greeting people

Taking care with certain words and phrases

Every culture has its do’s and don’ts. Sometimes, knowing what not to do is even more important than knowing what to do if you want to fit in or at least make a good impression. Read on to find out about ten things you should never say in Russian.

Use the Right Form of “You”

If you’ve read Chapter 4, you know that you have to be extremely careful about using the familiar form of address ты (ti) (you). To be on the safe side, use the formal вы (vi) (you) with anybody who is, say, older than 14 years old. You can let someone know to use ты with you by saying

Можно на ты. (mohzh-nah nuh ti.) (You can use ты with me.)

The same phrase used with an interrogative intonation is

Можно на ты? (mohzh-nah nuh ti?) (Can I address you with ты?)

You can use it to ask whether you can use ты in addressing somebody.

The ты/вы threshold is extremely important in Russian speech ethics. It even has a somewhat symbolic meaning signifying the beginning of a new friendship. So don’t be surprised if in the middle of the conversation in which you and your conversational partner have been using вы, he or she suddenly interrupts it by saying

Давайте на ты! (duh-vahy-tee nuh ti!) (Let’s switch to ты!)

You should interpret this suggestion as “Let’s become pals.” Heaven forbid you should say “no”! That would put an end to your friendly relationship. Say Давайте! (duh-vahy-tee!) (Let’s do it!, used with вы) or even Давай! (duh-vahy!) (Let’s do it!, used with ты) to indicate that you are more than happy to abandon this formality.

A curious tradition is associated with the phrase Давай на ты! (duh-vahy nuh ti!) (Let’s switch to ты!). It’s called drinking Brudershaft. If you happen to know German, you may recognize the word Brudershaft, which means “brotherhood.” People follow this tradition quite often when, well, they drink (alcoholic beverages) together. Usually one of the two, already sufficiently inebriated, suggests:

Давай выпьем на брудершафт! (duh-vahy vi-p’eem nuh brooh-dehr-shahft!) (Let’s drink for Brudershaft!)

This means that you’re invited to pour drinks (again!), and link arms while drinking them to the bottom, after which you have to kiss two times. From that point on, you and your co-drinker can use ты when addressing each other. Oh, those Russians!

Don’t Rush to Say “Hi!”

The Russian word for the informal English greeting Hi is Привет (pree-vyeht). Yes, we have to admit it is much shorter and easier to pronounce than the bulky, almost endless words Здравствуйте (zdrah-stvoohy-tee) (Hello, used with the formal you, вы) or Здравствуй (zdrah-stvoohy; Hello used with ты). But please do not rush to use it, especially in a formal situation or with people you do not know very well or people who are considerably older than yourself. It is inconceivable, for example, for a university student to use Привет! when greeting a professor. Likewise, professors can’t use it with their students: Any official situation prohibits using it, unlike the widely used English Hi.

Don’t Switch to First Names Prematurely

Russian full names consist of three distinct parts: a first name, a patronymic, and a last name. A patronymic is the name of a person’s father — slightly transformed — and it’s different for men and women. For example, if a woman’s name is Ирина (ee-ree-nuh) (Irene) and her father’s name is Иван (ee-vahn) (Ivan), her full name is Ирина Ивановна (ee-ree-nuh ee-vah-nahv-nuh). If her brother’s name is Алексей (uh-leek-syehy) (Alexi), his full name is Алексей Иванович (uh-leek-syehy ee-vah-nah-veech).

If Алексей Иванович happens to be your co-worker, business partner, or just an acquaintance, don’t address him with just Алексей unless he encourages you to start doing so. He’ll say something like

Зовите меня просто Алексей. (zah-vee-tee mee-nyah prohs-tah uh-leek-syehy.) (Call me just Alexi.)

Flip to Chapter 4 for more details about using Russian names.

Use “How Are You?” with Caution

Russians do say Как дела? (kahk dee-lah?) (How are you?), but the truth is they don’t use it as often as Americans. And this is why: Americans use “How are you?” mostly as a formulaic greeting. Not so in Russian. In Russian, when people ask how you are, they indeed want to know, and they expect a sincere account of how things are going for you. When they hear the question, they believe that the same sort of account is expected from them. So, reserve the question for situations in which you are indeed prepared to spend a while listening to what is happening in your Russian friend’s life. (See Chapter 4 for more about this greeting.)

