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“Olivia?”
Jake’s voice sounded far away, and there was an annoying tapping on her cheek. She tried to move away from it, to tell whoever was touching her face to stop. Instead, what came out was a low moan.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m here. Come on, now. It’s time to wake up.”
“Jake?”
Olivia’s eyes fluttered open. Her head pounded, and at first, all she could see was a big, fuzzy blob.
As she continued to blink, Jake’s face slowly came into focus. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“Welcome back.”
Her mind struggled to remember what had happened. She’d been shopping with Mac, then—Ah, man—her moment of total craziness at the mall.
They’d come here, to Jake’s cabin. She’d gone down to the barn, and then...what? She couldn’t remember anything after that.
Looking around, Olivia realized she was back in the house, lying on Jake’s couch. He was crouched down in front of her, and he looked really worried. But other than a headache, she felt fine. She started to sit up.
“Easy.” Jake slid his arm around her waist to help her. “Not too fast.”
Once she was vertical, Olivia closed her eyes for a moment to steady herself. She actually felt okay, now. She looked back at Jake. So, why does he look so worried?
“What happened?”
The look Jake gave her was confusing, like a combination of guilt and relief. Which made no sense to her at all.
“You fainted.”
Fainted? That couldn’t be right. “I what?”
“You fainted,” Jake repeated. “You don’t...remember?”
He sounded hopeful. Or did he? Damn, she was confused.
“Quit messing with me, Jake. What really happened?”
He shook his head. “I’m not messing with you, Liv. You fainted. I got to you just before you landed. You’re okay, though.”
Olivia was getting aggravated. Mainly at herself, because she couldn’t remember.
“People don’t just faint for no reason, Jake. I certainly never have.”
“Well, you know what they say. There’s a first time for everything.”
The low voice came from behind her, and suddenly, Olivia was back at the barn.
She was standing just inside the door, and someone else was inside. Standing next to Jake. Mikey was in the barn with Jake.
“It’s not possible.” She stared into Jake’s eyes.
Jake whispered a curse before glaring at whoever was standing behind her. “I told you to wait.”
In her peripheral, Olivia saw a man walk around the end of the couch and stop next to where Jake was still squatted.
She licked her dry lips and swallowed hard, too terrified to look up. Jake reached for her hands, which were now in a white-knuckled grip on her lap.
“I promise I can explain everything, Liv.”
Slowly, Olivia moved her eyes upward, her breath catching in her throat as she made eye contact with...him.
She couldn’t bear to even think his name because it was impossible to believe. She swallowed again before speaking, trying to stay strong, but her shaky voice betrayed her.
“W-who are you?”
The man smiled, making him appear younger. “It’s me, Junebug. Mikey.”
Olivia’s eyes shot back to Jake’s. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”
His swallow was audible, his eyes too serious. “No, sweetheart. It’s no joke.” There was no mistaking the guilt in Jake’s eyes.
Her questions came out one right after the other. “What is this, then? What’s going on, Jake? I...I don’t understand. Why would you do this to me?”
The man pretending to be her brother stepped forward. “Junebug listen, I—”
“Stop it!” Olivia yelled. “Stop calling me that! My brother was the only one who called me that, and he’s dead!”
Hearing this man—whoever he was—use the nickname her brother had dubbed her with as a young child was unconscionable.
She was suddenly dizzy and nauseated and...confused. Why would Jake pull such a cruel, hateful joke on her?
Olivia felt her eyes fill, and when she stood too quickly, she started to sway. Jake stood with her, gently grabbing her elbows to keep her from falling.
“Baby, I know this is a lot to take in, but I promise, if you’ll just let us explain...”
Jake may have continued talking. If he did, Olivia didn’t hear a word he said. Glancing up at the other man, she could actually see her brother in his eyes.
No. Her mind refused to believe it. She blinked, sending tears down over her cheeks.
Jerking her arm free, Olivia yelled, “Please do, Jake! Please explain to me why you’re trying to convince me that this man is my brother! Mikey died ten years ago!”
As the volume of her voice increased so did her tears. She turned and started to walk away, only stopping when she heard the imposter speak.
