On the eve of Erin’s final day in New Orleans, Gwen organised yet another family dinner. There was no cookout this time, but the amount of food was no less daunting. The women had been busy cooking up just about every southern dish they could think of: seafood jumbo, chicken jumbo, boudin and rice, jambalaya, étouffée, fried chicken, and more mashed potatoes and side dishes than she could poke a stick at. She was positive she gained five kilos just by inhaling the glorious smell of all this food.
The day before, her mother had suggested a walk by the bayou that backed onto her aunty’s house. It seemed like ages since she’d had her Mum to herself; with so many people around it was often impossible to sit and talk with just one person at a time.
‘You seem to be having a great time. Glad you came?’ Erin asked.
‘So glad. Darling, I wanted to apologise for that last visit we had. No,’ she held up her hand when Erin went to protest. ‘I need to. You were right, I had been too wrapped up in my own life. I should have realised you were in pain and I didn’t. That’s inexcusable for a mother, a healer and an activist. What use is helping everyone else if I can’t help my own daughter?’
‘Mum, it’s okay.’
‘No, it’s not.’
Erin looked at her mother, who stood gazing out over the water before them. ‘I haven’t exactly been the most understanding daughter in the world either. I guess I was jealous of everyone else who seemed to be dominating your time. But the truth is, I’m incredibly proud of who you are. I don’t know of any other person with the amount of passion you have for helping others. The risks you take with your animal projects, the amount of money you donate to make this world a better place . . . It’s amazing. You’re amazing,’ Erin said quietly.
She saw her mother’s lip wobble slightly before she turned and drew Erin into a tight hug. ‘I’m the one who’s proud. You are a beautiful, intelligent young woman and I couldn’t ask for a better daughter. Thank you for not giving up on me . . . or on this,’ she said, throwing her arm out to encompass her cousin’s property. ‘I don’t think I would ever have been brave enough to do this on my own.’
Erin dug into her pocket and withdrew two tissues, handing one to her mother. ‘I don’t know why but I seem to be doing this a lot lately, and I’ve learned to always be prepared,’ she laughed, waving the tissue in the air between them.
‘Would you be terribly upset if I didn’t return to Australia with you tomorrow?’
Erin looked at her mother in surprise. ‘You’re staying?’
Serenity nodded. ‘I thought I might. Eight days just hasn’t been long enough to catch up on a lifetime. But if you’d rather I came home with you, I’ll come back later.’
‘No,’ said Erin, smiling at her. ‘Stay. I’ll be fine. I love you, Mum,’ she said and hugged her fiercely. Goddamn these stupid tears, she thought helplessly as yet another flood started. They sat and watched life on the bayou drift past for a long while, enjoying the warm sunshine on their faces and the newfound peace between them.
Erin was getting used to the noise and crowd by now. As she sat in a deckchair beside Ronny and Tracey, an empty plate on her lap, she realised how much she was going to miss these people. She quickly wiped at the corner of her eye and took a deep breath.
‘I can’t believe you’re leaving tomorrow. You just got here,’ Tracey pouted sadly.
‘I know. It’s flown past. It’s been one hell of a roller-coaster ride,’ she added, sniffing slightly.
‘Here,’ Ronny said, handing her a tissue.
Erin shook her head. ‘I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I never cry and now that’s all I seem to do. It’s crazy. I cried this morning because my hair straightener wouldn’t fit into your power point! How insane is that?’
‘Would a glass of wine help?’ Ronny asked, holding up a bottle.
Erin shook her head and frowned as she realised this was the third time in last few days she’d turned down wine. She loved wine. She hadn’t felt like it at all. Or coffee for that matter. Her frown deepened. What was happening to her? She couldn’t usually function without caffeine. Maybe she was coming down with something.
‘Uh-huh,’ Ronny said in a long drawl.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Erin asked.
‘Nothing,’ she said, looking across at Tracey. She saw the two women raise an eyebrow as if in silent agreement.
‘What?’ Erin demanded.
‘Honey, it’s completely normal,’ Tracey said, patting her arm comfortingly.
‘Normal? For what?’
‘Being pregnant,’ Ronny said simply.
‘What?’
‘You’ve been showing all the symptoms,’ Tracey added frankly.
Erin stared at the two women blankly. Clearly they’d both lost their minds.
Ronny sighed. ‘You’re an emotional train wreck. You’re tired. You’re boobs are huge,’ she said, pointedly looking at Erin’s T-shirt, which stretched tightly across her chest. ‘And you don’t feel like alcohol,’ she added.
‘Well, I do now,’ Erin muttered.
‘You seriously didn’t suspect?’ asked Tracey.
‘No. It’s not possible. I can’t get pregnant,’ she said, and realised her tone was a mixture of disbelief and panic.
‘Well, there’s one way to find out for sure,’ Ronny said, getting to her feet.
Oh, my God, Erin thought. They were about to perform some ancient Cajun voodoo magic on her. ‘It doesn’t involve chicken blood, does it?’ she asked, only half joking.
‘I was thinking a home pregnancy test would be easier,’ her cousin said drolly.
‘You’ve got it all wrong. There’s no way I can get pregnant.’
‘The doctors didn’t take everything out, did they?’ Ronny reminded her.
‘No, but I tried it all. IVF, diet, naturopathy, acupuncture,’ she ticked them off. ‘I could never fall pregnant.’
‘Maybe it was stress? Sounds like that was an awful lot of pressure you were putting yourself under,’ Tracey suggested.
Could it be as simple as that? That all she’d needed to do was give up and accept she could never fall pregnant? It sounded like a sick kind of joke to her.
‘You’ve had sex recently, I take it?’ Tracey went on, folding her arms across her chest stubbornly. ‘Then take it from me, it’s possible. This is from one who can get pregnant just by just thinking about sex. I’m telling you—you’re knocked up, girl.’
Erin was too shocked to bother protesting when Ronny held out a hand to pull her to her feet. She barely noticed when they made the excuse of heading out to help Erin finish packing. She just sat in the passenger seat, staring blindly out the window as they drove through the dark, quiet streets.
Back in her motel room, Erin stared blankly at the little stick in her hand.
Life as she’d known it had suddenly ceased to exist.
Erin spent a long time on the flight home looking through the photos she had taken during her trip. She’d fallen a little bit in love with Louisiana and knew she’d go back again some day. It was in her blood. She smiled when she realised that sounded a lot like something Gwen would say then sobered as she thought about the bombshell she’d been hit with before leaving Louisiana.
She was pregnant. A bubble of excitement made her place a hand against her stomach protectively. What am I going to do once I return to Tuendoc? The thought dimmed some of her earlier happiness. She wouldn’t be able to put off facing Jamie for much longer. Although maybe he wouldn’t want anything to do with her anyway.
He’d said himself that he wasn’t ready to settle down. That it hadn’t been love. How was she supposed to show up on his doorstep and make the big announcement that she was pregnant with his child? He had a life he’d been leading quite contentedly before she barged her way back into it. Maybe if she’d just been able to put aside her trust issues, she could have given a future with him a chance. Now it was probably too late. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly at the thought. Had she thrown away happiness by wasting the chance on fear? She couldn’t help but think of Jimmy and Evelyn and what they would have given for another shot at life together.
The thought made her sad.
The drone of the plane eventually lulled her into a light sleep. There wasn’t much point worrying about it now, she couldn’t do anything from up here. She’d just have to wait until she got home and see what happened.