When Russians ask Как дела?, they’re in fact using an abbreviated version of the phrase Как у вас дела? (Kahk ooh vahs dee-lah?) (How are things with you?) To politely respond to this question with your own question, you need to use the same grammatical structure. The proper way to answer is with А у вас? (uh ooh vahs?) (Literally: And with you?) rather than А вы? (uh vi) (Literally: And you?).

Respond to “How Are You?” in a Culturally Appropriate Manner

When responding to “How are you?” Americans tend to say things like “great,” “fantastic,” or “pretty good,” even when it’s not exactly true. Unlike optimistic Americans, though, Russians see life as an endless flow of misfortunes and problems. Russians tend to be considerably more reserved or honest, if you will, and usually say Ничего (nee-chee-voh) (So-so). Overusing очень хорошо (oh-cheen’ khah-rah-shoh) (very good) or прекрасно (pree-krahs-nah) (excellent) may be misunderstood and even make Russians suspicious or jealous, causing them to wonder, “Why is this guy always happy?”

Choose the Right Form of “Happy”

The Russian word for happy is счастлив (schahst-leef) or счастлива (schahst-lee-vuh), and these words indicate feelings equal to exaltation. In Russian mentality, the sentiment is appropriate only for life events such as weddings, falling in love, the birth of a child, and so on. The more appropriate Russian word for happy to use in more mundane situations is рад/рада (rahd/rah-duh). For example, you can say

Я был/была рад/рада с вами познакомиться (ya bil/bi-lah rahd/rah-duh s vah-mee pah-znuh-koh-meet’-syeh) (I was happy to meet you).

Use the first set of words if you’re a man and the second set of words if you’re a woman.

Watch Out When You Talk about Studying

The verb to study has two Russian equivalents: изучать (ee-zooh-chaht’) and учиться (ooh-cheet’-syeh):

If the verb to study has a direct object, as in I study Russian, use the verb изучать: Я изучаю русский язык (ya ee-zooh-chah-yooh roohs-keey ee-zik).

If the verb to study is used in a construction describing where you study, use the verb учиться: Я учусь в университете. (ya ooh-choohs’ v ooh-nee-veer-see-tyeh-tee) (I study at the university).

Accent a Certain Verb Carefully

There are two verbs in Russian that have exactly the same spelling in their infinitive forms. The verb is писать. Stressing this verb on the second syllable (pee-saht’) means to write, but stressing it on the first syllable (pee-suht’) means something completely different: to urinate! So be careful!

Know the Difference between a Bathroom and a Restroom

A very common mistake made by beginning Russian speakers is to ask Где ванная? (Gdyeh vah-nuh-yeh?) (Where is the bathroom?) when looking for a restroom or toilet. The fact is that in many Russian homes, the bathroom and the restroom/toilet are located in two different places. The Russian philosophy of life claims that it’s not hygienic to wash up and, well, perform other bodily functions in the same room. So, we recommend that you use two different phrases to make perfectly clear what your intentions are:

Где можно помыть руки? (Gdyeh mohzh-nah pah-mit’ rooh-kee?) (Where can I wash my hands?)

Где туалет? (Gdyeh tooh-uh-lyeht?) (Where is the restroom?; Literally: Where is the toilet?)

Don’t Toast with the Wrong Phrase

People who don’t speak Russian usually think that they know one Russian phrase: a toast, На здоровье! Little do they know that На здоровье! (nuh zdah-rohv’-ee!) (For health!) is what Russians say when somebody thanks them for a meal. In Polish, indeed, На здоровье (or something close to it) is a traditional toast. Russians, on the other hand, like to make up something long and complex, such as За дружбу между народами! (zah droohzh-booh myehzh-dooh nuh-roh-duh-mee!) (To friendship between nations!)

If you want a simpler Russian toast, go with За вас! (zuh vahs!) (To you!)