“I didn’t die, Olivia. They just made it look that way.”
Very slowly, Olivia turned around and moved back toward the man. She stopped directly in front of him and glared into those all-too-familiar eyes. He kept talking...or at least tried to.
“I’ve been working undercover and—”
Olivia didn’t even realize she’d swung her arm until she felt the sting on the palm of her hand from where it had made contact with the guy’s cheek. His head snapped to the side from the impact of the blow, which he simply took as if it were deserved.
Speaking in an emotionless voice that even she didn’t recognize, Olivia said, “I don’t know who you are, and I don’t care. I just want you gone.”
She turned and walked toward the hallway, wanting to get away from him, and—for the first time in her life—Jake, as fast as she possibly could.
“When you were seven, you broke Mom’s favorite picture frame. You threw your plastic Cinderella play shoe at me. You were mad because I’d pulled your new Barbie doll’s head off.”
Olivia stumbled to a stop but kept her back to the two men.
“And when you were thirteen, I caught you and Jennifer Green smoking cigarettes behind the garage. I made you both swear to me that you’d never smoke again, or I’d tell Pops.”
Her breath hitched. She ignored the tears, now, not caring that they were running down the length of her neck.
It can’t be. She’d buried Mike. She’d held her dad’s hand as they stood over his grave and cried together. As they told him goodbye.
Olivia heard movement from behind her and knew he was stepping slowly toward her. She wanted to run, but her feet refused to budge.
She didn’t turn around, though. Mostly for fear she’d start to believe the man’s lies.
“I call you Junebug because when you were born, mom told me your middle name was June. It reminded me of June bugs, and the name stuck.”
Olivia’s hand flew to her mouth, holding back her sobs while the man continued to talk.
“The night before I left for boot camp, we both sat in your room on that God-awful boy band comforter of yours and made promises to each other. I made you promise to watch over Pops, to do good in school, and to stay away from that prick, James Marshall. You made me promise to make it through camp, and I swore to you, I wouldn’t give up. No matter how hard it got.”
Oh, God. How could this man know all of these things?
“You also made me pinky swear that I’d look out for Jake. You told me I’d better make sure nothing happened to him, or you’d find a way to sneak onto base and strangle me in my sleep. Then, you said when you were finished with me, you’d find my girlfriend at the time, Tiffany Walker, and tell her about Michelle Haynes kissing me behind the concession stand after the Homecoming game.”
A strangled sound escaped from Olivia’s throat. Her mind raced with pain and confusion. She’d never told anyone else any of those things. Only Mikey knew, and he was dead. Wasn’t he?
Olivia turned back around slowly. She had to wipe her eyes in order to focus on the man’s face.
He was standing right in front of her, now. She studied him closely. The corners of his mouth turned up just enough to see the dimples in his cheeks, even beneath the dark beard.
He had her brother’s strong cheekbones and a slightly crooked nose. Mikey had broken his once. He’d gotten into a fight after school when he saw a kid bullying a younger girl.
Her brother was a lot like Jake, even back then. Always protecting those he cared for and those who couldn’t protect themselves.
She wiped her eyes again, her breath catching when she saw the small scar at the base of his bottom lip. Mikey had gotten stitches in that exact same spot when he was in high school. He’d been showing off for a girl in his class.
They were swimming in her backyard pool. Misjudging the distance he needed to jump away from the diving board, Mikey had flipped off of it, smacking his face in the process.
Later that night, he’d bragged to his friends about the three stitches he’d received...and the sympathy date he’d scored out of the whole ordeal.
Olivia’s bottom lip quivered, and when she looked back up into those eyes—her brother’s eyes—she realized she was seeing them for the first time in ten, long years.
“Mikey?” she whispered his name.
He smiled wider, making his dimples cave in deeper. “Yeah, Junebug. It’s me.”
Olivia cried out and leapt into her brother’s arms. She squeezed him as hard as she could, sobbing loudly, and not caring one bit.
For a moment, the two didn’t move. They stood in the middle of Jake’s living room, trying their damndest to give each other a decade’s worth of love in that one hug.
When she eventually pulled back, Olivia ran her hand slowly across his hairy jaw.
