I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED at first. I heard some shouting coming from outside the circle of firelight. Then I thought I heard another voice, a girl’s voice, not quite yelling, but on edge somehow. That’s when I saw Maia standing in the shadows, surrounded by a group of people, including helmet head Neil. She was standing too still, like she was rooted to the ground. Her eyes were looking at Neil, but in this far-off way, like she wasn’t really seeing.
I was on my feet before I knew what I was doing.
As I approached Maia and Neil, I got the sensation that I wasn’t so much walking of my own volition as I was being pulled into their orbit. I fell into formation with the others, as more and more people took notice. It didn’t take long for me to catch up on what had transpired: Maia had been hiding in the tree, spying and taking pictures. Some of the boys were laughing at her; some of the girls were calling her names. Neil was leaning into her, way too close, saying something, threatening her, maybe—I couldn’t make it out.
My heart was starting to beat faster, the way it did before a race, my body preparing for something. He was grabbing at her, pulling at the camera around her neck, jerking her back and forth, until he got the strap loose from her hands and pulled it over her head, sending her hair whipping across her face.
This is bad, that old voice whispered in my ear. Run.
Neil was holding her camera like he was daring her to try to come get it. When Maia lunged, Neil grabbed her wrist to keep her away.
Run, I wanted to shout at her.
But before I knew it, I had snatched the camera out of Neil’s hand.
Somehow, I had stepped between the two of them. Everyone stopped their chattering. All eyes were on us, the whole world telescoping in, then expanding back quickly.
“Give that to me,” Neil said, breathless.
“Just take it easy, all right?” I said, attempting but failing to employ my dad’s even keel voice of reason.
“Take it easy—are you kidding me?” he repeated under his breath, laughing in that scary way people do when they’re about to lose it. “Who are you, even?” he shouted. “You don’t know anything about what’s going on here, so why don’t you do yourself a favor and stay out of it!”
“Well, I know it’s not cool to beat up on someone who’s half your size,” I said, trying way too hard to keep calm. I glanced behind me to look at Maia, who still had her eyes locked on Neil.
“I wasn’t beating up on her—did anyone see me beating up on her?” Neil spun around to face the crowd and stumbled for a second, losing his balance. “But if you want me to be the bad guy, that’s fine,” he continued, turning toward me again. “You’re half my size too, or didn’t you notice that, tough guy?” he yelled, getting in my face, backing me up so that I was tripping over Maia’s feet.
Then, right before I thought he’d actually hit me, someone put a hand on Neil’s shoulder.
“Come on, just let it go,” the guy said. “This is supposed to be a party, right?” Then to me, “That’d be your cue to leave.”
“Yeah, okay,” I said, but I was having trouble moving.
“Just get her the fuck away from me, man. I’m serious,” Neil shouted, pointing at Maia over my shoulder. “Before I fucking kill her!”
“Like, now,” the other guy told me.
“Okay, okay,” I said. “We’re leaving. All right? Everyone relax.” I started walking, but Maia was standing still.
“Maia, let’s go.” I was grabbing her arm, and I knew that was also not cool, but I didn’t know what else to do. “Come on!” I said, and finally her feet began to follow. I ushered us out of the woods, past the burned-out house and onto the dirt path, ignoring the taunts now being thrown at both of us.
When we made it out to the gravel driveway, we stood there for a second, neither of us saying anything.
There was music and shouting and laughter again. When I turned to look at Maia, she was staring behind us into the woods, as if she wasn’t sure how we’d gotten out here.
“Are you okay?” I finally asked.
She whipped around to face me, her eyes stabbing into me like daggers. Instead of answering, she held her hands out, wiggling her fingers, reaching for the camera. “Do you mind?” she snapped. I handed it to her, and she started turning it over and over, examining it like she could see invisible fingerprints Neil had left behind. She was breathing heavily as she pulled the camera strap over her head and across her chest. Then she started walking down the road.
“Hey, where are you going?” I asked, but again she didn’t answer. She ducked back into the woods for a second, before popping back out, now wheeling her bike alongside her.
“Look, it’s really dark out. Why don’t I just drive you? We’re going to the same place, anyway.”
She turned away from me, swung her leg over her bike, and kicked her foot off the ground, ignoring me like she had that first day I met her. She was leaving. I stood there in the middle of the road, between the cars lined up on both sides, like I was trapped in some kind of dream where nothing was making any sense.
“You’re welcome!” I called after her.
She stopped abruptly. Got off her bike. Let it collapse right to the ground, and then marched up to me, until we were only inches apart from each other.
“Oh, thank you!” she said, clasping her hands together. “Thank you for inserting yourself into something that was none of your business in the first place. Thank you, hero—there, is that good enough for you?” She bowed forward and bent her knees into something that looked like it was supposed to be a curtsy.
“Okay, so I’m supposed to apologize for helping you?”
“Who asked for your help?” she snapped, looking around with wild eyes.
“You looked scared. I was just—”
“I was not scared!” she interrupted. She started walking away, but then twisted back around immediately to face me again. “And if I somehow gave you the impression that I needed rescuing—sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t.”
Something knotted in my stomach. I could feel the blood rushing out to my extremities, a tingling in my fingertips. I saw right through her. I’ve been her. It’s not that she didn’t know that whole situation could’ve turned very bad, very quickly. She’s a girl. She knows about all of those fucked-up, unfair rules.
“Look, I get it,” I said, watching as she picked her bike off the ground. “But you don’t have to take it out on me.”
“Oh, please. You don’t get anything.” She looked up at me and smiled, except I realized she was not actually smiling and she was not really looking at me; she was looking through me. “Another thing. We’re not friends, if that’s what you’re thinking, so from now on how about you just leave me alone.” Then she swung her leg over her bike and started pedaling down the road before I could even respond.
“Whatever,” I mumbled. Except my body felt anything but whatever. It felt like taking off after her and telling her exactly what I know, exactly where I’ve been, exactly who I am. I wanted to tell her that she might think she’s being strong and tough, but she has to be careful and she should try to blend in more, not make herself such a target.
I started running. Someone needed to tell her these things. But she shrank into the distance. I had to bend over to catch my breath, an old pain pinching in my rib cage as I coughed. Next, a stinging in my left ankle. Then my spine.