“How is this even possible?”
Mike looked down at her and tried to explain. “Ten years ago, Jake and I had just finished a job with Delta. I went in for the debriefing, like always. But instead of the standard questions, I was put into a room with a man I’d never seen before. He was with a non-military government agency. Long story short, he was putting together a special team. An off the radar, deep cover team. Originally, I was told it would only be a year or two. But the government being what it is, ten years later, I’m still in.”
Olivia was dumbfounded. “I can’t believe this. All this time...I thought you were dead.”
He looked at her regretfully. “It was necessary, Liv. For my safety, sure, but more importantly, for yours and Pop’s. If the people I’ve been taking down knew who I really was, they would have been able to use you and Pops against me.”
“But...I don’t understand. Why? Why did you agree to do it?” Without warning, Olivia’s joy over her brother being alive transformed into an uncontrollable anger. “We were your family, Mikey. I’m your sister. How could you just walk away like that? From me...from Pops?”
Mikey’s look softened, but he only said, “I told you. It was complicated. The job was—”
“Fuck the job!” Olivia blurted out.
She ignored her big brother’s raised eyebrows, knowing he’d never heard her curse like that before. Well, too damn bad. She wasn’t a little kid anymore, and she was hurting.
“What about me? Do you have any idea what losing you did to me? Or Pops? It nearly killed him when that car pulled up to the house, and he saw the chaplain walking to the door.”
She swiped more tears away, and for the first time since she’d stood from the couch, she glanced in Jake’s direction.
“And what about him? Jake was your best friend, Mikey! Your teammate. How could you do that to him?”
She did a double-take, glancing at Jake again. To him, she asked, “And why aren’t you as pissed off as I am? Why aren’t you yelling at him, too? Or punching him in the face or something! You should be. He left you, too. He...”
Then, it hit her. She suddenly understood why Jake wasn’t more upset, and that realization shredded her.
Feeling like someone had just kicked her in the gut with a steel-toed boot, Olivia inhaled sharply before whispering, “Oh, my God.”
Panic filled Jake’s eyes, and he quickly tried to explain. “Listen, Liv—”
She cut him off. “You”—she had to swallow before continuing—“you son of a bitch.”
There was no mistaking the guilt smeared all over his lying face. “Olivia, please...just—”
“How long?” Her voice was surprisingly controlled now. Jake’s, however, was not.
“Sweetheart, just let me explain—”
“Answer me!” she screamed. Streaks of new tears marked her face. “How long have you known my brother was still alive?”
Jake took a deep breath then shattered her world. “I found out a month after his funeral.”
Olivia let out a laugh of disbelief, and then covered her mouth, thinking for a moment that she was going to throw up.
“This whole time? You’ve known this whole time, and you never told me?”
“I couldn’t—”
“Bullshit!” she yelled. Jake at least had the good grace to flinch from the outburst. “How many times, Jake? How many times did I cry on your shoulder? How many nights did I call you, bawling my eyes out because I’d had another nightmare about losing Mikey, and I couldn’t go to Pops because I knew it would only upset him even more? God!” Olivia put her hands to her forehead. “I’m such an idiot!”
“You’re not an idiot,” Jake ground the words out.
Olivia ignored him. “I sure bet you had some good laughs after those phone calls, huh? Poor, clueless Olivia—”
“No, Goddammit, I didn’t laugh. It tore my heart out to see you hurting like that. All those nights you called, I’d be up until daylight because I felt so guilty for not telling you the truth. I’d damn near decided to tell you, but—”
Mikey broke in, “Whoa, you were going to tell her? What the hell, man?”
“The dreams stopped,” Jake said, ignoring him.
Olivia shook her head, and she smiled sadly. “They didn’t stop, Jake.”
Confused, he said, “But...you never called again. Not because of a nightmare, anyway.”
Frustrated, Olivia had to force herself not to scream. “Because I realized you had a life and didn’t need some college brat bothering you all the time! It was bad enough I couldn’t sleep. There was no reason for both of us to be miserable. So, I just learned to deal with it on my own.”
Jake stepped toward her, but she put her hand up to stop him and took a step back. Withdrawing from him like that hurt him. She could see it in his eyes, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.
He fisted his hands at his sides. “Why didn’t you tell me you were still having nightmares? I would have talked you through them. I would have figured out a way to—”
“Tell me the truth? Funny thing about that, Jake. I saw you even after I quit calling in the middle of the night. We’ve met for lunch how many times over the years? For God’s sake, we were stuck in the freaking jungle together two months ago and thought we were going to die! I talked about Mikey then, and you still didn’t tell me!”
She turned her back on them both and ran a frustrated hand through her hair.
“That wasn’t the right time—”
Olivia swung back around. “I can’t believe this.”
The man she loved and the brother she’d thought was lost, were less than three feet away from her, yet she felt more alone than she’d ever been in her life.
Olivia looked back into Jake’s eyes. “I thought that we...” She swallowed hard. “I can’t believe I actually thought...” She swallowed again, this time to push back the bile threatening to fill her mouth. “God, Jake. I slept with you for Christ’s sake!”
The memory of his hands running over her body, the pleasure he’d brought to her now tainted forever. He’d been lying to her that entire time about something so huge...something so unforgivable. It made her wonder, what else had he lied about?
“You said you loved me—”
“Hold up. You slept with him?” Mikey asked surprised, as if that was the most outrageous part of this conversation.
“Shut up, Mikey,” Jake and Olivia both said in unison, never once taking their eyes off each other.
It was something they’d done countless times when they’d been younger. She would have laughed had the situation not been so totally screwed all to hell.
“So what was that? Huh, Jake? Did you sleep with me because you felt guilty for lying to me? Or did you just feel so sorry for me, that you thought you’d give me a few pity-fucks? You know, use my feelings for you against me to make yourself feel better? Tell me something...did it work?”
Jake’s eyes burned into hers. He closed the distance between them in three long strides, and grabbed her shoulders, his grip just this side of painful. Even in the midst of this new insanity, Olivia knew Jake would never physically hurt her.
“Don’t you ever say that again! Yeah, I lied to you, Olivia. For ten fucking years, I’ve lied, but I did it to protect you. To protect your brother and Pops. What happened between us had nothing to do with that. It sure as hell was more than some quick lays to appease my guilt.”
Jake’s nostrils flared as he drew in several quick breaths, the anger and pain in his eyes almost too much for her to bear.
“All I’ve ever wanted was to be with you. To give you every part of me...the good and the bad. Holding this back, keeping this from you for so long...that was the worst kind of torture for me. So, no, Liv. The sex didn’t ease my guilt. It made it worse. But being with you was worth it, because I love you, sweetheart. I love you more than life itself, so don’t you dare stand there and cheapen what we have by saying it was just a few pity fucks.”
Olivia wanted to believe him. With every fiber of her being, she wanted to believe him. Before today, she’d truly thought Jake loved her. Never, not in a million years, would she have doubted anything he told her. But now—
“Had, Jake. What we had. And I don’t even know what that was anymore. But, hey...look at it this way. At least now you won’t have poor Olivia to constantly watch out for. To always have to protect. You’re off the hook. Yay, for you.”
She jerked away from his grasp and turned toward the hallway to get her things.
“Olivia, listen to me. I know you’re pissed, and you have every right to be, but you can’t just leave like this.”
Olivia stopped and threw her hands in the air, her frustration palpable as she turned to face them again. She’d been betrayed by the two men who always said they’d protect her, who claimed to love her, and it all came crashing down on her.
“I am so tired of men thinking they have the right to control me. To dictate how I live my life, or hell, whether or not I even get to have a life. First it was Cetro, then that crazed Carlos guy. Now you two want to stand there and try to explain away a lifetime of lies and pain and loss. And I’m supposed to do what, exactly? Just roll over like the good little sister and...whatever I was to you?” She gestured toward Jake. “Do you honestly expect me to just say, ‘Okay, I understand. All is forgiven’? Well, fuck that. And fuck the both of you. This is my life, and I’ll be damned if I let one more man decide what I’m going to do with it!”
This time, when Olivia walked away, neither man said a word. And when they heard the bedroom door slam shut, they both flinched.
